The Insanity of Losing Ones Mind
by LeviosaHex
Summary: Did the Killing Curse do more than leave a scar and create the 7th Horcrux? Is there more to the hatred the two men feel for each other? Can they learn to deal with what they find out, before its too late? HP/SS see chapter warnings.
1. Going Insane

**Warnings - this story will contain graphic male/male sexual content, swearing. Possibly male/female content too haven't quite decided!**

**A/N This is my first ever attempt at writing a fic. I hope I can do the idea justice. Please review and let me know how you think I am doing. Need a bit encouragement since a bit unsure of posting this x  
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**Chapter One – Going Insane**

"_Insanity is often the logic of an accurate mind overtaxed" – Oliver Wendell Holmes_

Severus Snape was standing in the middle of the tiny sitting room, in his run down flat, in Spinners End. He was staring at the closed door that his once best friend's wife, Narcissa, and her sister Bellatrix had just exited through. He felt sick as a heavy blanket of despair and depression fell over him. Severus was dreading going back to Hogwarts after the holidays this year, having worked hard all summer trying to find a solution to the current situation he was facing. Now, there was no chance of finding a way out.

How ironic that both the Dark Lord and Albus has asked of me the same thing, he thought as he snapped out of his motionless staring and collapsed down rigidly into his old battered armchair, mind racing.

If only Narcissa and Bellatrix knew the reasoning behind my seemingly unquestioning acceptance of taking the Unbreakable Vow to kill Dumbledore, should Draco fail.

He started laughing, but the laughter quickly turned to silent tears of despair. He had just sealed his fate. This year was going to be his last at Hogwarts as a Professor.

The Defence Against the Dark Arts role is truly cursed he thought with no amusement.

Teaching at Hogwarts had been his life for the past 16 years. In truth, it was the only thing that had kept him alive. Without it he would have died in Azkaban or taken his own life, had he managed to escape capture after the demise of The Dark Lord. He knew his students and most of the staff, thought he hated teaching due to his outward demeanour, but he normally looked forward to returning to the school after the holidays eagerly. This year however he wished summer would never end. He would gladly endure the loneliness he felt whilst not there and happily continue sharing his home with that traitorous rat, if it meant he didn't have to kill Albus.

He couldn't honestly say that he _loved_ teaching, but he certainly could not imagine his life without doing so. Even though he had known for some time that the day was fast approaching when he would no longer be welcome at Hogwarts.

The school had become his home and refuge; a place where he had been welcomed and accepted at a time when no-one would open their door to him, but Albus had. Albus had given him more than just a job, he had given him a home and for that he was immeasurably grateful. He was the only person Severus felt comfortable enough with to truly be himself and show any signs of emotion without fear of rejection or ridicule. He was going to miss Albus dearly, as well as his role at the school. He even admitted to himself grudgingly, he would miss the insufferable brats he had to teach every day.

Especially Potter he thought.

This thought shocked him to the core and he snapped out of his rigid staring. Jumping to his feet he distractedly wiped away tears from his sodden face, and looked around for something to do; anything that would distract him and help push the thought to the darkest recess of his brain. He really had no idea where the thought had come from and didn't want to dwell on it, to consider whether it might be true. Albus had asked him if he cared for the boy earlier in the summer, during a meeting that had been very emotional. He had vehemently denied it at the time, but the question had triggered something in him and he had been pushing thoughts of the boy out ever since.

I am going insane he thought as he flopped back down onto his armchair.

It was a grey misty dull day at the Burrow, as it had been for the majority of the summer, but Harry and his friends had tried to make the most of it. Harry was sitting outside the tall lopsided building watching his two best friends fly about each other pretending to chase a snitch. Hermione was rubbish at flying but it didn't really make much difference because she and Ron could hardly take their eyes of each other long enough to look for it. It was currently hovering, unseen, right beside Ron's head. Harry shook his head and laughed at the scene as he distractedly continued pulling at the long grass whilst thinking about his life. He'd had the best summer he could remember since Professor Dumbledore had brought him here from the Dursleys', and he loved the Weasley's like they were family. However, he was looking forward to getting back to Hogwarts tomorrow. Ron and Hermione were his closest friends, they had been since first meeting them 5 years ago, but Harry had started to feel a little uncomfortable around them as the pair had grown closer to each other. It wasn't that he was unhappy about their budding relationship; he actually would be delighted for them if and when they finally did get together. It was just that he just felt very lonely most of the time, and wished he could have someone in his life that he wanted to share it with in that way. He had been getting closer to Ginny this summer but he wasn't sure how he felt about her yet and was a bit scared of getting too involved with her. If he was honest with himself he couldn't imagine ever feeling free enough to have anything that intense with another person. He also didn't believe that anyone, male or female, would ever really understand him or want him for just him. He wasn't the "Boy-Who-Lived" the "Chosen One", as the Daily Prophet was now referring to him, he was just plain Harry.

All his life he had been treated differently and he was sick of it. He desperately wanted to have at least one thing in his life that wasn't tainted by who he was, he hoped one day he would be able to look to the future and maybe be lucky enough to meet a nice witch, fall in love and have a family, but how could he even think about his future because he wasn't normal! Everyone he was close to was in "mortal peril" as Mrs Weasley's clock reminded him every day and he wasn't even sure if he liked witches or wizards, in fact, he hadn't never experienced strong feelings about either.

Yeah bloody typical "Harry-not-normal-in-every-way-Potter" that's me. He thought disgruntledly.

Ron and Hermione had just landed and came running over to him laughing; he tried to give them a smile, but obviously failed miserably.

"Why the long face mate?" Ron asked.

"Oh sorry, just thinking about going back to school. I will miss being at the Burrow," he lied. He felt bad lying to his friends but he couldn't very well tell them he couldn't wait to get back to Hogwarts. It would seem awfully rude after all the trouble Ron's family had gone to, to keep him safe in their home over the holidays.

"At least we won't have to put up with The Greasy Git when we get back. Neither of us achieved an O in our potions O.W.L, that should at least bring a smile to your face!" Ron said with a big grin.

Harry did manage a little smile at that, but in truth, it hadn't really cheered him up.

"Really, boys! That is not the correct attitude to receiving poor marks in the potions exam. It is not something to be celebrated," huffed Hermione. "You should both be enrolling in Professor Snape's 6th year O.W.L re-sit class. You could then study for the NEWT in 7th year, and still apply to be Aurors. Which I thought was important to both of you!" Hermione continued haughtily as she stared angrily at both boys in turn.

"Yeah that will be right eh Harry?" said Ron screwing up his face as if Hermione had said something disgusting.

"Yeah no way" Harry answered, although the way he said it quietly, wasn't very convincing, even to himself. Hermione didn't seem to notice as she grumbled something to herself and stomped off. Ron watched her silently shaking his head as she went inside.

"Right mate what is it? There is something bothering you and it's not just going back to school"

Ron took a seat beside Harry in the grass. Harry really didn't want to have this conversation; he didn't even understand all that was going on in his head himself, never mind having to talk to Ron about any of it.

"It's nothing Ron, please just leave it," Harry said, a bit more sharply than he had intended. Ron looked a bit taken aback as Harry stood and started walking back to the Burrow leaving him sitting there with his mouth open.

Harry ran straight up to the room that had been his over the summer and slammed the door. He threw himself on the bed, face down, and screamed into the pillows. He was so frustrated. He just had so many things tormenting his mind, and he couldn't make sense of any of it. He felt a bit ashamed of acting this way after being made welcome here at the Burrow, but he needed to find someone to talk to or he was going to go crazy.

He couldn't talk to Mr or Mrs Weasley; he had tried talking to them when he had first arrived about how losing his Godfather made him feel, but they didn't really understand his guilt. Oh they had said all sorts of nice things, but it hadn't helped, and he could see they were uncomfortable with talking about it in any depth. He certainly couldn't talk to them about the other things on his mind; he could feel the embarrassment rising to heat his face at just the thought!

He couldn't talk to Ron. God he could just see his reaction now, and although he thought maybe Hermione would be good to talk to, he believed she would find it difficult keeping a secret from Ron and he didn't want to ask her to do so. Alson, she hadn't really seemed to be all that bothered when he had told her about the prophecy and being the chosen one. She had been more worried about her O.W.L results only 5 minutes later than what the prophecy meant for Harry's life. On top of that, he was still a bit put out that neither of his friends had listened to him yesterday after returning from Diagon Ally. He was sure something was going on with Draco Malfoy, but they weren't interested in his theories, so he definitely couldn't talk to them about all the other things bothering him he decided.

Dumbledore had been very understanding after Sirius' death, and he looked up to the man and respected him greatly as a wizard, but he firmly believed that, in Dumbledore's eyes, he was only viewed as a means to an end in this blasted war against Voldemort, and nothing more. That realisation saddened him greatly at the time. Dumbledore hadn't been there for him when Cedric had been murdered and for that he had never quite forgiven the old man.

The only person that had been a constant in his life since going to Hogwarts was a man who had been in Harry's thoughts a lot this summer. He was a man who didn't look at his scar and want to touch it or stare at it reverently. He didn't treat him as though he was special, in fact, he treated him as if he was nothing but a spoilt arrogant brat. Yes, Snape was wrong about him; he wasn't a spoilt brat that thought himself above everyone else, but it didn't matter to Harry that Snape had him all wrong. He found Snape's attitude towards him refreshing and hoped he would continue treating him the way he had done for the past 5 years. He was the only teacher he counted on to treat him, maybe not normally, but at least with something other than fawning regard. Everyone knew how much Harry hated Snape, and that Snape hated him in equal measure, but being hated by someone was better than the mindless respect he received from almost every other teacher in the school. Harry didn't understand why the Professor treated him so badly, but he knew Snape had saved his life on countless occasions, so there was definitely more to the man than met the eye, and Harry was intrigued by him. His lessons in Occlumency with the Potions Master last year had been a total disaster; the tension between them had been unbearable. Snape had seen a lot of Harry's memories about things that he had never wanted anyone to know, and he had seen some of Snape's. Oh the atmosphere had been awful, but for some reason he was going to miss these lessons this year. He had always felt safe when with him, and not so lonely.

Yes, he was going to miss being around Snape.

The truth of this realisation took hold and Harry sat bolt upright in his bed.

Oh my god! I am going insane he thought as he flopped back down and hid his head under the pillow.

**A/N Ok I am new to writing any sort of fiction and not at all sure how it has gone. This chapter and the next is really just a background starting point of an idea that has been going round my head for some time. I have changed the narrative style on a couple of occasions flipping from 1st person accounts from the main characters (obviously Harry and Severus) to 3rd person and not sure what reads the best. I don't have a beta reader so any errors in style or grammar are all mine. Please let me know what you think x**


	2. Losing One's Mind

**Chapter 2 – Losing Ones's Mind**

The train journey to Hogwarts had been a difficult one, not only had everyone openly stared and gawped at him as if he had two heads with two matching scars, he'd had a run in with Draco and was now sitting in the Great Hall with blood all over his face, much to Hermione's many questions and disgust. He'd managed to brush off his friends questions easily enough, he didn't feel like explaining anything to them since they thought he was crazy to think Draco had taken the Dark Mark over the summer, and he didn't want another argument about it right now. He was also too busy trying to surreptitiously scan the Great Hall for signs of Snape. He had seen him at the gates to Hogwarts and their eyes had met briefly. The look Snape had given him was intense and different to his usual scowl he thought. What he felt for those few seconds didn't make any sense, he had felt drawn to him and had just wanted to run over to the man and be swallowed up in the safety of his robes, but on the other hand he felt the usual intense hatred and loathing towards him. Now here he was sitting desperately looking for the Professor wanting to see if just a look would have the same confusing effect on him whilst in the safety and bright lights of the Great Hall or if only the familiar feeling of intense hatred would return. He really hoped it would be the latter! Snape was sitting at the staff table in his usual place but Harry couldn't really see him from his seat at the far end of the Gryffindor table even if he leaned out backwards trying to get a better look.

Dumbledore started speaking and Harry was having a hard time concentrating on what he was saying, his mind was all over the place with thoughts of Snape.

"Snape is the new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher!" exclaimed Ron and Hermione together "You told us it was Slughorn that had got that job Harry!" moaned Ron.

"NO!" shouted Harry when he registered what Ron and Hermione had just said and what all the clapping from the Slytherin table was about.

"At least we definitely won't have him next year since that job is jinxed, hopefully he will die" Harry said with a lot of venom in his voice, but he really wasn't sure if he meant those words or not.

"HARRY! That's an awful thing to say" said a shocked Hermione.

Merlin, what is _wrong_ with me Harry thought, Hermione is right he really didn't want _anyone_ dying!

I must be losing my mind Harry thought as he gave an apologetic look toward Hermione.

* * *

><p>Severus Snape sat rigidly at the head table in the Great Hall. I hate that boy; I hate that boy he repeated over and over in his head trying to convince himself it was true.<p>

When he had seen Potter at the main gates earlier he'd initially had the familiar feeling of irritation and annoyance at the boy for standing there so arrogantly in muggle clothes. Who did he think he was that he didn't even bother to put on his school robes before returning to school, he'd thought angrily. Then he had noticed that Potter was covered in blood and appeared in pain from a broken nose. The feelings of concern and worry, as to what could have possibly happened to the young man, had immediately washed over him in a great wave. His eyes had locked with Potters and with every fibre in his being he had wanted to bundle him up in his robes and take care of him. He had somehow managed not to do exactly that and had broken off the eye contact, with what he hoped looked like his usual glare, and walked off leaving him standing there alone with Luna.

"Severus are you alright my boy?" Dumbledore asked quietly, who was sitting two places to his right and was leaning behind the two other professors to speak to him. "I am fine Albus just wishing I was anywhere else but here listening to the noise these brats are making, it gets worse every year, I swear." Severus scowled. "Of course, of course" Dumbledore said with a smile and a knowing look in his eyes. "Let me get on with it then" he said as he stood and started addressing the students. Severus knew what was coming and thought he was prepared for the inevitable reaction from most of the room but then he heard a shout of NO! from Potter in reaction to the announcement of his change in position within the school, his heart sank and it hurt. His loyal Slytherins were clapping and cheering but that didn't take away from the undeniable pain he felt from the one simple word uttered from Potters mouth. The ungrateful brat, he thought trying to push away any emotion about the boy other than pure loathing, he would be dead 20 times over if he had not saved his sorry little ass every time he got himself and his foolish friends into trouble.

Albus was continuing in his monologue, apparently oblivious to the mixed reactions the students were having to his latest staffing arrangements and was currently warning them about being ever vigilant in these dangerous times. Although he could hear what Albus was saying the words were hardly registering in his emotionally confused mind.

"Severus, a word, if you don't mind, in my office" Albus said as he walked past on his way towards the staff exit to the Great Hall. Severus groaned internally as he stood to follow, he had hardly noticed the students leaving after Albus had sent them off to bed and he suddenly realised the hall was empty. He wondered how long he had been sitting there with just Albus and was more than a bit worried about his temporary loss of vigilance to his surroundings.

The silent walk to the Headmasters office was too short for Severus to erect his usual defences to his mind, he was an emotional mess. He must stop this foolish nonsense or it won't just be Albus that will see these crazy thoughts of Potter! If the Dark Lord calls a meeting tonight he would be in big trouble or maybe even dead, in his current weak state of mind he thought. He must control his emotions and quickly he thought as he gave himself a shake in an attempt to focus the mind.

"Severus, whatever is wrong? You have me slightly worried my dear boy, you look dreadful" Albus peered at him over his glasses with a worried frown one they had arrived in the Headmasters office.

"I'm fine Albus, just tired. I was called last night and it has taken me longer than usual to shake off the effects of the cruciatus." It wasn't a lie; he was getting too old to be put under that particular brand of torture the Dark Lord seemed to favour on him. Maybe that was why he was so emotionally weak and confused, maybe he was heading toward a bed beside the Longbottom's as another insane victim of the cruciatus and raving about loving the boy-who-lived, he thought.

"Mhmmm" said Albus as he continued staring over his half rimmed spectacles at Severus. "Is that right my boy, yes I see."

"Why is it I feel that it's not only my word's you understand by that statement" Severus muttered irritably to himself. He had the feeling of having just had his mind gently rummaged through by this nosey old man. He hoped his shields were at least strong enough to keep the real truth away from his prying eyes. Merlin, did he just think about _loving_ that brat? He was definitely losing his mind he decided.

"Come now Severus you know I would not intrude where I was not truly welcome" said Albus with a hint of a twinkle in his eyes. "Please sit my dear boy, you could do with something a little stronger than tea don't you think?" banishing the hovering tea set that had appeared when they initially entered the room "A little muggle 150 year old whisky might be just the thing" he waved his hand again and two glasses and a dusty old bottle appeared. "I have been saving this for a special occasion, it was bottled on the day I was born I believe, but I think now is maybe the time to open it."

"I cannot honestly think of anything that would make this an opportune moment for a celebration Albus" Severus said incredulously. What was the old man thinking! The Dark Lord was gaining more power every day, he had made promised to kill the old man in front of him this year, not only to help Draco but to Albus himself! No wonder he was going insane he thought but he couldn't even begin to understand the feelings he was having for a boy whom he hated! No there was definitely nothing to be celebrated in his life right now; in fact he did not believe there had ever been anything to celebrate in his life.

"Ah well Severus I beg to differ with you on that, we must celebrate the small victories when we have the chance" he said handing a glass containing a large measure of the amber fluid to Severus before raising his own in a toast. "To Professor Severus Snape and Mr Harry Potter".

Severus choked on the whisky and dropped his glass. Albus chuckled, his eyes were now fully twinkling as he gave another wave of his hand and cleared up the broken glass and spilt drink.

"Are you sure there is not something you would like to share with me Severus?" Albus asked now almost fully laughing.

"As I have said _Sir_, I am weak and tired from an extended period under the cruciatus last night. I am sorry if my physical condition is not up for standing drinking whisky, especially when I have no idea what it is we are meant to be celebrating and when you, as usual, seem incapable of speaking plainly!" Severus responded irritably completely ignoring Albus's question and the bizarre toast to himself and Potter.

"Your _physical_ condition Severus?"

"Yes, my physical condition Albus. Now can you please enlighten me as to the reason behind this meeting" Severus was desperately trying to move this meeting on and away from his current state of health, mental or otherwise.

"Ah Alas, I have obviously over-estimated how far along you are in understanding what is happening here" Albus said with a hint of sadness in his voice. "I see it is clearly a bit too soon to be celebrating" he muttered as he banished the whisky away to wherever it had come.

"Clearly Albus, since I have absolutely no idea what on earth it is you are going on about, will you please enlighten me as to what you believe to be happening according to your brilliant mind!" Severus said trying hard to not lose his temper.

"No matter, no matter it will soon be made clear to you soon I am sure. Now Severus in the meantime is there anything to report from yesterday's meeting with Voldemort?"

Severus spent the next half hour informing Albus of Narcissa and Bellatrix's visit to his home the previous day as there was very little of note from the Death Eater meeting. They had also briefly discussed his lesson plans for the coming term in Defence against Dark Arts classes this year considering the need for these skills at this time more than ever. By the time Severus had bid the Headmaster goodnight, he was exhausted but did not think sleep would come easy to him this night.

It was well past curfew as Severus walked the halls of Hogwarts back to his rooms, he had managed to keep his rooms in the dungeons because of his duties as Head of Slytherin House, rather than take up the office and rooms associated with the Defence position, and he was glad. If this was going to be his last year here then he wanted to live somewhere familiar and he considered the dungeons his home. His thoughts quickly turned to Potter and he sighed. What on earth was Albus thinking with his strange celebratory toast to himself and the boy. He wracked his brain trying to come up with a reasonable explanation to Albus's weird behaviour, but came up blank. Maybe the curse is spreading from his hand to his mind he thought. There is certainly nothing to toast about himself and that boy and never will be! He had to get some time alone to think through the strange feelings he had been having before having to face the brat again, he would not allow himself to feel anything other than his usual loathing. These strange thoughts and emotions were nothing but the build up of stress after having spent the last 15 years protecting the brat. It had ruled his life, the last 5 years of actually having to see him every day was finally taking its toll, otherwise he was truly losing his mind he thought.

**A/N like the last chapter just more background to the story coming**


	3. The Dream

**Warning: There is male /male adult content in this chapter. If you don't like that sort of thing please do not continue.**

**Chapter 3 – The Dream**

**_"If our subconscious was attractive, we wouldn't have to bury it down deep within us."_** – Doug Copland

_The darkness was complete and Harry was scared. He realised he was standing, on his own, just outside the gates of Hogwarts and a dark robed figure was approaching him. H__ow the hell had he got there, he __didn't know but at least unknown wizard walking toward him was coming from the Hogwarts side so he should be back within the safety of the wards soon. As he continued to peer through the darkness at the cloaked man approaching, he had an overwhelming sense of care and protection envelope him and his fear subsided slightly. However as the figure grew closer he immediately recognised the man as none other than Snape.__ Bloody typical, he thought__. He was in serious trouble now and he had no idea how to explain why he was out of bed after curfew, he didn't even know the answer to that himself! Snape walked up to t__he gates silently and they opened at a wordless flick of his wand. He stood staring a Harry, unblinking, their faces now only inches apart. The look in Snape's eyes had Harry transfixed. They were deep black pools that Harry could almost feel himself drowning in, but what emotions were held within, he could not fathom. He could feel the heat radiating from Snape's body and it felt like he was being encompassed in a warm safe blanket. Harry started slowly closing the short distance between their two bodies whilst never breaking eye contact. He had no idea why he was moving closer to a man he hated, but he couldn't stop. His body was aching to be held, to be touched. He was lost in the sensations and didn't think twice about pressing against Snape's hard ridgid frame and encircling his arms around the Professors waist. He had still not taken his eyes away from Snapes so was now looking up at him, locked in an intoxicating staring match with those dark, smouldering eyes. Snape still silently looked down at him as he slowly began wrapping his cloak around Harry before pulling him even closer, into a tight embrace. Harry became aware he had become painfully hard, his cock pressing against Snape's muscled thigh. Snape gently moved his leg up and down slowly with an amused smirk. While Harry's mouth was open slightly i a gasp at the sensations rolling through his body from his groin his Professor leant his head down and their mouths met in a gentle, lingering kiss._

OH MY GOD! Harry shouted when he woke with a start, he was in bed in the Gryffindor tower dormitory he realised immediately . He was still rock hard and sweat was running down his face, his heart was pounding and he could hardly breathe. He quickly erected silencing charms as he wrapped his sweaty hand around his aching cock instinctively and groaned. Trying desperately to push all thoughts of Snape out his head he lay back further into the pillows and tried to compose himself. The more he tried to think of anyone or anything other than Snape, the more vivid the images, of the man who had just kissed and rubbed his leg against him became and the harder his cock got. Aching for release he finally gave in to the fantasy and thought of drowning in Snape's eyes whilst the man rubbed his well toned thigh against him. He started stroking himself hard and fast, it didn't take him long to reach climax, coming abruptly, hard with a loud scream, coating his hand and stomach in a warm sticky mess. Merlin, he thought, that was amazing as he collapsed bonelessly back against his pillows gasping. Moments later the realisation of what he had just done, hit him. What the hell is happening to me! He cast a quick _tempus _and realised he must have only been in bed for 30 minutes or so and it was just past curfew.

He had gone straight to bed after the welcoming feast with the intention of getting some peace to try work through his thoughts and feelings before having to face the coming year at Hogwarts; to prepare himself for the double defence against the dark arts class in the morning. He had obviously fallen asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow. Jumping out of bed, he cast a quick cleaning charm and quickly got dressed. He grabbed his invisibility cloak and threw it over his head. He needed to get out of the dorm and he had always found that walking the corridors of the castle or sitting in the astronomy tower had, in the past, helped him clear his mind and focus his thoughts. He crept down the stairs and past his friends, who were still sitting chatting in the common room although everyone seemed a bit subdued this year. He overheard his name and "The Chosen One" being muttered from a group of 1st and 2nd years sitting huddled in a corner. He really didn't need to hear the awe in their voice and how everyone was relying on him to save the wizarding world he thought bitterly. How the bloody hell was he meant to do that when all he could currently think about was looking into a pair of deep black eyes and a muscular thigh, especially when they belonged to the most hated Professor at Hogwarts and a greasy sadistic git!

He opened the portrait hole quietly, just a crack, and slipped out. He walked slowly and quietly down from the Gryffindor tower, planning to just walk around for a bit then maybe head up to the astronomy tower for some air. As he walked, he went over the dream his is mind and shivered. He was fairly repulsed now at what his mind and body were doing to him but he couldn't help but feel a warmth in his gut when he thought about the tight embrace Snape had given him. He had felt so loved and cared for in his dream, something that he had never really experienced in reality. He was just reacting to all the years of being treated badly, by his so called relatives he thought. He wasn't sure why his mind had latched onto Snape as someone he could get any sort of comfort from. Maybe it was, as he had realised yesterday, because Snape didn't treat him with any sort of awe or reverence. He didn't think him special or capable of being anything other than a second rate, mediocre wizard. He was the only one that could see past the scar. The fact that Snape had indeed saved him from certain death, was something he normally tried not to acknowledge as anything other than circumstance, but he had to admit it was odd that it had always been Snape to pull him and his friends out of these situations alive. Even though it had been Dumbledore that had fought Voldemort in the department of Mysteries, it had been Snape that had alerted The Order to where Harry had gone. He realised his loathing of Snape was probably unfounded, yes the man treated him abysmally but he was starting to think, maybe that was an act, a part of the character Snape needed to portray to the outside world to maintain his position as a spy, or maybe he really did hate him and Harry would understand if he did. Harry knew that he reminded Snape of his childhood nemesis and he had given the man no reason to think he was any different to his Father. How on earth was he going to cope with having classes with the man this year, he needed to work out how he was going to react when Snape's inevitable taunting and point taking started in class tomorrow. He wanted to show Snape that he wasn't the arrogant, selfish brat he thought and was grateful for his protection over the years.

"My massssterss not in, little ssssnake but he'ssss on hissss way now" hissed a metal carving of a snake protecting the door Harry was standing outside. The hissing voice of the snake had broken his train of thought, Harry looked around and realised that, instead of having headed towards the Astronomy tower, he was standing outside the door to Snape's Quarters and he no longer had his cloak with him! He had taken it off when he had stopped briefly at a window to look out over the courtyard and get some cool air he remembered.

What the hell was he doing down here anyway, he thought in a panic as he turned to the snake and whispered in parseltongue. "I need your help, please can you tell me where your master is right now!" Harry hoped he had enough time to get away from the dungeons before Snape arrived.

"Sssstanding right behind you my little Ssssnake" the snake replied. Harry froze waiting for the inevitable barrage of derisory comments, point taking and the detention he was about to receive, feeling of panic rose in his chest. He stood frozen on the spot for what felt like an eternity, but he couldn't hear a sound, although he thought he could feel a presence like a heat radiating from behind him. Maybe the snake had lied to him, it's just the sort of thing Snape's snake would do to a rule breaking Gryffindor that found himself in the dungeons after curfew, although he was probably the only bloody Gryffindor stupid enough to be found outside Snape's Quarters in the middle of the night he thought incredulously! He slowly turned round, trying to ignore the building feeling of heat against his back, and looked straight into the dark fathomless eyes of his dream. He almost collapsed in shock, his knees wobbled dangerously, as he let out the breath he hadn't realised he was holding in a small gasp. His face was mere inches away from Snape's and all the sensations of his dream came flooding back. He struggled not re-enact the dream and move even closer to the man but then Snape suddenly broke the eye contact with a low growl and not saying a word to Harry muttered his password to the metal snake guarding his door and swept inside, leaving the door open behind him. Harry staggered backward slightly not knowing whether to flee or to follow Snape into his rooms.

"Are you going to stand there all night Potter, or are you going to come in and tell me what the hell you think you are doing out of bed, lurking outside my private rooms" a tired sounding Snape said, so quietly that Harry had just barely heard him.

Harry stepped inside thinking maybe if Snape gave him a particularly bad verbal lashing, he could go back to hating the man and all would return to "normal", in his abnormal life.

Snape was sitting back, with his legs sprawled out in front of him, in an emerald green comfortable looking armchair, facing an open fire. He had removed his outer robes and was only wearing a white shirt, that had been unbuttoned to show the pale skin of his neck, and a tight fitting pair of black trousers. His hair was tied back with an emerald green piece of material and he looked stunning, thought Harry as the light of the fire danced over his features. Harry stared at the man's profile, for who knows how long, with his mouth open and heart racing. Snape slowly looked up and over towards Harry, without moving his head and once again their eyes locked in an intense gaze.

"Are you going to tell me what you are doing here Potter?" Snape said in a slow deep resonate voice, that made Harry shiver.

" I eh well em..." Harry managed to stutter out, breaking the intense eye contact and looked at the floor in embarrassment. He didn't have a clue what to say. The effect Snape's eyes and current state of relative undress was having on Harry, was distracting. He was glad he had put his outer school robes on, the throbbing bulge under them was hidden nicely.

"Articulate as ever Potter. I see a summer with the Weasley's have unsurprisingly taught you little in the art of conversation" Snape said quietly, with no apparent malice in his voice.

"Sit down if you have something to say, otherwise please leave me in peace" he continued in the same tone as he gestured towards the armchair beside him.

Harry slowly made his way towards the offered chair. What in Merlin's name was he going to say to this man! He could hardly tell him that he had just gone out for a walk to clear his head after having wanked off to thoughts of HIM and had come harder than he had ever done in his life! But he didn't want to leave either.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, both staring at the flames dancing in the fireplace. Harry felt himself relax and for some reason was very comfortable in the man's presence like this.

The silence in room was suddenly broken a few minutes later by a gentle snoring coming from the man beside him. Wow Harry thought as he turned to look at Snape who appeared to be sleeping soundly.

He must be very tired to have fallen asleep like that with me here, he mustn't be too angry that I was out of bed after curfew. Harry leaned back in the chair and began to relax further, realising he wouldn't have to explain anything to Snape right now and could creep back to his own bed before the man awoke. Maybe Snape would even forget that this had happened at all, he thought hopefully. He looked over to where Snape was still sleeping peacefully beside him, letting his eyes travel over the man's body taking in the pale skin, slender neck and muscled chest and thighs. Merlin, he is beautiful in a strong masculine way Harry thought as he closed his eyes as if trying to memorise the sight. He had never felt so safe as he did right now, he felt comfortable and at home. Thoughts of finally being complete and whole drifted through his tired mind as he fell asleep.

**A/N I hope if there is anybody reading this you are finding it ok. I am a little unsure of myself in this style of writing!... should I continue?**


	4. Old Wounds

**The only warning for this chaper are references to extreme violence.**

**Chapter 4 – Old Wounds**

_**"Maybe our old wounds teach us remind us where we've been and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That's what we like to think. But that's not the way it is, is it?" - Unknown.**_

Severus woke in the early hours of the morning and was not surprised to find that he had fallen asleep in his armchair, he regularly found himself in this exact same position when he had been too exhausted to make it to his bedroom. The memories of Potter's intrusion into his private space came rushing back and he snapped open his eyes. Potter is still here, he thought incredulously, as his eyes surveyed the sleeping form next to him. What on earth had he been thinking inviting a student into his private quarters and Potter of all people and why in Merlin's name had the boy not fled when he had been given the chance! He could not even begin to contemplate why he had felt comfortable enough to fall asleep in the boy's presence. He found it difficult to sleep at the best of times but apparently he had gone out like a candle at the end of its wick.

He hadn't had any time to work through the meaning of his strange thoughts and feelings about Potter since his initial realisation, a couple of days ago, that he would miss the boy. So much had happened in his mind since then and his emotions were even less clear. Now here he was sitting watching the boy sleep in his rooms and he felt at ease, if not a little perturbed by his presence. He had to admit it was pleasant having someone to share his space with.

Harry began whimpering in his sleep a few minutes later and cried out in pain clutching his head at the same precise moment a familiar burning seared through Severus's left arm. Severus jumped out his chair quickly throwing on his Death Eater robes and mask. Harry woke abruptly and his eyes flew open still holding his obviously painful head. Harry jumped up and screamed in fear and panic.

"Shh! It's just me Potter, Professor Snape, the Dark Lord is calling me, go back to sleep, there is nothing to worry about" and at that he had flooed out of his room leaving Harry standing there shaking.

I am having a nightmare Harry thought scanning his surroundings quickly wondering if there were any more Death Eaters surrounding him. He slowly remembered the events of the previous night and realised he was still in Snape's living quarters. Merlin above, he must have fallen asleep beside Snape, he realised with horror. His heart was racing, he had heard rumours that Snape had been, and still was according to some, a fully fledged Death Eater and he had always thought the man capable of it. However, Dumbledore had shown him a memory a couple of years ago of him defending Snape, when his name had been mentioned as an active Death Eater at a Wizengamot trial, he had said that Snape was no more a Death Eater than he was and was currently acting as a spy for the Order. Harry had believed the Headmaster and it was partly because of that revelation that he had started thinking more about how Snape had helped him over the years.

Having just seen Snape in full Death Eater clothes however had shaken Harry to the core and he didn't know what to think, his mind was a mess, he was tired and confused. He jumped up and ran to the door but it was firmly locked and Alohamora and a few other basic unlocking spells didn't work. He was trapped in here he thought! Dumbledore was wrong about Snape the rumours were true he _was_ still a fully fledged Death Eater who went running at Voldemort's every whim! He ran over to the fireplace and grabbed a handful of floo powder and firecalled the Headmasters office. A few minutes later the Headmaster's face appeared in the grate and looked around "Severus?" Dumbledore asked. "Headmaster its Harry" he said as calmly as he could, whilst leaning down further so the headmaster could see him. "Goodness Harry my boy what on earth..." Dumbledore was cut off abruptly as Harry started rambling unintelligibly about Death Eaters and cloaks and masks and something to do with Snape. "Harry" Dumbledore said trying to get him to slow down. Harry was pacing around the room now and becoming obviously very agitated. "HARRY!" Dumbledore shouted in a loud booming voice. He must not realise what Severus does for the Order or what the term "spy" entails in this instance, Dumbledore realised. Harry stopped talking and looked over to the fireplace and promptly collapsed in a heap where he stood.

Harry came round a short while later tucked up in a large unfamiliar bed. He sat up slowly and looked around. The headmaster was sitting dosing in a chair beside his bed but he looked very uncomfortable.

"Headmaster" Harry said quietly. The headmaster opened his eyes as if he hadn't been sleeping and was fully alert immediately

"Ah you are awake Harry" Dumbledore said smiling "How are you feeling"

"Em not sure really em...a bit ..er .. well confused, I think" Harry said distractedly rubbing at his scar whilst wracking his brains trying to remember what had happened.

"Yes, yes my boy you will be. Madam Pomfrey gave you a mild sedative and it can have the effect of a little temporary memory loss"

"Where am I Professor, and how did I get here?" asked Harry

"Mhmm you really don't know where you are Harry? Interesting" said Dumbledore distractedly.

"No I really don't Headmaster. Is that a problem? Has something happened to me? Is there something wrong with me?" Harry said getting a little agitated.

"Calm down Harry and in answer to your questions, no it is not a problem, yes something has happened to you, I believe, but it was not tonight and no there is nothing wrong with you" Dumbledore said calmly.

"Ok so er will you tell me where I am then" Harry prodded. He hated how the Headmaster could be so evasive and never speak plainly!

"Yes of course my boy, you are in Professor Snape's quarters" Dumbledore said as if it was a normal everyday occurrence. Dumbledore looked over his spectacles at Harry, eyes twinkling.

Hurry quickly jumped out of bed in shock before he realised he was standing in front of the Headmaster in only his underwear! Oh my dear god Harry thought why the bloody hell was he in Professor Snape's bed with only his underwear on. He realised his shorts were a little damp and sticky as some memories of the previous evening came flooding back. He couldn't quite remember if what he was remembering had happened in a dream or in reality or a bit of both and could feel his embarrassment rising as his neck and face turned scarlet. Dumbledore chuckled before standing and directing Harry firmly back into the bed.

"Now, now, Harry there is nothing to worry about, I am sure Severus will understand when he returns and things will seem clearer as your memory returns" Dumbledore said as Harry sat back down in the bed. "You only had your robe on with nothing underneath when we found you my boy, whatever brought you down here must have been urgent to only half dress eh? We thought you would be more comfortable without a heavy outdoor robe whilst asleep, nothing to be embarrassed about my boy"

All of a sudden Harry remembered Snape standing in full Death Eater robes and mask and cried out "Snape is a Death Eater, Headmaster!" He remembered now firecalling the headmaster in a panic but not remembering much else. He must have blackout or something.

"Harry please calm down we don't want you blacking out on us again now do we" Dumbledore said soothingly. "There are some things that you and I must talk about but first I must confirm something I think I have known for some time" Dumbledore said.

Harry wished he understood even half of what the headmaster was going on about, he might not feel as completely lost and confused as he did right now! He had just told the old man that one of his trusted allies was actually nothing but an evil slave to Voldemort and all he could do was talk in riddles!

"But headmaster we must stop Snape getting back in here now we know what he truly is! Harry said getting exasperated.

"Harry, trust me" Dumbledore said quietly. "Please just sit quietly for a few minutes and relax I need to think for a moment" Dumbledore asked with authority.

Harry slumped back in the bed and tried to relax hoping the headmaster hadn't completely lost his mind! He lay quietly going through all his memories from the previous evening and pieced together what had happened, sorting out the dream from reality and how he had ended up here. He hoped the Headmaster didn't ask what he had been doing down here in Severus's rooms in the middle of the night, he wasn't sure he could come up with a believable enough story to get past the headmasters sharp mind. Harry felt completely disgusted with himself. Was he so desperate for any sign of care and affection that he had ended up fantasising about Snape who was a bloody Death Eater?

"Harry?" Dumbledore quietly said snapping Harry out of his thoughts. "Were you thinking about anything specific just now?"

"Err well of course I was! I was thinking about having a Professor at Hogwarts that's a bloody Death Eater!" Harry snapped.

"The thing is my dear boy I could not see your thoughts" Dumbledore said completely ignoring the fact that Harry had been rather rude to him.

Harry jumped up again from the bed not caring about his current state of undress. "What do you mean you couldn't see my thoughts? Why would you even be trying _Sir_? If there is something you would like to know, do you not think it would be polite to JUST ASK ME!" Harry was raging, was there no one he could trust!

Dumbledore gently took Harry by the arm in attempt to calm him but Harry shook him off and started pacing again, mumbling about trust and Voldemort and Snape and meddling old men. At a click of Albus's fingers Madame Pomfrey flooed into the sitting room and came rushing through.

"Yes Albus" she said as she watched Harry pacing.

"Please calm him Poppy, he isn't thinking clearly, which is no wonder but it is imperative that I speak with him before Severus returns"

Poppy went over to the boy and gently guided him back to the bed and instructed him to take a mild calming draft, which he complied with, apparently unthinkingly. He was too worked up and in a state of confusion to resist, he really did feel as if he had lost his mind and was a bit worried he was going mad.

As the potion began to have an effect Harry stopped pacing and sat down with a thump on the edge of Snape's bed.

"Please Harry, I know this is difficult for you but will you at least give an opportunity to explain?"

Harry nodded he was too drained to argue now.

"I am sorry I tried a nonverbal legilimens on you Harry, you are correct, in normal circumstances that would be most unforgivable of me. However, as you are aware these are not normal times and there was something I needed to make sure of before I told you something that is now imperative that you understand, but Harry, there is one more test I would like to perform before we have a chat"

"What test is that" Harry asked warily.

"When I tried some moments ago to see your thoughts I found that I could not, there has only ever been one other person that has managed to erect such strong defences to their mind that even I cannot normally penetrate them. I would like to try a stronger verbal leigilmens on you Harry to just test how strong your defences really are, if you are agreeable, of course"

Harry scowled "But headmaster I am useless at Occlumency, I have only ever once managed to keep Snape out and that was by bouncing the spell straight back at him! I have no defences!"

"I am not sure about that Harry, I think we might find the opposite to be true. May I?" Dumbledore asked as he stood and withdrew his wand. Taking a deep breath Harry got to his feet and nodded. "Prepare yourself Harry, this will not be gentle" Harry focused his mind and tried with all his might to implement all the strategies of Occlumency that Snape had taught him the previous year.

"Legilimens!" shouted Dumbledore

Harry felt the spell slam into him and he pushed back as hard as he could. He fell backwards and there was an almighty clatter as he smashed into a dresser full of potions in Snape's room.

Harry was aware of Pomfrey rushing into the room from where she had been sitting, in Snape's sitting room.

"Harry! Albus! Merlin what on earth do you think the pair of you are doing!" Pomfrey shouted.

Harry sat up and looked over to see Dumbledore, who was also trying to sit, lying surrounded by a number of books from the bookshelf he had smashed into.

Dumbledore started giggling and brushed Pomfrey off with a "Stop fussing woman! I am fine!"

Harry started laughing too but wasn't entirely sure what he was laughing at! He had no idea what had just happened.

"What just happened Professor?" he asked through his laughter

"You my boy, are the first person to ever knock me of my feet with the power of your mind shields that is what happened Harry. No need for such force the next time" Dumbledore gasped as he started laughing almost uncontrollably now.

"What is the meaning of this scene of utter disregard and destruction in my PRIVATE quarters" the very irritated voice of Snape was heard from the doorway to the bedroom where he was currently standing behind Madame Pomfrey.

Harry jumped to his feet and looked at Snape who was staring at him in with an evil scowl. Nothing nice about that look he thought with a shiver. Harry realised he was still only dressed in his stained shorts and grabbed a towel that was lying on the dresser near him and wrapped it round his waist.

"Ah Severus, glad you are home and safe" Dumbledore said still laughing and started getting to his feet.

"Maybe Severus you should have a shower before joining Harry and I for a long overdue chat" Dumbledore instructed as he stopped laughing as he took in the sight of Snape.

Harry looked back at Snape and realised his Death Eater robes looked wet and there were pools or red appearing at his feet in the doorway. Oh My God Harry thought as he noticed the blood all over Snape's hands and face. Snape was a murdering raving lunatic of a Death Eater why the hell was the Headmaster just standing there he thought.

"Are you hurt Severus" Albus asked, face now completely serious.

"I will survive Albus, but Poppy, since you are here may I ask you to fetch a blood replenishing potion from your stores since mine have apparently been smashed." Snape said quietly.

He looks deathly white thought Harry who was starting to worry when he realised it was obviously Snape's blood that was now collecting at an alarming rate at his feet.

Albus stood when he saw Snape stagger slightly and both he and Harry moved toward the injured Professor just in time to catch him as he collapsed.

"Get him onto the bed quickly" Pomfrey instructed and both Dumbledore and Harry carried Snape gently over to the bed. "Albus please go and find healing salves for deep lacerations and at least 5 blood replenishing potions. Oh and also bring a strong painkiller and a phial of dreamless sleep" Poppy continued.

"Headmaster maybe I should go, you will be of more assistance here than me" Harry said panicking; he had no idea how he could help, they had only covered basic healing spell in class.

"No Harry, Severus needs you here and besides you may not return in time if Mr. Filch or Professor McGonagall catches you running about the school in nothing but your underwear at 4am in the morning!" Albus chuckled then shouted "Infirmary" as he disappeared into the fireplace.

"I could have flooed" Harry mumbled still not sure how he could help here and why the headmaster thought Snape would need him!

"No time for moaning Mr Potter, as well you know the floo network is locked to student transport. Now get to work and help me get these awful robes off Professor Snape and be gentle, we have no idea the extent of his injuries this time" Pomfrey instructed sternly.

"This time!"

"Yes! This time Mr. Potter now be quiet and get to work"

By the time they had managed to rid Snape of all his clothing both Harry and Madam Pomfrey were covered in what indeed was Snape's blood, but there was no time to worry about that. Harry was shocked by the amount of deep cuts that were all over Snape's body. It looked like someone had taken a whip of knives to him and as they both started gently cleaning and closing the wounds with a spell that Madam Pomfrey taught him. He was horrified by the number of old scars he could see under the fresh one and realised this indeed was not the first time this had happened.

"Why on earth does he still follow this madman!" Harry exclaimed to himself not expecting an answer. "For you my dear boy" Albus quietly whispered as he walked into the room with an armful of potions. Harry opened his mouth to respond but the headmaster looked at him gravely and said "Not now Harry. Now is not the time and it really is not my story to tell."

Harry's mind was spinning with a million unanswered questions and confusing emotions and he was utterly exhausted by the time they had finished healing all of the deepest wounds. Snape had woken briefly once during the time they spent cleaning him up. Apparently a sleeping potion could kill someone if they are unconscious from blood loss or other injury and Pomfrey had wanted to make sure he had regained consciousness sufficiently to tolerate it. Harry had been washing the remaining dried blood from Snape's hair and face when he had opened his eyes and looked deep into Harry's own.

"Thank you" The tired, drugged Professor muttered. Harry was taken aback by the amount of feeling that was conveyed in these two words.

Pomfrey instructed Snape to not waste energy talking and gave him a very small dose of dreamless sleep after which he had fell asleep almost instantly.

"He should be awake at about 10 o'clock in the morning so should give him about 5 hours sleep." Madame Pomfrey informed.

"Albus are you sure it is more important that he makes it to his classes tomorrow, surely there must be someone who can stand in for him" Pomfrey pleaded with Dumbledore in exasperation. "I always put up with not treating him in the infirmary, for obvious reasons but he needs his rest, there were obvious signs of recent damage from the cruciatus there too!"

"Yes he suffered an extended time under the cruciatus the night before returning to Hogwarts I believe" Albus said.

"The night before returning to Hogwarts? But Albus that was less than 24 hrs ago!" Pomfrey exclaimed.

"I know Poppy very unfortunate, very unfortunate indeed but Severus will be more upset if he has to miss classes" Albus said sadly.

Harry dosed off whilst listening to the Headmaster and the Medi-witch continue to argue. He had leant forward in the chair beside Snape's bed and had only meant to rest his head on the Snapes bed for a moment to stop it spinning but had fallen fast asleep.

"We must let young Harry rest now I will speak with him in the morning" Dumbledore said as he looked sadly at the sleeping boy "but he cannot go back to his dormitory in his current state. If he were still awake I would suggest we took him down to the infirmary, but as it is, I am reluctant to waken him." He proceeded to transfigure a small bed from a bedside table and moved it close to Severus's own. Dumbledore then eased Harry under a soft blanket and left him and Severus sound asleep.

"Do you think that is wise Albus" Poppy said as they both turned to leave "They may kill each other in the morning when Severus is back to his usual self!"

"I am sure they will work it out Poppy, but if anyone asks, Mr Potter spent the night in the infirmary suffering from the after-effects of a poorly repaired break to his nose." Albus said with smirk and a twinkle in his eyes.

Poppy did not dare to ask about the broken nose or the crazy rationale of leaving a student and a Professor who loathe each other asleep in the same room, she was used to his craziness after all these years but thought this was beyond craziness it was completley mad.

**A/N I hope you are enjoying it so far and thank you AlmondWithUnicornHair for the encouragement to continue! x**


	5. Turning Dreams into Reality

**Warning: This chapter contains some male/male sexual content.**

**Chapter 5 - Turning Dreams into Reality**

**_"Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living". _  
>- Anais Nin<strong>

Harry was woken by someone gently shaking him and he growled whilst pulling the covers over his head. The gentle voice of Dumbledore filtered through Harry's sleep fogged brain "Harry you need to wake up now."

Harry's head quickly reappeared from under the covers "Headmaster what are you..." the memories of the previous night came flooding back. "Oh yes, sorry I must have dosed off, is Professor Snape OK?" He sat up in the transfigured makeshift bed and looked over at Snape who was still sleeping peacefully.

"Yes Harry he is fine, you fell asleep before we could clean you up and get you back to your own bed. I believed it best that you stayed here and got some rest but I think it may be wise for you to join your friends for breakfast before Severus wakes up. Please use Severus's shower before leaving however, I think the sight and smell of you might offend your friends greatly" Harry looked down at himself. There were still areas of dried blood on his torso. "That is after a few cleaning spells Harry and you do smell as though you have turned into a creature of the night!"

"Ughh yeah I do a bit" Harry said grimacing as the metallic smell of dried blood wafted up at him.

"I took the liberty of fetching you a full set of school clothes and clean robes from your dormitory and they are already in the bathroom for you. Dumbledore said indicating towards a door behind him.

"Thank you." "Oh and Sir, there were some things that you wanted to tell me last night, can we arrange a time to have that conversation? I think I have worked out a few things on my own but I still have a lot of questions"

"Yes certainly, I am not at all surprised you have a lot of questions Harry, you have had a lot to deal with the last few months and I must admit I have not always been very forthcoming with certain... _things_. How about we meet for a bite of lunch at 1pm in my office?"

Harry agreed and was glad he wasn't going to have to wait days to speak with the Headmaster. A few things had become clearer as he had been working with Madam Pomfrey last night and he was a bit annoyed that he had been kept in the dark about Order business, but he was determined to convince the Headmaster that he was old enough to join now. He didn't see the point in waiting any longer when Voldemort wasn't going to be hanging about to start planning on how he could get rid of Harry until he was old enough. He needed to understand more about the fight against Voldemort , especially in light of the prophecy and his part in it.

"Now pip, pip go and get ready and I will see you later" Dumbledore said as he started walking out the room. "Oh Harry if your friends ask, you spent the night in the Infirmary with pain from a badly repaired broken nose" and with that he was gone.

Harry showered and dressed quickly. It was just after 8am and his friends would be heading to the Great Hall. He slipped out of the bathroom feeling a bit strange to be in Snape's bedroom but part of him still felt very much at home.

"_Potter_, you are still here I see and have taken it upon yourself to make yourself at home in my private rooms!" Snape said in a sneering voice.

"Professor! You're awake!" Harry said smiling.

"Obviously" Snape sneered, rolling his eyes

"No need to be sarcastic, _Professor, _it's just that you were supposed to be asleep for another 2 hours. How are you feeling?" Harry asked brushing off the irritation at Snape's tone and attitude.

"That, I believe is none of your business, now please leave." Snape growled.

"None of my business!" Harry almost shouted as he strode over to stand beside Snape's bed. "I think you will find it is my business. I spent most of last night saving your sorry ass and if you think you can brush me off with not so much as a ..." Harry was cut off as Snape jumped out of bed and grabbed him by his school robes. He was pushed hard against the wall and pinned there by the full wieght of Snapes body against him.

"I believe you will find that if you rack that thick underused brain of yours _Potter_ you will in fact remember that I did say thank you to you, LAST NIGHT! Although why I felt it necessary I will never know. If you think I will now become forever grateful for you actions you are sorely mistaken, you obnoxious little brat!"

Harry was furious as he fought against the vice grip Snape had on him. "How dare you! I was not looking for a thank you! I was merely looking for a civil answer to a civil question about how you were feeling after a bad night, but I can see you have returned to your usual evil sadistic self and therefore must be feeling just fine!" Harry shouted in Snape's face. "Now if you please let go of me I have some _friends_ who will be worried about me, but I assume you don't understand what it is to have friends that care for you!"

The pressure from Snape's body increased and he was painfully pressed into the wall behind him.

Snape leant down, their faces a hair breadth apart. Harry saw some unidentified emotion flicker through Snape's eyes before he growled and suddenly let go of Harry's robes.

"Get out! Now!"

"Gladly" Harry shot back as he stalked from the room and slammed the door.

Harry was seething, but the confrontation with Snape had sorted at least one thing out in his mind. He truly did despise the man regardless of how he appeared to be risking his life regularly for the Order! He was a greasy evil sadistic bastard and he wouldn't be surprised if his allegiances were still with Voldemort and was actually spying on, not for, the Order!

Harry took the longest route possible to the Great Hall. He needed to calm down before meeting his friends. During his walk his mind went over what had just happened and after lots of angry thoughts and ravings he started to see that maybe he had overreacted a little. He wouldn't have been in a very good mood either if he had been in Snape's position. He might not have reacted in quite the same way but he could understand being irritated by an intrusion into his private life by someone he didn't even like. His mind slowly turned to how Snape had pinned him against the wall. The man had only been dressed in thin silk pyjama bottoms and he had seen and felt the tension in the muscled chest, arms and thighs as he had pushed harder against him. Oh and that thigh he thought with a smirk remembering his dream and how, just moments before, it had actually been pressed hard against his groin. Harry thought about how Snape had leant down and his how his lips had been slightly parted and so close to his own; he was growing hard at the memory he realised. Well maybe he hadn't _quite_ worked out how he felt feel about the greasy old git, but at least he now knew he definitely preferred wizards!Holding Cho or Ginny against him had left him cold and now he knew why, he definitely preferred a hard muscled body to soft curves any day.

He walked into the Great Hall with a silly grin on his face and plopped down onto the bench opposite Ron and Hermione.

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed.

"How's your nose" Ron asked giving Harry a questioning look.

"My nose?" Harry said as he lifted his hand to his face. "Oh yeah its fine, Madame Pomfrey had to re-fix it but it fine now"

"Not even one full day into the new school year Harry and you have already spent more nights in the Infirmary than your own bed! I am glad you find it something to smile about!"Hermione said shaking her head in disgust.

"Yeah you look particularly cheery this morning" Ron said looking a bit confused by his mate's smile. "Are you going to tell us how you managed to break your nose in the first place" Ron said in-between stuffing pieces of sausage in his mouth.

"I got on the wrong end of Malfoy's foot as I am sure you are aware. I am sure the whole school knows by know".

"Yeah we heard the ferret saying something about you and your nose" Ron said.

"So are you going to enlighten us as to how you came about being at the wrong end of Malfoy's foot? Hermione huffed.

"I will, but not here." Harry said looking around and noticing a few students at the table trying to listen in to their conversation. "After lunch, when we all have a free period."

"Why don't we all have lunch out at the lake and you can tell us then" Hermione said "At least we won't be wasting school hours chatting and can maybe do some studying together in our free period"

"Sorry 'mione I can't, I am busy over lunch" Harry said whilst having another quick look round then added quietly "I have a meeting with Professor Dumbledore"

"Oh yes your extra lessons" Hermione exclaimed excitedly.

"Sshhh keep your voice down" Harry groaned.

"Unlucky mate" Ron muttered "Oh well never mind what are we going to do after breakfast. Neither of us have any classes now either"

"Maybe study" said Hermione who was collecting her large pile of school books and leaving for her first class.

"I was just about to talk to you both about that" the familiar voice of Professor McGonagall came from behind the boys. "Since you look entirely too happy this morning Mr. Potter, I thought I would inform you that Professor Slughorn is quite amenable to accepting students with an Exceeds Expectations in their potions O.W.L . onto his N.E.W.T class, so both of you, Mr Weasley, Mr Potter are expected there in 10 minutes."

Ron groaned loudly whilst stuffing another sausage into his mouth.

"But Professor neither Ron nor I have bought the Potions textbooks or any ingredients" said Harry

"I am sure Professor Slughorn will see you right, now chop chop, no dilly dallying, you don't want to be late to your first class" Professor McGonagall said with a smile as she gracefully moved on to talk with another group of students.

"But I don't want to take potions" grumbled Ron.

"Tough, it looks like you don't have a choice" Harry said still smiling.

"What is it with you this morning Harry, Professor McGonagall is right you do look entirely too happy, especially for someone who has spent the night in the Infirmary getting their nose re-set!"

"Come on, we are going to be late" Harry said ignoring Ron's question. Ron pulled himself away from his plate of sausage and both boys started walking towards the dungeons.

Harry did feel happy, he was absolutely exhausted but had a sense of peace that he couldn't ever remember feeling before. He realised that he had been confused and lost since Sirius had died and he was still struggling to come to terms with the guilt he felt about that, but it was getting better. He was still pretty scared about what the prophecy had revealed but he didn't feel so alone anymore. He had been living in a cloud of confusion and had even been denying his sexuality for some time he realised. He had not been willing to recognise what was obviously true and felt a bit silly now for not having accepted his preferences sooner, although he still felt as if he had no right thinking about such personal things when people were dying in a war he needed to stop! There was something still niggling at the back of his mind, he knew it was about his strange feelings for Snape, but he managed to push the thoughts away about how crazy it all was. He just wanted to enjoy the way the man made him feel and not question it, just for a while. No-one had every made him feel quite so at peace before and he was happy to be feeling something any normal teenager does, although it wasn't maybe all that normal to want to be with Snape he thought with a smile.

Ron poked Harry in the ribs hard.

"Oi, what was that for!" Harry complained.

"You're a million miles away, you haven't heard a word I was saying have you mate?" Ron said smiling.

"Sorry Ron I am bit tired, didn't get much sleep last night" Harry replied

"Dopey grin, un-slept in bed and mind in the clouds, if it hadn't been Dumbledore himself that told me you were in the Infirmary all last night I would say you had made that up as a cover story for having spent a romantic night with a girl!" Ron laughed

Harry choked out a laugh. He's almost right he thought although not about it being a girl and not it being a romantic night, but he had spent it with someone he couldn't stop thinking about!

They had reached the potions classroom and Harry heard Snape's snake whisper behind him in parseltongue. "Hello my little ssssnake, will you pleasssse come and ssseee me sssoon, you and I needsss to talk."

Harry had no time to answer or to think about what the snake had said, as Ron abruptly pushed Harry into the potions classroom.

The class had already started but Slughorn seemed pleased to see Harry and told them to each get a book from the cupboard and join the class.

There were two copies of Advance Potions Making in the cupboard. One was particularly battered and dog-eared while the other one was in much better condition. Both he and Ron made a lunge for the newer book but as Harry's hand brushed against the old used copy, a peculiar sensation shot up his arm. It was a pleasant warm, tingling sensation that reminded him of the strange feelings he'd had at the (real not dream!) gates of Hogwarts when Snape had been standing staring at him. The sensation had startled him and distracted him from the fight over the newer book. Ron won the fight and Harry eagerly snatched up the old battered textbook. He felt an instant connection to the book and was a little concerned as he remembered Tom Riddles diary back in 2nd year.

He warily clutched the book and headed further into the classroom. There were a number of cauldrons bubbling in the centre of the room and the girls were gravitating towards one that smelt amazing to Harry. He could smell a musky spicy scent with a hint of peppermint and sesame oil. It really was quite arousing and intoxicating! Slughorn slammed the lid on the cauldron and the scent disappeared. I wonder what that was he thought, it had reminded him of Snape he realised but that's wasn't surprising since the man must stink of potions.

The class went really well and the old book had lots of hand written notes and instruction written in the margins. He even had managed to brew a perfect Draft of the Living Dead for which he won a phial of liquid luck. The book had belonged to someone who called themselves the Half Blood Prince and Harry thought he must have been very good a potions, maybe it had been Snape's he thought with a smile. "Half blood" he muttered "No it can't be his he was from a pureblood family surely"

"You talking to yourself now mate" Ron said, "Definately something I don't know about is going on with you and I will find out what it is you know, even if I have to get 'Mione on your case. You've been acting right weird recently"

"I've got a fair bit on my mind just now, as you should know Ron" Harry replied a bit irritably "Sorry if you think that makes me weird, everyone else thinks that anyway, so why shouldn't you"

"Eh? God Harry I was just having a laugh!"

"Sorry Ron just could do without my friends calling me weird that's all"

As the boys finished packing up their things at the end of the class, he once again experienced a strange sensation and a mental picture of Snape sitting in his bedroom with his head in his hands, flashed through his mind. I must get Snape of my mind he thought or my friends will really start to know I am weird. He pushed the image away and ran out the classroom to try and catch up with Ron and Hermione and ran straight into the man himself coming out his rooms, almost knocking him off his feet. Snape straightened himself up quickly and loomed down on Harry as their eyes met and locked.

"20 points from Gryffindor for not watching where you were going and detention tonight in my office at 8pm" Snape maliciously growled at him. "and there will be more points lost if you don't stop standing staring at me you impudent little brat". Harry kept his eyes firmly on Snape's and quietly said with as much feeling as he could muster "I am sorry Professor". Snape snorted and snapped his eyes away, looked quickly at Ron and Hermione with a sneer and strode off with his robes billowing behind him.

Harry wasn't sorry for bumping into Snape it had been an accident and it was Snape that had started the staring he thought, but he hoped Snape maybe realised he was saying sorry for the way he had just expected to be welcomed by the man into his bedroom that morning. He was even beginning to feel a little guilty for his intrusion into the man's life and the way he had spoken to him, even though Snape had been an obnoxious git about it all, what had he expected! He was glad though that he would see him again tonight in detention and smiled at the thought.

Ron had started laughing "You just about knocked the greasy old git on his arse Harry, did you see his face!"

"Ron! Harry! It was not funny, did you not notice how tired and drawn Professor Snape looked? He looked really awful, his eyes are all red and puffy and he looks as though he hasn't slept in a month!" Hermione said in her usual style of worrying about everybody whilst giving Harry a strange questioning look.

Oh damn he maybe had over down the heartfelt apology bit in front of his friend he realised.

"Yeah he also looked like he hasn't had a bath in a month either 'mione what else is new!" Ron said still laughing.

Harry gave a small laugh and hoped that Hermione stopped looking at him strangely.

Snape _had_ looked dreadful Harry thought he looked worse than he had done earlier that morning. He wondered if he had been called by Voldemort again after he had left. Harry thought he had seen pain in his dark eyes and it looked as though he had been crying. He hoped to Merlin the man hadn't been through any more torture.

The trio started heading towards their next class, which was Defence Against the Dark Arts and Harry wasn't sure if he was looking forward to it or dreading it. He was determined to not piss Snape off again and mentally tried to prepare himself against anything he might throw at him.

They arrived on time at the DADA classroom but the door was closed. A few minutes later the door snapped open and Snape ordered everyone inside. The classroom was dark, shutters pulled over the windows and only a few candles lit to highlight the images that were hung around the room. The images were pretty disturbing and the students eyed them warily.

Snape strode into the room in his usual dramatic style once everyone was seated and stopped in front of his desk before whipping around to face the class. His eyes scanned briefly over all the faces looking up at him, when he reached Harry's however their eyes met and his gaze lingered a little longer. Harry maintained the look but let out a small sigh as they moved on. Oh god he thought, he didn't think he was going to get through this without either screaming, running out the classroom or throwing myself into Snape's arms, which is where he felt he really _needed_ to be right now!

Snape started talking and his voice was low and caressing. He sounded as though he was talking about something he truly loved. He was talking about the many heads of the dark arts Harry realised and was a bit perturbed that the man seemed to actually love the evil he was talking about.

He did however start talking in a louder voice as he continued explaining about the defences to said dark arts. He was apparently going to teach them how to use nonverbal spells and although Harry had practiced wandless, nonverbal magic he had never been over successful unless extremely stressed. Snape explained that to achieve successful consistent nonverbal spell casting the caster had to be able to concentrate their mind.

"However the ability to focus one's mind to achieve said levels of concentration..." Snape turned abruptly and locked eyes with Harry again and continued "..._some wizards sorely lack_" Snape was obviously referring to the disastrous Occlumency lesson last year Harry thought. Once again Harry maintained the gaze, trying to keep the anger out his eyes, which wasn't overly difficult since he was actually feeling bit hurt that Snape continued to badger and put him down in front of his classmates especially now he knew he was apparently very good at Occlumency. The memory of Dumbledore laughing whilst lying in a pile of books came back. Harry gave a small smile at the memory and Snape who presumably thought Harry was smiling at him growled and turned abruptly and strode back to his desk.

The Professor paired everyone up and instructed that they were to practice casting a nonverbal minor jinx at their partner whilst the other attempted to shield against it. Harry and Ron were paired together and Ron had been trying to send a jinx towards Harry for about 10 minutes. Nothing was happening and Harry stood silently trying to erect a shield against anything that might fly towards him.

As usual, Hermione was the first to wordlessly repel a, verbally whispered, jinx that Neville had sent towards her. Hermione was beaming delightedly but Snape chose to ignore the achievement as he swept between the practicing pairs. "Utterly pathetic Weasley" Snape sneered as he approached Harry and Ron. Let me show you how it is done as he took Ron's place standing opposite Harry and drew his wand. Harry panicked and instinctively closed his mind as he had done the previous evening when Dumbledore had sent a Legilimens towards him. The next thing he knew he was in Snape's mind. He obviously had just sent a nonverbal Legilimens at him in the middle of a class and it had rebounded or something! How dare he Harry thought. He started to watch images of Snape lying naked on a stone floor being whipped with what looked like a 9 pronged whip that had small metal knives bound into the leather at the end of each prong. Harry gasped, in horror and he wanted to go and help the man. The memory quickly changed to one that had occurred this morning when Snape had pressed Harry against his bedroom wall. But watching the incident remotely now Harry realised that Snape was aroused and was struggling not to roughly kiss him when leant down and brought his face so close to his. The memory continued as he watched himself leave the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Snape then sat heavily on his bed and proceeded to cover his face with his hands and begin to sob.

Harry heard a deep low growling sort of scream and the next thing he knew he flew backwards and smashed into the desk behind him. As he lay there panting he became aware of the shocked silence in the room, the only other noise that joined his heavy breathing was the harsh breathing of their Professor who was currently also sprawled out on the floor. Harry jumped up quickly as the other students stood slack jawed staring between him and Snape. Snape slowly started trying to get to his feet and Harry was aware that the other man was in obvious pain. A shot of worry speared through him and he started towards him. "Get out! All of you. NOW". Harry stopped walking towards Snape but stood stalk still not making any attempt to leave. The rest of the class scurried quickly to gather their things and started rushing out into the corridor and whispering amongst themselves.

"Harry! Come on!" Ron said anxiously.

"Just go Ron" Harry replied not taking his eyes off the prone Professor, who had also not broken the gaze. Hermione said nothing but grabbed Ron's arm and pulled him out of the class and closed the door behind her.

"Hermione! We can't leave him in there with that evil old bastard. He's our friend and Snape is going to kill him!" Harry heard his friend exclaim outside the door.

"I am sure he will be fine Ron, lets go" Hermione answered with a worried look on her face.

Snape had managed to rise to his feet, the gaze turned into a glower as they both stood panting heavily. "Well well Mr. Potter it seems as though something I taught you last year has managed to stick in that nonexistent brain of yours" Snape sneered through harsh breaths, who was trying to compose himself and stop his face from betraying any outward signs of emotion.

"Professor, I..I.. I am sorry you were thrown across the room in front of your students, it wasn't intentional."

Snape, seemed to be lost for words, letting Harry ramble on.

"I didn't know you would use Legilimens on me, but I tried to erect strong shield to my mind instinctively. I am sure if it had been any other spell it would only have been me lying sprawled out on the floor."

After a few seconds pause Harry spoke again hesitantly.

"Professor, I think you and I need to talk about last night and this morning".

"There is nothing to talk about Potter! You should not have come to my rooms in the middle of the night and I should never have let you in. That is all there is to say on the matter!"

"But Professor, I did come to your rooms and you did let me in" Harry said quietly slowly advancing towards Snape.

The next thing Harry knew he was being pushed back against the desk roughly. Their eyes met briefly before both of them groaned as they simultaneously lunged forward greedily capturing each other's mouth in a hard bruising kiss. Snape sucked and bit Harry's lower lip hard before pushing his tongue roughly into his mouth. Harry was instantly on fire, every nerve ending was burning with wanting this man closer and harder against him. He put his arms around Snape's back and pulled the man's body firmly against his own whilst returning the kiss as roughly as his own mouth had been taken. Snape responded immediately pushing Harry down so that he was lying back flat over the top of the desk. His feet came off the floor and his legs parted to allow Snape between them. The kiss never broke and the weight of Snape's body on top of him pressed down on Harry's. He could feel Snape's hard cock rub against his leg as Harry's own throbbing member was pressed into Snape's stomach. His hips thrusted involuntarily and he groaned into the amazing mouth that was still roughly devouring his lips and tongue. The kiss abruptly stopped and Snape jumped away from Harry as though burned. Harry was left aching for the body that had been pressed so intoxicatingly into his own. "Get out" Snape said quietly turning away from him. Harry could hardly breathe and he was aware Snape was also breathing heavily. "Please Professor" Harry pleaded with man wanting him to continue what had been started.

"You don't know what you are asking for Potter, now please leave" Snape panted out with a hint of disgust in his voice.

Harry quickly gathered up his things and walked to the door. He turned to look at Snape before leaving to see that he had turned and was watching Harry leave. He could almost feel the pain and sadness that shone briefly in Snape's eyes before becoming hard and cold again. Harry dropped his eyes and left the classroom.

_**A/N I know some of you expected the next chapter to be about the meeting between Dumbledore and Harry but I needed to bring a little more interaction between Severus and Harry before that happens! Thanks to the readers that have reviewed I am glad there are a few people enjoying it and the comments have spurred me on to write this story which I have had mapped out for a while.**_

_**To "The Potters of the Future" Thanks for your comment. I know what you mean about Harry seeming a bit thick at the beginning of this story it wasn't actually meant to come across like that, more that he was just very confused. I hope that it is maybe becoming a bit clearer that there might be a reason why his mind is in a bit of a mess. Let me know what you think! **_

_**Anyway hope this chapter is ok please let me know what you all think, although I am enjoying writing it I am not very sure of myself and don't know if I am managing to do the story in my head justice!**_


	6. The Meeting

**Warnings: Mild male/male sexual relationships.**

**Chapter 6 - The Meeting**

**_"...meetings are held to discuss many problems which would never arise if we held fewer meetings"_ - Ashleigh Brilliant**

Severus staggered to his desk and fell heavily into his chair. "Merlin, what have I done" he said out loud to the empty classroom. He sat for a few minutes, staring at the door through which Potter had just exited, trying to gain control of his racing heart and shaking hands. Once he had calmed down slightly, he pulled out a fresh piece of parchment and started writing a letter. It was a letter he had hoped he would never have to write and certainly not for the reasons he found himself doing so.

_Dear Albus,_

_I write to inform you that, as of today, I am resigning from my position within Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry with immediate effect._

_I understand that I am not officially required to give an explanation as to my reasons for this resignation, however after all these years it would be impolite of me to leave without some form of explanation, at least you. You have been my mentor and protector for the last 15 years and although we may not have seen eye to eye on certain matters over the years, I am indebted to you dearly for the life I have enjoyed during that time._

_There were certain unacceptable events, entirely initiated by me, that occurred this morning in class involving myself and Mr. Potter. All I feel able to say on the matter, at this point, is that I have not only disgusted myself with my conduct and broken who knows how many school rules, I have severely betrayed the trust you placed in me._

_It is for this reason I wish to resign from my position, however I would entirely understand if you think it more appropriate to formally discharge me from my duties for gross misconduct once you hear the full story, as I am sure you no doubt will._

_With regards to certain other matters I will continue to carry out my duties to the best of my ability including any tasks I have previously given my word on._

_Gratefully Yours_

_Severus Snape_

Severus addressed the letter, sealed it with some red wax and placed it in his inside robe pocket. He truly felt ill at what had transpired in his classroom with Potter. Since returning to the school he'd had such mixed emotions about the boy. He could have eventually learnt to accept that he indeed felt very comfortable in the boy's presence and actually maybe even care for him, but he could not accept that he was strongly attracted to the boy sexually. He had been so close to just taking whatever innocence Potter had left away from him. The fact he had not done so, was not any comfort, he had done enough. He had almost taken the boy right there and then over a desk in a classroom! It made him feel physically sick, not because it repulsed him but because he still craved to be inside him, even now!

"He is just a boy for Merlin's sake; I truly am an evil sick bastard!" He said out loud to the still empty classroom. He had done many terrible things in his life but this was something he could ever begin to forgive himself for. Even though Potter had seemed to be a willing participant, he was the adult and to assault a _child_ like that was not only sick it was unforgivable.

There is no way Potter wanted him, he's a vulnerable teenager who has been starved of any love and care whilst growing up. The physical reaction of his hormone fuelled body to stimulus, regardless of who gave it, has no connection to his true desires, Severus thought with sadness.

He stood, legs still shaking slightly, took one last look round the classroom and strode out into the corridor. He wished the DADA classroom was closer to the dungeons; he really didn't want to walk through the halls of the school right now. He started planning in his head what he would need to pack and what he could leave behind, mainly to have something to think about to help take away his sick thoughts of the boy. He picked up his pace as remembered his lunch appointment, which was in 30 minutes with Albus. He really wanted to be as far away as possible before he was missed by the old man.

The corridors were practically empty, apart from the odd 6th Year student who should still have been in class with him. He received the odd scowl from the Gryffindors and wary smiles from his Slytherins, whilst en-route to his rooms in the dungeons. He also caught the odd comment about what they had just witnessed in his class but he couldn't have cared less about the sniggers and hushed whispers about Potter throwing him half way across the room, it was not that he was ashamed of. By the time he reached his rooms he had almost reached a running pace and flung open the door. He started manually and magically throwing things into a large trunk. He didn't have any potions left in his private stores he realised, since Potter had smashed the majority of them the previous night, releaving him of the ainstaking taks of packing them away safely. He didn't know why the boy and Albus had been sprawled on the floor of his bedroom laughing when he had returned the previous evening and he supposed he would never find out now.

"Not thinking about standing me up on our lunch date Severus are you?" the slightly amused voice of the Headmaster came from the doorway. Severus had obviously forgotten to close the door in his haste and was irritated that he couldn't make some snide comment about knocking and privacy! Severus slowly stood from his kneeling position beside his almost full trunk and turned to face Albus.

"Headmaster" Severus acknowledged the older man's presence with a nod, using one of the man's formal titles as he believed to have lost the right to use his fist name.

"Thinking of going on a holiday _Severus_?"

"No Headmaster, but I _am_ leaving. No doubt you are already aware of what happened in my class this morning since you always seem to know everything that happens in the school, sometimes even before it happens."

"Ah yes indeed it does indeed seem that way, but alas, I am only aware that there has been some sort of altercation between yourself and Mr Potter and that you dismissed your class early. Something, I believe, that has not been entirely unheard of during the last 5 years of you teaching Harry. So why the sudden urge to leave now?"

"Headmaster, please, can you just believe me when I say I must leave. I am truly sorry that I have to go but I behaved badly this morning and would rather not discuss it with you right now. Trust me when I say I can no longer teach at this school".

"Did you have any of intention of telling me you were going Severus" Albus said with a hint of hurt in his voice.

"Of course" Severus replied as he reached into his robes, withdrew the letter and handed it to him.

Albus slowly took the letter and put it away in his own robes. "Now then Severus time for a bite to eat I think, I have a nice lunch ready in my office."

"Albus you crazy old fool, have you not heard one word I have said to you? I am leaving and I mean to leave NOW!"

"Severus my boy, are you really going to deny this _crazy old fool_ the chance to have a last lunch, if that is what it must be, with someone I regard as my own son?"

Severus sighed, he could not remember ever winning an argument with the old man so decided not to even try with him on this. "Very well" he replied in a defeated tone.

"Let us use the floo to my office to save these old legs of mine the walk. I am rather tired from the events of last night, as I am sure you are also" Albus said as he handed the floo powder the Severus, indicating for him to go first.

Severus exited the floo in the headmaster's office slightly less gracefully than normal, his legs still a little shaky, and turned to see the headmaster appear directly behind him.

"Let us go into my sitting room, I think we would be much more comfortable in there." Albus said opening a hidden entrance beside his desk and gesturing for Severus to follow.

Once seated, in an old elegant two-seater couch opposite Albus who was relaxing in a matching armchair, he began to relax a little and thought at least he could say goodbye properly to his mentor, boss and friend before he left and was glad he had come.

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes as Albus summoned a tray of various sandwiches and pastries and poured two cups of tea.

"Now then Severus I would very much like to hear what happened between you and Harry this morning, as to better understand why you feel you must leave, however since you seem unable to discuss the matter as this present time I would like for you to just listen to what I planned to talk to you about this lunchtime anyway"

Severus nodded in agreement warily.

"My only condition however is that since what I have to say not only involves you, and I have no wish to repeat it, I have also invited Harry to lunch, who should be arriving any moment now"

Severus jumped to his feet "Albus please no! I do not wish to see the boy, you do not understand!"

"Ah that must be him now" Albus said rising to his feet at the sound of a gentle knock. "Please Severus sit down, I may be a few minutes whilst I inform Harry of your presence. Make yourself at home ". Before Severus could object further Albus left and closed the door firmly behind him. Meddling old fool he thought as he started pacing around the small room.

"Ah Harry do come in and take a seat" I have some lunch prepared for us in my private quarters but first I need to explain a few things.

Harry sat down and looked up at the headmaster. He had been eagerly anticipating this meeting and although the incident with Snape earlier had his mind reeling, he had pushed thoughts of it aside. He believed he had managed to work out most of the answer to his own questions regarding the events of the previous evening but there were a few things that still made no sense and was keen to have more information from Dumbledore. He would deal with the incident with Snape later he thought.

"Now where to start" Albus pondered. "When you firecalled from Severus's living quarters in the early hours of the morning Harry, I was a bit surprised, not necessarily because you were with Severus, although it _was_ the middle of the night, but because you were so very upset. You see I was already aware that Severus had been summoned by Voldemort just moments before you firecalled, but stupidly did not appreciate you may not have fully understood Professors Snape's role in this war. I have never formally informed you about the tasks any of The Order members undertake and I now realise that that has been remise of me and I apologise. However, in my defence I have never thought it important that you know. My priority for you, was to try and give you as normal an education and life at Hogwarts as possible. I realise I have left some things unsaid for too long. I must also admit that I was concerned about telling you some of the more sensitive information regarding members of the order due to your apparent link to Voldemort himself, howerver I believe I do not have to worry about that unduly now. In the matter of Severus's role, as you are now painfully aware he is indeed a Death Eater, but in name only Harry. He goes to Voldemort's side when he is called at my request and reports back to me after every meeting."

"I realise that now Sir, when I woke up last night and Professor Snape was standing in front of me in full Death Eater robes and mask, I just panicked. I didn't know it was him at first. I'm sorry I got into such a state. I feel a bit foolish now, but there has been a number of other things on my mind since Voldemort came back and I hadn't really thought about what Professor Snape's spying actually entailed and I well... just sort of .. well...lost it a bit" Harry said sheepishly.

"There is no need to apologise about your reaction to what appeared to be a fully fledged Death Eater wakening you, since as I had given you very little information directly on this matter. What you have learnt has been through gossip, speculation and unaccompanied pensive viewings. I am not at all surprised you have not managed to garner all the facts. Last night when I saw how distressed you were at having witnessed Severus in Death Eater clothes, I was worried you would hex him into next week or worse if he returned, as he too often does, looking as he indeed did last night. You could have misunderstood his appearance to mean something else entirely. It is testament to you that you did not but I should never have let the situation arise where you could misunderstand such things."

"I knew Professor Snape had been a Death Eater previously and I also knew that he had turned spy when I saw into your pensive before Voldemort's return. Last year Professor Snape also informed me that he spied on Death Eaters for the Order, but I had never really thought that meant him _actually_ going to Voldemort's side when summonsed and having to act like one. To be honest Headmaster, and I am sorry if this sounds rude, but why do you send him to these meetings? Surely there must be another way, I mean he almost died last night and I just didn't think you would risk anyone's life like that, even if he does bring bits of information for the Order! And why on earth does he agree to this?" Harry had got a little upset thinking about Snape being asked to risk his life. He didn't want anyone to risk their life needlessly.

"As for finding you rude, I don't. Your observation is a valid one. You remind me so much of your Mother when she was your age. You want to be able to save everyone from any suffering or pain but unfortunately you have yet to learn that life is never that simple. In times such as these, sacrifices must be made and the choices people make or have made in the past can stay with them for a very long time and can dictate what these sacrifices are. Just understand that Severus works for me willingly, the information he has brought to the Order since Voldemort returned has saved the lives of many innocent people. His reasons for accepting this mission are his alone to tell, should he wish to do so, but I must caution you to not push him for answers on this matter, he is an intensely private man Harry".

Dumbledore gave Harry a serious look and he knew this line of questioning was now closed.

"Now I think it is time for lunch but I must tell you first that Professor Snape is joining us and is waiting, undoubtedly very impatiently, in my private quarters as we speak. I have invited him today because there are some other things I would like to discuss with both you."

Harry's heart just about flipped out of his chest "Oh!" he said surprise. "Headmaster, I am not so sure right now is a good time for a joint meeting with Professor Snape, actually I think I am probably the last person he wants to see ".

"Ah yes I have heard about your little... battle of minds, shall we call it, but you will find it quite impossible to hide from him forever, Harry"

"He told you what I did?" Harry asked.

"What _you_ did Harry? Mmm Interesting I was under the impression that it was something Professor Snape had done to you. Severus has told me nothing of the incident but you should understand better than anyone that the whole school will know about anything exciting that happens in the school within minutes of its occurrence."

"Oh yeah. That's true" Harry said shaking his head at the thought of all the gossip. The event in the classroom will have turned into a monster.

"I am sure the two of you can work out whatever it was that happened." Dumbledore stood and before opening the door behind him that lead into his living quarters said "Harry I am not sure what has happened to your face this morning but maybe you would allow me to use a few spells to reduce the swelling and bruising to your lips, you look as though you have been ... in a fight" Harry's hand flew up to his mouth which did feel slightly swollen and nodded as his face began to heat at the memory but again pushed it to the back of his mind, there were more important things to discuss, like a war! After a couple of quickly cast spells Dumbledore led Harry into his sitting room.

"I am sorry to have kept you waiting Severus, but there were some things that I needed to discuss with Harry first".

Snape was still pacing around the small but cosy living area and he looked angry and agitated.

"Now my boys will you please both sit and eat some lunch with me" Dumbledore said indicating the small two seated couch. Severus growled and gave Dumbledore a withering stare. Harry sat trying to appear relaxed.

When Dumbledore ignored his disgruntled look, Snape grunted and turned to Harry scowling as he sat down on the very edge of the seat, leaning forward so as no part of their bodies would touch.

Dumbledore poured three cups of tea and handed a cup to each of them. Snape took a sip of the liquid and winced "Thank you Headmaster I am sure your intentions are well meant but I really am in no need of a calming draft at this time!" grumbled Snape.

"Ah Severus, I beg to differ, it is only a very small amount of one you brewed yourself, it enables the drinker to achieve clear and rationale thought in times of stress, I believe you told me. It is in all our cups, I feel it will be beneficial for this meeting; therefore for me, will you please drink it?"

"As if I have a choice" Snape muttered and took another sip. They sat quietly drinking tea and eating sandwiches for a few moments. Harry felt the effects of the potion laced brew take hold and relaxed further into his seat. Snape also visibly appeared to relax and eventually sat back into the sofa beside Harry, their hips and upper legs just touching. They both turned to look at each other and Harry gave Snape a small smile which was returned with an almost imperceptible upward turn of his mouth. As their eyes had met, Harry had felt an overwhelming sense of peace invade him. He had no idea what Snape was feeling but here was a hint of sadness in the man's eyes and it appeared as though he was having as much difficulty breaking the gaze as he was.

Dumbledore cleared his throat making both Harry and Snape startled at the noise, the brief moment was broken.

"I am glad we are all appearing more relaxed, so I think I should begin" Dumbledore said with a smile, he appeared no more relaxed than previously, he just looked very tired Harry thought.

"I have a fair amount to say today and while a little of it will be based on fact, some of which you may already be familiar, there will be a fair amount of conjecture on my part but I believe it to be educated conjecture that, if proven to be true, will be of great importance to you both.

"Harry as you aware you are the only known survivor of the killing curse in recorded wizarding history. When Voldemort when to Godrics Hollow and your Mother, Lily sacrificed her life in trying to protect you, I believe her love was projected and it surrounded you, creating a shield against the curse that followed. I have however recently come to believe that although the shield was extremely powerful, Voldemort's curse was so strong that it managed to penetrate it before rebounding but in a much weakened form and only for the briefest of moments. Since the curse was severely weakened by Lily's love, it could not complete its purpose hence you survived. We indeed have some visual proof that the curse did in fact touch you in the form of the scar that appeared that night. The Killing Curse is usually so effective because it extracts the soul from the body and projects it so far away that it is impossible for it to return. However I have come to the conclusion that the scar was not the only damage the curse caused that night. Harry what I think happened when the curse touched you, you may find a little disturbing but believe me when I say, what I am about to tell you is not all bad and may indeed have some benefits"

Snape appeared to snap out of his thoughts at this comment and looked at the headmaster with a questioning frown. Dumbledore had spoken to him of what lay inside Harry last year, but he thought it was far too soon to be telling the boy, indeed he had believed he had been asked to impart this information at the proper moment and he could not for the life of him think of any benefits associated with sharing your soul with a monster. Dumbledore shook his head imperceptibly and return his gaze to Harry. Harry was aware of the exchange between the two men and decided to store it away for future reference. "As I said, the curse was obviously very much weakened and could not carry out its purpose; however after much study on the matter I believe that the curse actually did manage to extract your soul, but only a relatively small part and it was unable to cast it very far. It was then able to return and latch itself onto the first living thing it encountered to ensure its survival. Snape let out a sigh as if he had been holding his breath and slowly turned to look at Harry. Harry maintained his eye contact with Dumbledore however.

"So my soul returned to me since both my parents were dead. Why would that cause a problem?

Dumbledore did not answer immediately but instead paused to refill both Harry and Severus another cups with tea. Harry's mind was still relatively calm and realised all that the Headmaster had said made perfect sense to him but he was glad to feel even more relaxed and focussed as he drank the tea. Snape had stood and was standing staring out the window over the lake obviously deep in thought.

"Your soul would have returned to you Harry if indeed you had been the only one alive in the house that night in the minutes that followed your parents' murder."

Snape turned back to the Headmaster and quietly said "Albus?" in a gentle questioning but warning tone.

"Please hear me out Severus"

"So you are telling me that there was someone else present when my parents were killed" Harry felt he should be shocked and be demanding to know who had been there when his parents were murdered but the calming draft was obviously stronger in the second cup of tea because although he did want to know, it was purely out of a desire to understand what had happened to his soul, rather than from any anger in finding out that someone other than Voldemort was equally responsible for the death of his parents.

"Yes Harry that is what I am saying. My study has revealed that when someone looses a part of their soul, it creates a void that needs to be filled and when it is not, or it is replaced with something inferior to what was lost, it can create a great sense of pain and grief that can stay with the person for many years while the soul attempts to repair itself. In your case, when the piece of your soul latched itself onto the person that had arrived at the house in Godric's Hallow immediately _after_ your parents' death they did not have a void to be filled, so your soul pushed a part of theirs out, which in turn filled the void in you."

Severus walked quietly back to the small sofa he shared with Harry and dropped into the seat less gracefully than normal, letting out a small gasp.

"I know this sounds all so very complicated and the magic behind it is indeed complex, however in simple terms, equal parts of your soul and that of the other persons, swapped."

Harry sat silently trying to digest this information, he wasn't entirely sure yet as to how this information made him feel. At the moment he felt rather numb.

"Do you know who this person was Professor?" Harry asked quietly but he had a feeling he already knew, Snape wasn't here just as a passive observer.

"Albus can I have a word with you for a moment in private please before you continue" Snape asked quietly before Dumbledore could answer.

"Certainly Severus. Will you be alright in here for a few minutes Harry, while I speak with Severus?"

Harry nodded numbly in response and the two men left, leaving Harry in Dumbledore's sitting room.

Once the two older wiards had left the sitting room and warded the door Severus spun to look at Albus.

"The boy and I have parts of each other's sole inside us, is that what you are saying?"

"Yes Severus that is what I have come to believe but there is much more I need to explain, some of which you may be starting to realise yourself, however since Harry will have no knowledge of other situations in which soul transference occurs, or how the magic that it entails works, he will be unable to reach the same conclusions as you. Indeed you have the additional advantage in that you now know that you share your soul with him and will be able, in retrospect, to analyse certain aspects of your relationship over the years in light of this information. I had originally hoped that you would have realised you had a bond with the boy yourself without this type of meeting but after the events of last night and this morning I couldn't leave this matter any longer."

"It does explain certain... things Albus but how can you be so sure? You told me that the last piece of The Dark Lords soul had latched onto Potter when the curse rebounded, which surely would have filled the void left in him, have you now changed your mind."

"No Severus unfortunately not, the last remaining part of Voldemort's soul had been diminishing for years. He had fragmented and lost a part every time he cast the killing curse. The part that remained after the curse rebounded, was miniscule in comparison to the void left in Harry and therefore did not completely fill it."

Severus let out a sigh and closed his eyes before continuing quietly

"How was Potters soul able to latch onto mine and cast a part of mine aside, I was under the impression this could not happen. That a fragment of soul could not demand space and push out another's, that it had to be given willingly or under other situations of extreme personal distress to it. I understand that in the case of Potter the Killing Curse had dislodged a part of his soul but surely a fragment of Potters soul could not have the power to dislodge mine?"

"A very astute observation Severus and indeed one that I had trouble finding an answer to. You must understand there were a number of factors at work that night to consider. You are correct, a fragment of a person's soul cannot, under normal circumstances, dislodge another's without the willing consent of the person to which it belongs. However when you entered the house in Godric's Hollow that night, you gave up a part of your soul to Lily. Many people have reported feeling that part of their soul died when they lose someone very close to them, especially in the case when there are extreme levels of guilt or love. This is a common sensation and is misinterpreted as part of them dying, when in fact it is the emotions resulting from losing a piece of their soul, even though it has been sent willingly to stay with the soul of the person they have lost. In your case Severus, Lily wanted more than anything for Harry's soul to be safe and complete and yours recognised this as her last wish, enabling the transfer to happen. I did not inform Harry of these details and have slightly misled him regarding the mechanics involved because to have told him the truth would mean having breaking my word to you"

"Thank you Albus for your discretion but how can you be so sure that there is any merit in these speculations?"

"I think Severus you may be able to answer that better than I when you have more time to think this over in light of your relationship with Harry now and in the past. I will reveal what pointed me in this direction of thought but would prefer to do so when both of you are present."

"You want to tell the boy it was me that was at Godrics Hallow that night?"

"No Severus I would like you to do that. If you are unwilling to tell the whole story of why you were there then yes, I would like he was at least informed it was you. In fact it is essential that he knows at least that much to enable me to explain some other things. Do you not think it is about time you put old animosities aside and trusted the boy enough to be able to reveal a little of the real you Severus?"

"Please Albus, I think the boy already has enough to deal with without having to hear my sorry tale, but if you wish I will allow _you_ to inform him it was me, but not the reasons why. However I request that I am not present for the rest of your chat with him."

"You make a fair point Severus, Harry does have quite enough to digest at the moment but I do implore you to reveal a little more of yourself to him when you are ready. As for not being present, I am sorry, I must decline your request, it is important that you hear the rest of what I say and it would be best if you could hear it at the same time as Harry."

"But Albus I am already late for my next class" Snape tried, in an attempt to escape.

"Ah, I am glad to hear you are still referring to them as, _your_ classes. I take it that this letter is no longer valid?" Dumbledore said as he reached into his robes and pulled out Severus's unopened letter.

Severus groaned and his shoulders slumped slightly "If I can request a temporary hold on my resignation until I can at least analyse my behaviour towards Potter in light of your most recent revelations, but I believe I will still find that I behaved in a manner that is entirely unacceptable for that of a Professor in this school"

"Excellent Severus, welcome back!" and with a click of his fingers Albus turned the letter into dust. "And by the way your classes for the rest of the day and tomorrow will be set appropriate assignments in the library. Come now, if there is nothing else you would like to discuss I would like to carry on our meeting. Are you ready?"

"No Albus I am not, but let's get this over with"

Albus opened the door to the sitting room and gestured for Severus to enter.

Harry was sitting in the same place they had left him a few minutes earlier and looked deep in thought. He had glanced up when the door had opened and Severus saw a calm acceptance and peace in the boy's eyes but he also saw something else that reminded him so much of Lily it made him shiver.

"I will rejoin you both in a minute my boys, I have to go and make sure Severus' classes have been taken care of." and with that he turned and closed the door.

"The sneaky old..."

"Professor! You can't speak about the Headmaster like that, not in front of a student anyway!" Harry said almost laughing, trying to lighten the mood.

"_Potter_ there are a number of things I should not have done in my life and calling the old man a bastard would be least of them and as far as it being in front of a student, I think the line between what I should and should not do in front of _you_ was well and truly crossed this morning"

"It wasn't entirely your fault _Snape,_ an equal if not larger proportion of the blame falls on my shoulders for what occurred and please, could you stop calling me Potter, I truly hate it. There are no Death Eater children watching your every move in here!" Harry could feel himself become slightly agitated and wished he could have more tea. "My name in private situations like this is Harry, _Professor_ and I would very much like if you used it."

Snape sighed and sat back in the sofa their legs once again touching; they sat like this silently for what felt like an age. Both were staring straight ahead at the armchair Dumbledore had recently vacated. Harry felt slightly uncomfortable with the silence not sure what Snape's reaction would be to the way he had just spoken to him but at the same time still felt very much at ease in the man's presence. He could feel the heat from Snape's leg radiating through his robes to warm his own and he struggled to try and ignore it.

"Harry, I am sorry" whispered Snape eventually breaking the silence.

To hear the man say his proper name thrilled Harry but was upset by the sadness in the man's voice. Harry turned slightly to face him but the other wizard continued to stare at the armchair.

"Professor, if it is this morning you are apologising for, then please don't, I wanted what happened to happen and if I hadn't I would not have started it." Harry said quietly.

Snape stood and adopted the familiar clipped angry tone he commonly used in the classroom when someone failed to follow simple instructions.

"As I have already told you this morning, you really do not understand what you are asking for, I am not a nice man. In addition you are actually not yet old enough to legally have that sort of relationship and even if you were you are my student! Considering all that has happened to you in your life, it would be easy to understand why you may be vulnerable to accepting any type of affection shown to you, when otherwise you would not. If it were found out what happened between us, I would be given the Dementor's kiss without a trial. I am twice your age and in a position of trust. They would see a sick, perverted old man who had abused his position, and to be honest, they would be correct. So the least I can do is say I am sorry, and please do not call me Professor again, I do not deserve the title!"

"Do you think you would still be given the kiss even if we told them about us sharing our souls...Pro..S.._Severus?_" Harry responded quietly.

Snape stopped his pacing suddenly and slowly turned to face Harry. Snape knew his conversation with Albus had not been overheard he could still feel the magic that surrounded the Headmasters private living quarters that ensured the upmost privacy between the private and work areas. He stood scowling at Harry for a few moments then let out a long breath as if he had been holding it for a very long time.

"How do you know?" he asked slowly.

"It is quite obvious I think, when you consider our relationship over the years, especially the last 24 hours. Your reactions to what the Headmaster has told us were also quite revealing, along with the fact that it is inferred by your presence in this meeting that it affects both of our lives."

Severus was shocked and he sat down heavily facing Harry. "You have surprised me with your rational deductions, I have always suspected that you did indeed have an intelligent brain in your head but just chose not to use it."

Harry gave a small smile "I actually do very well in my other classes thank you very much, and even did pretty well in potions this morning too. I think maybe the distraction of my last potions teacher made me lose my concentration somewhat" Harry had leant forward slightly as he spoke and their faces were almost touching, Harry's heart was beating fast. He desperately wanted to feel those lips press against his and be wrapped up in the man's arms.

Severus closed his eyes then turned his face away suddenly "Harry, please don't".

"I wasn't going to jump you Severus; we are in the Headmasters office after all. I was only going to give you a kiss" he said as he placed his hand on Severus' thigh. "I know how I feel about this. Yes I would like to have the company and affection of another person to share my life with, I am no different from every other young wizard in that respect but I would not just accept it from anyone who was willing to give it. I am not that shallow or weak. I could have had ½ the girls in the school by now if I had so chosen but I haven't because I am not that desperate for affection as you seem to think!"

"Well it is easy to turn down girls Harry when you are gay!" Severus said with a smirk turning to face Harry again.

"Ha! Very astute observation but that was just a turn of phrase to make a point, as you well know. I have not quite got used to openly admitting to people that I prefer wizards, since I am a very private person by nature." Harry didn't think it would be the right time to reveal to Severus that he had only just realised his preferences earlier that morning, he thought it might make it seem like he really _didn't_ know what he wanted. "For your information I have also been propositioned by a few blokes and they got turned down too!"

"I see that although celebrity may not be everything, to be propositioned by what sounds like more than half the school must be an enviable position to be in" Severus said with a small smirk.

"No, that's just the thing, it isn't enviable at all. None of them can see beyond this" he said pointing to the scar on his forehead. "All they see is 'the boy-who-lived' or 'the chosen one', when I am neither of these things in here" his hand had moved from his forehead and was now resting over his heart, "You are the only one that has ever ignored the scar and what it represents and treated me as if I am nothing special. Although I admit you have been a bit over the top with the treating me as nothing special bit at times!" Harry added smiling.

"Harry please you must let this go we both must learn to live with the fact that although we may share some sort of...connection, it does not mean our relationship should be an intimate one; in fact it is highly advisable that we avoid such a thing at any time in our life, but especially at the moment."

"Can I ask why?"

"Because Harry, apart from the obvious aspects of age and position, you and I would never work. We are just too different. It would only end in a lot of heartache and disappointment. Something both our souls I am sure could do without. To strengthen the bond we have in that way could potentially be disastrous when it went wrong, as I assure you it would. We must learn quickly to suppress the emotions that have sprung up between us because of the bond and build a different kind of relationship based on friendship. One that is more appropriate to our age and position. Even that may be difficult given the role I have to play, our history and personality differences."

"I understand what you are saying Severus but it doesn't stop me wanting you with everything I have. I know that only a few days ago I would have never thought I would be saying that to you, even though I have to admit I did think about you a lot over the summer. Since coming back to Hogwarts however, I have been drawn to you almost unbearably and when I have been in your presence you either make so angry that I hate you or so comfortable and complete that I want to be as close to you as I can, in every way."

Both men still sat facing each other on the small couch but both now shifted closer to the other. "I know this will be difficult but it is just not possible, I truly am not a nice man. I am only talking to you so freely now because of that damned potion the meddling old git put in the tea." Harry reached out and slowly put his arms around Severus' waist pulling him closer and placed his head on his chest.

Harry felt a hand being drawn through his hair which was then placed gently at the back of his head almost cradling it. He felt so safe he never wanted to be without this man.

"You haven't been alone in these feelings Harry but nonetheless we must try and control our emotions" the older wizard said sadly.

Harry peered up and could see silent tears in his professor's eyes and became aware of his own, which were slowly making their way down his face. Severus brought his other hand up to Harry's face and wiped away his tears gently. Their eyes met and Severus bent his head down and their lips met in a gentle kiss. It was a totally different sort of kiss to the one they had shared earlier. It was more like a sad goodbye kiss than anything passionate.

The door to Albus's office opened quietly behind them and he announced his presence with a small cough as he entered the room. Jumping apart both wiped away tears quickly and sat forward once again facing the armchair as Dumbledore took his seat.

Oh shit, I am in serious trouble now thought Severus, I have just been caught by the Headmaster snogging Harry-Bloody-Potter the Gryffindor Golden Boy, who also happens to be my student! I really am a very sick man.

"I see you boys have possibly come to some sort of conclusions without me" Albus said eyes twinkling but he noticed the evidence of tears in his boys with sadness.

"It appears Albus, that Harry is more perceptive than I have ever given him credit for" Severus said quietly. He was incredulous that Albus had not immediately commented on what he had just witnessed. He has either gone totally insane or is waiting until he can deal with me alone he thought.

"Indeed" was all Albus replied.

"I am sure, in the fullness of time, a whole number of things will become clearer to you both. I know you already have an awful lot to take in and think about however there are a few other things that I need to explain before we finish this meeting." Albus said to both the wizards facing him.

"So can I presume that you are now aware who it was that came to your parents' house just moments after they died" Albus asked Harry.

"Yes professor I am, however I would like to know the reasons why" Harry had resisted the temptation to ask Severus this whilst on their own, choosing instead to use the time alone to concentrate on the present and their relationship.

"That is not a question I am at liberty to divulge, for the same reasons we discussed earlier when you asked why Severus does what he does for the Order. These questions can only be answered by Severus himself, should he chose to do so".

Harry turned to Severus with a questioning look

"Not now Harry. Now it is not the time" Severus replied tensely.

Dumbledore smiled slightly at the use of Harry's first name and was pleased with the progress in their relationship, although he now knew there were going to be problems ahead.

"I am sure both of you are very tired so let us move on quickly. The consequences of partial soul transference in the situation such as yours are, for obvious reasons, not documented. However, drawing on data regarding others who have bonded their soul voluntarily to each other and other instances where partial loss of one's soul has occurred, for a variety of reasons, I have been able to draw some conclusions. Indeed these conclusions may answer some questions about the interactions you and Severus have had since coming to Hogwarts. You both must agree that up until last night your relationship has been anything but amenable and it is this apparent loathing of each other that resulted in it taking so long for me to realise what it is you share. Last year some things happened between you that in the end pointed me in the right direction, but I will come back to that later. Firstly, as I have already inferred, when a person looses part of their soul, it struggles to find something to fill the void and if it is left empty or filled with an inferior soul, it results in much grief and anguish"

Dumbledore turned to Severus and directed his next comment to him "In your case Severus, Harry's soul was much younger than your own at the time of its transference, therefore it was inferior in terms of maturity and magical ability. This imbalance will have caused you to feel extreme anguish and distress. At the time, you possibly attributed these emotions to something upsetting that may have been going on in your life. You may even still have problems coming to terms with the thing you wrongly blamed for such strong emotions; when in all rationality it should have been dealt with a long time ago."

Severus had in fact shown this to be true last year when he uncommonly revealed to the Headmaster his ongoing extreme grief and love for his long time dead friend, Lily.

"You may have also have had some instability in your magical ability, which again you may have attributed to another cause."

Something seemed to click within Severus Harry noticed, he had shifted in his seat as though uncomfortable and nodded silently in response to the Headmaster.

Turning to Harry, Dumbledore then continued.

"In the same way that Severus may have felt as though a piece of his soul had died that night and attributed the cause of such deep emotions to something else. You gaining Severus's soul also had its drawbacks. You, at the age of 1, had to deal with having a piece of your soul replaced by one that was inferior in terms of its innocence. The consequences for you emotionally, although not so difficult for you to deal with since you were only an infant, did make you a more unusual and demanding child and therefore difficult for your relatives to treat normally".

Harry had been sitting quietly trying to absorb, retain and understand Dumbledore's words and although he had grasped the concept behind most of what was being said his head was being to spin at the realisation of how his life to date had been affected by this.

"Harry you look quiet drained my boy, would you like to take a break for a few moments before we continue?"

Harry shook his head "No please continue Headmaster, I need to hear all of this now"

"Very well, if you are sure. The vast majority of the literature regarding soul transference relates to people who willing share their soul with another. It is a choice, almost exclusively made out of a deep love and respect between the parties involved, who are always married before the soul transference ceremony occurs. Even then however, there have been a few cases of note in history where the couple have an apparently irretrievable breakdown of their relationship shortly after bonding. In all of these instances there was a period of unavoidable physical separation, for one reason or another, in the days immediately following the ceremony. This seems to cause, the newly adjusting souls, further distress and anguish to what may already exist as a result of any imbalance there may have been. This does not appear to happen if the couple have a few months to settle into their newly formed bonds both emotionally and physically. In a very small minority of these, aptly named, separation anxiety cases, there has been a very disturbing end to the relationship. It appears the separation can cause so much hate and frustration it can lead to one party raping and/or murdering the other when they are finally reunited."

Albus paused briefly to take a sip of water and gestured to both Harry and Severus to help themselves to some cold drinks that had appeared in the table in front of them.

"Don't look so horrified" Albus said to the pair of rigid, wide eyed faces looking at him. "I know you both can see where I am going with this. Let me assure you there has been much research on separation anxiety over the years and there are now ways of repairing the damage caused. These extreme cases are also thankfully few. It is also reassuring that your relationship to date, if I am not mistaken, has only consisted of the occasional derogatory comment, stray spell and a bit of verbal threat and indeed seems to be making progress away from utter loathing over the last couple of days at least"

Harry relaxed a little before Albus continued.

"So you see, the consequences of this unplanned soul transference is two-fold, firstly the pieces received by both of you were inferior in either maturity or innocence, which created a sense of great despair and loss which resulted in many years of unhappiness for you both. Secondly there is the problem of separation anxiety which has caused an almost irrational sense of loathing towards each other since your soul bond was abandoned when it was at in its weakest newly formed state. Your minds would have ubconsciously blamed the other for the distress to your souls and the lack of closeness a bond of this nature usually demands." Dumbledore summarised for them.

Severus opened his mouth as if to speak but obviously changed his mind at the last moment.

"My next point, which is something that puzzled me at the time of its occurrence, is the disaster that transpired to be your Occlumency lessons. Indeed I think I referred to them earlier this summer as a farce." Dumbledore turned to look at HArry as he ssaid this. "I did not refer to them as such for maybe the reasons you thought at the time Harry, since Severus seems to have done a remarkable job in teaching you Occlumency; nonetheless they were still a farce. There was no way you could have, as a learner of the skill, repelled a Legilimens cast by Severus when your soul was striving to join with his. Indeed Severus's own soul put every ounce of power it had at its disposal into casting the spell in an attempt to at least connect your minds if not your souls. It was the fiasco of these lessons that lead me to believe there was more to your relationship than met the eye, along with one other thing, which I will come to. It transpires you are both equally strong in terms of Occlumency, something Severus will have never encountered before since I have only on very few occasions been able to see his thoughts. Indeed, I am sure Voldemort has never managed to do so or we would not have our Potions Master and DADA professor sitting here breathing if he had."

"But Headmaster I have managed to breach Professor Snape's defences in the past, in fact I did so this morning during class. It was not intentional either time, but this morning I tried to block him out my mind and used everything I had as I did last night when you cast the verbal Legilimens at me."

"Harry I did warn you against using such force again" Dumbledore said laughing.

"Albus surely this morning's incident in class is evidence that Harry is not just equal in strength, but actually stronger at Occlumency and Legilimency than I?"

"I am not aware of the full nature of the incident in class this morning however I have my suspicions as to what happened from the, I am sure much exaggerated, descriptions I heard all over the school!"

Both Harry and Severus groaned at the thought of what the incident must have become during its whispered telling between students. Dumbledore sniggered slightly before continuing

"I was aware of at least one other occasion when Harry managed to repel a Legilimens from you Severus, it is something I have given much thought to in light of your soul bond. In answer to your question Severus, I still believe you do indeed have an _equal_ strength in these areas and would not be surprised to find you were equal in all other areas as well. The reason Harry managed to overpower you, is probably due to the infinitesimal fluctuations of magical power and concentration everyone experiences. These fluctuation usually go unnoticed, however when tasked against someone of equal strength, the smallest dip in energy or concentration can cause the other party to "win" so to speak but this does not make them the stronger party. What happened this morning suggests that you, unsurprisingly, after the events of the previous evening, were at a low point in the ebb and flow of energy and concentration, which in turn enabled Harry to overpower you."

Both Harry and Severus nodded in understanding at this.

"Moving on then to the present, we must now concentrate on minimising and repairing the damage that has been caused to your souls over the years and to enable you both to enjoy some of the beneficial aspects that a soul bond can bring.

"Beneficial aspects! How can there possibly be any beneficial aspects to a young boy and an old man sharing their souls Albus! We are not exactly the appropriate pair to be sharing the _benefits_, as you call them, that a soul bonded couple do!"

"Severus I understand what you are saying but I was not referring to those types of benefits. I was in fact talking about the sharing of magical ability and power. The other aspects will be something we will have to discuss at a later date if they become a problem to either of you but I think now is not the time"

Harry had no knowledge of soul bonds therefore was a bit confused as to what both the Headmaster and Severus were referring, although he could guess at most of it and was upset by the disgusted tone in Severus's voice. It was the same tone he had used earlier when apologising for what they had done in class that morning.

"Very well" Severus replied sheepishly.

"Right then, before we can start to work out ways to repair any damage, we first need to understand the current state of your souls. The effects of the first cause of distress should now be almost over for both of you. Harry has matured and grown in magically ability to almost match your own Severus, thus removing the problem of inferiority and imbalance in your soul. In your case Harry, your imbalance is still resolving since although you have become somewhat less innocent, as we all do in life, it needs a little more time to resolve fully and it will naturally as you grow older".

Snape snorted at this "Ha!'_Somewhat_ _less_ _innocent_' Albus if Harry has to lose that much of his innocence to balance out and feel at peace with his soul then he is doomed!"

"Severus my dear boy the loss of innocence does not have to take the same form as yours did. Innocence can be taken in many ways and is lost for both good and bad reasons, indeed during times of war the loss of innocence is great regardless of whether you are on the side of good or evil." Dumbledore said with sadness in his eyes.

"I still think he may have a long way to being _balanced_!" Severus muttered.

Dumbledore ignored the comment, there was little point on dwelling on what he could not change.

"The effects of the second cause of distress are slightly more difficult to resolve. There is much written on the subject and I believe we will find a way, in time, to resolve this separation anxiety also, but be ever mindful that it has indeed caused a minority to cause extreme harm to each other. I think we must try and close this conversation now since it is almost time to head to the Great Hall for supper, but one more thing before we leave. During the hours spent battling each other's souls and minds last year during Occlumency lessons, your souls reconnected briefly and recognised the other as part of itself. During this connection I think your souls took what they could and since you were practicing magic surrounding the mind, you each lost a part of your mind to the other, in essence you opened up a channel between your thoughts, something the soul bond would have achieved had it been nurtured from the beginning. This has caused Harry to have more frequent nightmares and pain in his scar than he previously had due to your link with Voldemort, Severus. I came to this conclusion because Harry, you seem to have your worst nightmares and bouts of pain when Severus has been summoned, although it does also appear there is a direct connection between you and Voldemort as well, something I can't quite explain at the moment."

Severus scowled at the Headmaster thinking he really is bloody good at not telling the whole truth but not exactly lying either.

"So we have not only lost a part of our souls we have also lost a part of our mind, is that what you are saying Albus" Severus asked.

"Don't think of it as what you have lost Severus, think of it in what you have gained" Dumbledore said with a smile and a twinkle in his eyes. "The time you both spent alone together fulfilled a very small amount of what your souls have been yearning for all these years and even though this has slightly appeased the loathing caused by the separation, I believe it may have also awakened a deep yearning to be in each other's presence regardless of the years of hate. A very confusing state of mind for you both I am sure ".

Both Harry and Severus turned to look at each other for the first time since the Headmaster had returned to his sitting room and Harry saw a look of sadness in the other mans eyes and tried to convey the sense of peace he currently felt through his own and gave him a small smile.

"I would like to meet with you again tomorrow to try and establish a plan of action as to how you can go about repairing your bond and healing the separation anxiety, but now we must all face the inevitable questions from both staff and students as to the apparent disappearance of a professor and student along with their headmaster. To maintain appearances you have now both been formally cautioned regarding your behaviour in class this morning but only resort to telling this lie if absolutely necessary and please do not discuss the nature of our meeting to anyone outwith this room, for the time being at least. "

Both Harry nodded in their agreement and stood to leave.

"My door is always open to either of you, day or night, whether it is together or individually as you both work to come to terms with this."

"Thank you Headmaster" Harry said as both he and Severus left the room together.

On reaching the corridor they turned and looked at each other. Harry quickly checked for anyone in the corridor and on seeing no one, stretched up quickly and gave Severus a small chaste kiss on the lips before turning and heading to the Great Hall for supper.

**A/N It has taken me a few days to get this all down. I thought this chapter would pretty much write itself since this has been half written as the main idea for ages. However I have really struggled with it in terms of structure and word flow, plus it has ended up way bigger than I anticipated! I have enjoyed writing it more than I do now reading it and think it could be much better. I hope you got some enjoyment out of reading this and that I have explained the concepts in it clearly enough, they make sense to me but not sure how they will come across, any comments would be greatly received. I am realising writing fiction is a very different beast to factual writing (which I have done a lot of professionally for some time) which I already knew but finding it harder than anticipated! Thanks to all that have reviewed so far x**


	7. Gossip

**Chapter 7 - Gossip**

**_"There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true". -Winston Churchill_ **

"Harry! Bloody Hell, you're alive!"Ron said as Harry sat next to his friend.

Harry had gone for a short walk to try clear his head before heading to supper, so was a little late. He had missed dinner and had only managed one sandwich for lunch, so was starving.

"Obviously" Harry said smiling as he grabbed some toast and pumpkin juice. "Glad to see that if I died you would still be sitting eating supper as if nothing had happened"

"Ha very funny Harry, I _was_ worried about you mate, Hermione and I had a right fight when you didn't turn up for dinner, I told her we shouldn't have left you with that greasy old bastard after what happened in class. I thought he had maybe killed you!"

"Oh yeah that. Kind of forgot about that." Harry said as he quickly looked round at the few students who were in the Great Hall. They were all looking at him or whispering to each other quietly.

"You've forgotten about it, jeez Harry the whole schools talking about it!"

"It was no big deal Ron, how bad has it got?" Harry asked but not really wanting to hear.

"Oh you know nothing _too_ bad just that Snape sent an Unforgivable at you and you blocked him or you tried to kill Snape and he blocked you. You know that sort of thing nothing _too_ crazy," he said sarcastically. "Actually considering that _is_ how it kind of looked with how bloody powerful the whole thing was, I'm not that surprised really". Ron had not stopped eating the whole time he spoke. Harry never normally bothered coming to supper but Ron never missed it. "There are a few wild rumours about it being a lovers tiff and that sort of crap as well and I kind of see where that has come from, but for Merlin's sake folk are just crazy to even consider that. This is _Snape_ we are talking about, urghhh "

"What? A Lovers tiff? Powerful? What the..."

"Ach Harry I would just ignore the crap about lovers tiff, you know what it is like, the least little look can mean you are getting married or something, but yeah you and Snape are the latest talk, bloody disgusting thought eh? Hilarious but disgusting!"

Harry stood up and grabbed another slice of toast and motioned to Ron to come with him. He stole a quick glance at the high table and saw Severus watching him. He was sitting next to Professor McGonagall, who appeared to be giving him a right telling off, she looked furious and was gesticulating wildly as she spoke.

Harry gave him a sad apologetic look and left the Hall with Ron. They headed down towards the lake to get away from any prying ears.

"Right mate are you actually going to tell me what the hell happened and if it is no big deal, why can't you just tell me in the Hall while I eat my supper!"

"Ron it really _wasn't that_ big a deal but you know how I am, I like to keep what I say about stuff like this private 'cos it just gets twisted around to fit whatever sorry story they have concocted"

"Fair enough. Are you going to tell me what happened then?"

"Yeah I will but I need to understand more about what you and the others saw in class, what's all this crap about a lovers tiff and how _powerful_ it was? I mean we both just ended up on our arse. Even a fairly minor spell when cast at the same time in a duel can do that you know!" Harry was starting to get a bit anxious about what the class had seen.

"You kiddin! There was nothing bloody minor about what happened, and you bloody well know it! I mean the whole bloody classroom shook and it knocked a couple o' folk, who were standing closest, including myself, on their arses too and the way you and the greasy git looked at each other, and the lights, Merlin it was weird and well creepy!"

"Ron you better tell me what everyone saw from the beginning" Harry said scowling.

"Me tell you?, Harry don't you think it should be you telling me what happened!"

"I will but first I want to know what everyone think they saw, ok"

"Alright but I was knocked on my arse too so I might have missed something."

Harry nodded to encourage his friend to go on.

"When Snape drew his wand on you, the pair of you locked eyes and it was the bloody creepiest thing I have ever seen mate, I've got to admit it, then you both started moving closer together" Ron said screwing up his face in a disgust, "the whole time there was these strands of lights dancing round you both and a there was this low, vibrating, buzzing sort of noise. When you got close enough to the greasy old git, the strands of light surrounding him kind of merged with the ones around you and there was this almighty explosion of light and you both sort of, well kind of shouted something, I think, that's when I was knocked on my arse and the room shook so I can't say for sure about the shouting thing 'cos I might have sort of screamed myself. When I sat up you and Snape were on your arses too sitting there still staring at each other. You got to your feet and started walking towards where Snape was still sitting and you looked well kind'o weird. Then he told us all to get out. It all happened really fast."

Harry sat quietly for a few moments thinking about what Ron had just told him.

"Ok wow I didn't realise it had been that...well ...big a deal really, to watch I mean. Shit."

"Do you know what we shouted at the end" Harry asked.

"Errrm well like I say I never really heard it" he replied looking at his now cold toast.

"Come on Ron I am sure Hermione has told you."

With a big sigh Ron said quietly "You shouted out each other's names...you first names"

Oh shit, Harry thought, this really isn't good.

"Harry? Are you alright mate? You've gone a bit pale. I thought you said it was no big deal"

"Yeah well I didn't think it would have _looked_ like a big deal" Harry muttered.

"So you are saying it _was_ a big deal and you were going to pretend to me it wasn't? I thought I was your best mate, you're not supposed to lie to your best mate!"

"Ron you are my best mate and really I didn't think it was that big a deal at the time, I mean Se...nape shouldn't have cast what he did at me in class, especially as a nonverbal spell but it was nothing I wasn't used to really and I kind of knew he was going to do it before he did. Why there were all these lights and sounds I have no idea, it has never been like that in the past. I don't think it has anyway, since there has never been anyone else around before."

"What the hell are you talking about Harry, you and Snape have been duelling on your own with no one about? Regularly?"

"No Ron. It wasn't a duelling spell he cast at me this morning, it was a nonverbal Legilimens."

"Bloody hell Harry that's illegal, unless there is a bloody good reason and it's been sanctioned by the Ministry!"

"I know Ron but he _has_ been teaching me Occlumency, so has got used to throwing the spell about and he _has_ been sanctioned, by Dumbledore, to use it on me."

"God you sound like your defending him Harry! He still had no right using it on you in class!"

"I am not defending him just explaining the facts and you are right he shouldn't have used it on me in class"

"Well I don't think we will have to worry about him soon anyway 'cos some folk saw him storm into his room not long after he dismissed us and he was packing up all his stuff. Dumbledore was there as well, looking right pissed off apparently. "

"Mmmm" was all Harry said. He knew Severus was not actually leaving but was a bit surprised to hear that the _whole_ incident in the classroom witnessed or not had caused him to want to leave!"

"Ron can I ask you a few other questions? I still am not sure exactly what everyone saw. I mean you talk about Snape and I staring at each other with a creepy look, what do you mean by creepy?"

"Well you know sort of like you really, god I don't know ... emm liked each other or something, it was really bloody horrible to watch, he looked like a total sleazy old git to be looking at you like that. It is probably just the way the spell works or something when trying to connect your minds, I don't know. Then when your strands of lights touched and exploded, Hermione said you both looked really grief stricken as if being pulled apart was emotionally painful or some such rubbish; you know how girls can talk. Then you shouted out his name and he shouted out yours. I don't think you ever stopped staring at each other tho' until Snape broke it when he told us all to get out." Ron finished quietly with a sick look on his face.

Harry continued to sit quietly thinking about what Ron had told him and what the hell he was going to say to his friends in explanation for what had happened.

"Harry?"

"Mhmmm"

"Are you going to tell me what really happened mate?"

"Ron all I can tell you is that somehow when Snape cast the Legilimens, it must have rebounded or something and I ended up seeing some of his memories. They were rather personal, emotional memories, so please don't ask me to tell you what they were, because I can't. Maybe that was why we looked at each other the way we did because we were both watching the same memory together, I don't know. Shouting out each other's name I have no explanation for, but sharing someone's memories can be a very personal, difficult experience that can create a very strong, _but brief_, link between two people."

"Bloody Hell Harry and you've had to endure this shit, with that git, for a lot of last year? No wonder you've been acting weird recently! Why didn't you tell me how bad those lessons were?"

"It's never been like it was in class today before Ron. The lessons were bad in a different sort of way"

After a few other Greasy Git comments and general ranting about Snape from Ron, the boys made their way up to the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Ron, would you do me a favour?" asked Harry as they approached the portrait of The Fat Lady.

"Sure mate what is it?"

"Would you explain to Hermione what I have told you, I really need to get some sleep and I don't think I could handle going through all of it again with her. She's bound to have a ton of questions on Legilimens and Occlumency!"

"Yeah sure, no worries, but she is going to ask me what happened after we left you in the classroom and I forgot to ask " Ron said stopping before he said the password to the portrait guarding the entrance.

"Oh nothing much Ron, just the usual. He ranted at me for a bit and demanded that I leave" Harry said evasively. "Make sure no one can hear what you're saying though, to Hermione, ok?"

"Obviously Harry. I am not a complete idiot!"

Once in the dormitory Harry let out a long sigh as he sat on his bed. His invisibility cloak was lying on his pillow with an unsigned sealed note;

_Thought you might need this, now more than ever. Use it well._

Harry let out a small laugh at the Headmasters usual evasiveness when given him permission to break curfew and go places he shouldn't. He placed his cloak at the bottom of his bed and filed the note in his small bedside table before undressing and slipping into bed. He lay for a while staring up at the red canopy above him, it was nice and peaceful in the dorm since it was still fairly early. Curfew wasn't for about another hour and the other boys were either out or in the common room. It's going to be a tough few days until this "fiasco" dies down again Harry thought morosely.

He started going over all the events of the day and was trying to work out something that bothered him about what Ron had told him. If his and Severus' souls were desperately trying to connect, and had done so previously utilising the Legilimens, then why had they been so violently pushed apart when it was clear that neither of them had tried to break the connection themselves. Indeed he believed that their souls had tried to hang onto the connection and when it was broken they were distressed. That is why they ended up practically shagging on the desk he thought. They were trying to recreate the closeness but in a physical way instead. Thank Merlin Severus stopped it he thought, he wanted to be with the man but he wasn't ready to be shagging him! He couldn't quite put his finger on it but he knew he was missing something important.

"Oh shit" Harry said out loud as he jumped from the bed and pulled on his clothes again. It was 9pm and he was supposed to have been in detention with Severus by 8pm! At least he had an excuse to go and see him. He wanted to let him know what the other students had seen and to ask what he thought about it. He grabbed his invisibility cloak and stuffed it in his robe pocket and ran down the stairs to the common room. His friends were sitting in a corner huddled together. Ron was talking animatedly, whilst Hermione was just sitting calmly nodding her head, as if what he was telling her wasn't news to her at all. Harry realised that he couldn't hear what Ron was saying, they had obviously cast a silencing charm around themselves. He slipped out the common room unseen and headed towards the dungeons in a run. As he got to the bottom of the Gryffindor Tower he was stopped by his Head of House who was standing at on the last stair. Harry groaned internally, he just wanted to get to Severus and could do without a lecture.

"Mr. Potter where do you think you are going at this time of night and at such a speed" McGonagall said in her usual tone when speaking to a wayward student.

"I am very late for a detention with Professor Snape, Professor. I got talking to my friends and just forgot!" Harry said as he started to try and slowly move away.

"I hardly think, under the circumstances, you should be spending any time in Professor Snape's office on your own Mr. Potter. I would accompany you to your detention but unfortunately I have a meeting with the Headmaster just now. I will inform Professor Snape that he will have to reschedule your detention until another time and preferably with another member of staff!" McGonagall ground out in irritation.

"There really is no need Professor, I am sure I am perfectly safe with Professor Snape and I would rather just get it over with."

"Perfectly safe? If any of the rumours I have been hearing are true regarding what happened in the 6th Year Defence class, I would hardly say you were safe, although I must say I am shocked and a little surprised at his behaviour!"

"Professor, please, you know what the rumour mill is like in this place, it wasn't that bad. We were practising non-verbal spells and he cast one at me, which I somehow managed to repel. Unfortunately we both ended up getting thrown backwards. I think we both got as big a shock as the other. It was no big deal really and Professor Dumbledore has already warned us about displaying our true magical ability and strength in front of other students. It's fine, honestly"

"Very well" she grumbled "but Potter will you please come to me if there is anything that concerns you about Professor Snape's behaviour towards you."

"Of Course" Harry lied as he turned and sped towards Severus' office.

McGonagall shook her head as she watched the boy run down the corridor. The rumour mill, as he had called it, did indeed tend to exaggerate an event but there was always an element of truth in the stories, she thought worriedly and that was why she had called the meeting with Albus she was on her way to now.

Harry arrived at Severus office in record time and was a bit out of breath. He took a second to compose himself befre knocking on the door. There was no response, he tried the handle but found it locked. Making up his mind quickly he threw on his invisibility cloak and headed towards his private quarters. He didn't want to be seen outside Severus' rooms by any of the Slytherins, that would just add fuel to the fire he thought.

He reached the metal carving of the snake guarding the man's quarters, he remembered that the snake had spoken to him earlier that day and had asked him to come and speak to him.

"Ah my little sssssnake you have come assss I requessssted" the snake hissed in parseltongue.

"Hello yesss I have come back but to see Ssseverusss. I had a detention with your Masssster and I am late" Harry responded to the snake. "I will promissse to come and sssspeak with you later."

"I wouldsss like to sssspeak with you firssst my little ssssnake jussst for a ssssecond or two. You sssssee my Masssster hassss been very upsssset sssince you came here lassst night and I want to warn he doesss not take well to thossse who do not know what they want before assssking for it. I feel your magic and hisssss are the sssssame but thisss could be very dangerousssss to both of you if you are not sssure what it isss you asssssk."

At that the door clicked open. Harry slipped inside the room as he took off his cloak and coughed to announce his presence. He was trying to decipher what the snake had meant by his comments. He would think about it later he thought as he noticed that the room was a mess. Things were strewn all over the floor and there was a large trunk full of books and other possessions lying open in the middle of it all. Severus was sitting in his armchair in front of the fire as he had done the previous night, but now just wearing the thin silk pyjama bottoms he had worn that morning. He hadn't moved or spoken since Harry had entered and continued to stare at the fire. Harry looked over the man's naked torso taking in the scars from the wounds that he had helped heal the previous night. They were still a bit red and painful looking but were healing well considering how deep they had been. These scars made him more beautiful to Harry as they were a symbol of his bravery and sacrifice to the war effort and he felt so useless and ... pathetic in comparison. He wanted to run his hand over the man's chest and kiss away every one of those scars. He really did have it bad for this man he realised, shaking his head at the insanity of the thought.

"Severus" he said quietly as he started to approach the armchair.

"Harry" was the only reply. He sounded exhausted and defeated. Severus had still not moved and Harry slowly made his way over to the chair. Severus looked so immersed in thought he actually wondered if he had registered his presence at all. He knelt down in front of him, took hold of the pale cold hands, that were resting clutched together in his lap, in his own and looked into his eyes. They were out of focus and still staring at the fire. They looked almost empty but Harry could see a flicker of what he thought was fear in them.

"Severus, are you alright?"

This seemed to snap him out of his thoughts and he looked down at the boy kneeling in front of him.

"Potter what the hell do you think you are doing here, and why are you kneeling at my feet? Get up for Merlin's sake" Severus snatched his hands out of Harry's and glared at him.

"I did cough when I came in _Severus_ and you did acknowledge my presence by saying my name, which is Harry, if you have suddenly forgotten. As to why I am here, I came looking for you because I had a detention with you tonight and you weren't in your office!" Harry snapped back but did not get to his feet.

"The detention was at 8pm and when you didn't turn up I came here for some peace. I was hardly surprised at your no-show considering the revelations of today and the amount of time you have already had to spend in the presence of your Greasy Old Git of a Potions Masters over the last 24 hours. Now please stand up!"

"Severus please just stop. I would not be here if I did not want to be here. Professor McGonagall told me not to come, so I could have got out of it easy enough, but I wanted to see you!"

"Why on earth would you want to spend even more time with me, you crazy boy?"

"Oh I don't know Severus; maybe because I only feel safe and complete when I am with you and that I find you intriguing and brave, interesting and intelligent, gorgeous and god damn sexy and if that is not enough, we have a bloody soul bond for Merlin's sake, surely it is reasonable to want to spend time with you."

There was a pause and Severus seemed to relax a bit.

"Harry, you would not want me or feel this way if it was not for what happened the night your parents died. You would look at me like any other student; The Greasy Old Git, The Evil Sadistic Bastard, The Snake, The Dungeon Bat and all the other derogatory comments that I hear daily rather than the things you have just attributed to me. True you may not have hated me as much as you have done so over the years but you certainly would not be interested in anything other than staying out my way" Severus spat out.

"But what happened, the night my parents died, did happen and there is nothing you or I can do to change that fact. How would I feel about you had they not happened? I haven't got a clue because what lives inside me is as much a part of me now as my own soul, it is what makes me who I am, and I want to be with you. All of you."

"Harry you have grown up so much over the last year and you give a very good argument, but please don't push me on this. There are a number of things about me you don't know and should you ever find out you would not be saying these things, regardless of what lives inside you. You must try and make a normal life for yourself, once this war is over the world will be at your feet, you will meet a nice witch or wizard your own age and can be free of all the reminders of the evil that is currently in the world. You could be happy Harry. With me you would have none of these things, I will always be a Death Eater in the eyes of the wizarding world and will be shunned wherever I go, I would be a constant reminder of all that was bad in your childhood and that is if I even make it out of this war alive, for that is not a certainty." Severus had truly meant all these things as he said them but as he fell silent he remembered that this boy would indeed not survive this war and that _was_ a certainty and he felt sick.

"I don't care what you have done in the past Severus or how other people see you. The past is the past and what we have been given, albeit unwilling at the time, should be treated as a gift. In almost all other circumstances or soul transference it is seen as something to celebrate. I want us to get to the point we can celebrate what we have in our life not mourn what we have lost. As for all I could have after the war is concerned, I don't want all that fame and world at my feet nonsense and indeed my survival is less certain than yours! I have never felt this way about any witch or wizard; you see the thing is, I have never felt _anything_ for any girl or boy and I mean nothing. I was getting a bit worried I was asexual to be honest, but what you have awakened in me is driving me crazy! I have never felt so alive and complete and so... horny the whole bloody time! "

"You really don't understand do you? Yes you give reasonably intelligent arguments and reasons, I am truly impressed with your growing maturity but you and I just cannot be together in that way. You seem incapable of hearing a word I have said all day on why this is a bad idea. If you cannot let this go then we cann't even work towards a friendship, so please give it up for your own sake or leave"

"Ok I get it you git, you don't want me like that. You could have just said you weren't interested and should not have led me on. You're right you are a right evil sadistic bastard!" Harry got to his feet and grabbed his invisibility cloak and started to leave. He was a bit annoyed with himself that he had snapped. He had been trying really hard to not lose his temper and say something stupid and childish, as was his way when he got frustrated or angry but talking to this man was so frustrating, especially when his whole body and soul was screaming to be just held in his arms.

"Harry wait" Severus said very quietly." Please sit down"

"I thought you wanted me to leave _Professor _or have you lost so much of your mind, that in you great old age you are going senile and forgotten that you asked me to!"

"Glad to see you are still the impudent little brat I have known all these years. I thought you were under the imperius for a moment with all these rationale arguments and intelligent reasoning, well apart from the being horny all the time, that's just normal teenager behaviour." Severus smirked.

Harry scowled at this and turned to leave again.

"It was a joke Harry. Now please sit down" Severus instructed, gesturing to the armchair beside his that Harry had fallen asleep in last night.

"Severus Snape cracking jokes, now I know you are going senile" Harry said sarcastically as he sat.

They sat quietly for a while before Severus started talking quietly.

"You have become a very smart young man Harry and have made deductions and formed reasoned arguments today that I did not think possible from you. My arguments, have not been so well thought out or reasoned, I admit. In any other circumstances, I would agree with you on everything you said and maybe even _consider_ entering into the type of relationship it is you ask for. In fact I do agree with everything you said, apart from gorgeous and god damn sexy bit I find that difficult to believe in anyone's eyes, never mind a smart, handsome young man like yourself. However our circumstances are not so straight forward. It is nothing to do with me not being interested in you in that way, or indeed me not wanting you, because the fact of the matter is Harry I do. Maybe even more so than you want me. My whole body is craving to be with you, I am finding it really difficult to stay in control of this situation and not just go ahead and give you what you ask without a second thought. I only asked you to drop the matter because the more you touch me and ask me to be with you the more difficult I am finding it. I must stay in control, it is imperative since I am the adult in this. In fact I am your Professor; even you being here now with me dressed like this could get me sacked, which should tell you something about the rights and wrongs of this matter. However it is not important how we both feel, we must not be under any illusions that these feelings are being driven by what our soul bond wants. If we manage to come back to our fully rationale mind, I cannot see you wanting to be in the same room as me, let alone touch me. As for me, I have never been into young boys. I have done many horrible, evil things in my life but that is not one of them. The fact that you are a young boy, and I am having these feelings towards you is driving my rationale mind over the edge. I may not be a nice man but I am not a sick pervert. In addition, as I have already mentioned there is something about my past that you don't know and one day I believe you will find out and when you do you will not want to have anything to do with me. To have had any sort of relationship with me will make you sick". Severus slumped back into his chair and closed his eyes. "Now, it is well past curfew so please go to bed, the last 24 hrs has been very tiring for both of us and we have a meeting with Albus in the morning, so go get some rest."

"Please let me answer you first, then I promise I will go"

Severus took a deep breath and nodded although he had kept his eyes closed.

"Severus I am not a boy anymore, there are boys younger than me in relationships and I think I am older in soul, mind and heart than any of them. It wouldn't be a sick perverted thing. _I_ want _you_. You are not the one begging or preying on me. I am asking you. As for our rationale minds, our minds and souls are now joined so this isn't going away, it's only a matter of time before _not_ giving into this will drive us crazy, no matter how insane it might all have seemed even a few days ago. As for your past, if there is something that you believe would make me hate you, then maybe it is for the best that you tell me now before we try to sort out our bond and friendship, if that is all it is going to be. At least I will know the worst before we start. If it's really so bad, and I find out later, then I will be sick regardless of whether you are my friend or my b... ermm partner." Harry winced slightly at his stammering, although he was glad he had managed to stop before said 'boyfriend'!

Harry was washed out, he was emotionally and physically drained. He had given this his best shot and if Severus couldn't see that he was wallowing in the past and not trying to make the best of the present then he was going to give up.

"You want me tell you something that I have never told anyone, something that only Albus is aware off, something that will make you so angry you might just kill me?" Severus asked.

"Yes, it would be for the best under our circumstances"

"I am too tired to argue with you and you have a valid point, it will at least put an end to this wanting me as you _partner_ business, but please don't say I didn't warn you. If you would please put your wand, with mine, in the drawer over there and lock it with the ordinary key and then give the key to me" he said picking up his wand which had been sitting next to him on the arm of the chair.

"This isn't necessary Severus I promise I won't hex you"

"You never know Harry, please just do as I ask, I don't think I could stand even a stinging hex tonight" he said with a sad smirk.

"I don't think I have the power to cast one Severus, but ok I will do it" he said taking Severus' wand.

Once Harry had done what he asked, Severus got up and moved over to a small leather sofa that sat right angles to the fire and indicated for Harry to sit beside him. Once Harry sat, he turned to face Severus, matching the other mans sitting position so they were face to face, but not too close. Severus reached out and grasped Harry's hands in his and looking into his eyes took a deep breath.

"Harry before I tell you this, I first want to tell you how sorry I am for what I did. I have lived my life since then trying to atone for my sins. It is something that I have never forgiven myself for and do not expect you to be able to."

Harry nodded for him to continue, his heart was beating so fast he could hardly breathe. He didn't know whether it was from being so close to the man, who although had thrown on a tight black t-shirt was only half dressed compared to his usual attire, or from the fear of what he was going to hear. Severus gave his hands a squeeze but didn't let go.

"When I was your about your age Harry I took the Dark Mark, there are many reasons why I did it and not one of them is worthy of telling. It was a decision I have lived to regret from the moment the evil was burned into my skin. I quickly realised that to stay alive and fairly unharmed as a Death Eater, you have to do certain... tasks at the Dark Lords bidding. Like I say I have done many evil things in my life. I got it a bit easier than some of the others, only because my main task, was to create new dangerous potions and poisons. Indeed the Dark Lord funded my further study that enabled me to become a qualified Potions Master. However in late 1979 early 1980 the Dark Lord came into some information. Albus was looking to recruit a Defence against the Dark Arts professor and The Dark Lord told me to apply for the job. His plan was for me to gain the trust of the Headmaster and maybe get into the Order. This would have meant I could have, not only relayed information back to him about Order business, but to teach The Dark Arts more than the defence against them."

Severus paused and held Harry's hands even tighter.

"The interviews were held away from the school at The Hogs Head, Albus was very suspicious at the time of letting anyone he did not know anywhere near the school or his students. After I had been interviewed and turned down for the job, I hung about trying to find out who the next candidate was, so I at least had some information to tell The Dark Lord. However what I overheard was the interview with Professor Trelawney, in which she told a prophecy. I only heard half the prophecy because Abersforth caught me eavesdropping and threw me out."

Severus had now closed his eyes as if he couldn't bear to look at Harry any longer but still had hold of his hands in a vice like grip.

Harry knew what was coming he thought and also closed his eyes, as his heart and mind raced.

"When I told the Dark Lord I hadn't got the job he was furious and doled out his usual torture, however in an attempt to stop the pain...I told him about the bit of the prophecy I had heard. I did not know it was a prophecy about you at the time, I didn't even know your Mother was pregnant but obviously the Dark Lord acted upon it the way he did and here we are today."

Harry still hadn't moved and Severus opened his eyes to see tears streaming down the boys face but his eyes were closed tight.

Severus was also shedding tears, he had shed many a tear over the years about this matter and they were dripping off his chin and landing on his and Harry's hands where he still gripped them in his lap.

"I left the Death Eaters as soon as I realised what the prophecy meant and what The Dark Lord was going to do with the information. I came to Dumbledore and asked for him to protect your family, but that wasn't enough, the damage had been done."

Severus closed his eyes again and prayed to Merlin he had made the right decision in telling the boy this. If the bond reacted badly he was fully aware it could be disastrous as Albus had pointed out. They sat like that for what felt like an age and he wished Harry would say something, anything or punch him or even just pull his hands away. It was torture. He had never opened up to anyone about anything before but especially not this. He felt vulnerable and exposed before this boy, whose life had been totally messed up by his actions.

"Severus, look at me"

His eyes flew open at the gentle, quiet way Harry had said his name and their eyes met. He could not fathom the depth of emotions he could see in these beautiful emerald green eyes. His Mothers eyes, he thought. They were still filled with tears and obvious pain, but there was also a yearning and something else he had seen earlier that day that had reminded him of his Mother and did so again now. He recognised what it was this time as a calm forgiving acceptance of him. It took his breath away. He didn't expect or deserve this reaction.

"The past is the past Severus; we must now work on our future, together."

Severus let out a harsh breath and closed his eyes again, he felt frozen in waves of emotion. As the tears flowed harder, Harry gently removed his hands from Severus' grip. He leant forward and started slowly kissing the tears away from the man's face. Severus sat hardly breathing as the sensations of forgiveness and acceptance washed over him. He couldn't believe this young boy could be so mature and understanding about something that had affected his whole life. He truly did not deserve this young man in his life and he certainly should not be allowing him to kiss him this way but he was struggling to stop what was happening, his will power was at its end.

"Are you sure Harry?"

Harry answered in parseltongue as he believed Severus also has the skill since they shared the same magic according to the snake guarding Severus' rooms "Yesssss my Sssssnake I know what it issss I assssssk".

Severus looked slightly surprised at hearing Harry talk in parseltongue but obviously understood what he had said.

"I am not sure that you do" he whispered almost inaudibly, as he gently leant down and their lips met in a tender, but passionate kiss. Harry ran his hands up Severus' well toned chest pausing slightly over the hard nipples he could feel through the tight black t-shirt and gently gave each a caress before running his hands back down and grabbing at the t-shirts hem and pulling it up. They separated briefly as the t-shit was pulled over Severus' head but their lips met quickly again, more urgently than before. Severus caught Harry's lower lip with his teeth then sucked at it hard. Harry moaned at the sensations running through his body. He broke away from the searing kiss and trailed his tongue down Severus's neck where he stopped briefly to suck and bite the delicious pale skin whilst running his hand over his hard chest. Severus moaned and Harry thought he had never heard anything so erotic in his life. Harry looked up to see Severus watching him, the tears had stopped now and there was just a sad but deep longing in the older man's eyes.

"Harry, this is going too fast" Severus said with strained difficulty.

"Shhh its fine, its perfect, it wonderful" Harry said as he shifted his position to come closer to Severus.

"Yes Harry _this_ is, but I think you should go back to your dorm." He said quietly as though he was struggling to say the words. He then stood but pulled Harry with him into a hard embrace. Harry could feel Severus' hard cock press into his stomach and groaned. He gently rubbed his own aching hardness against the muscled thigh of his dream.

"Harry please we must slow down" as he slowly moved Harry back a little so their embrace was less intimate.

"Severus, can I stay here with you tonight just for a little while? We could just sleep, I promise I won't do anything, I just want to be in your arms."

"No Harry that is not possible – not tonight" Severus gently said.

"I will leave before anyone wakes up, no one will know" Harry pleaded.

"That is not the reason why it is not possible; you really are so young and innocent Harry." Severus leant down and gave him a gentle kiss but then pulled away taking a deep breath.

"Go back to your dorm; I will see you in the morning".

"Harry reached over and ran his hand down the man's bare chest and sighed "Ok but no backing out on me now Severus Snape" and with that he turned and left.

**A/N** Thank you to AlmondWithUnicornHair, Sheankelor and Crapounette for your encouragement. Hope you enjoyed this too x


	8. Knowing One's Own Mind

**A/N Quick note before you read. I have struggled with this chapter and it has not turned out how I expected. It was supposed to be light-hearted and funny but once you read it you will see it isn't that way at all! I must be full of angst just now or something I don't know. The light-hearted funny approach just didn't gel. I have written 3 different versions of this, so sorry for the long wait between updates but I have stressed over it for days and now given up trying so have decided to just get over it and post one of them and move on! Thanks for reading and I hope to resume normal service soon x**

**Warning: Strong Language, references to male/male sexual relationship.**

**Chapter 8 - Knowing One's Own Mind**

_**"To see a thing clearly in the mind makes it begin to take form"**_** - Henry Ford**

When Harry entered the Great Hall the following morning, he was tired and a bit grumpy. He hadn't been able to sleep after leaving Severus and felt a bit irritated with him for making him go back to his own bed. He knew he was being irrational and shouldn't be annoyed, but he had just wanted to spend a little more time with him. As he lay thinking things over, he had started to think that maybe Severus didn't _really_ want him in his life after all, and that was why he had been sent away like an errant schoolboy. He had only wanted to lie and feel safe in his arms, for a little while. He thought they both deserved to have some comfort after the day they had had, but Severus obviously didn't need that, or want it from him anyway. He wished he could shake the feeling, he knew it was stupid. Severus had been right to make him go back to the Gryffindor Tower; it wouldn't have looked good if he had been caught leaving his in rooms, or even being in Slytherin Territory, early in the morning. The gossip would have gone crazy with talk of them shagging and Merlin knows what else.

As he started walking down the aisle to his friends, he became aware of the familiar whispered silence that had fallen over the Great Hall when he had entered. Sighing he continued his walk towards Ron and Hermione, who were sitting at the far end of the Gryffindor table. Bloody typical that they would chose the furthest away place to sit this morning he grumbled to himself. As he approached his friends he stole a quick glance up at the head table to see Severus' empty seat and a pang of worry shot through him. The worry never left but was quickly added to by a deeper irritation, almost verging on anger, at the git for not being here this morning, of all mornings. Bloody coward, he thought scowling. He should know that it he would be worried if he wasn't at breakfast, he surely can face a few whispered rumours. His eyes caught those of the Headmaster, who had obviously been watching him. The old man raised his goblet and nodded his head slightly with a small sad smile. Harry returned the nod and sat heavily on the bench beside Ron.

"Mornin' mate" Ron said, not seeming to notice the quiet whispers that now filled the room, as he continued shovelling food in his mouth.

Scowling at Ron's table manners Hermione turned, put her fork down and politely spoke.

"Good morning Harry, are you alright?"

"I'm fine and you?" he replied trying to sound normal.

"I'm alright Harry, just a bit worried about you" she stated and looked at him with a frown.

"I'm fine, will be better when everyone moves onto the next bit of gossip, as long as it's not about me. Apart from that I'm alright" He said as he started buttering a slice of toast.

Although the noise in the Hall was still hushed and a few still stared at him openly, the whispers had started to get a little louder. Then all of a sudden there was complete silence. You could have heard a pin drop. Harry looked up at Hermione who was still staring at him, but now looked _really_ worried. He looked around to find everyone staring at the top table or glancing back at him. He snapped his eyes up to the top table just in time to see Severus, who had obviously just entered, grab his seat roughly, in a billow of robes, pull it out and sit down. A flood of relief washed over him. At least he is safe even if he did look like he was in a really foul mood, thought Harry whilst openly staring at him. Severus, in his usual unanimated way, moved his eyes only and looked up straight at him. Harry just about let out a gasp; he thought it was the most hate filled expression he had ever seen and it hurt. Hermione kicked him under the table making him jump. Turning to scowl at her he broke the gaze. Hermione just raised her eyebrows and widened her eyes in a warning look. She was right as usual of course. Sitting staring at Severus with a hurt look, while the Professor looked like he hated him more than usual, didn't help dispel the lover's tiff angle. Harry hung his head and finished buttering his toast. He really wasn't hungry now but he had to try and eat something. He had a feeling today was going to be another long hard one and he had only slept about 6 hours, in total, over the previous two nights. His mouth was dry but he choked down a few mouthfuls in silence. He could hear some giggling about how tired both he and Severus looked and how they must have been up arguing all night or doing some "making up" and other such rubbish. He supposed they weren't entirely wrong, although why Severus looked as though he could cast the killing curse at him at any moment when they had left in really good terms he couldn't work out, unless he was right and Severus really didn't want him in his life. He wasn't just hurt now, the anger had returned in force.

"What class we got first thing guys?" Ron asked, as if he hadn't noticed anything that was going on around him, although Harry knew his friend had. Ron had looked up at the Head table when Severus had come in, just like the rest of the students and he had seen the look he had given Harry, but he had turned back to his breakfast quickly.

"Ron you really should have worked that out yesterday so you could have prepared for the class last night!" Hermione moaned but she didn't really didn't sound like she meant it the way she normally did.

"I don't know either; I won't be in class first thing. I have another meeting with Dumbledore after breakfast." Harry whispered.

"I thought these were meant to be _extra_ lessons, not a replacement for your normal education. It's not fair to ask you to give up _everything_ to prepare for this war. There are older and more experienced people able to continue the fight without it interrupting your education!" Hermione said getting exasperated but still managed to keep her voice to a low whisper.

"I haven't started my extra lessons yet 'mione, this is something different, alright"

"We thought that's where you went yesterday at lunchtime".

"Where, _you_ thought he was. I thought that Git over there had killed him, remember?"

Ignoring Ron's comments she continued "When you didn't turn up for our chat down at the lake, I just thought the lesson had gone on longer than expected" after a brief pause and seeing confusion in Harry's look she added "You were going to tell us how you managed to get your nose broken remember?"

"Oh yeah, Malfoy" Harry had completely forgotten about the ferret and he glanced over at him. He was sitting very quietly, picking at his food, looking very unhappy. Harry was surprised, Malfoy had never missed an opportunity like this to try and wind him up in the past, he was sure the little slime ball was up to something.

"Yes Malfoy! Really Harry! Where were you then, if not with Dumbledore having extra lessons?" Hermione demanded.

"I _was_ with Dumbledore, Hermione, just not having a lesson that's all". Harry wished he had just lied and told her he had started the bloody lessons now.

"Listen guys I really can't talk about this right now, just leave it ok" he said before she could ask him anything else.

"But Harry we are your friends. If you can't talk to us then who can you talk to? We promised at the end of last year we were in this together. You can't take all this on yourself without someone helping you!" Hermione was getting a bit upset but no-one was really paying attention to them now which was good.

"Professor Dumbledore is helping me 'mione, I appreciate your concern, I really do, but please just leave it" In a way, Harry was sad he couldn't share his current trauma with his friends and it came across in his tone of voice.

"Ok I will drop the matter for now since Ron and I have a class to go to but Harry, we are both here for you ok, please don't push us aside. I will be asking you more about where you have been, later" Ron rolled his eyes when he caught Harry's look of exasperation and headed off to class in Hermione's wake.

"Doesn't look like your friends are very happy with your choice in _lover, Potter" _the sneering voice of Malfoy came from behind him a few seconds later. "Although I am sure it's more likely that you came on to him and he told you to get lost. He has more taste"

Harry sighed; he knew it had been too good to be true. Malfoy would never give up on his petty childhood game, of trying to wind him up.

"For you to even mention the imbecilic rumours, confirm to me that you are as equally imbecilic as those that started it. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me, if it was you that had done so. Now get out of my way _Malfoy_."

Harry stood and pushed his way past the now glowering boy and stormed out the Great Hall.

Malfoy was a right prick, he was clueless spoilt child and he had just wanted to punch him and break _his_ nose but that would have just changed the rumours in all sorts of other possible directions he thought, he knew how the gossip worked. They would stay on the same hot topic of the moment but move it slightly to include Malfoy somehow. Although he would probably be better fancying bloody Draco Malfoy than that sadistic git, he thought with a shudder.

He headed to the Headmasters office and by the time he got there he felt as though he wanted to punch the bloody Phoenix guarding the spiral staircase rather than say "Hershey's Kisses", which was the crazy mans password for the day. Deep down he knew it was irrational to feel this angry but it didn't help him feel it any less.

He took a deep breath and as he reached the top of the staircase, the door swung open.

"Good Morning Harry! Come and take a seat". The headmaster sat behind his imposing desk and peered over his glasses at him with a worried smile. Harry noticed that his right hand was still black and he now held it strangely. He had asked him about it over the summer, but he was brushed off and told it was a long story for another time. Harry thought the man looked very old and tired and he was a getting a bit worried about him.

"Are you alright Sir" looking at his hand again.

Sliding the long, wide sleeve of his colourful robe over his hand, he answered.

"I am fine Harry but I should be asking you that question"

"Yeah I'm ok I guess, just tired and been feeling really...well I don't know really... "Harry broke off with a confused sigh.

"Well it's not every day you get told you have a soul bond with your most hated Professor, I am not surprised you feel a little confused"

"It's not that, I don't think, well I suppose it is, in a way. What I mean is the bond itself doesn't worry me or even who it is with really, but then that is probably because the bond has made me like him more or something. It's just that I thought S..Professor Snape and I were getting on better, then this morning I've been just so..." he didn't know how could he begin to explain how he felt without telling him that he had been with Severus last night and about being sent back to his dorm and then being hurt and angry by a look and... GOD I'm a mess! I can't even think straight without babbling, Harry thought. Where is all my rational thinking and calm deductions gone now? It's no wonder Severus doesn't want me; I _**am**_ an immature brat.

Dumbledore sat quietly as if waiting for Harry to finish.

Harry looked up at the man and let out a harsh breath and seemed to deflate into his chair.

"I can't explain it Professor"

"Is that because you don't know what you are feeling or because you don't want to tell me?" Dumbledore said quietly.

"A bit of both really".

"Well let's start with you telling me what you can, it is important I understand what is going on with you Harry, so I can work out how to start healing any damage there is" Dumbledore encouraged gently.

After a brief silence where Harry attempted to compose his thoughts he started to try and explain.

"Well I felt really calm yesterday. Severus...oh I mean Professor Snape... we talked about our bond a little, after our meeting, and I felt at peace with it, but this morning I woke up feeling irritated at him." Harry paused he really didn't want to explain why he felt irritated; he knew he was being irrational and it made him sound stupid. Anyway, he continued, "when Severus ..." bugger he thought as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair, I have to stop calling him Severus.

"Harry, under these circumstances, I think I can allow you to call your Professor by his first name, in front of me anyway, if he has given you permission to use it that is".

"Oh right, yeah ok, thank you Sir" he would be fine when talking to his friends because they never called him Severus obviously; it was just more difficult in front of the Headmaster, who used the name all the time to him anyway.

"Anyway when he wasn't at the head table, when I first came in to breakfast, I was really worried something bad had happened and a bit annoyed he had stayed away. Then when he came in, I was really relieved that he was ok but then he gave me a look that was as if he truly hated me and it kind of hurt but now I am kind of angry with him. I know it all sounds irrational, it _is_ irrational but I can't stop it"

"You said you and he talked about your bond a little last night. Can I ask where you talked about this?"

Harry supposed there was no harm in telling the Headmaster, he hadn't seemed bothered that he had been in Severus' private rooms the previous night. "In his sitting room sir, I had a detention with him and was a bit late. He had thought I wouldn't turn up after everything and had gone back to his rooms. I went there and we talked for a bit"

Dumbledore was nodding his head and fiddling with a ring on his unharmed hand with the thumb of the same hand. The ring looked old and had a crack through the stone it held.

"How did your chat go Harry" Dumbledore asked, although he seemed distracted as he continued looking at the ring. In a way, his distraction helped Harry calm down and not be so nervous about opening up, at least a little, to his mentor.

"Yeah we got on really well actually, well not initially but we spoke about a lot of things. Stuff that was bothering him and what I thought about other stuff, but we parted on really good terms" Harry wore a dopy grin as he remembered the previous evening.

"I see" was all the reply Dumbledore gave.

Harry sat in silence as the old wizard continued to turn the ring on his hand around with his thumb, seemingly deep in thought. After sitting in silence for a while, Harry started to feel a bit anxious again and wondered where Severus was. He had thought he was coming to this meeting too. Maybe the Headmaster knew what they had been doing together. Shit, he did catch them kissing in his office yesterday he suddenly remembered. Maybe he is angry that they had broken the rules about student teacher relationships or maybe something bad had happened to Severus since breakfast and the Headmaster was so quiet because he was trying to work out how to tell him. God where was Severus. His mind was reeling from one possibility to the next, without stopping to think about any of them rationally and his anxiousness was almost at panic levels now.

"Sir, what's wrong, has something bad happened, is Severus alright? You are going to tell me something bad aren't you? Where is he?" Harry blurted out panic clear in his voice and expression.

Dumbledore stopped looking his ring, sat up straighter and returned his attention to Harry.

"Ah as I thought. Harry calm down nothing bad has happened. Severus is fine, he is just running late. Something came up with one of his Slytherin students this morning before breakfast and is having to deal with the consequences of their behaviour. I must warn you before he arrives, that he is indeed in the most foulest of moods".

Harry relaxed visibly and sighed, he _was_ an irrational twit. Severus was fine and he had probably misread an angry disgruntled look, as hate toward him. He realised Severus couldn't have exactly changed his expression and smiled when he had looked at Harry. What a complete and utter idiot he was. He gave a snort of a laugh at the thought of Severus looking at him and smiling across the Hall.

"Harry since Severus may be sometime, maybe we should reschedule this meeting, if you would prefer him to be here, however I am beginning to think there may be some benefit in discussing some matters with you separately first. May I ask you something personal Harry?"

"Errmmm ... Y...yes" He replied warily not liking the sound of this.

"Harry, as you may remember, in my sitting room yesterday, I witnessed you and Severus being a little closer, physically, than a student and Professor should be. Was that the only time something of this nature has occurred between you?"

Oh Merlin, Harry thought, feeling the heat rise to burn his face; he really didn't want to talk about this with the Headmaster.

"Emm ..."

You don't need to answer Harry, but it may help me understand a few things"

Ermmm Ok eh ...yes it was... well sort of...actually emm no not really... "Ah gads now he sounded like a bloody _child_!

Taking a deep breath he started again "Sorry I sound like a bumbling idiot. I find this sort of thing difficult to talk about, in fact I haven't talked about anything like this with anyone, ever, but in answer to your question yes there have been a couple incidences of Severus and I being together like that". Harry looked down at his shoes trying to hide his scarlet face. He would feel embarrassed talking to this man about being with Cho or Ginny never mind one of his bloody male Professors but he wanted to at least appear mature about it!

"Do you feel you can explain to me when, where and why these instances occurred? I have no real interest in the matter, I assure you, however I think that it may help us understand what is happening with your bond"

Harry felt like saying, no he bloody well didn't, why couldn't he just have at least one normal thing in his life that didn't have to be scrutinized by the Headmaster! Not that being with Severus was normal, nothing in his life ever was, he realised unhappily. He took a deep breath before calmly replying.

"The first time anything sort of happened although well... nothing actually did, was yesterday morning".

Bloody hell was that only yesterday it felt like a life time ago and he was starting to sound stupid again.

"I had just finished having a shower and getting dressed in Severus' bathroom, as you instructed. When I came out the bathroom, Severus was awake and he wasn't best pleased I was still there. Anyway, we had an argument and he pinned me against the wall quite hard with his ermm... whole body. He was only dressed in those pyjama bottoms we put on him after healing his wounds. Like I say nothing actually happened and after a few heated words he told me to leave, but later in class when Severus cast the Legilimens, I didn't only block him and throw us both to the ground, like what happened with you, I actually entered his mind. One of the memories I saw, was of him pinning me to the wall earlier that morning, but I noticed while watching the memory that... well... Severus was ... kind of aroused. I then watched him throw me out and afterwards he was really very upset and crying. That's when the spell broke and I just wanted to go and hold him and apologise, so after he told everyone to get out the classroom, I stayed and we sort of well... kissed then. He didn't force me or anything, I wanted to".

Harry paused for a breath and Dumbledore handed him a cup of tea.

"Carry on" Dumbledore said gently as he sat back behind his desk.

"Severus broke away from me quite abruptly and told me to leave. He told me last night he had been disgusted with what had happened in the classroom. But Headmaster it wasn't just his fault, I had started it as much as he had, in fact...Harry took a big sigh, he might as well tell the man everything, and he didn't want him thinking Severus had pushed him into anything. "... I have been having weird thoughts about him all summer. Hating him with a deep loathing one minute then wishing I could see him the next. I had also some... intimate thoughts and emmm... dreams about him." Harry closed his eyes, really wanting the ground to swallow him up but he had to tell this man everything, there couldn't be any misunderstanding about Severus forcing him or anything. "We then had the meeting with you. It was me that put my arms around him, in your sitting room, me that started the kiss you saw. Severus hadn't wanted that to happen either. In fact we argued about what I wanted from him last night, when I went to his rooms. He says its wrong and we can't be together like that, although after a lot of talking about lots of things, we did end up kissing again and stuff, but it was me that started it again then"

Harry thought his face would never return to its normal colour again, he so didn't want to be him. He bet no other student had to sit and explain their every touch with their girlfriend or boyfriend to the Headmaster! Not that Severus was his boyfriend. Talking through what had happened so far, made him think he had pushed the other man into kissing him and that it was clear Severus didn't want him like that.

"Thank you for telling me this Harry, I appreciate that this is a difficult area of conversation for you, but it is essential for me to understand where you are in your relationship with Severus or I will not be able to help you both properly. One more question on this topic and I will try to explain a little of what I think might be happening here. Has your relationship ever gone beyond just kissing Harry?"

"Ermmm ehhh...well no" He hoped the Headmaster didn't need any further details or he would definitely refuse to tell him, as images of rubbing his hard cock into Severus' toned thigh, feeling the other man's throbbing member press hard into his stomach and running his hand over the scarred but beautiful chest, fleeted through his mind and he shivered.

"What has occurred between you and Severus is to be expected with the bond you share. Although, I am a bit surprised things of this nature have started happening so soon. It does complicate matters somewhat and I have to confess that I am a bit of a loss as to where to begin helping you both to heal, or indeed explain what I think might be happening." Dumbledore paused and poured himself a cup of tea and took a sip. Before he could continue however there was an abrupt knock on the office door.

"Ah Severus, come in and take a seat, care to join us in some tea?"

"Yes thank you, I think I need it this morning, after all that has happened so far. The insolence and arrogance of the students in this school astound me more and more every year Albus. What the hell are parents teaching their children at home before they get here? It certainly isn't respect and humility towards their elders. I mean really, there are times I think that bloody hat of yours, sorts some of these brats into Slytherin just to wind me up, when they would be much better placed in Gryffindor!"

Severus was pacing and clearly very agitated. He hadn't looked at Harry during his very familiar sounding tirade. Harry didn't know whether to laugh at what he had said, or take offence, but it was quite funny he supposed. He coughed slightly to hide a snigger.

Severus whipped around and seemed to just notice Harry's presence.

"Mr. Potter you _would_ find it bloody funny!" he said, but seemed to calm a little as he sat in the chair beside Harry and shook his head.

Dumbledore gave a short laugh to himself and indicated for the scowling man to help himself to the tea service, which was now floating in front of Severus' face. Severus looked disdainfully at the flowery pink cup and saucer but poured himself a cup anyway. Harry was really trying not to laugh now and wished he had a camera to capture the scowling, very pissed off Potions Master, that would have struck fear into his heart only a few days ago, sipping tea from a dainty, flowery pink cup!"

"You both obviously find my distress amusing. Bloody Gryffindors." Severus was now obviously calming and his scowl almost looked like he might actually be trying not to smile.

"No Severus, I don't think either of would find any real distress from you amusing, but you are so very melodramatic in your own way at times and I do love you for it! Dumbledore said sweetly.

Severus snorted and gave the headmaster a warning look, but there was no menace in it.

"If you are both quite finished enjoying the amusement and laughter I clearly bring into a room, then maybe we can start this meeting. I have a class at 11am so we haven't got long." He definitely is trying not to laugh, Harry thought with amusement.

"Severus I have arranged for your classes to go to the library again today. I hope to be finished here before then but I thought you would like time to consider everything before returning to classes."

"Albus, even if I had the whole year off from teaching, I don't think I would even begin to understand how this bond and how the separation from it, has affected, is affecting or might affect Harry and I. I will leave the research of this matter firmly in your hands. The magic surrounding bonding, surprisingly, has never been one of my subjects of interest". Severus said sarcastically. "I would rather continue teaching, if that alright with you"

"Very well as you wish, but please feel free to ask for time off if you ever need it. Right then, shall we begin?"

Both Harry and Severus nodded in response.

"Severus. Harry and I have had a chat in your absence and there may be some things about your relationship with Harry that you would prefer to discuss with me, alone, before we can start working out how to heal your bond".

Severus turned to look at Harry and tipped his head slightly down in that questioning frown he used in class. Harry looked apologetically at him and shrugged his shoulders.

"Severus unless you feel you can handle this situation yourself and learn all there is to know about soul bonds, you will both have to learn to be as open about your relationship with me, otherwise I cannot help you".

"I think I need to have a private word with Mr. Potter first, Albus." Severus said quietly but Harry thought he sounded mad and he was now standing rigidly beside him.

"Of course, but Severus, remember I do ask very direct questions, as you very well know"

"Please Albus; just a minute of privacy is all I ask". Severus almost hissed out.

Once Albus had left the office, Severus spun on his heel in a billow of robes and faced Harry.

"What, in Merlin's, name have you told him?" Severus was straining not to shout.

"Well everything pretty much" Harry whispered.

"Fuck! What possessed you! I could go to bloody Azkaban for what I have done to you, do you not realise that you silly boy" Severus was furious.

"But Severus we have a soul bond..."

"Do you think that would save the likes of me from prison? After all, we are talking about a bloody Death Eater and "The-Boy-Who-Lived" for fucks sake! Oh I can see everyone celebrating that we have a bond, when the Prophet would be calling you "_Harry_-The-Boy-Who-Lived-Only-To-Be-Buggered-By-a-Death Eater-_Potter_"!

Harry let out a shocked sob and tears filled his eyes. How could Severus talk to him like this after everything they had been through the last couple of days?

Before Harry could compose and answer, the authoritative voice of Dumbledore came from the doorway to his sitting room.

"Severus! That is quite enough. Now sit down"

"Albus, I asked for some privacy for just one minute!" Severus spat out.

"Indeed you did, and under normal circumstances, I would not intrude on such privacy. However I cannot take the risk of you becoming so angry, that something irrevocable is said or done, by either of you. You must understand, we really have no idea how this Separation Anxiety Disorder will manifest itself in you both. Now please sit down Severus."

"I do not see the point in sitting, just be told I need to leave Hogwarts for my behaviour. You should have accepted my resignation when I gave it, I told you to trust me on this!"

Harry had thought he had managed to convince Severus last night that there was nothing sick or perverted about anything they had done. It was only a few kisses, for Merlin's sake, and he was 16, they weren't shagging or anything! He didn't know if he even wanted to go that far with this man. Not yet anyway. Surely the headmaster wasn't going to sack him for a few kisses that he had started!

"Headmaster none of this is Severus' fault, even though he blames himself. I pushed him into having more with me, when he clearly didn't and still doesn't want that kind of relationship. It is entirely my fault. If anyone should be disciplined, it's me!"

"Will both of you please calm down! No-one is leaving the school or being disciplined. This is not the first time a relationship between a student and Professor has happened. Trust me; the circumstances surrounding yours are far more acceptable than the most recent one. Although there are rules against such an occurrence, there are also conditions in which such a relationship can be permitted, if the student is at least 16, although it _is_ generally frowned upon. In your case, I am not concerned about the fact that this has happened, more that it has happened so soon."

"Albus we are not talking about a silly schoolgirl crush and a professor encouraging her affections by holding her bloody hand or giving her a small kiss on the cheek! We are both Wizards, the drive is for a little more than that, as you should know. In addition, I am not exactly an appropriate partner for any 16 year old, male or female!"

The Headmaster looked at Severus with sad shake of his head. It hurt Harry that a few kisses had caused Severus such distress. He wished now he had not pushed the man for more than friendship, he hadn't really considered what it had meant for Severus' life.

Harry felt a bit defeated; the two older wizards seemed to have forgotten he was even in the room.

"I am obviously fully aware the nature a relationship between two wizards can take, especially between two as powerful as yourselves, which is why it is crucial I understand how you are both coping with such a relationship. Although I do hope the words you chose a moment ago were in anger, Severus. Harry assured me you have only shared a kiss or two. A relationship of this nature will complicate any Separation Anxiety you have and possibly increase it, the closer you become. This is the reason I need to know some of the details regarding your relationship. I cannot help if I do not."

Severus sat down again but looked extremely uncomfortable and tense.

"Regardless of the whether there is any truth in the words I chose; you know why I said them. Harry needs to find someone who has not been marred by previous life... _experiences,_ shall we call them, than I. I am wholly inappropriate as anything other than his teacher and possibly as his friend.

"Severus you are too hard on yourself, you are capable of giving a lot to a relationship. In any case I believe it may not be possible for either of you to stop what has now been started for very long."

Severus growled in frustration and put his head in his hands.

"As I said, I do have concerns that your relationship has turned this way so soon, merely from the perspective of how your conscious mind will react to what the subconscious soul is yearning for. As I said yesterday, it is a very confusing state to be in. I had hoped that you both would learn to be friends as a natural progression of your changing perceptions of each other and this would lead to a partial healing of the bond, with full health being achieved through ongoing counselling and guidance. However I am now starting to realise that I have grossly underestimated the nature of the bond you share. I did not consider the other demands the bond may have; wrongly discounting them as only applicable to married couples. I now realise the bond is demanding to be honoured fully. This may add to, and increase, any negative emotions caused by Separation Anxiety there may be. Since neither of you have any personal expectations of the other, as married couples do, I had initially believed your symptoms of Separation Anxiety Disorder, would be minimal and diminish quickly, merely by spending enjoyable time together, as friends. This was a reasonable assumption, since it is only having conscious expectations of another person that can lead to extreme irrational blame and anger when the soul is separated too soon from its bonded pair. This adds to the distress and anxiousness emanating from the soul itself. However since the bond is demanding more from your relationship than friendship this opens up the potential for you to begin to have expectations of the other. This will not just be mildly confusing for you both but extremely so, considering your history. This confusion could cause extreme anxiety, and where there are high levels of anxiety, there is always fear, anger and blame. As I said your situation is very unusual and complex and to be honest I am not sure how to help."

Harry sat once again listening to how "unusual" he was and he felt so drained and tired. He had grasped that the bond was making him and Severus want to be more than friends and that was causing confuion but surely if they worked out what it was that was bothering them about being together and tried not to have any expectations of each other, it would all be fine.

Severus sat in silence his eyes glazed over, obviously lost in thought.

The Headmaster waited in silence, as if aware both wizards before him were trying to process what he had said. Severus shifted slightly in his seat and quietly spoke first.

"Albus, although there have been some irrational outbursts of hate towards each over the years, it has never been too serious. If this is the only symptom of the Disorder we have, then I believe we can indeed overcome it easily enough. It is surely just a matter of ensuring that Harry and I do not engage in a relationship, that isn't purely based on friendship, and none of the other problems will become a concern."

"If only it were that simple Severus. Given how your relationship had progressed so rapidly over such a short period of time, I now believe the power of a soul bond has never been fully understood, and indeed has been sorely underestimated by the wizarding world. I also believe that your hate of each other has not been the only symptom of separation anxiety." Albus opened a large old tome that had been sitting beside him on his desk and paused before speaking again,

"Can I read the symptoms of S.A.D to you?"

They both nodded, Harry wasn't sure if he could take in much more, but would try and listen for a bit longer. He wished Hermione were here, she would remember all this.

The Professor pushed up his spectacles onto the bridge of his nose and commenced reading.

"Separation Anxiety Disorder is characterised by recurrent excessive distress in the form of fear, anger or confusion when the sufferer is separated from their partner. This is coupled with an irrational, excessive worry about possible harm or death having befallen said partner. There is also a severe disruption of sleep, when their partner is not close, with headaches and nightmares commonplace."

"Bloody Hell Headmaster! So are you saying it has been this anxiety disorder that has made me have headaches and nightmares, since I came to Hogwarts, not a connection to Voldemort?"

"Yes I think it explains the majority, although the reason you experience pain when Severus is called, is due to your mind and soul bond. There are two dreams however that don't fall in to this category, and these dreams do indicate a connection to Voldemort, but all the rest are a result of the bond. Indeed, you are not the only one to have been suffering strange disturbing dreams I believe Harry. It also explains the lengths Severus has gone to, over the years, to ensure your safety. It may indeed also explain your irrational fear and concerns over Severus' whereabouts and saftey this morning".

Both of the younger wizards let out a long breath as the realisation of the truth in what the Headmaster was telling them hit home.

"What I think we are facing here, is that because your souls have been separated for so long, when they recognised each other 5 years ago, they became extremely distressed and have been desperately trying to reconnect ever since. However this is where your unique situation makes things complicated. Although you didn't have any previous love or expectations of each other, minimising the conscious symptoms, neither did you have any knowledge of the bond, so it went ignored. As I explained briefly yesterday, the time you spent in Occlumency lessons reconnected not only your souls and minds to each other; it created a connection internally between the subconscious emotions of the soul and the conscious awareness of your mind. Since the brief connection of your souls appeased them somewhat, the internal connection allowed the deep yearning of the soul to be in each others' presence come through to conscious awareness. This is why I was not surprised that you have both been drawn to each other since these lessons. I had hoped that level of closeness you are both now seeking, would come somewhat later, after a period of working together heal the damage to the soul, minimising the risk of negative emotions from any unmet expectations. However when I witnessed you both holding and comforting each other yesterday, I realised then, we were possibly in for more of a bumpy ride, to coin a muggle phrase."

"So what do we do now Headmaster? You said we are unlikely to be able to go back and change the direction our relationship to one of just friendship, but surely if we just take things very slowly then it won't be too difficult to not form any expectations of the other, even if we are together as more than just friends" Harry was frustrated that he found himself in yet another difficult situation that he had no control over.

"Harry, you clearly feel that you want to continue pursuing an intimate relationship with Severus; however my only suggestion at the moment, to keep you both safe, is for you to try and build a friendship only for the time being. I think that you do not truly understand what it is you ask for, or are indeed are ready to have. Until you do, friendship is the only way"

"But, I thought you said it was only to be expected for us to be drawn to each other in this way and it was what the bond wanted. So how, by not giving in to the bond, will help it heal?"

"Giving in to the bond, Harry, will help the soul heal but the conscious emotions attached to doing so, for both of you at this time, could prove disastrous."

"Thank you Albus" Severus said quietly. He was grateful to this old man for telling Harry this and not leaving it to him, he was sure Harry would see it as another rejection if he had to do so.

"Surely if we were together, and both of us wanted it, then this would make us both happy and the negative emotions of separation would be countered, and if we go slowly we wouldn't build any expectations of the other." He had been with Cho and Ginny for a few months each and he never had any expectations of them he thought.

Albus sighed in a sad long breath. "Harry you are a wise, intelligent and powerful young wizard that has lived many lifetimes in your 16 years. In most areas of life you are equivalent if not better than an average wizard twice your age. However in the realms of intimate relationships, you are only a 16 year old teenager. I don't mean these words in any derogatory manner, so don't look so hurt by them, but I really do believe you don't know what it is you are asking for in wanting to embark on a relationship with Severus"

"There is clearly something I am missing and maybe that make you beleive I am inexperienced in such things, but don't treat me like I am stupid. Please just enlighten me!" Harry said irritably. He was angry at being made to feel like a stupid little boy with a crush on his teacher.

Albus raised his eyebrows in a questioning manner at Severus, who sighed and stood.

"Harry I think maybe you and I need to talk about this. I would be more comfortable doing so with you alone but I can only do so if you promise to listen and not try to go beyond friendship while we talk. If at the end of our conversation, you still wish to be with me intimately, we will need to speak with Albus further, but I doubt that will be the case."

Harry nodded and stood also.

"I accept you would rather discus this alone Severus, and I do understand why, but I implore you to do so here so I can be on hand should either of you need me. We need to exercise caution as this will be very emotive discussion for both of you and needs to be handled with care."

At that Dumbledore rose and climbed the staircase to his main private quarters. He turned at the top and looked down at his boys.

"Please use my sitting room, it will be more comfortable in there for you and allow for uninterrupted time together. You can never tell who may knock at my door next" and with that he disappeared.

"Well we can either stay as he wants or leave and I will meet you in my rooms in ½ and hour" Severus said dryly. He was obviously not sure about the privacy afforded here and a bit anxious about the forth coming discussion.

"It is maybe best if we stay here Severus. If I have to just listen and not be able to touch you, then there is maybe more chance of that if we are here rather than your private rooms"

"That didn't stop you yesterday Harry"

"Oh come on that were just a friendly comforting hug Severus and a lot less than I wanted at the time"

"Very well, shall we get this over with" Severus said as he headed into the Headmasters sitting room.

Severus sat on the easy chair, that the Headmaster had occupied the previous day, but pulled it closer to the two-seater couch so they could face each other comfortably, their knees not quite touching.

Once they were both seated and comfortable, it was Harry that spoke first, which surprised Severus out of his thoughts on how to approach this matter.

"Severus, I want to apologise if I made the wrong decision regarding informing Professor Dumbledore about us sharing what we have. I can assure you, I gave him no details other than that we had kissed, which has only been on 3 occasions and he already knew about one. He asked for information on the when, where and why of each encounter and I explained about each time briefly, but not about any of our conversations or what you have told me. In fact I never answered the why part at all. I want you to know that I will never betray anything about you, or anything you tell me, to anyone, not even the Headmaster."

"Harry there really is no reason to apologise for telling Albus. He really did need to know. It is I that should apologise for what I said however. It was uncalled for and hurtful thing to say."

"Yeah it was a bit!" Harry replied, with a smile that let Severus know he accepted his apology.

"Severus? Can I say something, before you tell me what it is you seem to think I don't understand about what I am asking of you?"

Severus nodded and looked into those deep emerald green eyes. He was overwhelmed by a feeling of wanting to protect this young man, to hold him close and never let anything ever hurt him.

Harry shifted slightly in his seat before beginning.

"I know both you and the headmaster believe that I do not know what I am asking for, when I push you for a more intimate relationship. Granted, I did not realise that it would cause increased anxiety and stress and therefore increase the emotions surrounding Separation Anxiety and all that. But neither did you, which leads me to the conclusion that whatever it is you believe I don't understand has nothing to do with our bond at all. So, I am going to talk about this, without involving the complicating matter of Separation Anxiety, because I believe it is important we understand what it is we both want, without this in the way. If we can work out that, then we will be half way there in solving this situation. It is only then, we can begin to discuss the things that pose a problem in achieving our wishes, firstly the personal ones and lastly how to overcome the issues of Separation Anxiety. I also appreciate that you and I might want different things from our relationship, but we also need to know that now, so we can work on coming to a mutually agreeable solution we can both be at peace with, since we can't exactly walk away from each other and forget the other exists. We could maybe try, but I doubt that would set us up for very happy lives."

Severus was impressed with this young man in front of him. He may be sexually inexperienced but naive and stupid he was not. He so very much wanted to pull Harry into his lap and hold him tight and never let him go. Something clicked in Severus' jaded mind. He realised this wasn't about sex at all really, in fact it had little to do with it. He had never had a loving, caring relationship in his life and the concept was foreign to him, the closest he had come to anything remotely caring was his friendship with this boys Mum, but he couldn't think about that just now.

Harry had summoned the house elf Dobby, during Severus' thoughts and ordered some sandwiches, treacle tarts and pumpkin juice for lunch. He then continued when the elf had left.

"So, what is it I want? Severus I am only 16 and I had believed, up until very recently, that maybe one day, after the war, I would maybe meet someone I could trust and love enough to form a relationship with, but to be honest I have not given these things much thought. I had not yet met anyone that I wanted to be with. So in a way you and Dumbledore are correct, I am inexperienced, and probably very naive, about relationships in general and certainly about ones between two Wizards. However I am not the stupid little boy you both made me feel in there just now. I am fully aware of what two people do when they are in an intimate relationship together. I know that it is to this that you both are referring when you say I don't know what it is I am asking for. Until we kissed yesterday in class I had never initiated a kiss with another man before and had I overly thought about it prior to doing so I would have been a bit scared and apprehensive, not because it was you but because it was a new and different experience. As it turned out, I didn't think about it at all as events overtook us. The desire and need were such, that it didn't scare me at all, but because you and Professor Dumbledore have insisted that I think about what it is I am asking of you, I am now a little scared of ever having sex with you. I know you think that because I have probably never had sex before I am not ready to take on an adult sexual relationship with an older experienced man. However I believe that if we had been able to just let things run their natural course and the desire and need had been sufficient then yes, we would have ended up having sex and I would be very happy about it. Not a little scared and apprehensive as I am now. I would prefer it if we got to know each other a little better first before taking our relationship that far, however I do ultimately want that with you. I know there will be problems and hurdles to overcome, not just regarding the bond, but also our previous dislike for each other, but you make me feel safe and whole Severus, and I never want to be without you. In short I do know what it is I ask and this is truly what I want."

Harry felt he had managed to say what he wanted to fairly well and hoped that Severus would see he was being genuine.

Severus sat looking at this amazing young man and wondered how he could have possibly been so wrong about him. Yes he was an irritating Gryffindor at times, but then so was his Slythrins at times. He marvelled at his clarity of thought, reasoning and clear understanding of what he wanted.

There was a loud pop which made Severus startle out his thoughts. Harry spoke with the elf that had just returned bringing tray of food from the Great Hall, thanking him he set the tray on the table beside them. Harry poured two glasses of pumpkin juice and handed one to Severus.

"Don't even know if you like this stuff, sorry I should have asked"

Severus let out a true belly laugh at this and the sound surprised Harry and made him smile a big dopey grin.

"What's so funny about pumpkin juice?" Harry said still smiling.

"It's not the pumpkin juice Harry, it's the fact we are sitting here talking about having sex and you don't even know whether I like bloody pumpkin juice! Sorry I have a very dry sense of humour"

Harry chuckled at the strangeness of their situation.

"Well? Do you like pumpkin juice?"

"Yes very much" Severus replied still chuckling slightly.

"Well that's good, but I am not sure I will ever be able to say pumpkin juice without other connotations being associated to it now!"

"Oh dear, that could interesting, since it _is_ the staple drink in the Great Hall." Severus coughed and stopped laughing but still had a smile on his face.

"Sorry I am being very silly; you could say I am not my usual self at the moment."

After a brief pause Severus looked into those wonderful eyes of green again and began.

"Harry in the last two days you have really astounded me in your maturity and I think you are correct. Albus and I have underestimated your ability to understand what it is you want and your ability to see the difficulties this posses. As for me Harry, the last two days have been the most difficult and challenging I think I have ever faced, but also they have given me something I truly thought I would ever understand let alone have. It was only whilst you were talking that I realised I have wrongly focussed on the problems a sexual relationship with you would cause me and not the benefits a caring relationship would bring. I realise now, that there are more aspects to an intimate relationship than just the physical. I have always known this in my heart Harry, but since it is not something I have ever experienced, I have never really understood it. I am sadly not innocent and inexperienced sexually; I cannot even term anything I have ever had in the past, as a relationship. With regards to intimate caring relationships. I am much more inexperienced than you it seems and that scares me. I have no idea how to act or behave in such a relationship."

Severus paused and took a drink of the offered juice.

"I am worried that it is only the bond making you feel the way you apparently do about me, that you would have never contemplated being with me otherwise. I am concerned that because of this, we can never have a solid foundation of mutual trust and respect on which to base a relationship, since that is normally built in marriage, before a bond of this nature occurs. I am worried about hurting you. There are some things I have been tasked with this year, which I must carry out, that will make you hate me and it will hurt you if we are together. I am frightened I cannot control my physical desire for you and push you too far too soon. You are not yet 17 which would make a full sexual relationship with you illegal, in the wizarding world at least. You have no idea how much I wanted you to stay with me last night when you asked. It was actually painful for me to turn you away, but I had to because there is no way I could have given you what you asked, which was to just lie, in my arms, and sleep. It would be impossible to have had you in my bed and to just sleep Harry. I am sorry if that sounds as though I am uncontrolled in the baser instincts but that is all I have ever known. My list of concerns and worries are longer than yours Harry and I am sorry I if they have upset you, however, as for what I want. I want to take care of you and protect you. I want to learn to love you, as you deserve to be loved. I want to hold you when you have any pain and rescue you when you run headlong into dangerous situations. I want you and need you in my life and can't believe I have only recognised this fact."

Once again Harry had tears streaming down his face he felt so at peace and cared for.

Severus leaned forward in his seat and captured Harry face in his hands and gently wiped away the tears. Giving in to his wish to protect and hold the young man he pulled the young man over to him and sat him on his lap. Harry wrapped his arms around his waist and curled up with his head over the strong rhythmic beating of Severus' heart.

"We can work this out together I am sure of it Severus. We have to". Harry murmmered into the mans chest.

**A/N Thanks to everyone for their support, especially to Sheankelor and AlmondWithUnicornHair for their reviews! Wow you guys made my day when I read them Hope this chapter isn't too much of a disappointment. Things will pick up a bit after a couple of more chapters...promise! x**


	9. Truth Will Always Out

**Warnings: Male/male mild sexual content. Strong language  
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**Chapter 9 - Truth Will Always Out.**

_**Once an absurdity is accepted as truth, it will seem truer the more absurd it is shown to be. -**_Robert Brault.

Harry and Severus walked silently through the corridors of Hogwarts together. Their almost identical smirks did not go unnoticed by passing students, but neither Harry nor Severus cared less about the rumours whispered around them, they were both too deep in thought to notice.

They had just left another meeting with Dumbledore. They had been going to the Headmasters office almost daily for the whole term and Harry was beginning to feel he lived there, rather than in Gryffindor Tower; what with going there some evenings on his own for pensive viewings as well. He had learnt a lot about Voldemort and the evil man's life through viewings, but he wasn't sure how this knowledge was supposed to help him.

He and Severus had been through quite a few bad moments over the term, but overall they had been getting on well. Malfoy was up to something and Harry was convinced he had been responsible for Katie Bell almost dying although he didn't believe the girl had been the ferrets intended target. He had tried to explain his worries about Malfoy to Severus, but the stubborn man had refused to listen resulting in their first _real_ argument. There had been regular minor episodes of irritation and snarky comments, but nothing too bad. The level of frustration and anger that had resulted from the conversation about Malfoy however, had been the worst so far to date and rather scary for both of them. At least now they both clearly understood how bonded couples could maybe kill each other if certain expectations weren't met. They had been slowly getting to know each other better; Harry felt closer to his unintentional soul mate every day. Severus had insisted they only see each other at the meetings with Dumbledore and Harry was getting a little frustrated at the lack of physical contact this afforded them, but he understood why Severus was reluctant to spend time alone with him anywhere else, he appreciated his moral standing on the matter. It didn't stop him wanting more though and he was starting to have extreme erotic dreams every night, which left him frustrated most of the time. Harry had a feeling that his potion textbook had something to do with the dreams; he could feel a strong connection to Severus when he held it and had taken to sleeping with it under his pillow. Ron was worried about him and thought the book held some dark magic which was giving him nightmares. Hermione had been giving him a hard time about it saying he was obsessed with the Half Blood Prince! He hoped the Half Blood Prince turned out to be Severus, but he hadn't had the nerve to ask him yet or show him the book, scared he would confiscate it from him.

Harry and Severus had told the Headmaster together that they both wanted more than just friendship immediately after the second meeting with the old man. It hadn't gone down well. Dumbledore had insisted they try for friendship first. Harry kind of agreed that it was probably for the best; he did want them to get to know each other better before getting too serious physically but also wanted a little more than just friendship whist doing so. This was the first hurdle and they still had to overcome it. Severus could not guarantee his control, should they even be in the same room together alone, so it had been decided that to address this issue, they would only spend time together under the constant watchful eye of Dumbledore. He had set them the task of exploring any magical benefits that may be present from their bond. He thought that if they could at least reconnect magically, then this would help heal the bond and potentially allow them to gain a combined strength; which could also prove useful in the war effort. Dumbledore had also hoped that it would give them something to focus on other than the sexual needs of the bond and minimise the negative emotions of separation anxiety. So almost every day, they had been heading to the Headmasters rooms at lunchtime to spend 45 minutes trying to combine their magic whilst casting various spells. They were then "allowed" 15 minutes to have a quick lunch together, in Albus' sitting room, alone. Albus had insisted that he set wards on them that would alert him if they became "too close". Severus had been less than pleased on two accounts with this, he felt like he was being controlled yet again by Albus and insulted that his mentor had thought he could not maintain enough control for even 15 minutes.

The plan had been working. Kind of.

The practice sessions did take their mind off the sexual tension between them for the 45 minutes they practiced, but in the 15 minutes when they were alone, it all came flooding back.

They indeed had managed to achieve a connection between their magic and the power behind any spell, when cast together, was now at least doubled, if not more so. They both believed that in time, they could increase it even further. Most of these _meetings_ had ended with them both being magically drained and physically exhausted, but not enough to stop them testing the ward Dumbledore had set on them, a little in any case.

It had started after their very first practice session; they had collapsed into each other's arms on the small sofa and realised that they hadn't sent the Headmaster running to separate them. They had been pushing the boundaries ever so slightly every day since. It was great being together but it was getting more and more difficult not to push things too far too fast. Albus appeared to tolerate a little snogging and touching and they didn't want to spoil it for themselves.

But the boundary had been breached today.

Today they had been trying to ascertain if their Occlumency and Legilimens ability could be doubled, if focussed on together. The main reason for this, was although it appeared both men were stronger in Occlumency than even Dumbledore or Voldemort, there was a continual fear that Voldemort would penetrate either Severus's or Harry's shields if either were too tired or stressed. They were also nowhere near as strong at Legilimency in fact only bordered slightly above average in this skill. Severus hoped that if he could increase his ability at this later skill, he could possibly gain access to Voldemort's mind without detection. Albus, although excited at the prospect of gaining an insight into Voldemort's plans, was a little worried at this idea. He didn't wish his mind to be an open book to either of the younger Wizards, so he had made them take a vow to never do so, without his prior permission. The session had gone well and they had indeed managed to enter Dumbledore's mind, albeit very briefly, before being roughly thrown out, but it was a start. However, something else had happened. Something neither wizard had expected. When the Legilimens, that entered Albus' mind, was cast, all of a sudden Severus knew that Harry was feeling an overwhelming anxiety surrounding this type of mind magic. Knowing this he also began to feel the same anxiety. He had never felt less comfortable about casting a Legilimens in his life. It was a foreign feeling to him, one that he didn't recognise at all. When the spell had broken, he knew Harry was relieved it was over and was hoping that they were finished for the day. Severus however, even knowing this, did want to try one more time. He looked at Harry and saw relief on in his face as he said "Well you surely can't want to try that again right now. Oh you do don't you?" and the look had changed to one of confusion. Severus knew then without a shadow of a doubt that something had snapped together between them.

He knew what Harry was feeling.

They did actually stop at that point and had retired to the living room for their usual "lunch", although they rarely ate anything in those 15 minutes. Severus had sat down first; Harry as normal curled up on his lap, both exhausted and drained. Harry had looked up into Severus' eyes and the desire that the older man normally felt had flooded him but it was doubled in its intensity as he realised Harry's own desire was as strong as his own. Severus had leant down to capture that amazing mouth in his, but rather than worrying about setting off the alarm and just pushing the boundary slightly from the previous day, it had ended up an extremely passionate kiss unlike any they had ever shared. It was almost animalistic. As the kiss continued Harry had changed his position and straddled Severus. They ground into each other's throbbing cocks through their robes, pulling at each other clothes roughly. Harry had managed to rip some of the buttons off Severus's and shrug out his own. They both had been crazy with desire, their own being magnified by the knowledge that the other felt the same. Severus had moved down away from Harry's mouth licking and biting as he went then sucked hard at the tender flesh of his neck, marking him. Harry had bucked his hips in response and pressed his rock hard cock into Severus's straining erection and groaned in pleasure. The intensity of the sensations ripped through both men as it built and intensified as one. They had been completely lost in each other and had not heard the alarm screaming in their ears. Just before both men felt they were about to reach a point that release was going to be a necessity, Harry had been lifted off Severus's lap and dropped unceremoniously in the armchair opposite. He had heard a shouted "reducere concupiscentia" and was immediately dowsed in freezing cold water. The Headmaster had stood between the two, now soaking wizards, who growled in pain and frustration and cast a quick drying spell. The headmaster proceeded to sweetly inform them, as if nothing had happened, that Severus was due in class in 5 minutes, so they needed to hurry along. They both had left feeling as if they had been wrung out and hung out to dry.

As they now walked in silence through the corridors, a peaceful yearning had replaced the painful frustration. Both men felt happy at just being together and knowing the other felt the same. I was an amazing sensation.

They stopped at the junction that lead to Gryffindor Tower and turned to look at each other. Harry still wanted to be in this man's arms but with not so much lust; just a calm yearning to be held. He was determined to make this work, to overcome the obstacles in their way, to achieve what the both clearly desired.

Harry unconsciously reached out and placed his hand gently, palm down, on Severus' chest and looked into those deep, black eyes that currently betrayed the same depth of desire and yearning within their inky depths as his own. Harry took a small intake of breath at the sight of such joint emotion. At the sound, Severus's eyes widened slightly as he turned away with a growl and strode down the corridor towards his classroom. Harry felt Severus's panic at the possibility of being seen with him like that.

"Shit" Harry said aloud as he realised that they were indeed in a public place. The interaction had only lasted 5 seconds, if that, but it could have been enough to cause them both problems, if witnessed. He quickly glanced around to see if anyone was about and his eyes immediately met with the dark hazel ones of his friend. Hermione was standing above him in the middle of the staircase that led to Gryffindor Tower. She looked a bit taken aback but gave him a questioning smile as she started walking down towards him. Harry sighed and closed his eyes briefly. Now he was going to have to lie to his friend and try to explain what she had just seen.

"Hermione, that wasn't what it might have looked like, alright". Harry said as his friend neared him.

"I haven't said I thought it looked like anything Harry" Hermione said still smiling at him.

"You know what I mean" Harry said "Please don't make this hard for me. I have had a bit of a strange and ehh... tiring morning. Dumbledore made S...Snape and I work together on something and it was ehmm...illuminating shall we say. I actually started to feel a bit sorry for... the greasy git. Anyway do you want to join me for a quick walk before our next class? I fancy getting a bit of fresh air".

Hermione knew not to ask him about his extra lessons with Dumbledore; she surely wouldn't push him on what she had seen. He knew she would though eventually.

"Yeah ok, I have a bit of a bad morning myself. Could do with a distraction" Hermoine replied.

Harry thought his friend looked and sounded a bit sad and hoped she was so wrapped up in her own emotions, that she would forget what she just saw completely.

"What's happened, are you ok?" Harry asked with concern in his voice.

"I'm fine, just being a silly girl apparently." She said with an angry grimace.

Harry started to laugh "Well Hermione, I might call you a lot of things but a silly girl isn't one of them!"

"Thanks Harry, but can I ask you something?"

"Eh... yeah" Harry hoped it wasn't about what she had just seen.

"Do you think I am attractive, I mean I'm not exactly very girly and I don't hang out with girls and I act more like a boy really, so yeah, I was wondering if that would, you know, put boys of me" Hermione blushed a little.

"Yes of course you are attractive to boys Hermione! Bloody Hell, you had every boy in the school drooling over you at the ball last year and you got a date with Viktor-bloody-Krum, remember him, you know the most sought after guy by women in the wizarding world, well after Gildaroy Lockhart that is, but he doesn't count" Harry was smiling at his friend and wondered why she was doubting herself.

He took her hand and started walking out the castle. "Come on, let's go. You can tell me what has made you think boys don't fancy you while we walk."

As they left the castle, Hermione, still holding Harry hand, quietly turned to Harry and asked

"Do _you_ like me Harry?"

Oh Bloody Shittin Hell, where has this come from, Harry thought whilst desperately trying to appear calm.

"Yeah of course I like you, you _are_ my best friend" he answered calmly.

"That's not what I mean and you know it" she retorted quietly, looking at the ground as she walked.

"'mione I think any boy or man would find you an attractive, intelligent witch but you are just my friend and anyway I thought you and Ron would have got together by now, _he does _fancy you, you know, even if he is with Lavender." Harry said hoping to get away from this weird topic of him and her.

"But what if I don't fancy him? Not anymore anyway, what if I told you I liked you?" Hermione's face was scarlet as she continued to look at the ground while they walked. Harry really wanted to remove his hand from Hermione's grasp, but didn't want to snatch it away either.

There was a brief silence as Harry composed his thoughts but spoke again quickly. He didn't want to give her any hope.

"'mione, listen I am truly flattered, if indeed you do like me, but I can't have a relationship with you. Not like that anyway" Harry said gently.

"See, not _all_ boys think I am attractive. _You_ obviously don't. You were just saying that to make me feel better!" Hermione snatched her hand away from Harry's and started to walk back to the castle.

Catching up with he quickly Harry grabbed her arm, making her stop.

"Please Hermione listen, that's not the reason I can't have a relationship with you. I am already sort of seeing someone ok."

Hermione turned fully and scowled.

"What? Who? When did this start?"

"It's complicated 'mione I can't really tell you, not yet anyway." _Not ever, more likely_ thought Harry.

But you've just broke up with Ginny a few weeks ago you have not had the chance to even spend any time with your friends this term never mind a girl! Oh I get it your making up an imaginary girlfriend just to get me off your back!"

"No Hermione, I am not lying to you, I do have someone in my life at the moment and like I say it's a bit complicated but for your information...It's not a girl!" Harry had been a bit angry at Hermione's accusations of him lying, just to get her off his back, but now he visibly deflated and sat down where they stood on the grassy area between the castle and the quidditch pitch. He hadn't wanted to tell his friend he was gay not yet anyway. He was so emotionally rung out and wished he could just go to sleep and wake up in a different life; one where he and Severus would just be accepted.

Hermione sat down quietly beside him and took his hand again. "I am sorry I accused you of lying to me Harry, I am a bit emotional today and I suppose I _am_ being a bit girly and stupid"

"Its fine 'mione. So you're not shocked or bothered that I have just told you I'm gay?"

"No Harry, of course not why would I!" It wasn't asked as a question.

"Oh it's just I haven't had the best morning either, in terms of emotions thought you might be disgusted or something. Maybe we can be "_a bit girly_" together today" Harry said with a weak tired smile.

Hermione choked out a laugh at that. "You might be gay Harry but I wouldn't describe you as girly! Well not that much" Hermione said, openly laughing.

"Oi! that better have been a joke or I will hex you into next week!" Harry said whilst pulling out his wand.

Hermione started to run toward the castle shouting back at Harry over her shoulder "Come on then. Just try it, you girl!"

Harry sent a quick blasting charm, just to the right of her feet, causing the grass to explode beside her. She screamed but continued laughing. She quickly threw a tickling jinx back over her shoulder , which Harry deflected wordlessly, practically without thought and sent a Colloshoo straight back at her, directed at her feet, again wordlessly. They were in the courtyard now and Hermione almost managed to dodge the spell, but was not quick enough, and one foot became stuck to the flagstones. Harry advanced on her laughing "Still think I am a girl do you?" Hermione threw another tickling charm at him and this time it hit him straight in the chest, he dropped to his knees and was poorless with laughter. "Ah see, you even giggle like a girl!" Hermione said choking back tears of her own laughter.

"Mr. Potter, Miss. Granger! What on earth do you think you are playing at! I could hear your imbecilic antics from my classroom" a very stern looking Professor Snape shouted as he emerged into the courtyard, muttering "Finite Incantatem" with a wave of his hand, as he walked. The tickling stopped and Harry collapsed onto the flagstones panting. "Why on earth are you both acting like 1st year students, who have just received their first wand?"

Hermione had stopped laughing and stood stalk still as if her feet were still stuck to the courtyard. Harry's laughter however just got worse at the sight of a stern faced Severus and could hardly speak.

"Well... I... just told her... I am...gay Se...Sir and she said...I was a girl... so I said... if she called me that again...I would hex her and she said...

"_Potter_, stop your inane babbling boy, whatever Miss Granger said to you there is no excuse for firing curses and hexes at each other in the courtyard of this school. It is highly irresponsible and dangerous. As for you Miss Granger, I had thought you above this mindless type of behaviour and more intelligent to call a wizard a girl just because they prefer the same gender, it is highly insulting and rather narrow minded. Now both of you, detention my office 7pm and bring your potions books!"

With a strained scowl at both of them he turned and walked back into the castle in a billow of robes.

Harry was still sitting in the middle of the courtyard as he watched Severus stride away. He knew the man had been irritated by his behaviour but it had been lessened somewhat by knowing Harry felt more relaxed at being able to let off a bit of steam and had been trying not to smile himself. Harry looked at Hermione's shocked and indignant face and burst out laughing again.

"Harry it's really not funny. He was right we were being rather irresponsible. I am sorry I got us into trouble." Hermione said apologetically

"Get over it Hermione; it was just a bit of fun. Sev...Snape needs to learn to laugh more!" Harry got up from the ground not daring to look at Hermione or act like he had said anything strange. Shit, he hoped she hadn't noticed his slip.

They both started walking back into the castle but before they entered , Hermione quietly whispered in his ear.

"Don't worry, I had kind of guessed Professor Snape was your "complicated relationship" before you called him Sev just now".

"What? Are you kidding? Yeah right Hermione! Ha-ha, no way and I didn't call him Sev!" Harry bumbled in response.

"Please don't start lying to me now Harry. You did in fact call him Sev. Anyway, I know alright. I can't say I like it or even understand it but I think I have known there is something more between you and him for quite some time"

"Hermione, I am not lying to you. It's just that Dumbledore insists we try get on better and continuing to call each other insufferable brat or Greasy Git isn't allowed. We have to call each other by our first names when in meetings with the Headmaster, while he is earshot anyway"

"Harry, please stop. I know alright".

Harry closed his eyes, he didn't need this. Severus would be furious if the class know-it-all knew about this too.

"I won't tell anyone, I promise. I'm sorry I pushed you into telling me that you are gay. I haven't really had a bad morning and I don't really fancy you but when I saw you with Professor Snape I knew I had to get you to open up. You need at least one friend you can talk to about this. I mean he is Professor Harry and a Death Eater and you are the... well... you are _Harry Potter_"

He had snapped his eyes open when she admitted to being so devious, and when he thought his friend was going to call him The-Boy-Who-Lived or The Chosen One he had given her a warning look.

"You really are a devious, scheming no-it-all, aren't you?" Harry retorted but with no maliciousness. He just felt completely defeated. "I can't talk to you about this Hermione".

"Well I am here for you Harry, if and when you need someone, ok?" she said pushing her hand into his again.

Harry just nodded and if he was completely honest with himself, he was pleased that at least one of his friends knew he was gay _and_ about his relationship with Severus, even if she couldn't know all the details.

"Come on we have a Defence Against the Dark Arts Class to get to."

Harry groaned. This was going to be an uncomfortable class. Hermione would now be watching and scrutinising every look and comment between him and Severus and he could do without it.

**A/N** Yeah I know this is a short chapter but will be uploading the next in an hour or so :-) will write more of a note at the end of the next chapter x


	10. Overcoming the First Hurdle

**Warnings - Mild male/male sexual content. Language.**

**Chapter 10 – Overcoming the First Hurdle**

"_**Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination."**_ - Maya Angelou

As the two friends walked silently to their class, Harry became more and more anxious the closer they got. By the time they arrived he was a nervous wreck. He was dreading the class more than he had ever dreaded a class with "_Professor Snape". _Classes with the man had been tolerable over this term but they had been the main cause of the few outbursts of anger and hate there had been between them. He knew that he couldn't expect Severus to suddenly be nice to him or anything but sometimes, when he went off on one his usual tirades directed at him, he really wanted to punch the git. They had managed to work through these negative emotions by talking about them together with Dumbledore. It had been fairly easy to rationalise them and move on so far. Harry knew however, that if anything was said in class today, in his current anxious frame of mind, he might just loose the place. He had learnt that feeling even slightly anxious was not good when it came to controlling his emotions and reactions to the slightest thing Severus said or did that he didn't like or agree with. Taking a deep breath, he entered the classroom. He had to try and remain calm and focus his mind. What he saw on entering however, didn't help achieve this. The classroom had been cleared of all tables and chairs and a duelling platform ran down the centre of the room. Harry groaned, he was magically still rather drained from his earlier practice session, not helped any by throwing jinxes at Hermione a minute ago. Severus was standing in the middle of the platform above them, glowering directly at him.

He's confused and irritated by my anxiousness Harry realised. Great we are both a bit worked up, not a good started he thought. Maybe I should fake a faint or something and get the hell out of this situation.

Harry noticed that there was a Boggart at one end of the platform and his heart and stomach hit his boots. Bloody bastard, he thought. Severus knew how much he hated them. He must realise he was unlikely to be able to produce a patronus in his current drained state. Anger started simmering in his gut, as thoughts of Severus doing this just to humiliate him entered his mind.

Severus knew Harry was angry at him about the Boggart but he hadn't had any choice. This lesson had been scheduled for today in his lesson plan since the beginning of term. It had actually been Dumbledore's suggestion. The idea was for Harry to release his Boggart and the rest of the class were to try and repel it by attempting to cast a Patronus Charm. He was feeling really irritated at Harry's anxiousness about it all and was annoyed that he could even think he would plan lessons with the core purpose of humiliating him. He really is an arrogant self-obsessed brat, he thought.

The students were all talking amongst themselves, wondering why they were going over old ground. They all knew what their greatest fears were, they thought.

"Silence!" The irritated angry voice of the professor above them boomed. Everyone fell silent and looked up at the intimidating figure, now pacing the platform.

"You may be wondering why you once again have a Boggart in this class. Many of you will believe you have already understood your greatest fear. However, what your mind tells you is your greatest fear, may not indeed, be your greatest fear. You may have a fear of spiders for example," Severus lectured whilst turning to glare at Ron, who whimpered slightly beside Harry

"...or failing an exam" he continued, now turning his hard stare to Hermione, who shuffled her feet uncomfortably,

"But believe me when I tell you, there are things in life which are more worthy of your fear, even more so than a fear of me" he had now turned to sneer at Neville, who looked like he was about to pass out.

"Fears such as these, are childish and unfounded. What you have never encountered in real life, you cannot possibly yet fear, or indeed know how to overcome, should you be unfortunate enough to be faced with it. The purpose of this class is to face one of the greatest fears in the wizarding world; aside from the Dark Lord himself of course." He had turned his gaze slowly to focus on Harry before continuing

"None of you here will ever have the intelligence, cunning or ability to overcome _him_".

The anger in Harry now bubbled up and was starting to consume him. As was Severus' irritation at Harry, for not understanding why he had to act this way. Malfoy sniggered from somewhere to Harry right, who turned to scowl at the prick and broke the eye contact with his professor.

"However, coming face to face with a Dementor and its associated Kiss, is a fear with a rational reason."

"I can understand why a Dementors kiss might be your greatest fear. We're not all law breaking, evil sadistic, bastards" Harry hissed out. His anger now turning to rage as his anxiety went through the roof at talk of Dementors.

Snape turned sharply and advanced towards Harry looking completely furious, which Harry knew he was. "Your inane comments are enlightening considering it is _your_ Boggart _Potter_ that takes the form of a Dementor. Not mine!"

Harry drew his wand before he even knew he had reached for it. His hand was shaking with sheer rage. He was going to kill this bastard he thought. Snape suddenly stopped his advance towards the wand pointed at him. He realised the level Harry's anxiety, anger and hate had reached and his eyes widened in fear. Just as Harry felt Severus' fear radiate through his conscious mind, Hermione shouted "Expelliarmus" and disarmed him. His wand clattered loudly against the wall behind him, echoing in the shocked silence of the room.

The moment of extreme emotion had been broken.

"_Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck I just about killed him"_ Harry thought, panic starting to rise and squash even more of his anger.

Severus let out a deep breath not taking his eyes off Harry.

"Miss Granger, your actions were not warranted, do you really believe I would not be able to defend myself against this incompetent, arrogant, self-obsessed brat, even if he did manage to summon enough nerve and ability to even try attacking me!" Severus turned slowly as he continued albeit a bit shakily "50 points from Gryffindor _Potter_ for daring to draw your wand at a professor in class and a further 50 Miss Granger, for thinking I needed your help!"

Severus knew Harry was still seething but also knew he felt sick at what had happened; his own fear abated somewhat just leaving a deep despair and a low simmering anger for what had transpired in front of his class. At the back of their minds, they both knew that this was the bond playing up, but neither of them could rationalise their emotions quite yet.

"Now if you all line up along the side of the platform" Severus ordered as the class started whispering excitedly about what had happened. "And no talking!" Severus added in a loud demanding voice.

"_Potter_ you will be joining me, up here".

Harry was frozen to the spot, his mind racing. He can't possibly want to duel with me after what has just happened.

"NOW, Potter!"

Harry ran to retrieve his wand and climbed up on the platform. Every muscle in his body was twitching, his mind and heart racing. He wanted to just turn and run as far away as he could.

"As I was saying, before being rudely interrupted, the Dementor's Kiss is one of the biggest fears known to the wizarding world and with good reason, to anyone good _or_ bad, that has sufficient knowledge to understand them".

"Since I have heard that _Potters_ Boggart is indeed a Dementor, although I highly doubt his fear is based on any rational knowledge. The object of today's lesson is for each of you to practice the Patronus Charm. I believe a small number of you have had some minor success in doing so previously, but a weak shield form will not save you from a group of Dementors, if their intent is to draw out your soul. It is only the full corporeal bodied form, which lasts a little longer than a second or two that can have any hope of repelling these creatures in real life."

A hushed anxious sounding whispering ran along the line of students who were now standing beside the platform.

"To allow you all to find out how effective you are at casting a patronus charm, Potter here is going to stand in front of the Boggart and each of you, in turn, will try and repel it, from your lower position at the side of the platform."

"Before we commence such a task however, I think we must witness what is rumoured to be the strongest patronus any underage wizard has ever produced. Although I highly doubt _any_ rumours that run wild in this school have a shred of truth attached to them, especially this one considering it _is_ _Potter_ we are talking about" Severus smirked as he looked at his fellow Slytherins.

Harry growled at him as his anger returned. Severus knew he was drained at the moment. He was unlikely to be able to repel the bloody thing and what if Severus was as equally drained as him; noone might be able to get rid of it back to its box!

"Come on then Potter. I am sure you are raring to show us all how it's done" the irritated and now anxious professor sneered. Severus realised this was a risk. He should have changed his lesson plan as soon as he realised how weak they both were.

Harry started approaching the Boggart, hand shaking as he held his wand out ready.

Malfoy sneered "Awwww look how the big brave Gryffindor shakes in his boots at the thought of a pretend Dementor. Not going to faint again _Potter_ are you?" The rest of the Slytherins started laughing.

"Enough" Snape spat at Malfoy, who looked surprised and shocked at the amount of venom his favourite professor directed at him.

Harry took the last step and was now positioned directly in front of the Boggart. Severus took up his own position, directly behind Harry. As he watched him approach the Boggart, he desperately wanted to wrap him up in his robes and protect him from all his fears. Harry felt the wave of protection from behind and it reminded him of curing up on Severus lap in Dumbledore's sitting room, with strong arms holding him tight. It was this memory that filled him, as the door of the Boggart flung open, the black formidable form looming out.

"Expecto Patronum!" Harry bellowed focussing on his new happiest memory with all his might.

Silvery strands of light burst forth from his wand with such a force he felt himself being pushed backwards and into the rigid body of the man behind him. This only served to increase his memory and force of the spell. The silvery light grew and grew until the massive shield form of his patronus appeared. The Dementor disintegrated to nothing in a resounding bang. The silvery light instead of dispersing, as had done previously against his Boggart, changed into his Stag which started prancing around the room looking for more Dementors. It was not alone however. The Stag was joined by a Doe. They moved together gracefully as one, before jumping through the window.

Both Harry and Severus stood transfixed at the sight of the dual patronus forms, which were seen jumping through the courtyard of Hogwarts before rubbing their bodies together and merging to become one before fading from sight.

The class stood mesmerised at the spectacle. Most had their mouths open either in awe or shock.

After a few seconds, Severus cleared his throat loudly before speaking in a sneering condescending tone, whilst circling Harry looking only at him,

"Well well, who would have thought that _some_ rumours in this school could actually be true? It shouldn't have surprised me that you would have to create an attention seeking spectacle such as what we just witnessed. It really does confirm to me, how very much you love the limelight and celebrity status."

Harry knew now that Severus didn't mean a word of what he had just said but it still hurt he was making him out to be a self-centred, attention seeking brat in front of the class.

"Potter, I would like a word in private. I think I need to make it more difficult for you to remember your happy memory ever again. I am sure no-one wants to bear witness to your sickeningly, self absorbed performance!"

Severus had started striding to the far end of the platform as he spoke. Once he had jumped down Harry followed slowly. Hermione gave him a weak smile as he passed her.

Once out in the corridor with the door firmly closed, they locked eyes. Harry didn't know whether he still wanted to kill this man or fling himself into his arms. The sight of their joint patronus forms entwining before disappearing had been very romantic and erotic, Harry thought.

Severus threw a quick wandless nonverbal silencing charm around them. "What the bloody fuck was that Harry?" Harry knew the professor was experiencing a number of conflicting emotions as was he.

"I could have killed you in there, Sev. Shit I really wanted to" tears welling in his eyes as he spoke.

I am not talking about that Harry, we will need to analyse that later, thank Merlin your know-it-all friend was quick enough to disarm you", Severus said trying to shake off the memory and fear at the time.

"I am talking about your Patronus. Our Patronus, I suppose."

Harry shrugged "It was quite something eh?" a glint in his eye and a yearning to entwine with his soul mate, as the Stag and Doe had done, growing stronger.

"Harry" Severus growled slowly. "Please try to keep your mind on the fact that we now have a class of 6th year reprobates, discussing the form your Patronus took. Your friend Granger might just work out what it is she just witnessed!"

"Firstly Severus, no-one knows what form your patronus takes. I have only found out just now when you confirmed it was indeed yours. Secondly, Hermione saw us together in the corridor earlier today and when I admitted to her I was gay, she put two and two together. She knows about us."

Severus paled and groaned whilst rubbing his face with his hands. "Shit" he said tiredly.

"She doesn't know any of the details but she does know we are ..."friends""

"And that is meant to make me feel better? She will think I am a sick, perverted paedophile for Merlin's sake and she is bound to mouth off to that idiot boyfriend of hers!"

"I thought you didn't care about what people thought of you and she gave me her word she wouldn't tell anyone. I trust her"

"I don't care what people think about me in general, but I do about this" Severus felt sickened and defeated and Harry knew it.

"We can trust her. I will work out a way, without telling her the whole truth, to make her understand what we have isn't sick Severus. I promise"

Harry had once again started to reach out to touch his mate but the older man growled, stopping him in his tracks.

"We better get back in there before they start wondering what the hell it is I am doing to you. If someone fails to produce a Patronus of sufficient strength to repel your Boggart, which is likely in most cases, try and use less power behind your own. We cannot risk another display like that and I don't want you becoming too tired, since if you fail to repel one, I would have to step in. Merlin forbid my Patronus takes the same form as yours. We would be just as well standing on the rooftops and declaring our relationship and bond to the world right now!"

Harry smiled at the thought but realised that was not an option and was sadly, unlikely ever to be so.

The rest of the class had continued without too much trouble. Only Hermione and Luna had managed to repel the Dementor effectively. None of the Slytherins, having not had the benefit of previous practice in the DA, managed to produced so much as a single silvery wisp, much to Malfoy's disgust. Harry had managed to control the power of his magic sufficiently for the Stag and Doe to only once make a very brief appearance. The rest of the time, only the shield form appeared. Toward the end of the class however, as the last Slytherin approached the top of the line, he was starting to feel utterly exhausted. He glanced back at Severus, who still stood directly behind him and gave him a brief pointed look, trying to convey how tired he was. As he moved forward again towards the Boggart he took a deep breath, the Dementor once again loomed over him. After the Slytherin had two failed attempts at repelling it Harry raised his wand,

"Expecto Patronum".

Nothing Happened.

"Expecto Patronum" he shouted again with everything he had. He didn't care if the Stag and Doe appeared, they had all seen it anyway and it would be better than risk Severus casting his too strongly and everyone finding out what form his took.

The silvery wisps that were produced from Harry's wand, at this latest casting, were insufficient to even form a small shield. He felt Severus draw his wand behind him. He knew that he was worried the Boggart would change to represent his biggest fear, more than he was worried about the risk of revealing his Patronus, so did not step in front of Harry. Before Severus had a chance to utter the required words, they were shouted in a loud determined voice from further back in the room. The silvery form of Hermione's Otter came rushing up past Harry and the Dementor vanished. Severus let out a small breath in relief that the rest of the class believed to be irritation and turned on Hermione scowling. Hermione saw gratitude flicker through her professor's eyes briefly before he started speaking

"Miss Granger that is the 2nd time in this class you have displayed you obvious belief that I am incapable of protecting myself. Are you completely unable to control yourself sufficiently to not show off your textbook, parrot fashion knowledge or your dubious ability! Since you already have detention with me this evening, for your narrow-minded imbecilic behaviour and comments earlier today, you now have the same pleasure for the rest of the week and weekend!"

"Class dismissed!"

Harry was struggling not to laugh at this melodramatic display of acting from Severus. He could feel the gratitude the man felt towards Hermione.

Harry started to walk off the platform to go collect his things and leave. He could hardly walk in a straight line, he was that exhausted.

"Not you _Potter_!" Severus sneered.

The rest of the class filtered out quietly, but loud, excited talking could be heard as the class entered the corridor. Hermione needed to pull Ron out of the class, who was once again protesting about leaving their friend with the sadistic git on his own. Hermione managed eventually to get Ron out but they were the last to leave the room.

Severus slammed the door the second they had cleared the doorway with flick of his wand. He also threw up a quick silencing charm at the door cutting out Ron's swearing at having the door slammed in his face. Letting out a loud sigh, Severus sat down heavily on the edge of the platform.

Harry sat directly behind him with his legs spread wide and pulled Severus between them. He wrapped his arms around the man's middle and pressed his chest and groin into the tired slumped figure in front of him. Placing his head on the tense shoulder he slowly began sucking and nibbling at Severus's ear before moving down slightly to the small area of neck that was exposed just beneath. Harry's face was buried in silky smooth black hair and he breathed in its intoxicating scent. He truly was exhausted but he could feel himself growing hard at Severus' quiet sighs of pleasure. Thrusting his hardness gently into the top of Severus arse, Harry let out a quiet groan of his own, but stopped the gentle rocking of his hips. He was still hard but too tired to even move. Both men sat like this, pleasantly aroused for what felt like a minute or two, in silence. Severus didn't have the energy to act on his arousal either it seemed and was just as happy to sit like this taking comfort from each other.

There was a sudden gentle cough from the direction of the door. Severus snapped his head round and abruptly pulled away from Harry, jumping down from the platform, quickly covering up the obvious bulge in his trousers with his robe as he did so. Harry had still been leaning heavily into Severus' back and he was pulled off the stage, as the tight grip he had had around the man's waist was broken.

"Shit" Harry said out loud, just managing to gain his feet and land back in Severus's arms as he caught him.

"Miss Granger! Do you think you have not managed to irritate and anger me enough today that you decided to come barging in here without knocking first!"

"Professor Snape I am really sorry to intrude on you and Harry, but I did knock first. It's just that Professor Dumbledore asked me to tell Harry he would like to see him, before he heads to the Great Hall for dinner. Sir he also said he was looking for you, so I said I would pass on the message if I saw you both. I came here after realising Harry had not yet returned to our Common Room."

Harry, feeling Severus' agitation thought it best he spoke first.

"We've only been here a few minutes Hermione",

Hermione blushed slightly and looked at the floor "Emm Class finished an hour ago"

"Oh" Harry felt the heat now rising to his own face slightly.

"Regardless of the reason Miss Granger, it would be advisable for you to learn, that if a knock on a door goes unanswered, to just walk away!"

Severus stormed past Hermione not looking at her and left the room.

"I'm sorry Harry if I intruded and if this is going to make things difficult for you. Professor Snape knowing that I know that is. Professor Dumbledore had asked Ron to convey the message to you but I managed to convince him I would look for you on my way to the library"

"He'll be fine. It's just that our relationship is a bit complicated. He is worried that you think he is a perverted old man, but it isn't like that, Hermione. You just have to believe me, I can't tell you the details"

"Harry, I was a little..._disturbed_ that you and he seemed to be together, initially. I was worried he was using you or something. I now realise there is more to it than that. You are too strong a person and wizard to be used by someone to start with, and your patronus wouldn't have been affected the way it has if you didn't share something special with him. I presume his is a Doe?"

Harry nodded.

"Seeing you together just now confirmed to me that you want to be with him. I might not like it or understand it Harry, but I'm glad you can maybe find some happiness and peace with him"

"Thanks Hermione for at least accepting it. Oh and cheers for not getting Ron down here, I could do without him knowing right now! Right, I better go and see what the Headmaster wants. Hopefully see you at Dinner in a minute"

Harry tried to run through the corridors in an attempt to catch up with Severus but he really could hardly manage to walk, never mind run. When he arrived at the spiral staircase, he didn't think he could even summon the energy to climb the stairs and clung on to the railing, as feelings of nausea and weakness washed through him. He looked up to see Severus coming down from the headmaster's office toward him, although he didn't look much better. When he reached the bottom he quickly scanned the corridor and seeing no-one, lifted the smaller wizard up in his arms and carried him to the Headmasters sitting room and placed him on, what they referred to as "their sofa". Albus hovered over the weak, washed out form of Harry and tut tutted before instructing Fawkes to go and fetch Madame Pomfrey. The mediwitch appeared a second later, carrying her bag full of potions.

"A fairly straight forward treatment for magic overexertion I think would do the trick Poppy, but I would like you to look him over none-the-less"

Severus collapsed on the armchair beside Harry, as if carrying the lightweight wizard had taken the last of his strength.

"I think it would be prudent to check this one over as well while you are at it" Albus instructed indicating Severus with a nod of the head.

Poppy frowned and looked between the two exhausted wizards and raised a questioning eyebrow at Albus.

"Not now Poppy, although all may become clearer to you in a moment"

Poppy had obviously known that these two men had spent time together alone, in the Professors private rooms, the night the students had returned from the summer break, but she had pushed the thoughts of what that could mean to the furthest recesses of her brain. She had heard the rumours circulating the school, everyone had, but she dismissed them as too outrageous. She knew Albus was crazy but totally insane he was not. She thought she at least knew him well enough to know he wouldn't tolerate such a thing, especially between these two.

Poppy drew her wand and made a few sweeping motions over Harry's now almost unconscious form.

"Overexertion is indeed the problem Albus, but it is more severe than I have seen in many a year". She knelt down beside Harry and gently gave him a shake to rouse him long enough to drink down a restorative followed by a pick me up potion. As Harry swallowed the last drop of the latter, he gave a shiver.

"Once this takes effect, your own magic will heal itself fairly rapidly over the next few hours; it just needed a helping hand to get started. In a day or two you will be back to normal. Try to avoid doing any magic however, until I say you are strong enough" she finished with a warning frown.

Turning to Severus, she waved her wand over his body and scowled. She repeated the diagnostic sweep and turned to look at Albus, who gave her a knowing but questioning look over the rim of his spectacles. Harry could already feel his magic return and the speed at which it did, gained momentum as every second passed.

Severus also seemed to regain some more of his composure at the same time, as he sat up a bit straighter in his chair.

Poppy turned back to Severus and once again cast a diagnostic spell.

"I don't understand" Poppy muttered.

She then turned to look at Harry who was now sitting, looking bright eyed and his normal self again.

She waved her wand again at Harry and gasped.

"This can't be! Albus what is going on here?"

"Poppy, what is it _you_ think may be going on here?" Albus said quietly with a gleam in his eye

"Well I just don't understand. I think I have seen this phenomenon once before but that can't be the case here" Poppy said scowling

"You see Albus the first time I cast an "egritudo omnes" on Severus, it informed me of a severe case of overexertion but it went from severe to minor in the time I took to cast it. At the second casting it only reported Severus being mildly drained. It is just not possible to heal so fast, unaided from such severe overexertion! The last spell I cast was directed at his magic only, which revealed it is now fully restored and that he has not cast a spell in over 4 hours! He should not have been as exhausted as he was in the first place!"

She stopped staring incredulously at Severus and turned her scowl on Harry.

"Mr. Potter however did indeed have a steady case of severe overexertion but when I cast again just now, his magic is also fully restored, even though it reports continuous levels of strenuous spell casting over the last 6 hours! But that's not all. Both Mr. Potter and Severus magic have the same signature Albus!"

"Mmmm Indeed very interesting" Albus said smiling slightly at the look of disbelieve on the Mediwitch's face.

"Interesting? Are you going to explain what is going on here?"

"I ask you my original question again Poppy, what is it _you_ believe is happening here?" Albus responded.

"Albus you very well know to what it is I am referring, but I can't believe this could possibly be the case here. It would be scandalous"

Severus had stood and was standing with his back to the others looking out over the lake.

"I would quite like to know what is going on too Headmaster" Harry said quietly. He now felt good; if still a bit tired.

Poppy turned and looked at Harry questioningly, then back to Albus "He doesn't even know? How is that possible? How is any of this possible? He is just a 16 year old boy Albus!"

Poppy please calm down, it is not as dreadful as it may first appear. I'm afraid I can't take too long in explaining this or indeed explain it fully, but you need to know some of the facts; it may impact on how you treat these boys in the future, should they ever require it."

Poppy stood waiting tensely.

"Harry and Severus do indeed share a soul bond of the kind you suspect. How this came about, is not something I can reveal at this time but you should know, it was not at my hand or through any intentional ceremonious means."

Poppy opened her mouth as if to speak but said nothing. She was speechless and had a look of shocked horror on her face.

"I know that the idea of these boys being bonded in this way will be distasteful to you Poppy. Please rest assured that we are working together on this to minimise the more...difficult aspects the bond. It is a rather complex matter, they may need your assistance in helping them through this at some point, so please try and trust me by accepting it, even if you do understand it."

"Albus I will always trust what you say and since I cannot contemplate anyone agreeing to an intentional bonding of this nature between these two, when Mr. Potter is only 16, I will accept it and help where I can. Do not expect me to like it or understand it however, unless you can enlighten me further."

"Thank you Poppy. Your trust is appreciated. Maybe one day these boys will repay your trust and share with you their story. It is quite interesting."

With a nod of the Headmasters head, the mediwitch knew she had been dismissed and collected her things quietly before turning to Harry and giving him a sad smile before leaving.

"Professor? I still do not understand exactly what happened today, but my magic and Severus' have joined somehow, hasn't it?" Harry questioned once Madame Pomfrey had gone.

"Yes Harry I believe it has, it is no longer two separate entities but one shared between you. You will not only have the ability to cast more powerful spells together but can draw power from the other when casting alone. I believe by casting Legilimens, as powerfully as you both did over lunch today, followed by some fun duelling with your friend immediately before having to spend two hours fighting Dementors, proved to be enough to drain both of you until almost empty. Any normal wizard would have collapsed much sooner, maybe even caused permanent damage to their core. It also appears, from Poppy's description of your recoveries, that you recover much faster too and aid each other in that process."

Dumbledore looked genuinely excited by the development.

"I am sure Severus will be able to do some reading around this matter to help you understand what is happening here, although it is fairly rare, even between bonded couples, there are some books on the matter all the same. Now we must all go and get something to eat. Severus you go on ahead, I would like a quick word with Harry before we join you." Severus had been lost in thought and turned at the sound of his name.

"Certainly Albus" Severus nodded his head briefly as a goodbye gesture and left.

"Now Harry, how are things going with Professor Slughorn?"

Harry let out an exasperated breath, "Yeah alright, I am in the Slugclub and getting to know him a little better. There is one of his little parties tomorrow night actually".

"Very good, try and stay in his good books. I believe you are top of his class in potions now"

"Yeah I am sure my connection to Severus has helped". Harry really didn't want to divulge how his potions textbook had been helping him too. He hadn't even told Severus about it.

"I am sure it probably has" Dumbledore said with a smile.

"Now on you go and eat, or Madame Pomfrey will have my head in my hands before I know it"

After dinner Harry and Hermione headed to Severus' offices for the detention he had set them. Harry hoped Severus had forgotten that he had asked them to bring their potions textbook. He had brought it but didn't want him seeing it and confiscating it from him. When they arrived, they found their Professor dosing behind his desk. Harry walked quietly until he was in front of the desk, leaned over and placed a soft kiss on the man's lips. Without opening his eyes, Severus let out a soft groan and brought his hands up to gently captures Harry face and started to return the kiss. Hermione took a sharp intake of breath. At the sound, Severus snapped opened his eyes and broke away from Harry abruptly. "Mr. Potter what the hell do you think you are doing!"

"Ermm...giving you a kiss to waken you?"

Severus growled and looked over at Hermione, who was blushing furiously and looking at the floor.

"Severus calm down, Hermione knows about us, anyway she did see us together earlier"

"Regardless of what she thinks she knows _Mr. Potter, _do I appear to be the sort of man that would enjoy any show of _public_ affection? Whilst in my class or in detention, you will refer to me as Professor, which is still what I am and you will act as my student, which is what you are. Is that clear?"

"Yes sir" Harry said sheepishly. He could feel the anger Severus felt but thankfully could understand it. He needed to appease him before this could turn any worse.

"I am really sorry Professor, I was just not thinking"

"Emphf" was the only response Severus gave. Harry sighed in relief as he felt Severus's anger dissipate.

"Miss Granger, under these rather unusual circumstances, you are excused from serving your detention with me tonight. Instead you will spend the time in the library researching the various forms and uses of the Patronus Charm. A two foot essay on the subject, to be on my desk first thing tomorrow".

Hermione nodded in acknowledgement and turned to leave.

"And Miss. Granger..."

Hermione stopped and turned back to face her Professor.

"...I want to...thank you for your adequately performed Patronus charm this afternoon. I take it I do not need to remind you to not tell anyone why you _think_ you needed to cast it or indeed what it is you _think_ you know."

"Of course, Professor Snape".

With a nod from Severus, Hermione smiled an apologetic smile at Harry and left, closing the door behind her quietly as she went.

As soon as the door closed Harry collapsed onto his back on a large, imposing leather sofa that sat against the wall in Severus' office and groaned. He was mentally and physically exhausted. The pepper-up potion had obviously worn off, he thought.

Severus snorted and rolled his eyes at the sight of Harry sprawled across his sofa. He had not seen anyone sit on it in recent years, never mind look comfortable doing so. Yet here was Harry Potter, of all people, sprawled across it, as if he was at home. Harry hadn't seen the rolling of the eyes or the small smile that followed; he hadn't been able to keep his eyes open long enough. Severus advanced on the sprawled out figure in front of him, watching the tension slowly ebb out the young face. His heart ached to hold him tight and just...sleep. The feeling he knew was his own but it was no less foreign to him than some of Harry's feelings he had experienced today. He had never slept beside anyone before, unless it had been a brief post sex dose. He usually preferred to leave his lovers bed or to kick one out of his own, before doing anything as personal as sleeping. Now, that is all he yearned for.

Severus leant down and gave the soft relaxed lips, a small kiss.

Harry sighed contentedly and opened his eyes slowly, speaking though a yawn

"Oh Sev, let's go sleep, together, please?" Harry knew Severus wanted that too and felt safe and comforted that they were slowly overcoming some of their own personal barriers to their relationship.

"You go on ahead to my rooms first Harry, the Snake will let you in, but try not fall asleep in your robes. However pleasant I might find it, if I were required to undress you, it may not be for the best" Severus smiled wickedly although Harry knew the man was joking; he was too tired, as was he, to summon the energy to even think about sex.

"There are clean sleeping garments in my room, help yourself. I believe you know where they are kept since you have already had the dubious pleasure of having to dress me for sleep". Both Harry and Severus winced slightly at the memory of that first night back at Hogwarts.

"Make sure you are not seen. I will only be 5 minutes behind you."

Harry took out his invisibility cloak from his robe pocket and brandished it at Severus, who snorted at the sight of the thing, that cloak had caused him more grief in his life than Harry knew.

"I came prepared" Harry said smirking as he turned and left.

Severus followed Harry's steps five minutes later. On letting himself into his rooms he was greeted by a warm glow and a comfortable heat that was unusual on his return after a long day. Harry had lit a large fire and candles flickered around the room. Severus smirked and shook his head. He felt more at home here now, than he had ever done. Sadness crept over him as he remembered that this would, ironically, be his last year here, but he refused to dwell on these thoughts tonight.

Harry lay curled up, on top of the bed. He wore a pair of Severus' black silk pyjama bottoms but nothing else. The sight made Severus take a sharp intake of breath, the young man before him truly was stunning. He quickly changed into a matching pair of pyjama bottoms and approached the bed quietly. Harry had obviously been too tired to even make it under the covers. He gently pulled them from beneath Harry's sleeping form, gently covering him before slipping slowly in beside the warm toned body. The movement of the bed caused Harry to stir slightly, who shuffled backwards until his back was touching Severus' bare chest. Wrapping his arms around Harry middle, Severus pulled the sleepy wizard even closer and curled his entire body around the smaller, but defiantly not childlike, one beside him. He ran his hands over the tight muscular chest and down over the equally toned abdomen. He really is a man, Severus thought as he felt the line of hair which started at Harry's navel and ran downward until it disappeared under the waistband of the borrowed Pyjama bottoms. Severus let out a sigh. He never though in a million years he would have a man in his bed and be content just to hold him and sleep. Harry also let out a contented sound at feeling Severus's peace mix with his own and whispered sleepily "Severus" before entwining his fingers with the ones resting on his abdomen and bringing them up still clasped together and resting them, in a tight embrace, against his chest. The peace and completeness Severus felt in that instant, was almost overwhelming as he surrendered to sleep.

**A/N Hope you enjoyed it! This story has taken on a bit of a life of its own. My original outlines for the last two chapters were nothing like this! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I am enjoying writing it. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read this and especially to Eiri and Kurama lover07 for your amazing words, although I might just be her ;-) AlmondWithUnicornHair and Sheankelor for your ongoing support and Bronkwin2 for encouraging me to keep my intended pace! Let me know what you all think! x**

**PS I know this is a crucial turning point in the story but unfortunately I have to start working again on stuff that might pay the bills(I know boring) and will be taken up with that for the next few days... or that is the plan anyway. I promise tho there will be an update be the Friday at the latest!  
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	11. Unable to Sleep

**Warnings: Strong language and Male/male sexual adult content please don't read if you don't like**

**Chapter 11 – Unable to sleep**

_**"When you are in Love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams." Dr Seuss**_

Sensation slowly filtered though a sleepy fog, as Severus started rouse. He could feel a weight on his chest. Bile rose threateningly from his gut. He had had this dream too often and knew it always ended with him wakening, screaming, vomiting and unable to clear the horrific images. As his heart rate started picking up, he tried to force himself to waken; to fight the dream.

Something was different this time, he realised. The weight on his chest was moving, caressing, kissing, sucking. It wasn't a cold dead weight.

Severus had suffered nightmares practically every night for 15 years as his mind replayed the same scene, over and over.

_Seeing the body of his friend Lily, lying contorted in a pile of rubble, eyes open staring at him. Picking up, the still warm but dead form in his arms; cradling, to the sounds of a child's cry; detaching himself as the body grew cold in the winter chill that whipped through the ruined house, enveloping his heart; wrapping the scarred and crying infant in his robes; pressing the small warm body hard against his; looking into innocent, trusting, emerald green eyes as they gazed up and burned holes in his mind. _

The child's eyes had been the only thing that had changed over the years. During the last five years to be precise. Innocent trust had been replaced with a deep angry hatred.

As the soft, light kisses reached lower Severus pulled himself, as if drugged, out of sleep but the sensations did not stop.

Opening his eyes slightly, still not sure if he was awake, he was greeted by those eyes once again but they were filled with desire and yearning. He let out a shocked grunt and froze.

"Mornin' couldn't sleep" Harry said voice heavy with arousal, as he retraced the damp trail of kisses with his tongue back upward, whilst continuing to gaze into dark inky depths. As he reached those thin but incredibly soft lips, Harry nudged at them with his tongue, seeking access. Severus didn't respond.

Pushing up slightly on his elbow, Harry looked down and frowned slightly.

"Are you ok Sev?"

"Don't call me Sev" Severus growled as he snapped out his frozen dreamlike state and jumped out of bed abruptly, leaving a space for cold air to rush under the covers and surround Harry.

Flopping back onto the bed Harry groaned at the loss of contact and heat

"Oh I am sorry _Sir_. Which title would you prefer I address you, at 2am, whilst in your bed half naked?" Harry said half jokingly but with obvious irritation creeping into his voice.

Severus stopped in his tracks just before reaching the door that led the bathroom, but didn't dare turn around.

"Anything. Just not Sev. Go back to sleep" and with that he took the last step toward the bathroom and disappeared inside.

Harry lay watching the retreating figure in dismay. He had called him Sev a few times yesterday after Hermione had thought he had used the nickname, he liked it.

Severus knelt in front of the toilet on the cold stone floor, head in his hands. His mind was frozen with the burnt-in image of the infant green eyes filled with trust. The bile began to rise into his throat as he wretched. After a while, his stomach calmed but he remained kneeling in front of the bowl, head resting against the cold hard wall to the side. Tears stung his eyes, he wasn't sure if they had come from all the dry heaving or from the guilt and despair he felt. What had he done to the innocent child in his dream? What had he done to Harry.

The door to the bathroom creaked open as Harry entered. Severus didn't move but was aware of arms circling around his waist and a warm body pressing into his cold shivering back.

"Come back to bed Severus" Harry whispered.

Harry slowly helped the usually strong, proud man to his feet, dismayed to feel waves of sadness radiating from him.

As they made their way to the bed, Severus stopped and turned his gaze to look once again into those amazing eyes.

"Harry, go back to your dormitory, this is a mistake"

Harry felt as though someone had punched him in the gut

"Severus, please don't spoil tonight. I know you are sick but I want to stay and look after you."

"I am not sick Harry. Not in the way you think anyway. Please just go. We will talk later." Severus said sadly.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not until you can tell me why you are so sad. You know I can feel it; I just can't work out why calling you Sev, would cause such an emotion. I am sorry if I upset you, I won't use it again. I promise" Harry was getting a bit upset himself. They had worked so hard at getting their relationship to this point. He wasn't going to start going backwards now. He knew Severus brought a lot more emotional baggage to this than he did, but he wanted to get past all that.

"Harry I can't do this to you. You deserve much better."

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself for Merlin's sake! I know this is all weird and a bit fucked up really considering how much you hated me. Oh is that? You actually still hate me really, but the bond is pushing you in the opposite direction. Seeing me kiss you and rub myself against you made you sick! Is that it? You couldn't hide your disgust when still asleep!"

Harry's anger had once again started bubbling at the frustration of feeling such negative emotions in Severus.

"No Harry. That's not it. I have never hated you. Not really. Not in my heart. Not in the bit that remains just me and not influenced by the anguish of my soul. You don't get it do you? Have you ever asked yourself why I was there that night, the night your parents were killed? Do you ever stop to wonder why the hell I put myself through the Death Eater meetings and torture sessions? Do you think I enjoy it? Do you think I want to be in that evil bastard's presence once a month? Do you really understand why I was a git to you all these years? You think that was the bond, don't you? Or just an act I put on in front of Death eater children? Well it wasn't just that! It was the only way I knew how to treat you, to hide the pain of looking into your eyes and remembering how I killed you Mother and ruined your life!"

"Severus please calm down, we can work through this" Harry was getting a bit worried about the level Severus emotions were reaching. It wouldn't take much to set his anger off completely and that would be disastrous.

"I have tried Harry I can't do this anymore. I can't do this to you!"

Severus slumped down onto the edge of the bed, feeling Harry's fear and anxiety about his emotions and tried to calm down.

"We can do this, I want us to do this; you know, in that bit of my heart that is just mine?, that bit has never hated you either. I want you. I haven't asked you these questions Severus because I know why you do it. "

"You can't know Harry, you have no idea"

"Severus I know you loved my Mum. I saw your memories, remember? I know you hated my Dad. He seemed a right prick in what I saw, so I am not surprised. But he also took away the only person that showed you any care. I know you feel like you betrayed her. I think you have wanted to protect me and care for me as some sort of retribution to your guilt."

Severus had snapped his head up at the mention of his Mother and his whole body went rigid.

"You can't keep going with these feelings of guilt Severus. You didn't kill my Mum. You didn't try to kill me. You put your trust in the wrong person. You made a mistake. My parent put their trust in the wrong person too. They made a mistake."

Tears started rolling down the pale skin behind a curtain of black hair, as Severus hung his head.

"It changes nothing Harry; my mistake ruined your life. My mistake is why you have suffered what you have, in your short life and why you will suffer untold more, before its end. I do not deserve to have you in my life and I certainly do not deserve you in my bed"

Severus's heart broke thinking about how short this man's life would be. He knew he would more than likely die too when Harry's soul departed this world. He knew it would take his with it, but he didn't care about his own death, he just wanted to give Harry everything he could in the time he had left. He wanted him to be happy and he knew he couldn't make him happy.

"I plan on winning this war Severus and I plan on you helping me. I have no intention of being the one to die, that evil bastard will. I need you. I can't do this alone. I need to know we will be together at the end. To have something that is worth living for."

Severus sat in silence feeling the emotion of the words Harry said, he knew he meant them from the heart.

Harry made his way toward the slumped figure and pushed the silky curtain of hair back from the drawn, pale face, capturing it in his hands whilst he straddled Severus's lap.

"I love you, Severus." He said before pressing warm lips against the cold shivering ones.

Severus gasped, allowing Harry's tongue entry to the warm cavern.

The kiss was gentle and tender. Harry hadn't wanted to tell Severus how he truly felt. Not yet anyway and not like this but he needed to make him see that he couldn't leave him now.

When they broke apart Severus looked at him in awe and wonder.

"Harry" His voice breaking on the name "How can you?"

"I just do, you just need to believe me" Harry pushed the older man back gently onto the bed and covered the cold body beneath him with his own.

Severus gave in to the sensation of being loved. He knew he didn't deserve it. Not from anyone and certainly not from this young man but he couldn't refuse it.

Strong arms wrapped round Harry's back and pulled him into a tight embrace as they shuffled back under the covers.

Harry could feel Severus warm up as his cock twitched against his thigh. His own was pressing needily into the muscled abdomen beneath him. Their kiss quickly became more passionate as Severus moved Harry onto his back but they never once lost full body contact. The movement caused more friction against Harry's cock and he groaned in pleasure.

Severus broke the kiss and looked down at his lover with a questioning look. Harry stared straight back at him and gave a quick, almost imperceptible nod, as he closed his eyes and bucked his hips into the flesh above him letting him know he wanted this.

Running his hands down the toned flesh of Harry's chest, he leaned down, gently biting at the tanned flesh just under Harry's ear before licking and sucking at the marks his teeth had left. Harry groaned louder and erratically thrust his hips into Severus stomach. Severus moved his hands lower and pinned the narrow hips down as he continued biting and sucking as he moved down over the tight almost hairless chest. He captured the nub of a nipple into his mouth and sucked hard, flicking the end of his tongue over it before giving the other one the same treatment. Groans of pleasure came from above him and he could feel the strong rhythmic beat of Harry's heart increase to match his own. Severus opened his eyes briefly and looked up from his ongoing exploration of the body pinned beneath him, to witness the most erotic sight he had ever seen. Harry had his eyes closed and was straining his head back against the bed, mouth open in a pleasured sigh. He could feel the tense muscles beneath him fight against the restraining hands at his hips. He was painfully aware how hard his own cock had become as he involuntary rubbed himself against harry leg. He must stay in control of this, he thought as he growled, trying to focus and remain restrained.

"Please Severus" Harry said.

"Are you sure you know what it is you ask Harry?" Severus asked in slow silky tones.

"Tell me what you want" he continued between slow bites and licks to his abdomen.

"Touch me" Harry panted as he renewed his effort to thrust against Severus body.

Maintaining light pressure against the hard cock which was now pressing into Severus's chest, he slowly worked his way down Harry's body, kissing and licking every inch of the soft young flesh that was within his reach, while still holding down the straining hips. He traced the line of hair, that ran beneath the thin night trousers Harry wore, with his tongue and grabbed the narrow piece of silk, that had been tied in a bow at the waist, with his teeth and undid it. Continuing to use his mouth and teeth, he pushed the waistband lower, uncovering the tip of Harry's thick pulsing cock. He quickly flicked his tongue over the leaking slit; tasting him.

"Fuck" Harry almost growled.

"Tell me to stop Harry if it's too much too soon"

Harry growled louder and tried to buck his hips, in frustration.

"Please Sev...erus, now! Touch me...now... you git!"

Severus smirked at the desperation in Harry's voice. He could feel it. In a strange way, knowing how desperate and close Harry was to losing it, helped him control his own desire. He wanted to give everything to this young aroused man and not take anything in return.

Pulling the front of the overly big silk trousers down further with his teeth Severus uncovered all of Harry's straining, engorged cock and balls and nuzzled and licked in the warm hair covering his scrotum before slowly licking up the protruding vein on the underside of the wonderfully hard encouraged member.

"Oh my fucking God Severus!" Harry shouted between panting breaths.

Severus stopped and looked up to meet the gaze of wild, pleading green eyes. Yes he really does want this Severus realised, before licking teasingly at the leaking slit again. With a smile and a raised eyebrow he paused.

"Severus I... can't take... much more...please! " Harry stuttered out, as his eyes rolled before closing them and dropping his head back onto the pillow.

Severus opened his mouth and slowly eased the tip of Harry's cock into his mouth, running his tongue around the groove and over the slit.

Harry became frantic in his fight with the hands still pinning his hips down.

Severus slowly released the cock from his mouth and gently said,

"Try not to fight me Harry, don't force it, just relax and trust me"

Harry let out a painful sounding growl but did manage to control is frantic thrusting, slightly.

Severus set back to work; mind focussed only on giving this amazing man everything he could. His own need and straining cock was becoming almost painfully trapped between him and Harry's leg, but he still ignored it.

Taking Harry back into his mouth, he descended slowly using his tongue to increase pressure as he went. Opening his throat he took in the whole length and gently rubbed his chin against the scrotum beneath. Harry felt and smelt wonderful. He could feel his aching need for release and hummed gently around his mouthful.

"Fuuuuck" Harry screamed

Severus couldn't help give a small smile in recognition of what Harry was experiencing before bringing his head up back to the ridge and flicking his tongue round before plunging back down.

Harry had laced his fingers through Severus's hair and was urging him on trying to set the pace. But Severus maintained the overall control and kept a steady but slow movement up before thusting back down hard. It didn't take long before Severus felt Harry go tense and strain against him. He thruted down one more time and resumed gentle humming around his mouthful as Harry forcefully came in a scream. Severus continued pumping him, as waves of Harry's seed spilled into his mouth and down his throat, never stopping the low hum. Finally the sweat soaked body beneath him slumped boneless into the bed, unconscious.

Severus quickly released the now soft cock and crawled up the bed. Harry regained consciousness quickly and stared wide eye at the smirking man beside him"

"Are you sure you knew what it was you asked for?" Severus said almost laughing.

"Holy fucking crap Sev why the fuck have we not being doing that all term!"

"We shouldn't have done it now either, if the alarm that has been screaming for the last ½ hour is anything to go by"

Harry became aware that it wasn't his ears that were ringing from what he had just experienced but a screeching sound filled the room.

"What the hell is that?"

"Albus's ward no doubt"

"Oh shit!"Harry said glancing round the room.

"He didn't come in here and see us did he?"

"I may have heard him floo in a bit earlier but I warded the bedroom door against the old coot. The bedroom door is the only door a Professor can stop the meddling old man gaining access through"

"But he might have heard me screaming like a bloody girl! And does he have to know every fucking thing about my life! Merlin!"

"Was it not worth it?" Severus said trying to kiss away the irritation in Harry voice.

"Bloody right it was!" He replied with laugh "I think I blacked out or something though. How embarrassing"

"You can't surely find that embarrassing with me Harry. Not now anyway. I can assure you it's a fairly well known phenomenon "_la petite mort" _I believe it is reffered to, meaning 'little death'."

"Merlin, you're not wrong, I thought I _was_ going to die!" Harry confessed as he threw a shaky leg over Severus's body.

The older man was still aroused and flinched slightly at the slightly painful sensation in his balls as Harry brushed against them.

Harry looked at him worriedly

"Oh I'm sorry. Eh I think it is your turn!" his eyes glinting in a playful apology.

"No Harry, not this time."

"But Sev I want to, oh sorry I mean Severus" Harry flinched at his slip of using the shortened version of the man's name.

Severus scowled "I think I can let you call me that, but never in front of anyone else. Understood?"

"Great! The name suits you. Sooooo, come on Sev..." Harry said mischievously "...what would you like me to do to you?"

"Harry please. I am fine, just let's just try to get another few hours of sleep before breakfast, alright?"

"But you're not fine; I can feel you're not fine" Harry said rubbing his leg against the hardness in Severus's groin with a cheeky grin.

"I will be fine if you stop doing that, you intolerable brat!"

Severus growled, whilst pushing Harry over onto his other side and curling round his back.

"Let's just sleep for a bit"

The alarm stopped abruptly to sighs of relief, as they both lay silently in a tight embrace. Neither of them did find sleep but Severus felt some of his guilt lift, as he held the now adult form of the child he had once rescued.

**A/N Ok I said I wasn't going to update for a few days , but just had to do a quick chapter in my lunch break to give our boys some fun . I know it is short and I haven't read it for errors etc so hope it reads ok. I plan on proof reading the whole 11 chapters over the next few days and correcting some of the more obvious mistakes. I maybe should get a beta? Anyway I hope you enjoyed it and as always let me know what you think... things going too fast? Too slow? Are you enjoying it? Does the plot and theories of soul sharing make sense? Could you watch the film and kind of see this happening "off camera" so to speak? Anyway must go and at least try do some work! x**


	12. Love and Hate

**Warnings - Mature adult content of male/male sexual relationship, language and implied child abuse but nothing graphic.  
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**Chapter 12 - Love and Hate**

"_**Alas, that love, whose view is muffled still, Should, without eyes, see pathways to his will! Where shall we dine?—O me! What fray was here? Yet tell me not, for I have heard it all. Here's much to do with hate but more with love. Why then, O brawling love, O loving hate, O anything of nothing first created! O heavy lightness, serious vanity, Misshapen chaos of well-seeming forms! Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire, sick health, Still-waking sleep, that is not what it is! This love feel I, that feel no love in this. Dost thou not laugh?" – **_**Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet.**

Severus slipped out of bed early. Neither he nor Harry had managed to get back to sleep. Instead they had dosed on and off in a peaceful comfort of tangled legs and hands and gentle caresses.

"Sev it's still too early to get up..." Harry yawned "...and we have some unfinished business I want to attend to first." Harry said opening his eyes slightly, a mischievous grin playing over his tired features.

"Harry it's only an hour or so until breakfast and we both need to shower. I can't go looking like this," indicating the ruffled mess of black hair and unshaven face.

Harry growled "Oh Merlin I think you look bloody perfect like that" his eyes filling with lust.

Severus snorted "I also smell of you, I don't think Albus or Professor McGonagall would appreciate the look or the smell at breakfast"

"I'm having a shower with you then. You are not getting away from me that easily."

"Harry, please not this morning." Severus said gently.

Harry jumped out of bed ignoring Severus's objections. The older man darted into the bathroom and warded the door, before the horny teenager could reach him, to the sound of his indignant cries.

Severus shook his head with a small smile. He never thought in a million years he would be turning down an offer of sexual gratification from a handsome young man, who actually seemed to really want to be with him, the morning after the night before. Stepping into the shower, he let the torrents of warm water flow over his body and wash away the intoxicating smell that was a unique mixture of his own and Harry's.

Replaying the events of the previous night, he became more and more aroused as the glorious images flirted through his mind. _Tight young body, quivering with desire and pleasure, lying under his own; his face held between muscular thighs as they tensed and gripped his neck and shoulders; slowly moving up and down the thick throbbing length of an engorged cock with his mouth; feeling the hot powerful release enter him in spurts, filling up his heart and soul._

He curled his fingers round his own, now rock hard cock and closed his eyes, focussing on the one image that had almost sent him over the edge the previous night_; Harry pushing his head back into the pillows, neck muscles taut, green eyes filled with pleading desire, rolling back in their sockets, wet lips parting, as they emitted groans of pleasure as waves of release hit_.

"He's turning me into a bloody hormone addled teenager" he muttered to himself as he slowly started pumping his length.

He had been taking care of himself this way every morning and every night since the beginning of term. It was the only way he managed to get through each day without leaning over Harry's desk in his DADA class and taking what he wanted right there, in front of his students and Harry's classmates. It was going to be more difficult today if he couldn't stop these images, of a naked aroused Harry, jumping through his head every time he saw him. There was only a few days left of the term he realised, he just needed to keep hold of his control until then. The Christmas Holiday might help him cool down a bit he hoped.

Losing control was Severus's biggest fear on two accounts.

Firstly, he didn't want to end up roughly taking Harry the way he had done with many men and a few woman, in the past. It was the only type of sex he had ever known. After Lily died, he had allowed his body to be used, before turning into the one doing the using. All these pairing were meaningless and desperate, for both parties involved, and had left him feeling more lonely and empty than before. Secondly, he was scared of opening up to anyone, of being laid bare and vulnerable to rejection and ridicule. He trusted no-one and did not believe he was deserving of love, especially not by Harry bloody Potter.

Harry had only tried a few basic unlocking spells to gain access to the bathroom and was surprised when the door silently clicked open. He thought that Severus mustn't have _really_ wanted to keep him out, whether that had been a conscious choice or not, Harry didn't care. He was determined to end their evening together a bit less one-sided. He had to even things out a little. He wanted Severus to come screaming, as he had done. He needed to get the man to relax and just be himself. He had felt an anxiety, that was almost verging on fear, radiating through the bond last night and again this morning, when he had made it clear he wanted to reciprocate the amazing orgasm he had experienced; although he knew he would need some practice if he was ever going to get that confident at sucking someone off! He didn't understand Sev's fear completely, but had a fair idea it was born of guilt and low self esteem and he was not going to let it continue.

As he pushed the bathroom door open slowly, the sight that greeted him took his breath away. Of course he had seen Sev completely naked after the Death Eater meeting, but never since. That thought made him even more determined to get his lover to relax and accept their relationship as an equal two-way thing, not as something he could use to pay-back an imaginary debt. The glorious naked form before him was leaning forward slightly, steadying itself with one hand against the wall in front; water cascaded down over the pale scarred skin and black silky hair, obscuring the face in a thick curtain.

Wow Sev is truly stunning to look at Harry thought, as his cock sprung to life. Harry continued to watch as Severus started stroking himself slowly. _Oh no he bloody well doesn't! _Harry thought with a smile. _That is my job._ Quickly breaking his awed staring at the erotic sight, he crawled over to the shower and knelt at the man's feet. He looked up under the blanket of wet hair to see Severus's eyes closed in concentration, mouth open slightly in a groan that he couldn't hear for the sound of water crashing against the stone walls and floor. Harry's hand flew instinctively to his own cock as it throbbed, giving it a tight squeeze at the base. Merlin he could come right now just watching Sev doing this to himself but he wasn't going to let that happen. Keeping his eyes open and fixed on the amazing face above him, he leant forward and captured the head of Severus's cock in his mouth on a slow down stroke of the man's hand, quickly running his tongue around the exposed engorged ridge. Severus's eyes flew open in a grunt and pulled harshly away, stumbling backwards until his back hit the stone wall behind him, gasping.

Severus's face contorted in shock and anger.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing? Is it too difficult for your pea-sized brain to grasp the intricacies of the word NO! Get the fuck out, you arrogant, presumptuous, stupid little shit! NOW!"

Harry scrambled to his feet, as the feeling of rage built in Severus; he thanked Merlin both their wands were out of reach. He had no doubt that the angry, scowling man advancing on him, would be able to cast an unforgivable at him in his current state and mean it. He could feel his own anger build at the horrible words that had come out the mouth that had been wrapped around his cock just a few hours ago.

"Severus, don't do this..."

Severus grabbed his arm roughly, bruising him and threw him toward the door.

"GET...OUT!"

Harry let out a sob of despair as he opened the door. He was angry but his heart ached more.

He staggered out of the bathroom, naked, dripping wet and shivering, straight into the arms of the Headmaster and the sound of the alarm shrieking around him.

He let out a startled scream before breaking down into gasping sobs.

The headmaster waved his hand and conjured a large bath towel and wrapped it around him. The alarm silenced.

"Get dressed Harry and go to breakfast. I will speak with you later". Harry darted over to the bed, where his clothes had been discarded on the floor the night before, and dressed quickly. He cast a very quick drying spell at his hair, which made it more mussed up than it had been before entering the shower.

Once dressed, he turned to look at the Headmaster, who stood with his back to him in front of the bathroom door, presumably waiting on Severus to emerge.

"Professor?" Harry said quietly, still fighting back tears.

Albus turned to face Harry and took in the dishevelled mess of a boy in front of him who was currently looking at his feet.

"Yes Harry"

"This all my fault, please don't ask me to explain what happened, because I won't, this is very much between just Severus and I. We can sort it out, ourselves, I am sure of it. But..."

Harry paused, took a deep breath as if to summon the courage to say what he wanted and looked up into the tired blue eyes of his long term mentor.

"...I need you to leave us alone. I want you to remove the ward on us. We can't just be friends, we tried but we want to be more than that. We can't go on like this, with you watching our every move. I know you mean well Sir, but I know what I want. In muggle Britain the legal age for consent in all relationships is 16 and I'm even older that that inside, even you said so yourself. I would like you to understand but if you can't then please just accept that we are together."

Harry looked back down at his feet letting out another sigh. The Headmaster remained silent.

"Professor, I love Severus. I know we have many things to work out and overcome, but you constantly monitoring us, is making it more difficult. Don't you think we deserve a little privacy and peace before this war really kicks off? Severus certainly does after all he has sacrificed in his life. Please let us be".

Harry looked up again as he finished speaking, his eyes flew to the doorway behind the old man which was now open. Severus stood rigidly in its frame.

"The ward is lifted, please treat each other well. You do both deserve some happiness and I hope you find it. My door will always be open, should you ever require it." Albus said quietly and a bit resignedly.

"Severus can I see you for a quick chat after breakfast."

Harry heard Dumbledore's words, but did not respond as he was locked in a gaze with the shocked expression of the man he loved.

"Severus" Harry began after the headmaster had left.

"Please Harry, just go. We will talk later" Severus had hung his head as he spoke and would not look in Harry's eyes.

"When? I am not leaving things like this" Harry pleaded.

"Soon. Now I believe you have friends to meet before they start a full scale search party as to your whereabouts" Severus's tone had changed and hardened, it broke Harry's heart a little more to hear him speak to him like this, especially when no-one else was about. He let out a sob as he turned and left the bedroom.

As he approached the door that exited onto the dungeon corridor from Severus's living room, he took out his invisibility cloak and a shot of panic ran down his spine. His Potions textbook wasn't in his pocket. He had carried the book with him all term. It had helped him feel close to Severus when they were apart and he believed it had helped him overcome some of his separation anxiety when they couldn't spend time together. Now he didn't have it.

"Fuck" he swore as he retreated back into the sitting room, glancing around trying to see if it was there; although he knew it couldn't be. It was either back in Sev's office, where it might have fallen out of his pocket when he had collapsed on the sofa, or it was in the bedroom he had just come from. Gathering up all his courage he knocked on the bedroom door.

"Enter" a stern voice Harry remembered from days gone by, came to him through the door.

Opening the door slowly, he was confronted with Severus standing rigidly in full teaching robes.

"Has it completely escaped your memory that I asked you to leave? That I do not want you here, _Potter_?"

Harry let out a gasp as if the words had pushed all the air out his lungs.

"Well?" Severus spat out.

"I... emmm...have lost my... ermmm potion textbook and thought it might be in here."

Severus growled "I am sure such a text would be better utilised as a door stop than in your hands as an item of learning"

Severus refused to meet Harry's gaze as he belittled him, instead they roamed the room looking for the book. His eyes widened slightly for a fleeting moment before scowling. Harry glanced over to where Severus was looking to see his book lying open on the floor beside the bed, revealing the many scrawled notes the pages held. Harry darted toward it, slammed it shut as he picked it up and turned to flee the room.

"Stop right there Potter" Severus said in a demanding tone.

Harry's guts were churning, his hurt and despair, at what had happened between them, was turning into a slow burning anger as it met and mixed with Severus's own rage.

Severus advanced on Harry, still refusing to look at him, and focussed his eyes on the book in Harry's hands.

"Let me see that book you call _yours" _he sneered.

Harry stuffed the book into his robe pocket.

"It _is_ mine _Sir_, Professor Slughorn gave it to me because I didn't have my own" he sneered back.

Severus darted forward and pinned Harry against the wall.

"I said let me see it" Severus growled in a manner that reminded Harry of previous encounters like this with the greasy git, as both anger and hate flooded him once more.

"No, you sadistic evil bastard, are you taking a sick pleasure from ripping my heart out as well as possessing part of my soul. I fucking told you I loved you last night and you heard me tell Dumbledore the same. I must have truly lost my fucking mind. Now let me go and stay away from me you sad fuck" Harry shrugged out of the hold Severus had on his robes and fled out of the rooms.

Severus stood stunned at the way things had turned on its head. The anger bubbling in him turned sour as Harry's words hit home and broke his hard heart. He had been stupid to let the boy into his bed let alone into his heart. He should have listened to Albus and worked harder at healing the bond without going down this route.

He had recognised the old potions textbook as his own and wondered how the hell it had come into Harry's possession. Another disturbing turn of fate he thought, as he realised the danger those pages held. He had to get that book back before the dark magic, that its notes held, were unleashed unwittingly by the bloody "Chosen One" of all people.

Gathering himself together he left his rooms for breakfast, closing off his heart and mind to Harry and schooling his face into a scowl.

Harry had forgotten to don his invisibility cloak as he had exited Severus's rooms in his panic to get away. He didn't even look to see if anyone had seen him and he quite frankly, didn't care.

As he sat down with his friends in the Great Hall Hermione's eye widened "Harry are you alright? You look awful!"

Glancing down at his crumpled robes, he ran his hands over his unshaven face and through his messy hair, he realised he must look well and truly shagged. Giving Hermione a pointed look he replied.

"I'm fine just couldn't sleep, so went walking in the snow for a while. You know how my hair goes if I dry it magically".

"I wondered where the hell you were. Your bed didn't even look slept in. Maybe you would be able to sleep if you actually went to bed occasionally mate" Ron said as he looked Harry up and down. "Anyway you better sort yourself out cause I am not playing today. You will need to find another keeper. I'm sure McLaggen'll step in."

"What do you mean you're not playing Ron? Playing what?"

"Quidditch. You raving lunatic! What do you think I am talking about? It's the game against Slytherin today; don't tell me you've forgotten! You're the bloody captain! I thought that was why you couldn't sleep. I didn't sleep either, although at least I went to bed."

"Oh shit yeah of course. Eh give me a minute I better go and change, but you _are_ playing Ron, you're not wimping out on me now." Harry jumped up and ran from the Hall straight to the Gryffindor common room and changed into his quidditch gear. "Shit, how could I have forgotten about the first game of the year!" he muttered to himself. He really needed to get his head together.

Before returning to his friends, he had managed to compose himself enough to push thoughts of Severus out his head, even if his heart still ached. Ron was still sitting at the Gryffindor table but now he looked green, as he stared at his uneaten eggs.

Luna leant over to Harry, interrupting Ron's moaning about not wanting to play, and said loud enough so they could all hear "Is that a tonic you just slipped into Ron's drink Harry?"

Harry had been fingering the small vial of liquid luck wondering whether he should use it for the game. He'd just decided, that although the game was important to him, it wasn't as important as sorting out his bond with Sev and he might need it for that now.

Harry just nodded as if he had indeed put a tonic in Ron's drink, he knew what Luna was playing at; she wasn't as crazy as she made people believe.

"Harry! Is that what I think it is?" Hermione gasped.

Harry just smiled as he pocketed the vial before she could see it was still full.

"Ron! Don't drink it, you both could get expelled for this" Hermione ordered indignantly.

Ron downed the drink and slowly gave a big smile "Right come on Harry, we have a game to win!"

Harry got up to ongoing protests from Hermione and left for the game.

Severus sat in the Slytherin stand at the Quidditch pitch not really paying attention to the match. He had met with Albus after breakfast, prepared to have his mentor look at him with disappointment and disgust; however the meeting had mainly been about school business and Draco's recent behaviour.

Albus was clearly more concerned about his pending death than the bond between him and Harry. He had requested that Severus put a tracking spell on Draco, so he could intervene when it became necessary, since he felt the boy was becoming desperate enough to use the killing curse. Albus had also informed him that he was going travelling for a bit and asked that he take over some of the Headmasters duties whilst he was away. Before Severus left however, they had discussed Harry briefly. Severus had requested that the boy be informed about his promise to end Albus' life. The old man refused, explaining that he felt it imperative that Harry not know. His reasons were two-fold; firstly he thought Harry would try and stop Severus killing him and it was crucial that Severus was not swayed by emotions. The plan must go ahead to ensure Severus's position as a trusted servant of the Dark Lord. Secondly Harry had to believe that Severus was indeed loyal to Voldemort, to enable him to focus his anger and hate on bringing an end to the war. Albus conceded that he asked too much of them both, but it was the only way he had said. Severus had left the Headmasters office without responding, in fear he would do or say something he regretted later.

He was still seething that the Headmaster of this school, could use a student as a pawn in this war, even if it was the so called chosen one. He looked up to where the Gryffindor seeker was currently hovering above the pitch. Severus couldn't feel what Harry was feeling; he had managed to erect barriers to the sharing of their emotions. He felt hollow and empty without the constant undertone of love and acceptance that Harry felt for him. Severus decided there and then that he _was_ going to tell Harry about the plan to kill Albus and why, but not before it happened. He knew Albus was correct, Harry would try and stop it and potentially succeed but he had an idea of how he could let the boy know after the event, in an attempt to ease his pain. It was the first time Severus had decided to go against Albus' wishes; he had always done exactly what the old man had asked, but this time he had asked for too much.

As he watched the lithe form hover above the pitch, Harry turned and looked straight at him, their eyes met for a few seconds before the young man turned with a scowl and sped off. Severus's anger from this morning had faded, but he still felt a little irritated that his previous explanations, of why he found having a sexual relationship with him difficult, had not been accepted or understood. On reflection however, he knew he had handled the situation this morning badly. He could feel a deep unease in his soul and his heart ached. Their bond had been healing and growing stronger over the last 3 months 2 weeks but this morning had set them back and he didn't know how to rectify it. He couldn't even bare to look Harry in the eye, the love he saw in them mixed with the pain he had caused, unsettled him.

Ron played a blinder and Harry caught the snitch, after a fairly easy battle with Malfoy's stand in. Gryffindor won the match to screams and chanting of "Weasley" from the crowds.

An impromptu party had started in the Gryffindor common room after the match and Harry stood watching Ron revel in the attention of his teammates, with a smile. He was glad his friend appeared happy and relaxed. The loud cheers in the common room increased a notch as Lavender Brown jumped Ron and started snogging him hard, in front of everyone. Hermione was not very impressed however and had stormed out of the room. Harry ran to catch up with his friend, who he found sitting distraught in an empty alcove. He sat down beside her and tried to distract her from her thoughts by making a few comments on the conjured birds she had created. It didn't seem to work as her tears continued.

"How does it feel Harry when you see Dean with Ginny?"

Harry was confused by the question, he had told her he was in a relationship with Sev and she had called him gay so what's the deal with that question!

"Oh Um" Harry stammered with a quiet snort.

"I know" Hermione said through her continuing sobbing, "I see the way you look at her"

Harry had sort of been getting closer to Ginny over the summer but they had broken up when they got back to Hogwarts. He missed her friendship, he had got used to her being around but he didn't think he could ever be interested in that way, not now anyway. She was also his best mate's sister for Merlin's sake; he had watched her grow up like and elder brother! But seeing her snog Dean did hurt, he felt his stomach churn just at the thought. It reminded him how abnormal his life was. His life partner had been chosen for him when he was only a baby but he would never be able to openly show the man any affection. Hermione maybe thought he still liked Ginny even though he was involved with Severus, he thought. He hadn't told her that he didn't feel _anything_ for girls really or other boy's come to think about it. It had only ever been Sev that had caused any real emotion in him, although mostly negative ones he thought morosely!

Ron and Lavender came bouncing in to the alcove, Hermione made it clear she was upset by their public displays of affection but it did save Harry from having to respond immediately to her strange question. She clearly wanted to think Harry understood what she was feeling and could empathise through his own feelings. In a way he could, his heart was breaking at the way he and Severus had separated this morning. When Ron and Lavender left Harry held Hermione's hand and answered softly.

"It feels like this".

Hermione cried harder and wet through Harry's t-shirt. When she composed herself she looked into Harry eyes,

"Harry, are you sure you can't work things out with Ginny? You know she still wants you, even if she is with Dean and you are with... well you know". She said glancing around the alcove and up the stairs behind them.

"Hermione please let's not talk about me today ok"

"But Harry I was thinking about what you told me and well, you didn't actually say you preferred guys, you just said the person you were involved with at the moment was male. It was me that jumped to the conclusion that you were gay but maybe you like both."

"I don't know Hermione. It's not that simple. I wish it was"

"But Harry you don't have to feel like this when you see Ginny with Dean, she would dump Dean if you asked her you know"

"Hermione I don't feel like this about Dean and Ginny because I want her back alright, I feel sad that I will never be able to show the world who it is I am in love with. Watching Ginny with Dean reminds me of what I could have had, had I been a normal person that is!"

"You're in love with Professor Snape?" Hermione screeched.

"Keep your bloody voice down 'mione! Fuck" Harry looked back towards the common room and up the stairwell and breathed out when he couldn't see anyone about.

"Sorry Harry but you can't really blame me. I only found out yesterday that you were with him and yeah, when I saw you together; you both seemed comfortable with each other, before he saw me, that is. But _love_ Harry. I mean he is so much older than you. I said I would accept it and I do, but surely you can't see it lasting or being that serious!" Hermione was shocked and it showed in her expressions and tone of voice.

"Please Hermione I don't want to talk about it ok, but at least it's taken your mind off Ron for a bit! Come on lets go back to the party" Harry said trying to lighten the mood and change the subject back to Ron or get her to go have some fun. It didn't work.

"Harry James Potter, you cannot tell your best friend that you are in love with someone, no matter whom it is, and expect them to just say "oh ok let go get a butter beer". How long have you even been with him, I mean I thought it had maybe been only a few days or something? Merlin! Were you together when you had that duel or whatever it was in class? You never did let me ask you about that and ..." Hermione was off on one of her rants.

"We have been together since the beginning of term" Harry cut in. "That first night back at school, I didn't spend it in the infirmary getting my nose reset. I was with Sev in his rooms."

Hermione gasped

"Oh, it wasn't like that, not that night anyway"

"But Professor Dumbledore came and collected clothes for you; he said you were in the infirmary" Hermione said confusion clear on her face.

Harry nodded his head and smiled a sad sort of smile as he raised his eyebrows.

"And what do you mean by "not that night anyway" are you telling me you are having sex with him and he Headmaster knows!"

"I can't talk about this and I really don't want to discuss whether I have or haven't had sex with him, but yes Dumbledore knows we are together. I told you it was complicated; I wasn't joking. Now can we just drop it?" Harry stood and started making his way back up the stairs toward the common room.

"I'm sorry", Hermione shouted after him as she tried to catch up. "I didn't mean to sound so shocked. It's just a lot to take in; I mean you both still act as though you really hate each other, I am impressed at your acting skills!" Hermione laughed.

Harry muttered under his breath as he opened the door to the common room "Most of the time we are not acting"

The noise from the common room engulfed the muttered words but Hermione scowled and gave Harry a questioning look before the two friends were dragged back into the party by their housemates.

The following morning Harry headed to the library with Hermione, they had left Ron and Lavender still glued to each other in the common room. Harry didn't fancy sitting watching them all morning. He would have stayed in bed longer had he not had weird dreams all night of Severus turning into Ginny. His mind was a real mess. He hadn't seen Severus for 24 hours, he was he was still really hurting from the way they had parted the previous morning. They had planned on meeting in his office for a pretend detention directly after the match but Severus had never shown up. He was starting to think that maybe Dumbledore was right; that there was just no way they could be together. All his life he had accepted that he was different. He had always tried to find the positive side to the things that had been thrust on him and to make peace with them quickly. He was starting to think that this soul bond was just another thing he had just accepted. He wanted to make the best of who he was and maybe find some happiness in doing so. It wouldn't have helped if he had had a tantrum and cried about life being unfair. He had learnt when he was young, that such outbursts didn't change the facts and only succeeded in delaying his acceptance, making things much worse for himself in the end. But accepting that he shared his soul with Severus, allowing the bond to make them more than friends, wasn't making him happy. He was miserable.

As he sat in the library, he held his potions textbook tight with both hands as he surveyed the pages; he had hoped he would feel the connection to Severus. That it would calm him. But he felt nothing. Hermione was twittering on about love potions and Romilda Vane and the Slug Club Christmas party that night.

Romilda was sitting across from him smiling sweetly and staring at him. She is an attractive girl Harry thought maybe I should give it a go.

"Harry! Have you heard a word I said?"

"Yes Hermione, love potions and Romilda and Christmas party..."

Harry had turned his gaze back to Romilda.

"Well yes, but you know she only wants you because she thinks your "The Chosen One"!"

"I am the chosen one Hermione" Harry said with a cheeky smile thinking he may as well just accept that title too, maybe take the benefits he could from it.

Hermione smaked him over the head with a book

"Really Harry you are being obtuse and shallow, are you saying you are interested in _her_ now, after the conversation about love we had last night!" Hermione whispered in his ear.

"Eh Ok mmm Sorry I will ask some I like alright. Someone cool and No Hermione that's not what I am saying. Look I don't know what I am feeling about anything or anyone at the moment alright. Se... _him_ and I, we kind of had an argument about something yesterday morning and well... ach I don't know I'm a bit of a mess about it all really"

Hermione put down her book and looked at Harry's pained expression.

"Come on you, let's go down to the lake. You need to talk to someone and you can trust me ok"

Harry groaned and rested his head on his textbook, breathing in its embedded scent of potions. His heart skipped a beat at the smell, as memories of being held by strong arms briefly flitted through his mind.

"I never thought I would see the day I was telling you to get your head out of a textbook, but I am. I wish you would get rid of that thing anyway."

"Oh don't start on me about that again Hermione please, I feel a connection to whoever it was that wrote the notes in this book. It kind of helps me through stuff alright so let it go"

Hermione huffed but let the matter drop.

The two friends walked quietly down to the lake. Harry tried to compose his thoughts; he didn't know what Hermione expected him to say. He couldn't exactly tell her the whole truth could he. Dumbledore had explicitly said he wasn't to discuss the bond outside his office, but he had kind of messed up being able to talk through problems with the old man after he had told him to butt out.

As they reached their usual place by the lake, Hermione took hold of both Harry's hands in hers.

"Whatever you say to me about anything, I promise I will not tell a soul. I will also try and just listen and not judge or make assumptions alright"

Harry nodded and gave a small smile in acknowledgement. He knew there was no way she was going to manage the just listening part, but the rest he kind of believed.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Hermione broke the silence.

"So can you start by telling me how you and Professor Snape got together in the first place?"

Harry snorted an incredulous laugh.

"Oh Hermione you do know how to choose the most difficult place to start don't you?"

"Well it makes sense to start at the beginning Harry, so I can maybe try and understand things a little better."

Harry took a deep breath.

"Dumbledore said I couldn't speak about any of this to anyone out with his office, it's really quite difficult to explain anyway"

"Mmmm. Well I suppose if Professor Dumbledore thinks you shouldn't tell anyone, then maybe you shouldn't. How about you start with what you argued about and why you are feeling the way you do today"

"Ok..., well you know I stayed the night with Sev the night before last, yeah? Well that was the first time I had stayed overnight with him. Well the first time in his bed anyway. I have stayed overnight before but that was before we got together"

Hermione raised her eyebrows at this

"No there was nothing like that that time, but that's an equally long story for another day perhaps ok?"

"Anyway, up until last night we hadn't been together in any sort of big way you know?" Harry could feel the heat rise to his face and closed his eyes. "We had only ever kissed and held each other and only ever in Dumbledore's sitting room, well apart from the time you saw in the DADA classroom and once before that, after that nonverbal class incident at the beginning of term, we just about did a lot more then than just kiss that time!" Harry heard a small gasp but kept his eyes closed.

"Anyway the other night we were both so tired from the Patronus thing, that instead of having a proper detention we ended up going to bed, his bed, together, but just to sleep. We did just go to sleep, at first, but I woke up at about 2am and woke Sev up. I asked him to you know ...well anyway we did some stuff, or more like he did some stuff to me. It was amazing but the thing was he wouldn't let me touch him, well I could kiss him and hold him and stuff, but not ...you know... oh god Hermione I can't talk about this with you."

"So you asked Professor Snape to...

"Could you stop calling him Professor Snape when you are alone with me 'mione especially when we are talking about this"

"Ok, so you asked him to touch you and I presume he did, with either his hands or his mouth and he made you orgasm." Hermione stated matter of factly.

"Bloody Hell 'mione how can you make this sound like you are reading from a bloody textbook! " Harry laughed.

"Well am I not correct" Hermione continued with a small smile. Harry just nodded.

"From what you have said, I also presume you tried to reciprocate this and he refused"

Harry just nodded again.

"And why is this upsetting you exactly?"

"Why is it upsetting me? Is that not obvious?"

"No Harry it is not. Prof... he is a grown man who I am sure will have been with other men, if that is his persuasion, in his past. He will, more than likely, have never been in a relationship with a student and will possibly be more accustomed to...rougher penetrative sex than maybe you are ready for. He is bound to find it difficult, if you keep pushing him too far, to restrain these physical urges. I actually find it quite sweet that he was happy to take care of your needs, at your request, but to forgo his own and not ask for anything in return"

Harry sat with his mouth open gawping at her.

"Please close your mouth Harry you look like a fish"

"That was a lot of presuming for someone that wasn't going to presume anything!" Harry eventually sputtered.

"Well you can learn a lot about human sexuality and practices for books Harry, so I think you might find it is a little more educated than mere presumption"

Harry collapsed back onto the grass in a fully out belly laugh!

Hermione huffed but had a smile on her face.

"You are amazing Hermione. Have I ever told you that?" Harry managed to say between bouts of laughter.

"So I take it you got angry with him, for not allowing you to reciprocate, and he, instead of calming you down, got all stern and haughty, as is his way"

"Ermm will no not really no"

"Right well you better continue with your story"

"Well after he refused me, he said he just wanted to hold me and get some more sleep. Neither of us really slept though. He curled up behind me and we dosed on and off for a couple of hours. I would wake up with him rubbing my fingers through his or moving his legs between mine and we would lie touching like that for a while, before he dosed off and I would wake him again by pulling him closer. Stuff like that. Anyway, when he got up this morning, it was still really early. I asked if I could join him in the shower. He said no and warded the door. But I managed to unlock it easy enough and went in. He ...ermm well he was in the shower but he never saw me come in. He sort of ermm... had his eyes closed... I sneaked in and knelt in front of him and well...whilst he was ...you know... ermmm...I...leant down..."

"Ok Harry I get the picture..." Hermione had closed her eye as if warding against the images Harry was sending her and shook her head a bit as if to clear them.

"...I take it he lost the plot and threw you out".

"Yeah he was really angry! But how do you know he would do that? I mean it makes no sense!"

"Harry the relationship between a man and women can be quite complex and between two men even more so. In your case with Pr... Severus, it is complicated further by so many different factors. There is obviously a lot I don't understand about why and how you got together, but you are both very powerful wizards and have a lot of similar traits. He is obviously older and more experienced than you and will feel he has a responsibility to take things slowly. He may also have an issue with trust and forming open relationships with anyone. He was and still is an active Death Eater, wherever his loyalties now lie; I presume that has been confirmed to you unequivocally?"

Harry nodded

"Therefore being with you will not be easy for him. Can you not see that? For you to have barged in on him, when he had made it clear he did not want you to reciprocate yet, was rude and quite frankly Harry, a bit abusive of his personal space".

Harry let out a long breath as he let Hermione's words sink in. She has a point he realised.

"I guess what you say makes sense, but he made me feel cheap and dirty, Hermione. Like he only gave me what I asked because he felt he owed me. Like he was paying back a debt for something he did years ago and he doesn't really want to be with me...urghh I'm not making any sense am I?" Harry sighed at looked up at Hermione, who he hadn't been able to look at since the beginning of this conversation. Hermione sat with a worried distant look on her face. Her eyes snapped back to Harry's when she realised he was looking at her.

"Harry, why would you think that? Why would any sort of sexual contact, have anything to do with payment?"

"Uh em well he feels very guilty about something that he did years ago. Em I understand why he does. He made a mistake and it kind of contributed to my parents being killed, so fairly big mistake really, but the thing is 'mione we have talked about it and I have forgiven him, but I don't think he can forgive himself."

"Most people don't see sex as a method of paying back a wrong though Harry, I am not sure why you think he would do that" Hermione was frowning with worry clear in her eyes.

"Oh right yeah maybe I am over thinking it then"

They sat in silence for a minute or two, both thinking over what had been said.

"Harry, can I ask you something?"

"Ehh yeah"

"You don't have to answer this but it might explain a few things. Has anyone ever made you do something sexual with them when you didn't want to?"

Harry felt all the colour drain out his face and tears sprung to his eyes.

"Oh urghh..." Harry could hardly breathe as memories he had hidden well, even from himself flooded back.

Hermione flung her arms about her friend and held him tight.

They sat like this for a few minutes until Harry quietly broke the silence and started talking into the thick, curly hair he had buried his face in.

"There were some things I had to do for when I was a bit younger, that were in payment for ... well, being alive I suppose, but listen it stopped last year and I just want to forget about it ok? Harry broke his grip on Hermione and looked back down at the ground again.

"I never usually think about it at all, but with Sev not allowing me to touch him, it sort of made me feel like I was asking for payment from him or something. It makes me feel sick that he maybe sees it like that and was the only reason he complied. Uhh I don't know if I can explain this properly and I really don't want to talk it."

"I'm so sorry Harry, I had no idea"

Harry looked up at his friend to see tears streaming down her face.

"Hey, listen, stop crying alright. I'm fine. It's over. No need to get worked up about it alright" Harry said gently capturing his friends face in his hands and rubbing the tears away with his thumbs.

"Oh Harry but it is still affecting you. It is making you see sex as something that is either given or received, not as something shared. What you and Severus did last night was a shared experience, whoever did what to whom. Without speaking to him about his reasoning for stopping things where he did, you cannot possibly understand why he did so. I am positive it will be for some of the reasons I said though and nothing to do with guilt and paying back a debt"

Harry let out a sigh as her words hit home.

"I have made a right mess of things haven't I, Hermione. I am such a fuck up. You know I told him I loved him last night, I even told Dumbledore to butt out and stop interfering in our lives this morning."

Hermione gasped.

"Don't look so shocked Hermione. He had set a ward on Sev and I, that alerted him if we got too close. We obviously woke him in the middle of the night last night but Sev managed to keep him out of his bedroom. This morning when I was kicked out the shower, I walked straight into him. He was about to open the bathroom door Hermione! So I kind of told him to leave us alone."

Harry was growing more and more frustrated at the craziness of his life as he sat talking though it with his friend. "God why can't I just have one thing in my life that is normal. I really want to like girls, I want to like Ginny. I even dreamt about Ginny last night, that's a good sign isn't it? I wish I could try and be with her to see if I could make it work, but I can't take the risk of hurting her, not knowing what I know about Sev and our bond. I mean what if I go with Ginny or anybody else for that matter and I can't keep the bond happy with just friendship? I would just end up hurting the other person. It would make them as unhappy as I am! But then again, I do love Sev and I hate not seeing him. When I am with him I feel so at peace and whole and can't imagine ever wanting anyone else. I know it sounds weird and totally fucked up, since this is the Greasy Bastard we are talking about here, but I do love him, but then something happens, it could be the smallest of things, and all the hate and loathing floods back and..."

"Harry?" Hermione gently cut in.

"Oh sorry 'mione ignore me, I am just mouthing off. Bet you wished you hadn't asked me to talk to you about all this eh? I told you my mind was a mess. Can you imagine the panic if the wizarding world got hold of the fact that the "Chosen One" is a complete ranting screw up?" Harry lips twitched slightly as he attempted to smile. He hated feeling so out of control of his words and feelings. He normally managed to stay calm and rationalise most things without ranting like a lunatic.

"Harry I am glad you have opened up to me. It has been a long time coming and you are not a screw up alright. Harry? Emm You mentioned something about a bond?"

Harry groaned, this was why he never opened up and ranted about things bothering him. His friends seemed to be able to do it with annoying frequency, but he had too much stuff in his head that he shouldn't talk about.

"Oh did I? Yeah well... I suppose Sev and I are sort of bonded"

"Oh my God, Harry!" Hermione looked dumbfounded as she gasped trying to find her next words.

"What do you mean "sort of" you either are bonded to him or you aren't! When did this happen and what type of bond?"

"It's called the "Participatur Anima" bond but I can't tell you when or how it happened."

"Bloody Hell Harry you must be mistaken! That bond is only made through official ceremonious means and involves quite complex magic, and you have to be married and...

"I know 'mione. I really can't explain, but it wasn't through any "official ceremonious" means."

Hermione sat quietly for a while but you could almost see her thinking.

"Harry I am a bit lost for words. I need to think about this for a bit. You need to go and talk to Severus and work things out, before either of you do something you both will regret."

"I know about the anger and stuff alright. The whole school has witnessed or heard about our legendary outburst of hate towards each other. It's quite funny really that the rumours have being saying that we fight all the time because we are lovers, don't you think?"

"Love and hate are actually closely linked emotions Harry; they are both very passionate. To hate each other as strongly as you both have for the last 5 years, has told everyone, albeit maybe subconsciously, that you both regard each other as being worthy of the time and energy such extreme emotion requires. The gossip isn't funny or strange when you think about it. It is in fact quite natural that people take obvious outward extreme emotion between two people to mean they share a deeper relationship than may be immediately apparent."

Harry was shaking his head in amazement at his friends calm logic, when he heard a familiar sounding clearing of the throat from behind him. Hermione jumped up to her feet and spun round.

"Professor Snape! Good Morning. I was just heading to the library so I will leave you both in peace."

She leant down and picked up her books and gave Harry a quick kiss on the cheek

"Stay calm" she whispered in his ear before standing up again.

"I have only come down here to collect some water from the lake, for a specific potion, there really is no reason why my presence should interrupt your...discussion". Severus said trying to sound calm but the scowl on his face said otherwise.

"No really Professor, I must get back to the library." Hermione started to leave but as she drew level with Severus, she stopped and looked back the still seated back of her friend and whispered

"There are some things, in his past, that maybe make him think differently about some things, please don't push him away". Severus's scowl deepened as he looked down into the kind but sad hazel brown eyes of Harry's friend.

Hermione shuffled her feet for a second "He really does love you, don't be angry at him for speaking with me, he needs someone to talk to and I pushed him into it"

Severus gave a small nod and Hermione resumed walking back to the castle.

Approaching Harry, Severus yearned to sit down and wrap his thick warm cloak around them both. He was annoyed at the boy for talking to Granger about him, but also a bit worried about what she could have meant. He was only a teenager, what on earth could have happened to cause him to think differently about a relationship such as theirs.

Severus stopped walking, as a memory of a much younger Harry, flinching away in fear from the touch of Albus, flashed through his mind. Harry had been about 14 at the time. He had fallen off his broomstick in a particularly rough Quidditch game against Slytherin, and had landed on his back on the roof of the spectators' stand, where his unconscious body had then slid down the pitched wooden roof, before falling to the ground. When he had arrived in the infirmary Madam Pomfrey had been busy treating another student, so Albus had started stripping the boy of his clothes, to assess the damage from his bleeding back and legs. When Harry had regained consciousness, he had thrashed and screamed at the Headmaster, pleading with him not touch him. Severus, who had been with one of his own students, had turned in the direction of the commotion to witness Albus trying to remove Harry's trousers, to a look of fear in Harry's eyes. Severus had brushed off the look as a misread grimace of pain. Maybe it had been fear after all, he thought. Merlin he hoped not, he did not want to even contemplate what that could mean.

Severus started walking again albeit a bit more slowly. He walked right past Harry, but quietly instructed him to follow as he did so. They walked along the lakeside toward the Dark Forest with Harry a few steps behind. Once in the forest, out of sight of any prying eyes and just beyond the school wards, he allowed Harry to catch up and wrapped his arms around him.

"Prepare to disapparate Harry" Severus said.

Before Harry had any chance to question him he felt familiar sensation of being squeezed through a long narrow tube. The journey seemed to go on forever; it certainly took longer than any journey he had made with Dumbledore before. Eventually the sensations stopped as they reappeared, with a loud pop, into a brightly lit room. Severus was still holding onto him as he looked around the small but, well cared for sitting room. It was decorated and furnished in bright whites and deep greens. It was a comfortable clean space.

"I'm sorry Severus for..." Harry began wanting to get his apology out the way first.

"Shhh, your apology is not required Harry" Severus responded quietly in a low sultry voice, before capturing the lips before him, in his own.

Harry relaxed as the kiss continued; he felt at home again and wished they could stay here like this forever. Wherever here is Harry thought.

When they parted after a few minutes, Harry looked into Severus eyes that radiated the same sense of peace and belonging, but there was something else there too, a glimmer of concern Harry realised.

"Where are we?" Harry asked as he quickly looked around the room again.

"A small cottage I own in France. I have only owned it since the beginning of summer, you are my first guest"

"Why have you brought me here? Won't the Headmaster be furious with us for leaving school grounds?"

"I have brought you here so we can be together, away from the pressures and constraints of the school. I am no longer your teacher whilst we are here. Don't worry about the Headmaster." Severus said calmly as he took Harry's hand and started moving them towards an inner doorway. Harry had never heard the man speak so calmly and with such feeling, it was like he was a different person away from the school. He could drown in the sultry tones of his caring, caressing voice.

As Harry was gently pulled through the door, he gasped at the beautiful bedroom they had entered. This room was decorated in bright reds that accentuated the sparkling white marble fireplace and walls. There were intricate tapestries hung around the room in the same shades of red as the plush drapes and silky bed linen that adorned the huge four poster bed. There were accents of green, silver and black woven into the fabric of the top bed cover that depicted a snake wrapped around what Harry thought looked like an old gnarled walking stick.

"Wow" Harry said.

"Indeed" Severus said looking a bit stunned by the room also.

"I have charmed this room to change into whatever it feels its occupants need, at any given time. I did not choose the colours or the furnishings"

After a few seconds of looking at their surrounding, Severus pulled Harry back into his embrace and kissed him deeply. Harry could feel the connection to Severus slowly returning. It was like someone was removing a blockage to them sharing their emotions and he was overwhelmed by feelings of love and passion Severus radiated. Harry melted into the warm sensations and deepened the kiss.

As Severus started slowly removing Harry muggle t-shirt and he realised the clothes Harry wore, although expensive, were far too big on him and looked worn and well used. Another sickle dropped into place, as he started to realise that this young man had maybe not had the upbringing of a spoilt brat after all.

Harry now stood panting and flushed, the muscles on his chest tense and quivering.

"Severus I can't do this if you won't allow me to touch you. I need us both to be comfortable enough to share this together. I know you have your reasons for holding back and controlling this, but we have to try and overcome these, if this is to work."

"I know" Severus said gently pulling him back into a tight embrace.

"I am scared of hurting you Harry, of taking things too far too soon, of losing control. I have not always been the nicest of men. I am not a nice man. I have never had a relationship where I have trusted anyone enough to open myself up to them, emotionally. I am scared you won't like what you see if I do Harry."

"You are forgetting something Sev; I can feel your emotions. I already know who you are deep down." Harry said gently.

Severus responded by renewing their passionate kiss and pulling Harry over to the large silk clad bed.

**A/N – Ok Ok... I can hear your screams from here. I am a bit cruel for leaving it at this point. I hate when authors do that but I am not going to be able to write more until later tomorrow so thought this was a good place to stop and wanted to post what I have. I promise I will pick up from where I left off and not skip a scene!**

**Thanks to everyone who is on this journey with me and have reviewed. It is amazing what a few words of encouragement can do to help me keep going with this so everyone reading, please let me know what you think. Thanks to CajunMomma (I have just seen your last message, will get back to you tonight), Puzzle me this, Sheankelor, AlmondWithUnicornHair and Eiri and Kurama lover07 for your support it really is appreciated. x**


	13. Extracurricular Activity

**A/N Ok this chapter is short and contributes nothing to the overall story but finishes off the previous chapter, only to stop the screams of moar from some of you ;-) You can skip this chapter and not miss anything of importance in the main plot. **

**Soooo obvious warnings: Explicit Male/male sexual content, language and references to abuse but nothing explicit.**

**Chapter 13 – Extracurricular Activity**

Severus allowed Harry to take control and he found himself being pushed roughly backwards onto the bed. He was a bit taken aback by the young man's confidence and could feel a rising panic about giving control over to him like this; it made him feel weak and vulnerable but also scared him. He didn't want to end up losing his willpower to take this slowly. However there was nothing slow about the way Harry was currently grinding his arse into Severus's groin he realised.

Merlin he is going to drive all rational thought from my mind if he continues like this, he thought.

Harry couldn't actually believe he was in a beautiful room, in France, with Severus Snape of all people, he had just a minute ago been moaning to his friend that he wanted to try learn to like girls and have a normal life. Now, as he straddled a man he knew he was supposed to despise, he couldn't understand why he had ever thought being with a girl would be more appealing. He paused briefly in his task of undoing the many buttons on Severus' robes and locked eyes with him.

"Why are you panicking Sev? If you do not want this then please ask me to stop we can take things slower again if you want."

Severus sighed, "Harry I want you more than I think you realise but I am finding it rather difficult to..." Severus closed his eyes

"I need you to tell me if I get too rough or do something you don't want. I want this to be..."

He was cut off as the young man lunged forward capturing his mouth in a bruising passionate kiss. A warm wet tongue was roughly pushed between his lips and into his mouth before his lower lip was sucked between teeth and nipped hard enough to leave marks. Severus watched as Harry pulled back and sucked on a finger, wetting it, before running the digit over his now bruised lip. Severus groaned at the amount of desire in Harry's eyes as he did so. His mind was struggling to remain calm, he had never thought in a million years Harry would ever have such raw lust for him like this, regardless of the bond.

Harry resumed his task of undoing buttons, as if nothing had happened, with a smirk on his face.

"The same goes for you, even after everything that happened the other morning, you have to tell me to stop if you are not comfortable. I may not be as experienced at this as you but let's not over think it. I think we have both _thought_ about it too much" Harry's voice was husky and deeper than normal with arousal and the sound of it went straight to Severus's groin.

He reached up and ran his hands down the tanned chest in front of him and he let his panic and fears go. As his hands reached Harry's hips, he pushed him down onto his legs a so his cock wasn't restrained as tightly against Harry's arse. The friction against his hard cock made his hips thrust gently into the toned buttocks as they moved over him and he let out another groan. Gripping Harry's hips tighter he gave in to his desire to be more in control and flipped the smaller man on his back, never losing contact with him as he followed him over. Lying between Harry's legs, their cocks met and rubbed together through the thick fabric of his robes and Harry's jeans. Harry gasped and lifted his hips off the bed trying to achieve more contact, growling as he rutted against Severus's hardness.

"Impatient are you? Typical bloody Gryffindor" Severus said through a smirk.

Harry snorted.

"Impatient? Me? It was you that flipped me on the bed. I was quiet happy undoing your buttons! "

Severus chuckled quietly as he quickly undid the rest of his own buttons and shrugged out of the heavy robes, before removing his shirt as well. Harry brought his hands up and ran them over the deepest of the scars that ran across the pale chest.

"Do these not repulse you?" Severus asked. He had wondered about this the other morning when Harry had touched and caressed each scar on his back tenderly.

"No. Why would they? Scars, of any type, mark what has happened in your life, they do not make you who you are, if you do not allow them to. I'm repulsed by who gave them to you but not by the marks themselves"

Severus raised an eyebrow at this young man's clear understanding of how things were, he really was older than his years he realised. Older and wiser than he was himself in many ways.

Severus reached up and ran his thumb over Harry's only scar.

"You have to be the most perceptive person I have ever come across with regards to the state of the human condition. Why then, are you uncomfortable with me touching your scar? The scar itself doesn't define you any more than mine does me."

"I know, but you are the only person I have ever met, that has not wanted to touch or even look at it, it was refreshing"

"I am not touching it Harry, out of any awe or reverence, but this scar marks an event I never thought any positive could come, but here we are, together, however weird and screwed up it is."

Harry reached up and pulled Severus down on top of him and their bare chests met. The heat and electricity between them was almost overwhelming. Neither man noticed the small dashes of light that had begun to swirl around the room as they closed their eyes, lips meeting again in a slow burning kiss. Severus broke away from Harry's mouth after a few minutes and made a slow trail of kisses down his body, nipping and sucking gently as he went. By the time he reached the waistband of Harry's trousers, both were painfully aroused and panting. As he started to unbutton the jeans that were in his way he felt more than heard, a low growl vibrating through the tense body beneath him.

"Sev...stop" Harry panted

Severus knelt up between Harry's legs and looked down at him worriedly, expecting the young wizard to have changed his mind about being with him.

"Don't look so worried, as much as I loved what you did to me last night, I don't want you to do that again; not today anyway." Harry said with a twinkle in his eyes.

Severus felt the worry wash away "I wasn't going to Harry, just thought you might want to get these trousers off." He replied silkily with a smirk

"Oh ok yeah sorry just didn't want to take the chance of a repeat performance. I wouldn't have been able to stop you if you had gone much further" Harry said chuckling at himself. "But I do want my trousers gone but only if yours go with them" Harry said with a cheeky grin.

Severus rolled his eyes and with a small flick of his wandless hand, both Harry's and Severus's remaining clothes vanished.

Harry gasped at the sensation of his cock being released so suddenly to the cool air and in pleasure at finally having Sev kneeling between his legs completely naked.

"Wow don't you just love magic!" Harry said in awe, whilst running his eye over the slim mucular body between his legs.

Severus chuckled at the young wizards continuing awe at anything to do with magic.

"Mmmm believe me Harry, the sight before me right now does more for me than a quick flick of the wrist!"

Harry snorted in an open splutter of laughter at his realisation of double meaning of Sev's words.

"Oh my god Sev, I need to get you out of Hogwarts more often! Did you really mean to crack a joke there?"

"There are many things I say or do at Hogwarts Harry, that are not really who I am. I hope you can always remember that" Severus growled.

Harry frowned at the serious tone of Sev's voice, in answer to something that was meant to be funny, but he forgot about it as soon as the man leant back down and the hard smooth skin of their now naked cocks met and rubbed together. Both men groaned into each other's mouths as searing sensations shot through their bodies from their groins. Breaking the kiss to draw in ragged breaths they lay still for a few seconds looking into each other's eyes, feeling each other's passion and desire build and mingle into one almost unbearable emotion.

Suddenly the moment of stillness was broken as both men lunged at the other in a frenzy of teeth and tongues. They sucked and nipped at every area of skin that was within reach without breaking the slow building rhythm of their hips. Harry dug his fingers into the tense hard muscle of Sev's arse, urging him to press harder against his now leaking cock with his own. It had the deired effect as Severus pushed down harder and picked up the pace slightly. When the men paused their exploration with the mouths and tongues, Severus leaned up on one hand and brought the other to his mouth, giving Harry a look that can only be described as a mischievous smirk. Harry gasped, he had never seen him look so relaxed.

He even has a playful, teasing glint in his eyes, Harry thought. The git toying with me, he realised as he watched him suck and lick his potion stained fingers, to the rhythm of their groins, wetting them.

Maintaining eye contact the whole time Severus moved the damp fingers between their bodies and wrapped them around their throbbing cocks, squeezing them together, before swiping his thumb over the slits, gathering the pre-cum that had gathered there, massaging it over the exposed heads and around the sensitive ridges.

"Fuck... Oh my God Sev" Harry panted

Severus smiled down at his lover as he started slowly pumping the hard throbbing members together. Severus realised that they were perfectly matched in length and there was not much difference in thickness either. Together like this suddenly seemed so right, so normal, he couldn't work out why he had been so concerned about it. He knew there was an age difference and that Harry was his student, but none of that seemed important anymore, it seemed so trivial considering they may only have a few weeks to be together. Life was too short and in their case would be painfully so. As the sensations grew stronger, the heat radiating from his groin blocked all further rational thought and he quickened the pace of his hand as they both started to moan louder and thrust harder into his hand.

"Faster Sev... oh fuck... I need more... shit" Harry mumbled almost incoherently.

"Sev... Please ... I ... fuck... I need you...inside me!"

The words startled Severus a little and he slowed down his stroking. He surely hadn't heard him right. He can't know the exquisite pleasure such a thing could give, to know he wanted it.

"Urghh Sev, don't stop,... shit, but I need you... inside me... NOW!" Harry's eyes flew open and pleaded with him.

"Harry, are you absolutely sure... "Sev panted, it took all his willpower to even speak. "I might not be able to control that so well" Severus growled huskily.

Merlin, Severus thought. Is Harry tring to test of my willpower and control? He didn't want to even think about fucking him, not on their first time together, the sensations were too new and raw from just being with him.

"Sev Please... FUCK ME... NOW!" Harry screamed as his hips thrust erratically against his cock and hand.

Severus mind went blank as he was overcome with a desire to do exactly what Harry was demanding. Those words coming from Harry's mouth with such pleading desire and sureness, mixed with the love and passion being shared through the bond, sent his mind over the edge.

Severus let go of their cocks and Harry took a sharp intake of breath at the loss of contact and movement, bucking up into Severus trying to maintain some friction, eyes wild.

Severus kept watching the pleading face for any signs of uncertainty as he tried to steady his racing heart and trembling hands whilst lifting Harry's legs and pressing his thighs onto his chest.

"Sev... inside me... please" Harry muttered again as he took hold of his own cock.

Wordlessly Severus summoned some lubricant, which the room supplied immediately, and dipped his fingers into the smooth silky potion that had appeared beside him. He could feel a familiar tingle from the salve on his hand and recognised the sensation immediately.

This lubricant has healing properties, he realised as a concerned thought passed through his mind. Why has the room supplied this particular potion? he wondered, but before he could think any further about it Harry cried out again

"Hurry Sev...now.. Please"

The pleading voice of Harry pushed the concern aside but it remained in the background as he approached Harry a little more cautiously.

He ran his potion slicked fingers down the crack of Harry's arse and circled the puckered flesh, to Harry's groans of pleasure. Spurred on, he gently probed his entrance with one finger, circling and massaging as he pressed harder against it. Harry suddenly pushed against him and his finger breached the tight ring of muscle. Severus could feel some thickened areas of scar tissue and it made him pause.

Harry was panting heavily and Severus was worried that he had changed his mind, but his eyes were screwed tight shut so he could not look for any signs of pain or distress.

"Harry, look at me" Severus requested gently.

Harry opened his eyes slowly and with difficulty focussed on Severus.

Severus saw tears fill those beautiful green orbs and pulled his finger out gently.

"No Severus don't stop, I want this so bad it hurts, please"

"But Harry ..."

"Sev not now, I know what you felt, please, its ok, I want this. I need you"

Harry had let go of his own cock and was now holding his legs against his chest. Severus closed his eyes and reached between Harrys legs, wrapping his hand around the still hard but slightly less engorged cock and stocked it slowly until he could feel Harry relax again. Scooping up more of the potion with his other hand he once again entered Harry's tight hole with one finger. Gently massaging away the tension and rubbing the lotion into the muscles, the whole time he kept his eyes on Harry's face for signs of distress or discomfort and slowed when there was. It took some time for Severus to feel Harry relax around his probing finger but Harry continued to urge for more

"More Sev... fuck... that feels... amazing." Harry urged

Severus slowly introduced another potion smeared finger and found Harry pushing back against his hand with a loud groan. He messaged and stretched the muscles by scissoring his fingers gently. He could feel the potion growing warm and the healing sensations ran up his arm. Harry remained completely relaxed and had built up a slow rhythm of pushing against the intruding fingers. As the third finger was introduced however Harry tensed slightly again and Severus stilled his gentle probing

"Its fine Sev, don't stop" Harry said although his voice betrayed a little pain.

"Breathe for me Harry, I love you. I will not allow this to hurt you" Severus said quietly.

Where the hell has this person come from, Severus thought of himself. He had never felt so overwhelmed by wanting to love someone and give them everything he had to give.

The small sparks of light, that had started darting around the room, grew larger and moved faster colliding with each other as they went, creating more.

Severus resumed the slow stretching and massaging of Harry's tight muscle whilst all the while maintaining a steady pace on maintaining Harry's erection. After a few minutes, Harry relaxed again and was now panting hard, straining for Severus fingers to go deeper.

"Inside me...now Sev" Harry pleaded.

Withdrawing his fingers and quickly coating them in the potion, he smeared his own cock with the salve. He had to take a second to control himself as the potion heated around him and made him cry out at the sensation.

"Are you sure you are ready Harry" Severus panted. He felt like adding _because I won't be able to stop once we take this next step_. He could feel his control starting to crumble.

Harry nodded and opened his eyes to focus on Severus's face as the older wizard positioned himself. Parting the firm cheeks with one hand Severus pushed against the tight ring and he felt himself slip in to the well prepared channel fairly easily. The head of his cock was now enveloped in the tight heat.

"Fuck" both men growled simultaneously.

Severus could see pain enter Harry's face again and he held still until he knew he had one again relaxed. It took everything he had to not just thrust in hard.

Harry wrapped his legs around Severus's neck and was urging him on by pushing against him but Severus managed to enter carefully and slowly, still keeping his eyes focussed on Harry's expressions for any sign of further pain. After edging in slowly, for what felt like forever, his cock was eventually shrouded entirely by Harry's straining arse. Holding still for a few moments he breathed out a harsh gasping breath. The feeling of being buried deep in this amazing man was intoxicating and his head spun a little. Harry was now writhing beneath him urging him to move. He pulled back, just a little, before gently thrusting back in, he managed to keep this action going for a few strokes until he thought he was going to go insane with the building need to thrust harder and faster.

"Sev relax... harder... I need you...to fuck me... hard!"

Something snapped in Severus as he pulled back and thrust in harder, his balls slapped against Harry's arse before pulling back again, almost all the way this time and slammed in as hard as he could.

"Fuck ... oh God Severus...Yes...Yes... faster ... " Harry was gripping the silk sheets beside him in frantic fists and the spectacle drove Severus on, he could hardly breathe with the sensations running down his spine, where they pooled in his groin at the sight of the young man beneath him. He could feel their magic bouncing of each others in powerful waves and thought he could see sparks of light whirling around them before he closed his eyes, his mind closed down completely to anything other than Harry and the sensations coursing through his body.

The lights had grown brighter and larger, congregating around the joined pair in a dome shaped shield and had started emitted a low hum.

Severus set a steady pace of slamming hard into Harry, whose knuckles had turned white as he gripped the sheets, his face contorted in pleasure, as he muttered incoherently.

Severus changed position slightly and on the next thrust his cock pressed hard against the prostate gland hidden deep inside Harry. A loud scream ripped out Harry's throat as he clenched his arse around Severus cock.

"Oh... my fucking... god ... Sev... I ... fuck..." another scream ripped from Harry as Severus hit the spot hard again and again.

Severus had never experienced such an all encompassing physical pleasure at the same time as such heart rending emotion, as he continued to slam into Harry's body. He knew he wasn't going to be able to keep this up long as sweat broke out and ran down his back and face, but he tried to hold on a little longer. He wanted Harry to come before he did.

"Harry..."Severus began through panting breaths "touch yourself..." It took all of Severus's concentration to just mutter the words. "Come for me...Now"

Harry let go of his grip on the sheets with one hand and started pumping his hard length fast.

"Oh Sev fuck... I'm..."

Harry's whole body went into spasm, his arse clenched even tighter around Severus's cock, sending him screaming over the edge. Harry came sending hot powerful spurts of come up onto his chest and stomach. Wave after wave hit them both as Severus thrust into the now almost painfully tight hole, feeling what he thought was his entire insides, rip out of him and pump into Harry's body.

As the spasms of release lessened a few moments later, a loud crack echoed around the room as the shield of light disintegrated and rained down on them in tiny sparks.

But neither wizard witnessed the spectacle, they had both past out.

**A/N - Whew, what can I say, hope you liked it?  
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**Sheankelor, Can you imagine Sev asking for permission to leave the school grounds with a student let alone with Harry nah he just took him, in more ways than one LOL Thanks for staying with me on this story and giving me feedback! Thanks to all who reviewed so far actually. Welcome to Maddps & thea and a big thanks to AlmondWithUnicornHair for your regular reviews - they mean a lot x  
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	14. Back to Reality

**Warnings: As if you didn't know by now but this is contains mature themes of a male/male sexual relationship, this chapter also contains references to abuse and a short **_**attempted**_** non-con scene although neither parties are really responsible for their actions at the time. Strong language.**

**Chapter 14 – Back to Reality**

"_**The reality of the other person lies not in what he reveals to you, but what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him, listen not to what he says, but rather to what he does not say." -Kahlil Gibran.**_

Harry gently moved strands of black hair out of Severus's face and pushed them behind his ear. His body buzzed all over. The weight of the man lying unconscious on top of him was the most comforting feeling he had ever experienced. He never wanted this moment to end.

Sev looks so peaceful and relaxed he thought as he traced the outline of the man's bruised lips with his fingers. He could feel their hearts beating fast and strong between them and he knew he had only passed out briefly. Sev slowly opened his eyes with a pleasured groan.

"Oh Merlin Harry" he whispered in his ear as he roused.

"Mmmm indeed" Harry sighed

"You are going to be the death of me, _Potter_" the older man continued whilst slowly pushing up on a shaking arm, placing the other over his still pounding heart.

"As long as it is just the '_little death'_, many times over" Harry raised an eyebrow. "Don't go having a heart attack on me you old git" he continued with a laugh.

Severus gave Harry as much of a withering stare as he could muster, before gently withdrawing from Harry's body, causing both men to flinch slightly.

"I'm sorry Harry, I...have I...oh god have I hurt you?" Severus said, his face clouding over with worry.

"Shh Sev, I'm fine. More than fine" Harry responded whilst pulling the worried man back down, kissing him softly.

Severus could feel the bile rise in his throat at the thoughts of what his so called family must have put him through, invaded his mind. He was glad Albus was away travelling because he might have gone back to Hogwarts and killed the manipulative bastard right now and be done with it. He must have known all this time that Harry was not being abused. How the hell could he have let it continue? He accepted his own abuse at the hands of Voldemort as the old bastard's spy because he believed he deserved it, but Harry had been an innocent child for Merlin's sake! A child he knew was going to die young.

"Can we just stay here? Like this. Forever" Harry whispered in his ear, making Sev sigh at the longing for peace he both heard in the boy's voice and felt through the bond.

"I wish we could. You have no idea how much I want to..."

"Shhh, don't say it. Let's just pretend for a moment" Harry said, tears stinging his eyes. He wasn't very sure why he was crying. He felt so at peace, so complete but could feel a mix of emotions from Sev, some he couldn't readily identify with in their current situation.

Severus sighed again and relaxed back down, snaking one arm around Harry's back and pulling him into a tight embrace.

"We have to face it Harry. As much as I would like to just disappear with you, there are some things we unfortunately cannot hide from". _Like killing the person responsible for your abuse_ he thought.

Severus wiped away the tears from Harry eyes as he spoke.

"I believe you have a Christmas Party to attend, it would be advisable if you did so. Otherwise your friend Granger may start to worry I have hidden you away somewhere for my own pleasure"

Severus gave a small smile, but he had more things to worry about than a Christmas Party. With Albus away it at least gave him some time to put a tracing spell on Malfoy. He was now more determined to be the one to cast the killing curse; no other young boy would be corrupted by the machinations of the Dark Lord or Dumbledore, not if he could help it.

"That sounds like a good plan, Sev."

Mhmm? Severus asked wondering what Harry meant. His mind had wandered too far from the original conversation.

"You, hiding me away, for your own pleasure, it's a good idea" Harry smirked whilst trusting his groin into the still quivering stomach above him.

Severus groaned a little "Harry? Are you sure you are alright with what we did. I ..."

"Severus please can we not discuss this. There is no need. All I want to say on the matter is that you have made everything alright. You have made feel at peace with my past. It's over. Making love to you was amazing. It has allowed me to feel good about sex and it has healed a lot of guilt I had but please don't ask me to elaborate alright. Maybe one day. All I know is I want to make love to you again right now and tonight and again in the morning and as many times as we can before I have to leave for the holidays" Harry said ending with a huge grin on his face, thrusting his recovering arousal vigorously into Severus's stomach.

Severus chuckled pushing the thoughts of what Harry had said about his past to the back of his mind, for the moment, he didn't want to spoil Harry's happiness and contentment.

"Merlin! What have I created? I have turned the insufferable brat into an insatiable sex craved one".

Harry laughed "Well I hope that's not going to be a problem, is it? Although I am not how sure how it would go down if you called me that in class!" Harry tried to imitate Severus scowl before continuing

_"Are you completely incapable of following simple instructions Potter or is my sexy voice too damn distracting for you to concentrate for 5 minutes you insatiable sex craved brat"_

Severus snorted "Don't put ideas like that in my head! I will not be able to deride you again without bloody smiling or something equally foreign to my persona!"

"De what? Ride? Mmmm" Harry said thrusting his hips again.

Severus groaned "Stop that _Mr. Potter_ it has been difficult enough this term having to teach you. We really must work out a way to keep up our show of hatred toward each other"

Harry groaned, as the reality of what they had to return to came crashing back.

"Sev, can we just maybe try and at least not be so nasty to one another in public. I know no one can know how I really feel about you but can we just tame down the insults and barbs. It's difficult to hear you speak to me the way you do."

Severus rolled off Harry and lay on his back looking at the rich red canopy that was overhead.

"We have to continue hating each other in public Harry. There is no other way. The rest of this school year is going to be a difficult one; I am not sure how I am going to even be able to look at you and say the nasty things I must, but believe me, you do not want people thinking you have even learnt to trust me, let alone like me"

Severus was frowning at the moving image he could see embroidered into the silky fabric above him as he spoke.

"But Sev why would you say that, I mean..."

Harry looked up to see what Severus was looking at so intently. He watched in awe as an embroidered image of a silver and green snake, coiled tightly round a crooked piece of smooth silvery wood. The snake coiled tighter and tighter until the wood splintered into tiny pieces before disappearing. The image then reset and did the same thing again, over and over. It was mesmerising. The snake was so intent on crushing the wood, Harry wondered what the image meant.

"Hello my Sssslytherin ssssnake, why are you ssssooo angry at you perch" Harry hadn't meant to speak with the snake the question just slipped out.

"Ah good evening little ssssnake, thisssss is not my perchssss, thissss mussssst be killed"

Harry all at once recognised the shape the wooden perch took. It was the exact same as his scar but length ways.

"Oh my god Sev!"

Sev was staring at him with a look that Harry didn't recognise.

"Sev that snake it's trying to kill my..."

"Indeed" Severus replied abruptly as he jumped from the bed and started dressing quickly.

"But what does it mean; I don't understand. My scar is just a scar, it isn't alive."

Severus didn't respond.

"Severus what's wrong, what do you think it means? Is it saying I have to die? Oh my god it is, isn't it? It symbolises my death at Voldemort's hand. Why the hell, is your room showing me this? Doesn't it know I am fully aware of the constant threat to my life!"

"Harry calm down, it is meaningless, you are over thinking it. It is just an image of you and me together; it just symbolizes my..." Severus dropped his voice lower and became more thoughtful "wish to remove the burdens your scar has given you...or something" he finished weakly.

Severus eyes flicked around in thought but would not look at Harry.

But Sev the snake said...

"I know what the snake said Harry but snakes talk in riddles, you know that"

"What! You...you are a speaker?"

"You know I am. I believe you have spoken to me in parseltongue before. Now please get dressed. You are already late for this blasted party as it is."

"But Sev..." Harry was getting frustrated. He could feel an unease in Severus and didn't want to leave here with both of them feeling anxious again.

"Enough" Severus barked. "We must go, we will talk later" Severus's mind was reeling. The image of the snake destroying a replica of Harry's scar could mean so many things and he couldn't formulate a reasonable explanation beyond what he already tried to appease Harry with without further thought.

"Whoa Sev! Cut the crap. I really could do without you hiding what you are thinking from me you know" Harry said a bit angrily but did get up and start to dress.

The fact that Severus had said the snake was him worried him even more than thinking it was Voldemort. The thought of Voldemort killing him wasn't new to him.

As soon as he dressed, Severus grabbed his arm without warning, disapparating them both back to the Forbidden Forest. Severus turned to Harry and looked him up and down.

"You don't have time to shower and change. Let me transfigure what we have into something more respectable. Removing his wand from his sleeve, Harry's Quidditch jumper changed into a deep red shirt and tie, t-shirt into waist coat with small buttons and jeans into black trousers. Sev removed his very crumpled outer robe, turning it into a black shiny cape that was equally crumpled and old looking.

"Sorry, it is the best I can do with what we have. Now go to the party. I could do without questions as to your whereabouts."

"Can I come see you tonight, after the party, to talk?"

"I have some things to which I must attend, if I can get those done by a reasonable hour I will send you your owl. I presume she sleeps in the owlery most evenings".

"Yeah but sometime she does come and visit the tower."

"Good. I promise I will try Harry but please don't get upset if I can't"

"Ok, I suppose I have no choice, but I do want to talk to you about that snake alright?"

Severus nodded his head in resignation. He would have to tell Harry something he just wasn't sure where to begin.

"What are you going to tell the Headmaster about our disappearance? I presume he knows when any of the staff or students leave the grounds"

"He knows when someone leaves, but don't worry about him. Now go before you are too late"

"God my date will think I have stood them up" Harry stretched up on his tiptoes and planted a chaste kiss on Sev's lips before running toward the castle.

He is taking a date to the party Sev thought, as a spike of jealousy ran through him. Shaking himself mentally, he told himself to get a grip and stalked off to get ready for what he knew was going to be a difficult night. He planned on spending it speaking with Draco. As he walked to his rooms he slowly brought his emotions under control and erected his mind shields, visibly changing into Professor Snape the intimidating scowling git of a potions master. By the time he had changed his robes, choosing his most austere, he looked as intimidating as ever, but in his heart he still ached to be holding his Harry's in his arms, to give him the care and love he deserved. He couldn't believe he had ever thought Harry was an arrogant spoiled brat of a child. How wrong he had been.

Harry arrived at the party, mind still reeling from thoughts of the snake and what it could have meant but soon relaxed a little as he spoke with his friends. He saw Hermione disappear behind thin golden drapes that adorned the windows of the room. Ducking under them he came face to face with his dishevelled friend.

"Hermione, what are you doing. What's happened to you?" Harry looked Hermione up and down.

"I have just left Cormack under the mistletoe" Heroine explained.

"Cormack? That's who you invited?"

"I thought he would annoy Ron the most" Hermione confessed a bit sheepishly.

"Oh 'mione, you don't get it do you? Can you not see that upsetting Ron will not help?"

Hermione huffed "Where the hell have you been anyway? I have been looking everywhere for you today!"

"With Sev" Harry whispered

"I thought you smelt of potions and... ughh sweat or something" Hermione said screwing up her nose. "You need be a little more careful. People will start to notice if you just disappear for days and nights at a time just to turn up again smelling like that."

"I am just making the most of what life has chosen to give me 'Mione. You should do the same and stop trying to wind Ron up, it won't help you know. Or maybe you should just decide to be with Cormack and forget about Ron".

"Ughh he has more tentacles than a snarfala plant" Hermione complained, disgust clear in her face.

They were interrupted by a waiter appearing behind the curtain, offering a plate of dragon balls. On hearing they gave terribly bad breath, Hermione proceeded to stuff some into her mouth.

"At least they might keep Cormack at bay. Oh god here he comes"

Harry found himself standing, on his own, holding a platter of dragon balls behind drapes with Cormack, as his friend disappeared back into the room.

"You have just missed her. She's gone to...powder her nose or something" Harry turned to watch Cormack stuffing Dragon Balls into his mouth. God he really is quite gross, he realised.

Severus had tried to forget that Harry was at a party with a date, but he couldn't. He needed to know who it was Harry had asked to attend with him. His stomach tightened at the thought of him choosing to be with someone else, someone he genuinely liked, someone with whom he could be young and free from the burdens of a bond that forced him to be with someone he had hated for years, someone twice his age.

He decided to go to the party just for a while; he _had_ been invited after all but had turned down the invitation. Socialising really wasn't one of his priorities at the moment. On arrival his eyes scanned the room, eventually focussing on the two figures hiding behind the thin drapes at the window. He recognised one as Harry immediately and realised he was with another boy.

Jealousy ripped through him irrationally as he stalked over to the window and pushed back the drapes, coming face to face with Mclaggan. He flicked his eyes to Harry who nervously shuffled his feet before focussing on Mclaggan, wondering what the hell he was going to say now.

Harry felt Severus's jealousy and uncertainty as to what he should do now, with amusement. He looked at the floor and fidgeted wondering if it would be best if he stayed or tried to slip away.

Mclaggan took one look at Sev and threw up on his shoes.

Oh shit! Harry thought as he decided a quick departure was indeed required. He blew out a breath in an attempt to not laugh and pushed the curtains aside.

"You have just bought yourself a month's detention Mclaggan" Severus drawled

"Not so quick _Potter_"

Harry stopped and schooled his features into a blank look, hoping to hide his amusement as much as possible.

Severus spun to face Harry, his face was expressionless but his eyes held a questioning glint of hurt.

Harry was still amused that Sev was jealous of Mclaggan and wished he could just laugh, kiss the hurt away and tell him he had got it all wrong.

"Sir I really think I should rejoin the party. My date will be wondering where I have gone" Harry offered trying to appease his lover by effectively telling him that Cormack wasn't his date.

So his date isn't Mclaggan Severus thought breathing an internal sigh of relief. He hoped it was a witch and not a wizard. He could cope with him bringing a girl a little better; he knew Harry had no interest in girls.

"Your _date_, can surely, manage without your presence for another moment or two. I only wish to convey a message"

Harry could hardly look at Severus as the tension between them built. Harry hoped the message was about them meeting later.

"A message?" Harry said hopefully as he looked up into those dark eyes who suddenly couldn't meet his gaze. Harry's breathing became faster as his heart pounded at the thought of just leaving the party right now with Severus and maybe heading straight to his bed. He realised he had become aroused and shifted on his feet a little.

"From Professor Dumbledore he wishes me to convey his best and hopes you enjoy your holidays. You see he is travelling... and he won't return until the term resumes." Harry could feel the desire in Severus to not be so formal, noticing that he uncharacteristically also fidgeted slightly on his feet. Why had Sev come down here to pass on a message that wasn't all that important for him to know right now, maybe he was trying to tell him something else entirely, Harry thought.

"Travelling where?" Harry asked hoping to get some more information out of him.

Severus locked eyes with him briefly and strode off without another word.

Harry could feel a mixture of emotions in Severus, he briefly thought he felt a flicker of anger and hatred but realised it wasn't directed at him, since the overriding emotion was a yearning to be alone with him again. He knew the man had only come to the party to see him; it certainly wasn't to pass on the Headmasters regards. He wondered if Sev had just had a right telling off from the Dumbledore for their unauthorised trip, which would explain why he had felt anger and hatred as he spoke the old man's name.

His thoughts were interrupted by Filch dragging in Malfoy by the scruff of the neck, who apparently was gate crashing the party. Severus strode over to Filch and informed him that he would escort Malfoy out. Harry's heart jumped and his stomach churned, as he watched the intense stares both men gave each other and how close Sev stood to his nemesis as he spoke to him. He could feel Severus's caring concern for the blonde Slytherin and wondered why Malfoy looked at Severus, who had always been his favourite teacher, with such loathing. Harry's thoughts were once again thrown into a now familiar confusion at feeling Sev's emotions, but tried to think rationally as to why they might hold such deep emotion for each other. It could only mean one thing, he thought, jumping to conclusions. Malfoy and Severus had been together at some point. It all made sense, the preferential treatment Severus gave the ferret, the extra private tuition in potions and the knowing looks they shared in class at times. Yeah private tuition my ass Harry thought. My God Snape really is a perverted old bastard that likes young boys. Harry's stomach churned even more. He felt a discordant vibration run through his soul as it let out a silent scream. His love and expectations of Severus had just been shattered.

Harry left the party and ran. He stopped before reaching the main entrance to the school, his heart pounding hard from exertion and emotional pain. Leaning against a stone pillar he tried to slow down his thoughts, knowing he was being completely irrational and jumping to conclusions but he could not stop thinking about the way Severus had felt when speaking with Malfoy and the obvious hatred in Malfoy when he had responded.

Harry heard footsteps coming toward him and he pressed his back further into the shadows. Malfoy was talking angrily about cursing Katie Bell, Harry realised and tried to hold his breath so he wouldn't be caught eavesdropping. The sound of scuffling feet and someone being pushed hard against a stone wall could be heard echoing up and down the corridor.

"I swore to protect you. I made the unbreakable vow"

Oh my God Severus is pinning Malfoy against a wall with his body he thought as bile rose threateningly. He heard Malfoy arguing with Severus about not needing protection, but didn't really take in what he said, all he could focus on was the emotion rolling of Severus.

"You are afraid, Draco. You attempt to conceal it but it is obvious. Let me assist you"

Harry's heart stopped and tears threatened as he listened to the quiet caring tone his lover used when speaking Malfoy's first name. Severus cared for Malfoy, loved even. Harry cut out the rest of what Malfoy said as his breathing hitched and he stood frozen to the spot, mind shutting down in pain.

Once Malfoy and Severus had left the corridor, together, Harry wandered the halls of Hogwarts for who knows how long, with his mind blank. He ended up in the astronomy tower and sat in the freezing cold hugging his knees as the tears came. He couldn't believe he had fallen in love with someone that was such a total bastard. He couldn't completely blame the bond; the love he felt wasn't caused only by that. His heart was the one thing that was fully his own and he had given it away freely. The care and love that he had felt Severus direct toward Malfoy, were natural and unforced emotions, emotions he would never have evoked in Severus without the bond. Severus had apparently taken the Unbreakable Vow to protect Malfoy; there was no greater love than that, whether sexual or otherwise. Harry erected shields to the sharing of emotions with Severus, he didn't want to feel his concern and love the other boy; he couldn't handle it.

"Harry, my god you are freezing! Why the hell did you just leave the party? Have you been sitting up here all this time? It's the middle of the night!" Hermione said shaking his shoulder and rousing him to the fact he was indeed freezing and in the astronomy tower. He had no idea what time it was or how long he had been there.

"Just leave me alone Hermione. I'm fine. Just need some time to think" Harry responded quietly closing his eyes.

"Harry please come inside you are really cold. Ron is out looking for you too, he woke me up when he couldn't find you. He's been worried about you all day"

Harry sighed in exasperation.

"It' alright Miss Granger, you can go. I will make sure...Mr. Potter returns to Gryffindor tower"

The clipped tone of Severus's voice alerted Harry of the Severus's presence and he snapped round and glared at Hermione.

"What the hell is he doing here with you?"

"I went to Professor Snape's rooms since I thought that was probably where you were. I wanted to warn you both that a few of the boys are out looking for you and well... there has been more talk..." Hermione looked down at her feet and shook her head a little.

"Well I wasn't there alright and I won't ever be again, so there is nothing for you to worry about." Harry got to his feet still not looking at Severus. He didn't want to see the man, not right now, maybe not ever; he was too confused about the Unbreakable Vow and Malfoy. He was worried he would fly off the handle and do something stupid before he had time to sort through his thoughts and emotions and calm down a bit.

Severus couldn't feel what Harry was feeling, he realised. His frustration and anger toward him for rousing suspicion in his dorm-mates grew but there was also a deep grief at the words he had just spoken and for the loss of contact emotionally.

"Come on Hermione, you are right, it is too cold to be out here. Let's go." Harry tore of the transfigured robe of Severus's he was still wearing and threw it on the ground.

Hermione looked between him and Severus in questioning confusion, as Harry started to leave the astronomy tower.

"_Mr. Potter_... "Severus began sharply then let out a short breath before softening his voice

"Harry, please tell me what it is you think I have done" Severus said almost pleadingly, giving Hermione an embarrassed but warning look with regards to the change in his demeanour after he had spoken.

Harry spun round to face him, anger bubbling up to the surface

"You really don't want to push me on this _Snape_, not tonight. Maybe not ever!" Harry spat out venomously.

"Harry what the fuck is going on here. I seriously have no idea what has changed since returning from France and after what we did today I think I have every right to push you on this" Severus said trying hard to keep his own anger at a minimum which, was roiling with the conflicting emotions of peace that still remained from their time together earlier.

"_You_ have no right to do ANYTHING to me!" Harry spat out "What happened today was a huge fucking mistake. In fact the whole fucking thing is one big mistake caused by that evil sick bastard you call Master. Why I didn't see it sooner I have no idea. You were right about one thing though, I do have a pea-sized brain because I trust too easily and do go headlong into things without any thought, but why I EVER thought I loved you...you evil, lying, cheating, scheming, greasy bastard. The thought of you having so much as even laid a finger on me makes me want to vomit, never mind having _allowed_ you to fuck me!"

Harry's wand hand twitched and he subconsciously checked it was still in its holster.

Hermione gasped from her place in the shadows, but neither man heard her.

Severus's heart was torn in two at the words and he could feel his soul screaming in its desire to love and protect Harry but the bond was being threatened by the boy's words causing it to react with anger and hatred toward him.

Severus advanced on him slowly. "Will you please tell me what it is I have supposedly done to upset you, if it was the way I invaded your privacy with Mclaggan, then I am sorry. I should not have allowed myself to doubt you."

"You, doubted me with Mclaggan? Ha! If your petty jealousy was my only concern I would probably be back in your bed right now, I am sickened to say. I heard you Snape. I heard you with Malfoy. I feel what you feel remember. I know about you and him. After your high moral lectures on me only being 16! At least I am legally an adult in muggle Britain. What age was Malfoy the first time you fucked him? Mhmm?"

Severus had still been advancing on Harry and now stood only a few feet away from him.

"Don't come any closer to me, you sick fuck" Harry drew his wand even though his heart was breaking. He knew deep down he was being rash but he couldn't help it. The pain of even thinking that Severus had lied to him was wiping out all rational thought, never mind considering what his relationship was or had been with Draco Malfoy.

Severus's internal battle between love and hate, anger and understanding stopped at the accusations being levelled at him. Anger and hate won. Growling he launched himself at Harry, knocking his wand out his hand and causing him to stumble backwards. Harry's feet caught on the cape he had thrown to the floor, making him loose balance and fall backward. He landed hard on his back on the stone floor with Severus on top of him.

"I am a sick fuck am I? That was not what you were screaming earlier when you BEGGED me to fuck you hard". Severus sneered.

Harry was struggling beneath the physically larger, stronger man, trying to free his hands from the vice grip Severus had them in above his head. He stopped struggling suddenly as he felt himself become aroused as his groin rubbed against Severus's.

"Oh you like it rough do you? Do you want me to show you how much of a sick fuck I can really be?"

Severus had lost all control, his heart; mind and soul were in turmoil. He lunged down and ran his tongue over the sensitive spot in the crook of Harry's neck before biting it hard, drawing blood. Harry let out a scream that turned into a muffled moan as Severus tongue made its way up from his neck and along his jaw bone before attacking his mouth in an angry kiss.

Severus readjusted his grip on Harry's wrists so that he could still pin them both down above his head but with only one hand, freeing the other to reach down and rip open Harry's trousers and undo his own. Harry let out a strangled sob

"Please stop. Don't touch me." Harry could feel a rising panic as he fought against the physical sensations of having his soul mate on top of him. He was repulsed at himself for liking being taken this way. He felt his magic draw up into a tight ball in his chest and knew he was about to unleash a wave of semi-controlled raw power. He needed to get Severus off him; he would not let this happen to him again.

Hermione had come from the shadows when Harry had drawn his wand, but had been unable to disarm him this time or indeed even make her presence known.

She stood sobbing in horror at the unfolding scene before her, begging her professor to stop but she knew neither he nor her friend could hear her. The air was almost audibly crackling with the raw magical power the men at her feet were emitting and she knew she was powerless against them in this state.

As Severus released his straining member from his trousers he grabbed one of Harry's legs, bringing it up over his shoulder. Harry struggled and managed kicked the older man in the back of the head and in that moment he released as much concentrated power as he could in a gurgling scream. The release of his built up magic lifted Severus up and threw him across the astronomy tower. There was a sickening crack as the man's head struck a stone pillar before landing unconscious in a heap.

Panting hard, Harry lay motionless, erection still raging, trousers around his thighs.

Hermione screamed and ran over to where the Professor had landed, falling to her knees beside him whilst incanting a few basic healing spells to try stem the flow of blood, which was seeping at an alarming rate from a deep gash on this side of Severus's head.

"Harry! We have to get him some help! NOW!"

"He...he tried... he was... going to..." Harry spluttered as he remembered his friend was there and quickly pulled up his trousers.

"I know Harry but you told me you knew about the possible consequences of the Participatur Anima bond. He is going to die if you don't help me get him some help!"

Harry jumped to his feet dropping his mind shields against Severus. He couldn't feel him at all.

"Oh Fuck Hermione! What the hell have I done? If that bastard dies ..."

"I know Harry; now quick help me levitate him to the infirmary"

Harry ran and retrieved his wand from where it had landed and cast.

"Prompta Curatio Astronomy Tower"

Hermione looked up at Harry having never heard the spell before and wondered where he had learnt it.

"Quick Hermione, please cover him up; Madame Pomfrey is on her way."

Hermione looked down at the open trousers of her Professor and grimaced but did as Harry asked.

Madame Pomfrey appeared a few seconds later looking tired and dishevelled.

"Mr. Potter what is it _this_ time."

Harry stood rigidly starting at the pool of blood that had accumulated around Severus's head.

The Medi-Witch turned to look over to where he stared and gasped.

"Oh Merlin I warned Albus this would happen!" She muttered sternly as she strode over to her patient.

Harry turned away from the scene, starting to leave. He needed to get away, he felt sick and confused and so very very tired.

"No you don't Mr. Potter. I will need your assistance again tonight. Miss Granger I think you however should leave"

"I won't get in the way. I promise. Let me stay and help too. A least until we know he's going to be alright" Hermione pleaded, not wanting to leave her friend in this state.

"Miss Granger I assure you he will be fine. Professor Snape has been through a lot worse than a bang to his head."

"I am sure he has, but let me stay for Harry" Hermione continued pleading. She knew she wasn't going to get any sleep anyway and needed to know her friend would be ok.

Madame Pomfrey sighed and looked at Harry who was standing looking at the floor.

"It really is not my decision to make; it is your friend's. However Mr. Potter I must advise you against giving such permission. It would not be...appropriate for Miss Granger to witness some of the treatment options availble for the not so easily seen injuries to both of you."

Harry scowled as he understood to what injuries the Medi-Witch was referring.

"I have no intention of healing the damage to those injuries Madame Pomfrey. If you would like Hermione to assist you in healing his head injury, then fine, but I am going to bed."

With that Harry turned abruptly and stalked off, ignoring the pleas from his friend to stay.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Severus woke a couple of hours later and groaned, pain from his head exploded behind his eyes as he tried to open them. He heard a familiar voice calling for Madam Pomfrey and thought he must have been tortured again at a Death Eater meeting, but he had no recollection of being called. In fact he had only been summoned once a month this term he realised so why did he feel like he had gone through 10 rounds of the cruciatus.

"Madame Pomfrey I think Professor Snape is wakening. Can you hear me?" Hermione called to the empty room. Pomfrey had set a listening spell on Severus's bedroom so the girl could call her back from her nightly ward round if she was needed in the dungeons.

Severus felt a small smooth hand gently holding his own and he startled a little and squinted his eyes open. He knew he was in his own bedroom from the familiar feeling of his wards and smell of potions but why the hell is the Granger girl here holding my bloody hand he thought.

"Miss. Granger I would appreciate it if you removed your hand from mine and informed what the hell you think you are doing in my bedroom!"

Hermione gasped and withdrew her hand as if she had been burned.

"I... Sir...I...only...emmm" Hermione stuttered

"For Merlin's sake girl you have obviously spent too long in the company of Weasley your moronic boyfriend and his equally imbecilic friend Potter that you have forgotten how to speak clearly"

"Now Now Severus, there is no need to talk to Miss Granger like that. She only stayed here at my request since yet again it would have been inappropriate to treat you in a ward full of students considering how you got your injuries and I had to leave for a moment." The stern voice of Pomfrey could be heard as she approached the bedroom from the floo in the other room.

Severus growled but it came out sounding more like a whimper as the pain increased behind his eyes.

"Not ideal I know, considering the circumstances however with Albus gone and Mr. Potter nowhere to be found I had little choice" Poppy continued as she approached the bed.

"Harry? What do you mean..." the memory of what had transpired on the astronomy tower came flooding back "...Oh Fuck!"

"Severus Snape I would kindly ask you not to use such language, especially in front of a young witch, who is indeed your student regardless of the unfortunate circumstances you have found yourself in! Now take this, it is a calming and pain relieving potion that will also help you to stop hiding behind that facade of yours and deal with your problems for once"

"I believe my language is the least of what Miss Granger has witnessed of me tonight and I don't want this concoction. Give me a plain pain reliever Poppy" he growled.

"Drink it Severus!" She demanded as she thrust a small vial into his hands.

Severus sighed he knew better than anyone there was some things that you just could not argue about with Poppy, her choice of treatment was one. Since he desperately needed the pain relief he couldn't outright refuse to take what she had given him, so he swallowed the contents of the small vial in his hand.

"Miss Granger I would appreciate it if you would leave now. But may I ask one question before you do?" Severus had closed his eyes he didn't have the strength left in him to keep them open.

"Yes Sir?"

"Why are you here with me and not out looking for your friend?"

"Madame Pomfrey requested..." Hermione began but was interrupted by her weary sounding Professor

"I am fully aware of Madame Pomfrey _allowing_ you to stay but that is not what I asked. I am sure her instructions were not for you to hold my hand. Why you felt that necessary after my actions toward Mr. Potter tonight is beyond me."

"Professor Snape, what happened tonight was not within either you or Harry's control. I know that once Harry calms down, he will be upset that he left you badly injured, without anyone to sit with you when you woke. He has always said he hates waking up in the infirmary alone." Hermione spoke quietly and looked at her hands which lay in her lap.

"I am sure that Mr. Potter will not care whether I live or die Miss. Granger, considering what I have done. Why may I ask do you think my actions were beyond my control?" Severus had opened his eyes again slightly and trained them on Hermione who shifted uneasily in her seat.

"I know about your bond Professor. I have read about the possible consequences if it is not tended to adequately. I am sure both your actions were in response to the growing love for and emerging expectations of each other, which will be difficult for either of you to meet fully, after so many years of separation and false hatred, especially in light of your roles in the war".

Severus didn't know if he was more taken aback that this young witch knew about his bond with Harry or shocked by her insight into their current situation. He let out a shocked puff of breath.

"Miss Granger you astound me. Is there anything you do not know about? You really are an insufferable know-it -all aren't you?" Severus said not breaking his gaze but there was no malice in his voice or his eyes, only a tired acceptance.

"However" he continued closing his eyes again "Nothing can excuse what I did tonight. I fully expect you to testify against me when Harry reports this matter to the relevant authorities. Now please leave."

Hermione shook her head but stood to leave.

"He will not report this. He loves you. I think more than the bond can account for" Hermione watched the man let out a sigh.

"As do I him. Will you please find him and make sure he is safe" Severus said in a barely audible whisper as the potion kicked in and removed all his inhibitions and pretences.

Hermione turned to face her Professor, finding him now looking at her again. The grief and pain in his dark eyes made her breath hitch with the intensity of the emotion shown. She nodded with a sad smile before leaving, but not before witnessing him close his eyes again and the tears that spilled down his tired face.

**A/N Hi everyone! Sorry for the delay in getting this to you. Having a bit of trouble with the story not sticking to my original outline, it really has grown arms and legs and I am not sure I like this chapter and where it has gone in fact I am a bit unhappy with it but thought I would post it anyway and let you guys decide. I can change it if you want. Just let me know! **

**Thanks to everyone that has favourite this story and especially to Sheankelor and AlmondWithUnicornHair your regular reviews have kept me going! Sheankelor, I did toy with them having the weekend together and Harry just not attending the party that would have been more fun to write ;-) but nothing is ever with those boys! AlmondWithUnicornHair, Glad you liked it ;-) and welcome to vfr and ishala8. Ishala8 I totally agree with you about Dumbledore's involvement, I was trying to portray his meddling in this as much as meddled in everything else in canon but at least in this he **_**will**_** get his comeuppance!**

**Please review! I never thought I would be an author that would ask but they really do become important! x**


	15. Trust

**A/N I posted this last night and when I logged on this morning it was gone! So sorry for the update and then its removal. I am not sure what happened but anyway took the opportunity to edit this chapter a little because I really don't like it but it is pretty much the same as before I'm having a little difficulty with this story at the moment so need some encouragement to continue ;-) I hope you enjoy reading it more than I do, it is a kind of necessary chapter for the rest of my story so please bare with me I promise it will get better x**

**Warnings: References to male/male sexual relationship and strong language.**

**Chapter 15**

"_**A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly who knows the best and worst of us and who loves us in spite of all our faults."**_**~ Charles Kingsley**

Hermione took a deep breath as she shut the door on Professor Snape's quarters. She was completely drained emotionally and physically but she knew she had one last thing she needed to do before breakfast. Slipping into the boy's dorm in Gryffindor Tower, she checked to see if Harry or any of the boys had returned. Harry's bed remained empty but the rest of the boys were there. Ron woke as she headed over toward Harry's bedside table.

"He's not in the castle Hermione" a tired sounding Ron stated.

She startled a little and turned to look at Ron, who was now sitting up, and noticed the open map beside him.

"Oh, that's what I came for Ron" Hermione nodded toward the Marauders' map.

"Well it's not going to help. Like I say he's not in the castle." Ron said sharply. "But what I would like to know is why you have spent the last two hours in Snape's bedroom" he continued, with an accusatory glare.

"For Merlin's sake, you can't seriously be more concerned about my whereabouts when your best friend is missing!" Hermione cursed to herself, she really didn't want to have to come up with excuses about where she had been right now.

Ron grumbled something under his breath and lay back down.

Hermione let out an exasperated breath, before turning on her friend, "Ronald Weasley you have no idea what Harry has gone through tonight, so stop your childish sulking!"

"Your right, I don't have any idea what is going on, because you two are obviously keeping something from me. I saw you in the Astronomy Tower with Snape and Harry earlier. Then Harry stormed off leaving you alone with Snape, and instead of going after your friend you spent the evening in that Greasy Gits bedroom! What am I supposed to think Mhmmm? Considering neither of you talk to me much anymore and you and Harry have been getting closer this last few weeks, don't think I haven't noticed, and...well...he must have caught you with that bastard or something, that's why he's off in a rage somewhere!"

Hermione stood shocked at how Ron perceived the events of the night and was disgusted by his assumptions

"How dare you! You obviously think I am some sort of slut! If you had half a brain cell you would have noticed Madame Pomfrey's appearance in the Tower and her presence for the majority of the time I was in Professors Snape's quarters or did you conveniently choose to ignore this fact to allow yourself to believe the worst of me!"

"Madame Pomfrey didn't show up on the map Hermione. Why would she be involved in this anyway?" Ron calmed down a bit and looked curious as he asked but still scowled sulkily.

Hermione grabbed the map and looked for the Medi-witch, frowning when indeed her name was no-where to be seen.

"Curious. She must have some sort of enchantment on her that makes her untraceable"

"Yeah right" Ron spat in disbelief at her explanations "How convenient".

"I am not about to stand here discussing this matter with you, Ronald. You obviously do not care about your missing friend or trust me, so if you excuse me. _Our_ friend is missing".

Hermione turned abruptly and left Ron to his selfish, childish thoughts, she didn't have time to hang about when Ron was in one of his moods. Making her way quickly to the Room of Requirement as soon as she left, she hoped Harry was safe and just hiding away in there for a bit since she knew that neither the Room nor its occupants showed up on the map.

ooooo

Harry had gone to the Room of Requirement directly after leaving the Astronomy Tower. It had furnished him with a cosy room and some books about the Participatur Anima bond, which helped him, understand more about why he felt so out of control. He now felt a little disgusted by his irrational assumptions and devastated that Severus had tried to take him in such a brutal manner but at least he could think a little clearer about what had caused them to act in such a way.

Sitting staring into a large fire, that had slowly got larger as he came back from the brink of hypothermia, he began to worry about the damage he had caused the bond. He was also concerned about the physical injuries Severus had sustained and wanted to go see him, just to make sure he was alright, but he wasn't ready to face the man yet. He still had a sick feeling in his gut that wouldn't go away. Severus was hiding something from him about his relationship with Malfoy he thought and it truly sickened him.

Hermione entered Room of Requirement and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Harry curled up on the floor, leaning against a large overstuffed armchair staring into the flames of a roaring fire. She became mildly amused and little surprised that Harry seemed to be surrounded by open books; Harry was not one to find solace in study she thought, although that had changed with his ownership of that blasted potions book she remembered, he seemed to find peace in its pages for some reason.

"Harry?" Hermione said quietly announcing her presence.

Harry closed his eyes and sighed.

Hermione sat down beside her friend and put her arm around his waist before hesitantly placing her head on his shoulder.

"How is he" Harry croaked out through his dry throat.

"He's fine. How are you?" Hermione said gently.

"Tired, confused, sad..." Harry began. He had managed not to cry since leaving the Astronomy Tower but he felt the tears sting his eyes now as his friend rubbed his back in comforting circles.

"He does love you Harry. I don't know what you heard him say to Malfoy, but I am sure it has a more rational explanation than what you said earlier". Hermione really hoped this was true, because if it wasn't Harry was going to be a mess.

"I don't know Hermione, I heard him telling Malfoy he has taken the unbreakable vow to protect him, which surely shows he has more feelings for the ferret than just those of a teacher."

_The Unbreakable Vow, that is a pretty serious commitment to make _Hermione thought but did not voice her opinion to her friend; she knew it wouldn't make things any easier for him at the moment.

"You have to trust him Harry. Are you sure that is what he said?"

Harry nodded.

"I am sure there must be a good reason for him to have done such a thing, if indeed he has and what he told Malfoy is true."

"I have thought about little else Hermione. I started to think maybe he just said it to make Malfoy trust him enough to tell him what he's been up to this term but it wasn't what he said that got me into such a rage. You see, I can feel what he is feeling. He genuinely cares for Malfoy and is concerned about him, so there is more to it than just a ruse; his feelings made what he said sound real" Harry could feel his anguish return and his stomach turned over.

"Of course he cares for him Harry. He is his Head of House after all and was friends with his father. Professor McGonagall cares for you, cares for all her students welfare, which is why she makes a good teacher. I bet you have been going on about Malfoy and your suspicions of him all term to Professor Snape as you have to us, he is probably just trying to work out if there is any foundation to your concerns, although I am sure he would know if he had become a Death Eater and was planning anything within the school".

"Ha! Don't make me laugh Hermione, are you telling me Severus does his job for the love of it, that he is a good teacher! I have mentioned Malfoy to him but he was very silent on the issue and told me not to worry about it. So you see his not willing to refute my theories just makes me even more suspicious of both of them" Harry aid a bit angirly.

"I think there is more to him than he shows people. Surely you understand that better than anyone and his role as spy will make it difficult to discuss everything with you. There must be some things he needs to keep quiet or doesn't want to talk about"

Harry growled he wasn't willing yet to take comfort in his friend's words. He needed more time to think things through when he wasn't so tired. He knew he was sick of people not telling him the whole story, he knew the Headmaster edged around him and even Sirius and Lupin were strained with him on certain issues.

"I need more time to come to terms with everything Hermione, I thought I was dealing with the bond and being with Severus but now I'm not so sure".

Hermione sat quietly hoping Harry would continue without prompting. She knew her friend well, he didn't open up easily and especially to someone questioning him.

After a few minutes silence, Harry did continue quietly.

"You know I told you I was in love with him?" Harry closed his eyes trying to blank out all his other concerns about the war and his lack of knowledge about the orders plans.

Hermione nodded.

"Well I still am, even after tonight, but I can't help but wonder if that is just because of our bond. I mean I know the bond is partially responsible for how I feel, but I think I could have learnt to love him anyway, without the bond, if we had met in different circumstances. You're right he isn't what everyone thinks underneath, not really. I think what I am trying to say is, I wish what we had was more normal, that I could have seen this other side to him and fallen in love with him without all this bond business, then at least I would have known for sure that being with him is what I want, you know, someone I had chosen to be with and that he had chosen me. Does that make sense?"

"Of course it makes sense, you have had a lot of things thrust on you because of something that happened when you were a baby, but this is different surely? Even though I don't know the circumstances around why you ended up bonding with Professor Snape, you must have done so willingly, so in a way you did choose him."

"No Hermione, that's the thing, I didn't have a choice"

Hermione gasped "Are you saying you were bonded against your will?"

"Well not exactly against my will as such, but I didn't exactly have a say in the matter either. "

"You're not making any sense Harry. I have read about the Participatur Anima bond. Soul transference is only successful if both parties have strong positive emotions for the other at the time of the ceremony and willingly gives up part of their soul to the other. I presumed that you must have fallen in love with each other and..."

"But that's just the thing Hermione; I have already told you there was no ceremony. It wasn't an intentional bonding" Harry sighed in exasperation. "Can we just leave this for the moment please? I am too tired to explain it all to you; it would take too long anyway. We better get to breakfast before even more people start asking questions about where I am." Harry couldn't handle the barrage of questions his friend would askif he got into this at the moment but did want to tell her.

"I am not asking you to tell me, if you are still not comfortable in doing so, but I would like to try and help. I can't really do that without understanding why you are bonded or how it came about"

"I know. Tonight I will tell you everything alright. I think under the circumstances Dumbledore won't mind me telling you, you have a right to know after everything and if he does mind, well I frankly don't care anymore. There's stuff in these books the room provided me with that Dumbledore didn't tell me, I think he has some things wrong about the bond, either that or he yet again, thinks it best I not know."

Hermione was a bit concerned by Harry's decreasing respect for Professor Dumbledore but let his comments slide without questioning him.

"Ok it's a date. We can maybe come back here. It would be good if the room provided these books again so I can look through them with you. I don't recognise any of them; they are not in the library"

Harry laughed "Trust you to know whether a book is in the library or not, just by looking at it!"

"Very funny Harry. No I don't know the whole library stock but I have read all the books that mention the Participatur Anima bond obviously!"

"Obviously" Harry laughed harder.

"Hmmmph, you should have read them all too!" Hermione faked scorn but was smiling nonetheless.

"Come on lets go. You need to take a shower before breakfast, you still stink"

Harry wrinkled up his nose as he realised he still smelt of sex, sweat and potions.

"Mmm I do a bit don't I. Sorry" he muttered as his face coloured a bit realising his friend could smell the distinctive odour from him.

"No need to get embarrassed with me Harry. Merlin I saw, never mind smelt, more of you and a particular Professor last night than I really ever wanted to."

"Oh God... errr yeah emmm... Sorry about that too... ermm you didn't tell him that you... you know covered him up earlier?" Harry asked panic clear on his face

"Oh yeah of course I told him. I just casually dropped it into conversation when Madame Pomfrey wasn't there I just said_ 'Oh by the way Professor Snape I put your dick back in your trousers for you when you were unconscious hope you don't mind!'"_

Harry stared at her in shock.

"Shut your mouth Harry you really do look like a fish when you do that shocked expression. "

"Oh please tell me you are kidding?" Harry said wearily.

"Of course I'm kidding you idiot, do you think I have a death wish!" Hermione shook her head "Come on lets go get something to eat"

"That wasn't really all that funny 'mione" Harry laughed a little as he smacked her across the head as they left the cosy room behind and headed back to Gryffindor Tower.

Harry showered and dressed quickly. The dormitory was thankfully empty when he got there, which meant he was going to be late for breakfast but he didn't really feel like eating anyway. Severus wasn't at the head table when he arrived and felt a pang of anxiety about him. He wasn't sure if he was going to be able to see him again before he had to leave for the holidays but that might be for the best anyway, he thought. The books advised that they try reconnect quickly after any disagreement but he wasn't sure he could do any of the things the books suggested, which mostly involved sex in one form or another, he really needed to talk about Malfoy and what he had heard before he could get that close to Severus again. He was still scared that he would overreact if they spoke about it today; his emotions about it were still a bit raw.

The day past fairly quickly, packing and various Christmas festivities took up all his time. Harry tried to appear his usual self throughout the day but Severus was never far from his mind, he missed being connected to him, he hadn't been able to feel his emotions at all and was getting worried something had happened to him since he hadn't even seen a glimpse of him as he went about the castle. He missed the constant stream of irritation and frustration Severus felt about students but most of all he missed the feelings of love and protection for himself.

Ron appeared not to be speaking to him for some reason so it gave him an excuse to be a little quiet and distant. Hermione told him to just ignore their friend and said she would explain what was wrong with him tonight. Harry wasn't overly worried about Ron he was used to his friends sulks and he was the least of his worries at the moment.

By the time teatime came around Harry was completely exhausted and irritable, he didn't think going to the Room of Requirement was a good idea anymore, he needed to sleep and Hermione looked as tired as he did.

"Hermione, I think we should go get some sleep and forget about our little date, if that's alright, I do want to speak to you but tonight isn't the best time really, is it?"

Ron barged past them almost knocking Harry over, grumbling something about them having a date.

"Oh bloody typical, hearing that won't help Ron stop his nonsense" Hermione fumed.

"Eh? Does he think we are together or something?" Harry asked incredulously.

"Yes pretty much. He saw us in the Astronomy tower on your map last night with you know" Hermione whispered since they in the main corridor surrounded by students and portraits, "He then watched you storm off, leaving me alone with_... him_. I then went with to his bedroom and spent two hours there". Hermione continued cryptically. "He is under the impression that because you and I have spent a bit of time together alone the last few days, we are now an item and you disappeared last night because you found out I was cheating on you with..." Hermione stopped and rolled her eyes.

"What? That's bloody ridiculous!" Harry didn't know whether to be angry or laugh hysterically.

The later won out as he broke down in fits of laughter at the irony of the whole situation.

"Glad you find it funny that our friend obviously thinks I am a complete slag" Hermione huffed.

"Oh Hermione I am sorry but he really is totally thick, isn't he? Remind me why you like him so much? "

Hermione started to laugh too at the stupidity of their friend; Harry's laugh was contagious it seemed since she really didn't find it all that funny.

They both sat down gripping onto each other, in the nearest window alcove, trying to control the tired fits of laughter. It was brought under control abruptly moments later as the sarcastic sneering tones of Severus reached through their hysteria.

"How sickeningly heart warming it to witness such happiness in two students who I had thought should have more on their mind than frivolity. I may just go vomit" Severus hissed quietly before giving them an both his most intimidating glare before sweeping off down the corridor.

"Oh fuck" Harry said as he watched Severus disappear down the corridor although he was relieved the man seemed to be his usual self if not a bit melodramatic.

"Come on, let's go have our chat now before we upset anyone else" Hermione said looking around a group of students that had congregated near them. "Unless, you want to go after him just now?"

"No I will try and see him tomorrow before breakfast, I need to get some sleep first, but I do think we should maybe leave our chat until another time. Are you not as exhausted as I am?"

"The only way you are getting out of this Harry Potter is if you are going right now to sort things out with you know who... well ermm ...not _you-know-who_ obviously but..."

"Yes Hermione I get the picture" Harry said laughing again "I can't face him just now when I am this tired, so come on I suppose we better get started on my sorry tale." In a way Harry was pleased Hermione was so adamant and willing to discuss things with him even if she was exhausted.

As they entered the room of requirement they noticed the room had only changed slightly from the previous night. It had added a large futon type bed in front of the fire but neither of them found it odd as they flopped down together and sighed as they relaxed looking up at the high ceiling. It was perfect for two tired teenagers who were about to discuss a fairly difficult matter.

"Right Harry, before we both just fall asleep, I want you to understand you don't have to tell me anything, I really am not _that_ pushy. I think it may help you however, if you could talk to someone about all this." She reached over and took his hand in hers and gave it a squeeze.

"I know Hermione you really are the best friend anyone could ask for by the way. I do want to tell you everything but since we are really tired I will keep it to the basics alright." Harry didn't know where to start but Hermione nodded and looked up at the ceiling making it easier to feel he was just talking to himself. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes but kept hold of his friend's hand.

"I have already told you that Severus and I share our souls and that I didn't have any say in the transference. Well I didn't have any say because I was just a baby at the time. Severus didn't have any say in the matter either, in fact neither of us knew of its existence until the second day of this term."

He paused briefly to look over at Hermione who lay perfectly still on her back with her eyes closed. He wondered if she had fallen asleep but continued talking anyway.

"When I was hit with the killing curse, the night my parents died, it didn't just give me the scar; it dislodged a part of my soul, creating a void in me. In an attempt to survive, my soul latched itself onto the only other living thing in the room at the time. In doing so it pushed a part of this beings soul out, which in turn filled the void in mine."

Hermione frowned then gasped in horror when she realised what Harry had just told her. Turning her head to look at Harry, who didn't meet her gaze but continued looking up at the ceiling, she spoke in a shocked whisper, trying to keep her voice as calm as possible "Snape was there the night your parents were killed?"

Harry nodded "It's not as bad as it sounds, or so I have been told. He wasn't actually there when the curse was cast. He arrived moments after and rescued me from the ruins of the house."

Hermione lay trying to take in what Harry had told her. She was shocked; her mind was in overdrive.

"So you have been bonded all this time but separated from each other immediately after the bonds formation, for years. Oh My God Harry! Well I suppose that kind of explains a few things"

"Does it?" Harry knew it did but wanted to hear Hermione's take on it, he knew she would have done as much reading about the bond as Dumbledore and may have a different perspective on it.

"Yes it does. The moment you set eyes on him at our sorting ceremony, you were convinced he was evil; you both seemed to hate each other with such passion, instantly. It has always confused me how he could talk to you the way he did but then risk his life time and time again to protect you. It also explains your obsession with trying to blame him for everything bad that has happened over the years; why you have goaded him in class relentlessly, even after he saved your life and was clearly on Professor Dumbledore's side."

"Yeah I know. It's curious don't you think that we hated each other because we were supposed to love each other?"

"It's not curious at all Harry, not if you think about it. You can't hate something that isn't worth hating the opposite of love isn't hate as you might think, its indifference, it's a lack of any emotion, it's nothing".

"I suppose. But that doesn't make me feel any better about what we have together now. We might not have hated each other, if our souls and not been blaming the other for the separation, but he would never have chosen me as his life partner, as I wouldn't have him. I want to have something that's normal Hermione; I want to be loved for me not because of something Voldemort caused. Everything in my life has happened because of that evil bastard; even if I manage to kill him I will never be free of it" This was the crux of the matter for Harry, he was tired of just accepting his fate he needed have at least one thing in his life that was normal and he had hoped that one day his choice in partner could at least be his alone.

"You are right Harry; you will never be free of it but not just because of the bond. You wouldn't be who you are today if none of it had ever happened. Who knows what type of person you would be. When you do kill Voldemort the Wizarding world will hail you as a saviour, you know that right? So even if you weren't bonded to Professor Snape it would be difficult for you to ever have a normal life. "

"Great. That makes me feel a lot better Hermione" Harry said a bit too sharply.

There was a slightly uncomfortable silence for a moment or two.

"I'm sorry Hermione I didn't mean to take it out on you" Harry gave her friends hand a squeeze he really didn't want to lose her, he needed her more now than ever.

"It's ok Harry I can take it. You need someone to get your frustration out on or you are going to go mad" Hermione smiled at him hoping he would relax a bit.

"What I meant to say is that you will always be unsure if someone was with you because of what you have done, rather than for who you are. With Professor Snape you at least know he doesn't buy into all that stuff about you being special or different. He knows things that no-one else does, he knows why you survived that night and he will know how you eventually vanquish Voldemort. I am sure he is actually going to play a big part in helping you do so actually, and he will always see you for the person you are, not for what everyone thinks you did"

"I know all this Hermione, I do. I think that's why I love him so much. I think I might actually even love him regardless of the bond. However I obviously haven't learnt to trust him yet, if last night has anything to go by and I don't know how he _really_ feels about me. I think he loves Malfoy, in fact I'm sure of it"

"Well you need to talk to him about that Harry but I am sure you have misread the situation. Correct me if am wrong but your relationship has only recently turned sexual and you will both have certain expectations of the other now which is a bit dangerous considering the years of separation if what you say is true and you were bonded when you were just a baby. We need to work out where you both are now and how you can repair the damage caused not only by the years of separation but by the events of last night. We have to find a way for such a thing happening again"

Harry sighed before launching into his memories of the term that was just coming to an end, not really sparing many details.

ooooo

Severus had had a particularly difficult day. He had tried to break up a fight between two of his 2nd year Slytherins and had been so distracted, he had failed to block a stray stinging hex, which hit him square in the chest, much to the amusement of his students and much point taking from his own house. He then had to endure the company of Mclaggan for two hours, whilst he served his first dentition for vomiting on his shoes the previous night, but he couldn't care less about being vomited on anymore, he needed to find time to make things right with Harry. He also needed to get Draco to drink a potion he had created to enable him to know the boys movements and he wasn't sure how he was going to accomplish that. On top of all that, he had just acted like a big sulking girl when he had come across Harry and Granger hanging onto each other whilst giggling hysterically at something. It appeared Granger had managed to do what he had asked of her and made sure Harry was alright, but it stung that he seemed so carefree and happy after all that had happened. He couldn't feel Harrys emotions and he wasn't sure why, it didn't feel as though Harry was blocking him consciously, but something had changed and he missed the boys constant stream of random emotions ranging from amusement to frustration at his life but most of all he missed the love he felt for himself.

Once free from his duties he wandered the halls and sat in the Astronomy Tower for a while hoping to bump into him, finally giving up after an hour or so and headed toward Gryffindor Tower. It wasn't a place he frequented regularly and was a bit anxious as he approached the portrait hiding the entrance to the common room, an emotion he wasn't overly familiar with. He shook his head as if trying to get a grip of himself, to stop feeling like a lovesick teenager, before whispering the password to the portrait guarding the common room of his rival house. He schooled his face into a stern frown before sweeping in when the portrait opened, slamming it shut behind him with a flick of his hand once through.

Standing rigidly in the unfamiliar room he scanned the faces of the stunned students before him, his eyes eventually fell on those of the Weasley boy.

"Snape! If you are looking for Hermione she isn't here" Ron snapped in shock at the appearance of a stern looking Snape in Gryffindor common room.

"Weasley I would remind you to address me as Professor or Sir unless you want loose even more points for your house than you already have this term for sheer lack of brains" Snape barked

"I believe you lost that right last night _Professor_" Ron muttered.

Severus narrowed his eyes at the boy; he didn't know how much the boy knew so continued warily.

"I assure you I have no idea to what it is you are referring. I suggest you try and find at least one brain cell in that mush of a head of yours and hold your tongue. I do not know why you would think I would be here looking for Granger, I have in fact come with a message for _Potter_ from Professor Dumbledore." Snape said cautiously but with a warning tone as he flicked his eyes about the room at the other students who averted their eyes when they met his gaze.

"He's not here either; I am sure if you find him, you will no doubt also find your little _friend_" Ron sneered

"So you have no idea where your friends are, is that what you are telling me" Severus continued without questioning Ron's insinuations about him and Granger. He would have to ask Harry about this strange comment later.

"I don't know and I don't particularly care either" Ron spat out but looked down at the Marauders' map, which was lying on his lap, as he did so.

Severus snatched up the parchment and looked at Ron with a questioning sneer.

"Where did you get this Weasley?"

"None of you business, but it's not mine so give it back"

"I think not" Severus said slowly as he folded up the parchment and put it carefully in his pocket.

"I do not believe any student here go by the names of Wormtail, Mooney, Padfoot or Prongs" Severus said quietly realising what it was that was now in his possession.

"You know who those people are, so don't kid me you don't know who it belongs to now." Ron muttered trying to reign in his anxiousness at speaking to the bat like this.

"I have no idea what you are talking about. All I know is you have something in your possession that does not belong to you" Severus stated with a blank expression before sweeping back out the room, to hushed whispers and an angry looking Ron.

He didn't care about what the students thought, his only thought was finding Harry before curfew and trying to make some amends. He felt sick at what he had almost done to the boy. He had done many dreadful things in his life but none so sickening to him as that. He returned quickly to his office and spread out the map on his desk. Running ran his hands over it gently he remembered it from his own school days and the pranks his classmates had got up to at his expense with it. There had been nowhere he could hide from there taunting, but he also remembered that it had indeed saved his life once, when _Potter_ had seen him in the shrieking shack with Lupin at the full moon.

Pushing his memories aside, he quickly scanned the castle and grounds. Harry and Miss Granger were nowhere to be found. He shot out his seat without a clear plan of what to do, but realised he somehow would have to alert Minerva to the fact they were missing, without telling her how he knew. As he rushed out his room however, he was gripped by a familiar burning pain in his left arm.

"Fuck" he cursed "can today possibly get any worse" he growled in frustration, he had no choice but to go and he prayed to Merlin that Harry and his friend were safe as he changed into Death Eater robes and ran to the apparition point.

ooooo

Harry felt his scar burn as Severus was called. He had been dosing in the room of requirement as Hermione read and pointed out a few things in the books he had read the previous night. He had filled his friend in on his relationship with Severus up to this point and most of what they had achieved regarding their joint powers. Hermione had seemed to gain an extraordinary amount of energy from hearing about this and was excitedly talking about how rare it was to mange such a sharing of magic.

"Oh shit 'mione I think Sev has been summoned by Voldemort" Harry said holding his head.

"Your scar hurts when he is called?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah apparently my scar and his mark link us both to Voldemort in some way."

"Mmmm Hermione" said scowling.

"Well I am sure he will be fine Harry, he has been doing this for a long time" but Hermione was thinking more about this apparent link to Voldemort, something niggled at the back of her mind.

"I know, but it means I might not see him before we leave tomorrow morning. I had kind of hoped I might be able to speak with him, although maybe it's for the best we have a break from each other" Harry said confusion still clear in his voice as to how to move forward.

"Well being separated isn't going to help you know, it won't help the bond anyway. I suppose it might help you both clear your minds a bit before you attempt to heal the damage. The methods outlined in these books about healing are very specific and very sexual."

"Yeah I did read them too you know, I don't think I could get into the right frame of mind to carry out any of the books' suggestions at the moment though. It would just end up an angry fuck, with no trust or love involved, although that sounds quite nice too actually" Harry said smirking.

"Harry!"

"Well it does! ...Actually no your right it doesn't really" Harry said frowning as the memory of the previous night came back.

"I actually was referring to what you called it; I really have no interest in whether you like it rough or not Harry!"

"What would you have me call it? I can't say making love 'mione because you can't make love when you don't trust the other person and when you are angry with them. Can you?"

"Calling it just sex would do Harry"

"Sorry but I am sure you can handle the word fuck 'mione. Merlin you can't pretend to me you are all that innocent!"

"I can assure you I am; anyway we are not here to discuss my sex life or lack of it"

"I don't really want to discuss mine either truth be told but I can't even keep that a private matter it seems, without it being something that needs to be studied, something abnormal!"

"It's just me you are talking to, it's not like the whole world needs to know how you got together with him or are having sex with him. After the war you can slowly let people know you have grown close and people will accept it as normal, eventually. We've been through this tonight already Harry I know it will take you some time to get used to being with him but I am sure you can find happiness together". Hermione gave him a quick hug.

"Look it's almost curfew, we need to try and get back to the dorms and actually spend the night there. We also have to try to appease Ron a bit, before he goes blabbing his mouth off about what he thinks he knows. Maybe you can go see Professor Snape before breakfast tomorrow, once you are more rested"

"Oh god yeah, Ron, I had forgotten about him."

"Yes well, as nice it would be to forget about his stupidity, both on this matter and about his involvement with that nitwit of a girl, we can't, so I thought we could say that you and Professor Snape had an argument at Slughorns party after hearing about the Unbreakable Vow and you hexed him or something when he turned up in the Astronomy Tower. I then helped Madam Pomfrey heal his injuries, it's not strictly a lie we will just miss out the other bits, alright?"

Harry nodded not looking forward to confronting his friend.

When they arrived in the Gryffindor common room, they found Ron curled up on the sofa snogging Lavender. Hermione grunted in disgust and said goodnight to Harry before storming off to the girl's dorm. Harry hung about awkwardly for a few minutes but when it seemed there would be no break in the snogging for a while, he headed off to bed, resigning himself to spending the morning dealing with his pigheaded friend.

ooooo

"Severus how nice it is to see you. What news do you have for me this month" the hissing sound of the Dark Lords voice reached him as he entered Malfoy Manor.

"Master, the pleasure of being in your presence, is all mine" Severus replied bowing low, closing down his mind as he did so against the feelings of revulsion.

"As for news, there is not much to tell. Dumbledore left the school on travels yesterday and won't return until after the school resumes. He did not furnish me with any information on where he planned on travelling to. As for Draco's mission, the boy is trying hard to accomplish the task you have set him but there has been unforeseen difficulties at every turn for him but he will succeed, I am sure of it. He is a clever and loyal servant and will learn quickly from any mistakes he has made." Severus said smoothly hoping to spare the details of Draco's bungled amateur attempts so far.

"Mmm so you think the boy will succeed in this little mission I have set, do you?"

"I think he has the ability yes, but it is no small task" Snape answered carefully

"You question my decision in giving the boy this task?"

"Not at all Master, I think he will learn a lot about what he needs to do to become a great servant to you_" although not if I can help it Severus thought. _He was disappointed in himself at not having been able to stop the boy taking the mark as it was.

"I take it you have taken measures to ensure that Dumbledore will die, even if Draco fails"

"Of course, My Lord. The old man will be dead by the end of the school year, whether at the hand of Draco or my own" Severus knew it would be him that finished the task and he no longer felt sick at the prospect he realised.

"Very well, I do however have another mission for you, over the holidays"

"Yes My Lord?"

"I believe Potter will be residing at the Weasley house, after a brief stay with his relatives. I want you, Greyback and Bella to capture the brat, unharmed, and bring him to me. Dumbledore is getting slack in his old age about allowing him away from the blood wards. He has set up strong wards at the Weasleys' hovel, as he did over the summer, but they will be easily penetrated by you, who they seem to trust. I just want you to get Bella and Greyback past the wards, they will do the rest. I can't have my most loyal spy jeopardising his position within the order at this stage now can I?"

_Shit _Severus cursed internally but continued in his silky tones "Is this wise My Lord? However much I would sincerely like to see the boy suffer as soon as possible, maybe snatching the boy should wait until we have managed to get rid of the Old Man first"

"Do not question my tactics Severus! You are forgetting that the Wesleys' will no longer trust you after Dumbledore dies, of that I am sure"

"Of course My Lord, I should not have questioned you." Severus said bowing low again waiting on his punishment but he felt sick at having to plan Harry's capture with this evil bastard.

No punishment came; instead he seemed to accept his apology and continued to lay out his plans for snatching Harry, from The Burrow.

Severus apparated back to Hogsmead a few hours later and walked back to Hogwarts as quickly as he could. He staggered into his bedroom, collapsing on his bed with a loud groan. He had never felt so at odds with his role as spy and was exhausted by it falling asleep instantly from sheer exhaustion. He awoke with a start, after a fitful sleep full of dreams of Harry being tortured, and cast a quick tempus. He had missed breakfast he realised with a rising panic. Getting up quickly he almost ran out of his quarters dressed as he was, in his death eater robes from the previous night. After changing into his usual teaching robes he swept from his rooms, making his way to the congregation point for the carriages to take the student away to the Hogwarts Express. As he approached, a few students stood about eagerly waiting for their holiday to begin but there was no sign of Harry or his friends. Continuing past the loud happy chatter he turned into the only corridor that lead directly to Gryffindor Tower. He stopped outside a small room, more a cupboard actually than a room but it was a good place to watch students walk past without being seen. Slipping inside he banished a few old brooms and such like and leant against the wall, eyes fixed on the hallway. After about 10 minutes of waiting, he heard a large crowd of noisy students approaching and sneaked a look down the hall. Harry, Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley were walking silently together a bit behind the group.

Bugger he thought, he had hoped Harry and Mr. Weasley had continued in their obvious disagreement with each other but it appeared they had made some amends. Pushing aside concerns about Harry's dunderhead friend being suspicious of his sudden appearance, he readied himself to catch their attention.

A moment after the group of laughing Gryffindors' past his hiding place, he stepped out in front of the trio, glancing quickly at Hermione as he did so. Hermione gripped Ron's arm and kept him walking but Harry slowed his pace slightly.

Hermione greeted him politely trying to sound cheery. "Good Morning Professor Snape I hope you have a good holiday"

Ron grunted and looked back to where Harry now stood not moving.

"Come on Harry" Ron said gesticulating with his eyes and head to encourage him just to walk on.

Hermione pulled on Ron's arm "He will catch us up Ron. I want to say goodbye to a few people before we go"

Ron turned to the smiling, overly cheerful girl dragging him along the corridor.

"Considering what you two have just told me about Harry hexing Snape so badly he needed Pomfrey, I don't think we should leave him there alone 'mione!"

"Harry can look after himself Ron, trust me. Anyway you said Professor Snape had a message for him from the Headmaster. If he does then Harry should hear it. Let's go"

Ron grudgingly allowed himself to be dragged towards the main entrance.

Severus silently thanked the Granger girl before darting back into the small room when he heard more voices coming down the hallway behind Harry. Harry ran to slip in behind him without being seen.

"Harry..." Severus began.

"I have been looking for you since early morning but you weren't even at breakfast..."Harry said quickly wanting the man to know he had wanted to see him too.

"I overslept... anyway we only have a minute and I can't begin to try to explain or apologise for what transpired the other night. All I want to say at this point is... I do love you, but it doesn't mean it is going to make our relationship any easier. I told you at the beginning of this term that there are some things that I have to do, that you will not like, but you need to try and trust me Harry. Really trust me". Severus pleaded with him knowing he asked a lot.

"I can't trust you at the moment Sev, you can't expect me to trust what I don't understand, but I will try ok?" Harry wanted desperately to find unquestioning trust for this man but he just couldn't.

Severus sighed "That is all I suppose I can ask". He was frustrated at the boy's lack of trust and understanding of the position he was in as a spy for the order but he did understand that Harry had been kept in the dark about certain maters for his own safety.

"Harry I need you to listen to me for a moment" Severus pulled Harry in to a tight embrace but was saddened by the rigid feel to his once relaxed and comfortable lover and suppressed a distressed groan before telling him what he had to.

"When you are at the Weasleys' over Christmas you need to be ever vigilant. The Dark Lord is planning to try and capture you whilst you are there. I will inform the order and make sure there is at least one or two members present with you at all times but I can't make it obvious that you know. You will need to try act as naturally as possible whilst there. I hope to be able to subvert the plan but it might not be possible, whatever happens I will be there on your side, however it might look at the time"

Severus pulled back a little and looked into troubled green eyes before leaning down and capturing the soft lips beneath them in a gentle kiss. Harry relaxed slightly at his touch and returned the kiss passionately almost desperately. The emotions came rushing through the bond once again making both men groan in relief at being reconnected.

**A/N Ok I know a bit of a slow chapter and I have closed it off a scene earlier than planned but thought it better to end it with something pleasant after all the angst! **

**The next chapter hopefully will get better toward the end... Please keep reviewing and letting me know what you all think!**

**I am struggling a bit to find the time to write at the moment and didn't feel good about writing this part of the story, way too angsty for my current mood although I did try and put some humour into it but I don't like when our boys are apart ;-( I am trying to stick loosely to my story outline and keep it within canon as much as possible, but might just scrap that idea soon since it has taken on a mind of its own anyway.**

**Thanks as always to those that have already reviewed: Ishala8, SlytherinPrincess1993, Paon and ieatmyfeelings welcome to my story and thanks for your comments they mean loads to me! Paon thanks for pointing out my quotation errors I will go back tonight or tomorrow and try correct them. Oh no Paon I have just read you latest review as I went to post this. I am sorry don't hate me too much I promise it will get better **

**AlmondWithUnicornHair- glad you liked chapter 13 I enjoyed writing that one too ;-) and promise there is more to come even though this chapter is a bit blah. They will talk about Draco soon they have to really - promise! Sheankelor-what can I say! You know I wouldn't be able to keep them apart too long LOL thanks for your reviews and messages! LH X**


	16. Coming Home

**Warnings: Yip you guessed it mature explicit male/male sexual content and strong language. There is also a bit about non-consensual sex but nothing graphic. **

**A/N Ok this chapter was never in my outline I have added it because of a few questions and comments I have received...so anyway it is a bit slow (although it does pick up a little at the end ;-) ) but may help explain something that I didn't make very clear in the previous chapters. I have put more on this at the bottom once you have read it LH x **

_**(PS. Please review! It's only your reviews that are keeping me going at the moment and they also let me know what you guys want ;-))**_

**Chapter 16 - Coming Home  
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_**"****Him that has control of departure, that has control of **coming home**, return, and turning in, that shepherd do I also call.****" -Atharva Veda**_

The journey home on the Hogwarts Express usually passed too quickly for Harry but this year it seemed to take forever. He had been stuck in a carriage with only Ron for most of it and was fed up listening to him blether on about Lavender. Hermione had disappeared on the pretence of going to the bathroom but hadn't returned, she was obviously hurting about the way Ron incessantly talked about his girlfriend and Harry wished he could go and join her.

Harry was not all that bothered about spending time at the Dursleys this year since he knew it would be his last Christmas there and if he was honest he would rather stay with them for the whole holiday than go to the Burrow. He would only be putting his friends at risk again if Severus couldn't foil the plan of the Death Eater attack.

"The Unbreakable Vow, are you sure that's what Snape said?" Ron asked snapping Harry out of his half listening state.

"Positive. Why?" Harry responded but wasn't sure he really wanted to get into this again at the moment.

"Well you can't break an Unbreakable Vow" Ron replied looking a bit confused.

"I'd worked that out for myself funnily enough"

"I can't understand..." Ron began looking even more confused.

Merlin Harry thought he really had to get away from Ron for a bit, he couldn't believe how incredibly thick his friend was at times.

Lavender appeared at the glass door of their carriage and proceeded to draw love hearts and nonsense on the door. Harry looked away at the sickeningly sweet display of affection from the girl and was relieved he was gay, at least he would never have to put up with crap like that from Sev.

Once Lavender left, Ron started talking about snogging again and Harry was about to scream, so decided to get back onto the topic of the Unbreakable Vow, it was preferable to hearing more about chapped lips and the likes.

"So what happens to you, what happens if you break an Unbreakable Vow" Harry heard himself asking and expected more inane drivel out of his friends mouth about how you couldn't break an Unbreakable Vow, that was why it was called Unbreakable, that it would _make_ you see it through.

"You die" Ron said with a sigh

Harry gripped his potions text book which he had been in his hand since leaving Hogwarts tighter and rubbed his thumb over the spine. He looked away from Ron at the Love heart on the door and wished that he had let his friend carry on with his talk of snogging. He was struggling to reign in his emotions; his anxiety for Severus soared in his mind, heart and soul.

"Look Ron there is only ½ an hour left before we arrive at Kings Cross I am going to go find Hermione. I will see you at the Burrow in a few days so want to say goodbye to her and wish her a Merry Christmas. Alright mate?"

Harry darted out the carriage before Ron had a chance to answer and slipped into the toilet cubicle, he thought he might vomit as his heart raced and his head spun. The thought that Severus cared enough about Malfoy to protect him with his life hit him hard. He hoped it was some duty Severus had taken on as Dumbledore's spy but that went against the emotions he had felt from the man when speaking to the other Slytherin. His anxiety and fear for Severus's life reached an all time high and he thought he was going to pass out. He sat down hard on the lid of the toilet with his head between his knees trying to breathe slowly. He had had a panic attack before and his rational brain told him this was what was happening now but it didn't make it any less scary. He sat there for quite a while holding onto the Half Blood Princes textbook and felt a wave of love tingle through his fingers which ran up his arms and calmed his pounding heart. There was a loud knock at the door just as he was managing to calm down a bit and Harry startled.

"Just a minute" he called out gathering himself together.

"Harry? It's me. Hermione. Let me in"

Harry flicked the door open and Hermione squeezed herself into the small room.

"Are you alright you look dreadful!"

"I'm fine 'mione. How did you know I was in here?

"I came back to your carriage to wish you a Merry Christmas since I probably won't be at the Burrow this year. Ron told me you had gone looking for me 10 minutes ago. Dean said he had seen you run in here. Are you sick?" Hermione said worriedly feeling his forehead.

"Panic attack. Why didn't you tell me that you die if you break an Unbreakable Vow 'mione? "

"Ah" Hermione replied a bit shamed facedly.

"So you knew and you didn't tell me?" Harry asked incredulously.

"Harry I'm sorry but it's not like it's someone you don't care about that you think that has made an Unbreakable Vow, is it? You were so upset about it; I just didn't think last night was the right time to mention it, we had a lot of other things to talk about"

Harry sighed and gripped the potions book again as his heart gave a worrying skip.

"I had hoped I would get a chance to tell you on the journey home but I just couldn't stand being with Ron."

"I know, but I think he is maybe getting a bit sick of Lavender 'mione so keep your chin up alright" Harry said with a weak smile.

"Well I'm not sure I'm that bothered about him now anyway" Hermione huffed but she clearly was.

"Anyway how did you get on with Professor Snape before we left? I haven't had a chance to speak with you alone"

"Yeah it was fine. I told him I couldn't trust him yet and he said he loved me. We kissed. It was a bit awkward really, I felt so tense with him but it helped I guess. I can feel him again. In here." Harry said pointing to his head.

"I'm glad Harry. The holiday is going to be difficult being separated again from him you need to try not focus on what happened the night of the party or you are going to work yourself into a worse state than you were before and maybe do something regrettable when we return. Listen, take this." Hermione rummaged in her bag and pulled out a book Harry recognised from the Room of Requirement.

"I have made some notes in the margins. There are some suggestions to minimise the risk of you becoming too distressed whilst separated alright"

"Thanks 'Mione" Harry took the book and gave his friend a hug.

"We better go, we must be about to arrive. You go out first I will follow in a few minutes. We could do without rumours about you and me, in the bloody boy's toilet on the train!"

Harry disembarked the train shortly after leaving the toilet feeling fairly calm but after he had gone through the barrier at platform 9 3/4 his heart skipped a beat again. The last person he needed to see right now was standing off to the side, apparently waiting on Harry. Hermione looked worriedly at Harry's expression.

"Are you sure you are alright Harry? Look, there's your uncle's business associate. I thought you liked it when he came to get you, you might not have to even see you family this holiday if they have sent him" Hermione said cheerily, she thought the man who was now walking toward them was sent to collect Harry if the Dursleys were away on holiday.

"Emm yeah sorry just a little surprised at seeing him here this time." Harry tried to smile but his heart was beating hard.

Stephen was a young man who had been under his Uncles thumb as his apprentice ever since leaving school but he had matured over his first year of working for him into a very strong character once he got his own house and moved away from the smothering love his mother had bestowed on him. Harry hadn't seen him in almost a year and he had thought that maybe he had managed to get another job away from his bullying Uncle but here he was, as large as life, walking toward him with a beaming smile.

"Harry! How nice to see you again" the tall man said, as he put his arm around Harry's shoulder pulling him into his side in a one armed hug. "Nice to see you have grown a little since the last time I saw you, squirt"

Harry flinched at the man's use of the nickname he had for him and pulled away from the embrace.

"Yeah well it has been almost year Stephen. I am no longer a _child_" Harry said sarcastically.

Stephen grimaced a little but kept on smiling "So I see" he responded raising his eyebrows and looking him up and down.

Hermione had become a bit alarmed by the exchange "Harry are you alright I am sure you can go directly to the Burrow if your family are not home"

"His family will return soon, your friend will be just fine" Stephen beamed extending his hand toward Hermione who took it gingerly.

"Nice to meet you again, Hermione wasn't it?"

Hermione ignored Stephen's smiling blue eyes that were now staring at her with warmth and looked back at Harry questioningly.

"There is no need to change plans. Was just a little surprised like I said" but Harry's eyes told her a different story but she resigned herself to having to let Harry go.

"Alright, I will see you in a three weeks, hope you have a good Christmas" Hermione let go of her trunk and flung her arms around her friend again in a tight hug and whispered in his ear.

"Owl me Harry, about anything you need to talk about alright? Anything at all"

Harry nodded once his clearly concerned friend let him go and turned to Stephen who again put his arm around his shoulders and lead him out to his waiting car.

Once in the car Stephen turned and placed his hand on Harry's leg.

"I have missed you Squirt. It's been too long"

"Please don't call me Squirt alright. I am no longer a child that thinks the nickname is cute"

"Harry what is wrong?" Stephen said with genuine sounding concern in his voice.

"I have grown up over the last year Stephen, I was only 14 when I was first sent to you, I was a child and what you did to me was wrong"

There was an uncomfortable silence in the car and Stephen turned away and started driving through the busy London traffic.

"I know Harry and I am truly sorry. It should never have happened. There is no excuse. I thought I had made it all ok after that first time and you seemed to want me too. I always thought you were happy coming over to my house".

Harry sighed "I thought I did want you in a way, you were kind and gentle with me, well after that first time, but looking back on it now I didn't really didn't want what we did, I just accepted that I could give you something you needed which in turn paid my Uncle for having me around which made my life easier when I was home. You must have known that Stephen. Did I ever once initiate anything with you? Did I ever give you an indication I truly wanted to have sex with you?"

"I paid for you to clean my house Harry, not to have sex with me" Stephen said quietly.

"I know that but if I had just cleaned your house would you have kept paying for me to come every week?" Harry said through gritted teeth.

"Yes I would have. I know how much that money meant to you and you got treated a little better by your family because of it. I did care for you."

"You knew how desperate I was to keep my Uncle from beating me, yet you still made me have sex with you, for over a year?" Harry was getting angry now.

"I really didn't think I made you do anything Harry. I know you were only 14 but I was only 18 when I first met you and I always thought you were so much smarter and older than me in every other way. I really am sorry. I honestly thought you enjoyed it." Stephen said genuine distress clear in his voice.

Harry's anger dissipated a little. He knew Stephen had been younger and very immature due to his cosseted upbringing when he was 18 than Harry had been at 14, but it still did not entirely excuse what had happened.

Harry had been sent round to Stephens flat when he had first bought it; his Uncle had offered Harry's services of cleaning and general dog's body for a weekly fee. Stephen had first agreed since Vernon had really not given him any option and had taken the fee directly out his wage packet. The first time Harry had gone to the house; Stephen had been drinking and was a bit worse for wear. He had offered Harry some whisky, which he had drunk out of politeness, and although he only had 3 or 4 small measures from the bottle, it had made him fairly drunk, having never really had alcohol before. They ended up watching a film on the TV, sprawled out on the sofa together and Harry had begun to feel relaxed with the stranger. However Stephen had suddenly kissed him and although Harry was shocked, he didn't fight him off. It had been fairly pleasant to be held by someone after the year he had had at school with Cedric dying and everything, but Stephen had become a bit wild and had taken things too far, not stopping when Harry had begged him to do so. Afterwards Stephen had been full of apologises and had cried at what he had done. The following few weeks Harry did just clean his flat and Stephen had apologised profusely every week. Then a one week, as Harry was leaving, Stephen had pulled him into a tight embrace and kissed him . Harry didn't object, he had actually grown to quite like the man over those weeks, in spite of what had happened. It was clear that Stephen wanted more from Harry than just a clean flat and he resigned himself to giving him what he wanted. He would never offer it or initiate anything but he didn't fight it either. Stephen had been very gentle and caring with him and never once force him or did anything Harry objected to but Harry had remained a very passive partner, only allowing things to be done to him. He blocked his mind to what they did but the fact was, Stephen was right, he had _physically_ ended up enjoying it but it made him feel sick, used, and dirty, his pleasure only making him feel worse.

"Well I can't really deny that I physically enjoyed it Stephen, can I? But in my head...in here it made me feel like shit" Harry said quietly tapping his hand over his heart.

Stephen drove the rest of the way to Privet Drive in an uncomfortable silence. Once they arrived Stephen quickly made some dinner and Harry sat at the dining room table as he served it.

"Can we start again Harry? You are 16 now and can do what you want, in fact why are you even still coming here? You could move out and get your own place you know."

"I don't have the rights yet in the Wizarding world, I am still termed a child there." Harry replied ignoring the question about starting again.

"Well you are adult here in the _normal_ world and I am serious, I do care about you. I want us to start again you know be together properly this time."

"No Stephen, I am bon...I have met someone else. I can't be with you. It would never work anyway, you and I, there is too much damage, too much that bad history between us" Harry had grown quieter as he spoke as he realised his words could equally be applied to him and Severus's relationship and that thought made him sad.

Stephen got up and came over to where Harry was sitting, pushing the food that Harry had playing with aside he sat on the edge of the table and pulled Harry to his feet.

"Please Harry just one last time for old time sake then" Stephen gripped him hard and tried to kiss him. Harry started to struggle, panic and fear rising in his chest. He tried to reach his wand which was still in his jeans pocket but was pushed harshly backward onto the table. Stephen was on him like a man possessed begging him and pleading for him to let him make him feel good one last time.

Harry had just managed to pull out his wand when he heard a loud crack and Stephen was flung across the room.

Harry jumped up off the table wondering if he had let go of a burst of uncontrolled magic again and looked over to where Stephen had landed. Standing over the slumped form, wand drawn was a very pissed off Severus Snape.

Oh shit Harry thought but his heart flipped over seeing his soul mate here.

"Severus! I'm alright. Lower your wand" Harry pleaded not wanting Sev to kill the quivering man at his feet. He hated that the man had tried to take him again against his will but he didn't want him dead.

"Who... is...this?" Severus said slowly through gritted teeth, not taking his eyes of the young man on the floor who was now whimpering.

"It doesn't matter who he is Sev, please, he is not worth it. I am fine"

"You did not look like you were fine when I arrived" Severus stated his wand hand starting to shake in rage.

"Well no but I could have handled it myself. Please just let him go" Harry had approached Sev from behind and gently reached out to his wand hand, gripping it and gently pushing it away from Stephens neck.

"Just go Stephen, Leave. Now." Harry demanded.

Stephen got to his feet quickly, not taking his eyes of Severus's wand and fled, slamming the door as he left.

Severus turned and faced Harry once they heard the car outside speed away.

Harry launched himself into Sev's arms and started to cry as the adrenaline pumping through his system abated, the realisation of what had just about happened to him again, slammed into him.

Severus held him tight and ran his hand over his hair in soothing motions.

"Shhh you are alright. You are safe. It's over. I will never let anyone harm you again." Severus said in a low whisper.

Once Harry calmed sufficiently to talk, he spoke into Severus neck not wanting to break the physical contact just yet.

"Why are you here Sev? How did you know I was not safe?"

"I felt you fear and disgust Harry and after what I found out the other day I came to make sure nothing like that was happening again."

Harry nodded and raised his head to look into those dark eyes. The emotion in those eyes combined with the love coming through the bond, almost made Harry's knee buckle under the power of it.

"Thank you" he breathed out as he leant in to kiss Severus's slightly parted lips.

When Harry broke the kiss he pulled Severus through to the sitting room.

"You will have to stay you know. My family are away on holiday so it won't be safe here for me until they return." Harry smiled trying to sound cheery and push away what had just transpired as if it was nothing.

Severus nodded and smiled a little

"Who was that man Harry?"

"Emm well he is someone that works for my Uncle, he well... mmm...paid my Uncle...

"WHAT! Your Uncle hired you out for..."

"No Sev it wasn't like that. Well it was kind of. My Uncle doesn't know that was what he used me for. He paid my Uncle for me to clean his house and I kind of well...let it happen because the money he paid allowed me to eat sometimes and the beatings had mostly stopped."

Severus eyes grew wild and he growled as he stood and started pacing the floor. How could have he not seen there was something wrong every time Harry had returned to Hogwarts from this place. Looking back now the signs were all there; his emaciated frame, his pale drawn face, the oversized used clothes.

"Sev please calm down I am fine alright. Please, I need to move on from it. I don't want to even talk about it. It's over." Harry pleaded.

Severus looked at Harry with an indiscernible emotion in his eyes and wrapped his cloak around the smaller frame.

"I am so sorry Harry. I am so so sorry"

"It wasn't your fault Sev" Harry said relaxing into the man's arms again, feeling safe and at peace.

"Oh but it was" Severus whispered inaudibly. The innocent trusting green eyes of an infant flashed his mind as he handed him over to Albus. Handed him over to years of abuse he now knew.

Harry pulled away from Sev a few moments later.

"Would you like something to eat or drink? You are going to stay aren't you?"

"Of course I am staying until that _family _of yours returns, but I don't think I could eat right now, you go ahead" Severus seemed distant to Harry, he knew the man was deep in thought and wanted Harry to tell him more about what he had just found out but he really couldn't talk about any of it.

"I'm not hungry either. I will get us a drink though. Do you like muggle brandy or there is whisky but I am not so keen on that." Harry asked trying to sound relaxed as he looked through his Uncles drinks cabinet.

"Mhmmm? Brandy would be fine" Severus answered still lost in his thoughts.

Sitting down with two large glasses of brandy a moment later, Harry held one out to Sev and motioned for him to join him on the flowery sofa.

"Can we just try and relax and not talk about anything serious tonight Sev. Please?" Harry still wanted to know about why his soul mate was helping Malfoy. He was sure Malfoy was up to something as a Death Eater and he still couldn't reconcile the feelings from Sev toward the boy with the idea that Sev was only acting on Dumbledore's orders. He had owled Mr. Weasley about his fears and to inform his that the Headmaster seemed to be travelling but hadn't had a response yet.

"So what do you want to do Sev? Fancy watching a film or something?"Pushing the disturbing thought from his mind again as he asked.

Sev sighed and broke out his thoughts.

"A film? Ah the mindless, violence, horror or romance that muggles seem to think is entertaining, doesn't really interest me Harry." Severus said scowling a bit

"Yeah I suppose it seems all a bit tame to our real life dramas doesn't it" Harry said laughing.

Severus snorted "Well if they made a film about your life I am not sure what they would call it. An unrealistic, teen fantasy, horror, drama!"

"Yours wouldn't be much better." Harry huffed

"Mine would be more on the horror side I fear" Severus said sadly.

"Oh I don't know we must have some romance in there too" Harry suggested sideling up to Sev's side.

Severus chortled lightly "Romantic? Me? Ha! Maybe in your dreams" Severus rolled his eyes.

"Well I am glad you are not all mushy anyway. Merlin you should have seen what I had to put up with from Ron and Lavender on the trip home, it was seriously disturbing. If that is romance, then I want none f it!"

Severus had turned to Harry as they spoke, putting his drink down, he captured the grimacing face in his hands and gently kissed him. It didn't take long until their joint desire of each other melded into one and they found themselves writhing together frantically trying to shed each other's clothes in a shared need for closeness.

Once completely naked they paused looking at each other with such a mix of confusing emotions emanating from each of them it took their breaths away.

"Harry you don't have to do this you know. I do want you but I can feel you still don't trust me. I know it's a lot to ask without giving you any explanations but I need you to feel completely sure that you still want me like this"

"I want you too, and I do want to trust you, just give me time alright but tonight I need you like this"

Harry pulled Severus down slowly on top of him and their bodies met in a tingling desire. Shivers shot up and down Harry's spine as Severus nibbled and sucked on his ear. Their joint arousal growing as they rubbed against each other.

Harry shifted under Severus and pushed him up slightly allowing him to move into a seated position. Severus knelt still between Harry legs. Harry reached forward and wrapped his hand around Severus's cock and looked at the man questioningly as he brought his face down toward the weeping member. Severus sighed and closed his eyes, relaxing back. Harry slowly pumped the hard cock in his hand, slowly running his thumb over the head and round the sensitive gland on each up stroke. Sev groaned in pleasure, thrusting slightly into the gentle fist surrounding him. Flicking his tongue out quickly, Harry tasted Sev's slightly bitter essence and smiled at the completely relaxed look Sev gave him. Leaning back down he sucked the head of his lovers cock into his mouth, running his tongue gently over the slit again and around the ridge as he did so.

Sev gasped as his hip involuntarily thrust deeper into the warm wet cavern, Harry kept his hand around the base of the now throbbing cock to stop Sev thrusting too far, he had never done this before and didn't want to ruin it by gagging. He placed his other under Sev's tight balls and squeezed gently before reaching further back and pressing and rubbing the perineum area stimulating the prostrate externally.

Severus let out a loud groan which spurred Harry on who quickened his pace and sucked and licked in time to his lover's thrusts and groans, only pausing for a second a few minutes later to reposition himself closer to his mate but continued to pump him with his hand as he did so. Quickly licking the fingers of his other hand before once again bringing his had back down. He ran his tongue over Sev's balls and nuzzled into the thick black hair at the base of his cock breathing in his scent deeply before running his tongue up the tight skin back to the swollen head and plunging it back into his mouth as far as he could manage. The other hand carefully resumed kneading at the prostrate externally before pushing one wet finger gently into Severus tight entrance. Severus stilled his hips and grabbed Harry's hair gently making Harry open his eyes and look up at Sev questioningly. He hoped he hadn't upset him or taken things somewhere Sev wasn't ready for. As their eyes met, the initial look of shock he saw in Sev's eyes melted away to be replaced with amazement and hunger, before nodding slightly with a groan and closing his eyes again.

Severus had been completely lost in the sensations that were ripping through his body. Harry's touch was gentle and unsure, almost painfully so, but when he had picked up pace and breached his entrance with a gentle probing finger he had been a little shocked. He had never been taken by another man in a very long time, it held memories of one of the most difficult times of his life when he believed he deserved to be used, but as he saw and felt the loving questioning in Harry's eyes, he knew this was nothing like anything he had ever experienced. Harry was not using him, he just wanted to give him pleasure and was taking pleasure doing so. At this realisation he let go of a lot of past pain and relaxed in to the touch of his soul mate, with more abandon than he thought he was capable of. Harry pushed a second, then a third finger gently into him and Severus almost screamed as he brushed over his most sensitive spot. He gripped Harry's hair a little harder as he bobbed up and down faster and harder on his cock.

"Fuck Harry... I am... " he managed to growl out as he pulled at Harry's hair trying to give him the message he was about to come but Harry only sucked and increased his pressure and pace, both with his mouth and the probing fingers.

Every muscle in Severus's body tensed just before the release crashed over him in strong waves as he emptied himself into Harry's mouth with a growling scream. Harry continued milking him until the tension had eased and Severus flopped back onto the sofa a quivering mess. He looked over at Harry who wore a dopey grin and snorted out a incredulous laugh

"Merlin Harry you seriously will be the death of me" He panted.

Harry crawled over him and lay quietly covering his body with his own. Severus, becoming aware that Harry's own need was now pressing into his thigh, lifted the tousled head resting on his chest and kissed the traces of his seed of the young man's mouth and chin.

"What would you like, Harry?" Severus asked, fully expecting the answer to be something he had never considered allowing another man to do to him again but he would for this incredible man lying on top of him he realised, if that was what he wanted.

"Mhmmm? Oh nothing Sev. Not tonight" Harry said quietly but sounded quite relaxed and happy in his answer.

Severus shuffled down a bit and looked into Harry's eyes questioningly.

"What?" Severus's mind was reeling he couldn't believe Harry didn't want something more.

"Relax Sev, I am just happy like this, honestly" Harry replied with feeling.

Severus moved his leg so it rubbed against Harry's cock

"I can feel you are a little more than relaxed Harry, Mmmm?"

"Yeah I know but its ok, that will go. I just want you to hold me for a while Sev"

Severus sighed and relaxed as he realised Harry indeed was content and happy as the emotions poured through the bond. Severus felt more complete and loved than he had ever done in his entire life in that moment. He felt as if he had come home. Pulling the younger wizard closer to him he closed his eyes and held onto him tight, knowing it may be the last time he would ever feel like this.

**A/N – I hope this turned out ok the whole thing with Stephen I hadn't intended putting in but after a few messages asking if it was Vernon that raped Harry I decided to add it. I realised that in the previous chapter that dealt with Harry's abuse I hadn't made it clear that it wasn't Vernon that had sexually abused Harry and rereading it now I can understand why it maybe sounded like thats what I meant but you see I don't think Harry would have ever enjoyed it if it had been that twisted evil man. Yes he was an abusive man but not in that way. I wanted to get across that money was more the important thing here and that Harry was guilty for allowing his body to be used in this way and being aroused by it. It had made him think of sex as something that was only done to him as though he was a toy for reward. Not something to be shared. Does that make sense?**

**Anyway, thanks to my reviewers again and for everyone that has favourited or alerted this story without you I would not have continued on since it is has been hard to write some of the scenes in the last few chapters. Please please review and let me know what you all think! I need you guys to keep me going **

**Love to Paon, Sheankelor and ieatmyfeelings for you support through the last chapter xx **


	17. Pain or Pleasure

**Warnings: Explicitmale/male sexual content. Strong Language. **

**Please excuse any errors in this. I havent been able to concentrate tonight - so if you would rather wait unitl I proof read it again then come back in 24 hrs! x  
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**Chapter – 17 Pain or Pleasure**

"_**The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you're in control of your life. If you don't, life controls you."**_** - Tony Robbins**

Harry woke and stretched slowly with a yawn, cracking open his eyes he realised he was still on the sofa in the sitting room of 4 Privet Drive as the memories of the previous night flooded back.

"Sev?" He called out when he couldn't feel the heat of another body beside him. He quickly felt around on the floor, finding his glasses and slipped them on his face, focussing instantly on the face of his lover, who was sitting watching him from the armchair opposite, still completely naked.

"Hey" Harry said as a broad smile spread over his face.

Severus smirked, "Good Morning"

"What time is it?" Harry muttered through another yawn.

"About three in the morning, I think"

Harry groaned "Merlin Sev, that's not morning! Why the hell, are you not still beneath me and sleeping?"

"Couldn't sleep" Sev answered slowly, but seemed lost in thought. Harry thought he sounded exhausted.

"Well come on lets go upstairs and get more comfortable, you might be able to sleep better in a bed. Sorry, I must have crashed out" Harry jumped up and grabbed Severus's hand, pulling him to his feet.

"It's only a single bed though, you will have to put up with this pressed against you" Harry informed, wiggling his arse as he walked.

Severus growled as he followed Harry up the stairs into a small, almost empty, room. There was a single bed against one wall and a small wardrobe on the other. Hedwig sat in her cage on an old battered looking desk near the window; she gave a hoot at the appearance of the two wizards.

Turning to Severus, after sending Hedwig out hunting for the night, Harry watched as the naked form of his _Professor_ looked around his bedroom. Shaking his head, as arousal griped him, he stifled a snort of laughter at the bizarreness of their situation encroached on his mind.

"Something funny_?_" Severus drawled advancing toward him with a challenging glint in his eye.

"No" Harry still trying to suppress his laughter, but the word was spluttered out betraying his amusement.

"Please do tell what it is that goes on in that head of yours" Severus was scowling and his tone was sarcastic and intimidating. Harry had only ever heard him speak like this when in his classroom, it was the voice that had instilled dread in him for 6 years but now it only served to increase Harry's amusement and stir his arousal.

"Fuck why did I never realise how bloody sexy you are when you talk to me like that?"

"Well, well _Potter_ I think your brains must have completely turned to mush or they have been hiding in your cock all this time" Severus continued as he pushed Harry onto the bed.

Harry shuffled back, spreading his legs wide, inviting Severus between them as his eyes clouded over with lust, a strong desire for the man in front of him to be inside him, invaded his senses.

"I want you to fuck me Sev."

Severus growled, and launched his whole weight at Harry pressing him hard into the mattress, attacking the soft sensitive area of his neck over the jugular, biting down hard enough to leave marks and cause a little pain. Harry shivered as sensations shot from his neck, pain and pleasure burning, as it went straight to his groin causing him to push his hardness into Sev's stomach with a loud grunt. He was a little taken aback by the rough, almost aggressive way Severus attacked his body with his hands and mouth, but tried to push his rising unease aside.

The bruising pressure against young skin eased as Severus hissed out in a sneering sarcastic tone

"Who would have thought it, the Gryffindor Golden Boy, the insufferable brat, likes it rough."

Harry gasped, his unease turning to something akin to fear as it bubbled to the surface. He was concerned about Sev's change of demeanour but strangely aroused by it at the same time. His cock twitched involuntarily against the toned stomach pressing into him from above.

Severus muttered a wandless spell, invisible bindings instantly wrapped around his wrists, pulled his arms upwards and held them immobile above his head. They weren't tight but tight enough to worry him.

"Sev?" Harry asked a noticeable quiver in his voice.

"Shhh relax" the older man said a little sharply.

Severus's pushed himself off Harry's trembling body and stood to the side of the bed looking at the bound figure before him. Harry whimpered slightly at the removal of the weight covering him, his anxiety increasing tenfold at the way Sev was looking at him, he felt vulnerable and exposed.

"I would have never have thought I would find any benefits to that mindless game you so love, but it appears to have toned and shaped your body very nicely" Severus continued in his sarcastic tones.

"Please stop Sev" Harry spluttered out, his anxiety winning over his arousal and diminishing his lust slightly.

The second the words were uttered from Harry's mouth the invisible bonds at his wrist disappeared and Sev looked at him with an indiscernible questioning look.

"I emm... feel a little... scared" Harry said uncomfortably.

"I will never hurt you Harry" Severus continued quietly looking at him now almost blankly. Harry couldn't work out what the man was thinking and knew Sev was blocking his emotions through the bond.

Harry nodded "I know"

"Do you? Are you sure?

Harry nodded

"Would you like me to continue?"

Harry took a deep breath and nodded again, he wanted to be with this man, his body and soul screaming for his touch but the moment he gave his nonverbal permission the ties that had bound his hands returned, this time tighter and nipped at his skin, his fear and doubt returned.

Severus leant down and resumed biting and sucking hard at his neck. Every painful bite was followed by light caressing licks to salve the pain. Severus slowly continued this treatment, covering every inch of his upper body, finally latching onto one of his nipples and sucking it hard into his mouth and nibbling at its base. An unfamiliar mixture of pain and pleasure ripped through Harry's body his arousal returning in full force. The harsh treatment of his skin had Harry's mind reeling, his breathing coming in harsh stuttering pants, cock straining, begging to be touched.

"Touch me Sev!"

Severus had ignored Harry's pleas but waved his wand hand in a flourish over him with a growl. Harry closed his eyes tight and flinched slightly in anticipation and anxiety of what would happen now. An oily substance coated his chest making him gasp. His eyes flew open again as the painfully hot oil ran down his sides and enveloped his body. Severus gave him a deep penetrating look but Harry still couldn't feel Sev's emotions or read them in his eyes, his anxiousness spiked. He needed to know he was loved, to feel safe. Without breaking eye contact, Severus ran his hands down Harry's tense body from his shoulders over the lean muscles in his chest to his waist. The touch caused his skin to burn and every tendon and muscle quiver as it was massaged hard by large strong hands. Fingers dug in painfully, nails scratched over delicate over-heated skin, leaving red scars in their wake. The oil cooled slightly as it was rubbed into every bite mark, every bruise, every fingernail induced scratch making them sting, before the pain faded. Harry's mind was screaming to tell Sev to stop but his body screamed for more, his arousal throbbing deep in his groin. Whimpering he begged Severus with his eyes to touch him but his silent pleading also went ignored

"Touch me Sev. Please" Harry sobbed out again unable to take more of the rough silent treatment.

"Patience" Severus said calmly but inside Severus was anything but calm. His heart was racing and worry coursed through his veins. He knew he was taking a risk in his current treatment of Harry; it could easily cause Harry to become too anxious to allow him to continue. If he asked him to stop he would do so instantly but now that he had started stopping would result in the opposite of what he wanted to achieve.

Harry whimpered again and lifted his hips off the mattress. Severus moved position nudging Harry's legs apart until they were spread wide enough to allow him enough space to kneel between them but far enough away from the leaking straining cock. Leaning down he turned his attention to Harry's thighs running his tongue up the inside of one slowly, continuing round the crease where leg met groin until he reached a bony hip, he once again used his teeth, almost breaking the skin but not quite. Harry was a quivering, whimpering mass, thrusting his hips erratically. By the time Severus had worked his way back down the inner thigh until there was a neat line of marks from hip to knees on both legs. Running his hands firmly up the line of marks he gripped and pinned the thrusting hips down, uttering another spell to hold them there magically. The cry that came from above him caused a spear of concern to shoot through Severus; he looked up expecting Harry to ask him to stop, to be met with a look of fear. Instead emerald green eyes met his with a pleading desire and lust that begged him to touch him, to make him come. Severus resolve almost disintegrated but he quickly snapped his eyes away and once again ignored the silent plea. After coating Harry's legs with the same hot oil and massaging away any tension, he released all bindings and flipped Harry over onto his front. Who immediately started grinding his cock into the bed, letting out small grunts as he did so.

"No" Severus commanded as he immediately replaced the bindings that held Harry still before attacking the smooth soft skin of his back.

Harry's mind was a complete mess. He had felt every emotion in the last half hour that he thought was possible, from panic and fear to disgust and guilt to a deep yearning desire and love. He knew Severus was blocking the exchange of feelings through the bond intentionally but his fear abated exponentially in relation to his physical arousal; he didn't think he had ever been this hard for such a prolonged period of time without being able to relieve himself. The pain and heat growing his groin was incredible, the need for touch almost unbearable but he closed his eyes and focused his mind trying only to concentrate on the sensations coming from being bitten, sucked, licked and massaged over every inch of his back.

Severus rubbed the same slick hot oil into Harry's now marked back and bum, gripping the muscles of his arse firmly.

Harry heard a muttered charm moments before a strange sensation ran up inside him from his puckered entrance. It wasn't unpleasant but not exactly enjoyable either and it made him tense up a little.

"Relax" was the only word muttered from Severus in a growling but commanding tone.

The sensation passed quickly allowing him to do as instructed but in truth his muscles weren't cooperating with him anymore, he couldn't have remained tense if he had tried. He felt Severus resume massaging his buttocks before moving them up gripping his hips hard, digging his fingers into the bones painfully before pulling him abruptly up onto all fours. Harry looked back and caught an off guard look of uncontrolled desire and love from Severus before he schooled his expression back into the same indecipherable questioning look as before. Harry turned his head away and dropped it forward, hair falling over his eyes and face, as he did so he felt Severus gently part his bum cheeks and run his tongue over the perineal area right up over the puckered flesh of his entrance before running his tongue in swirls around it. Harry broke the verbal silence, he had been unable to speak until now with his mind fighting his desire, mind begging to shout stop, the other begging for more.

"Oh My Fucking God!" he choked out in a scream as his body convulsed as the overload of sensation assaulted him.

Severus continued his slow tongue movements but moved away from his entrance up between his buttocks and over every bump in his spine until he was positioned right behind him with his rock hard cock pressing against his arse, his body moulded into Harry's to cover it from bum to neck. On reaching Harry's neck Severus nuzzled into the soft nape kissing him gently at the same time as reaching down with one hand and gripping his swollen length in a tight fist, the other hand ran up his spine, gripping his hair roughly, pulling his head back.

Harry couldn't breathe he thought he was going to come right there and then but found he couldn't, as Severus increased the pressure at the base of his cock trapping the blood in the swollen member. Through the sound of his hammering heart and his own harsh panting breaths Harry heard Severus whisper in his ear softly

"I love you Harry. Trust me"

The bindings were released, both men let out a screaming sob as Severus dropped his control; his mind shields disintegrated and did what Harry had asked. He fucked him hard to a joint rhythm of shared need, both men losing all sense of time or place.

oooooooooooo

Harry woke much later his body tingled and ached in a pleasant hum. His throat was dry and sore from screaming. He rolled over to find his bed empty apart from a piece of parchment propped up on the pillow beside his head. Grabbing his glasses from the bedside table he smiled as the precise flowing script, he was more used to seeing in red ink, came into focus.

_A late lunch is waiting for you downstairs sleepy head. S x_

Bugger he thought, he must have slept for ages, although he hadn't really, he had only been asleep for a few hours. After Severus had fucked him into the mattress, they had started again but to a much slower and gentler pace than before. Harry had taken his time in mapping out Severus body with his tongue and tasting every inch of him, both reaching a bone melting climax a second time together, with Harry inside Severus this time. He had been extremely nervous and reluctant to take Severus in this way but had slowly relaxed with Sev's gentle encouragement, as the older man opened himself up to him. He much preferred being taken, but it had been an awesome feeling to have Severus scream beneath him in pleasure he had caused.

Harry jumped from his bed and threw on an old pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Bounding down the stairs he entered the kitchen to witness Severus quietly humming a tune he didn't recognise as he stirred a bubbling pot on the electric cooker. Harry leant against the door frame watching him for a few minutes with amusement.

"Are you are laughing at me again Mr. Potter? Do you think that wise considering the consequences of your mirth last night?"

"Is that all it will take for you to do that to me again?" Harry said with no hint of emotion in his voice, hiding the warmth spreading in his gut as he remembered the mind shattering orgasm he had had a few hours ago.

Severus moved his eyes to give Harry a quick look, he hadn't been able to decipher the tone in Harry's voice and could only feel a tiredness radiating through the bond. Much to his relief he saw genuine amusement and a little arousal in the green eyes and relaxed a little, returning his concentration to stirring the pot.

Harry walked across the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Severus's waist, pressing his body into his back. Severus relaxed a little more. He knew he had taken a risk with his approach to Harry last night but he had had his reasons at the time. He had been worrying about it ever since getting up a few hours ago. Sleep had completely evaded him.

"I didn't know you could cook" Harry said with surprise clear in his voice.

Severus snorted "What do you think I do for a living if it isn't mix different ingredient together, in a pot, over a heat. I believe that is the normal process commonly known as cooking"

"Yeah well that's different, you know what I mean!"

"Harry, that's all there is to potions, it just a magical form of cooking. You need to understand what ingredients go together and which ones don't. Simple."

"Yeah right! If you say so" Harry rolled his eyes, thinking if it was just like cooking he would be a bloody genius potions master since he could cook really well and actually enjoyed it.

"Anyway I don't term this cooking, it's just a basic stew, with some meat and root vegetables" Severus said changing the topic away from potions. He didn't want to get into a discussion about the one thing there was still a lot of animosity about between them

"Smells good. I'm starving!"

"Typical bloody teenager either horny or hungry" Severus smirked "Go sit, I will bring some out to you"

"Ehm, are you sure? I mean I can do that if you want" Harry felt a little awkward at allowing Severus to serve him.

Severus turned and captured the scowling face behind him, gently kissing the frown lines on his forehead.

"Let me take care of you today".

Harry looked up into the deep black pools of emotion shining in Severus's eyes and thought he could see a flicker of worry and concern there.

"You really don't have to. I am fine about last night, well it was this morning really" Harry babbled a bit.

"Are you?" Severus asked gingerly, closing his eyes as he turned back to stirring the stew.

"Yeah I am, it was amazing Sev. I have to admit you did scare me for a bit at first, but bloody hell I thought I was going to explode. Where the hell did you learn to make someone feel like that?"

The question was out before Harry engaged his brain, he knew it was none of his business but was curious none the less.

Severus growled but didn't respond but his steady stirring slowed.

"I'm sorry Sev, I shouldn't have asked, I just didn't think, it doesn't matter ok" Harry wrapped his arms around his lover again and reached up on his tiptoes to push the hair away from Sev's ear with his mouth and whispered

"I love you"

"I know you do. Now scoot go sit before this stew gets spoiled. I would like to talk to you before your relatives return but need you to eat first" Severus said quietly in response.

Harry kissed Severus beneath his ear and turned to leave. As he approached the door he stopped and looked over at his lover who was still stirring.

"You look goddamn sexy in that flowery apron by the way; you should wear that in the next potions class you take – much better than that dragon hide thing you wear!" Severus turned and threw him a real withering glare before Harry darted off to the dining room laughing.

"Bloody insolent brat" he shouted after him.

They ate in silence at the dining room table. Harry went over the events of the previous night in his mind; Severus's appearance and initial protective anger directed at Stephen followed by his willing submission to his mouth on the sofa. He thought over how he had been bound and fucked hard, he still felt a little disconcerted by enjoying the pain but tried to push the feelings that he was abnormal to the back of his mind. His mind turned to fucking Severus in return, albeit in a gentler manner, he felt his arousal return again at the memory of the way the older man had writhed and screamed beneath him. He wondered how many personas Severus had, doubting he had seen them all yet.

"Harry, about last night" Severus began breaking his train of thought.

"Sev its fine really please let's not over think it, ok?"

"I'm not over thinking it, but I need you to understand something. I have not always been a very nice man and I understand your lack of trust in me, but it is who I am. I need you to believe that however I appear or act there will always be a reason for it; it may not be clear to you what the reason is at the time, but everything I do will always be for our joint benefit, in the end. A little pain can bring some...desired results, so to speak. Do you understand?"

Harry nodded but frowned.

"Why can't you just tell me what it is you are worried about Sev? What is it that you are keeping from me? It's something to do with Malfoy isn't it?"

Severus growled in exasperation

"Harry you have to trust me. I can't tell you but believe me when I say I love only you. I cannot deny that I care for Draco, because I do, he is my Godson and my..." Severus looked down at his empty plate before quietly continuing "...my ex-lovers son. I raised Draco from a baby with Lucius until just before he started at Hogwarts." Severus looked up from his plate to see Harry staring at him in shock.

"You and Lucius?"

Severus nodded "But I never loved him Harry and he never loved me, not really. What we had was...uh look it's too difficult to explain it ended 6 year ago anyway. I shouldn't have told you but I need you to understand why I feel the way I do about the boy. No-one knows about this apart from Albus, so please, keep it to yourself"

"But why the need for the Unbreakable Vow Severus, why can't you tell me what the little shit is up to!"

Severus shook his head slightly trying to clear the memories of his relationship with the Malfoy's from his mind.

"I have given my word to not tell a soul about a number of things. I am not a person to break my word easily but I _will_ tell you when the time is right. In the meantime you need to trust me."

Harry slumped in his seat

"I can't trust you Sev, not completely, not on this, not if you can't explain your reasons to me, not when it involves that weasel" Harry said angrily with a hint of sadness betrayed in his voice. His mind was reeling about thoughts of his soul mate being with Lucius bloody Malfoy and caring for the younger blonde Slytherin as he grew up. Jealousy bubbled in his gut irrationally.

"You and Draco are more alike than you realise please do not call him derogatory names, Harry. I hope one day you will see the boy for who he truly is."

"Oh I can see him for what he truly is Severus. He is a spoilt, egotistical, self centred coward who took the Dark Mark over the summer because he thought that by being by the side of an evil sick bastard it would give him the power over people he can't command alone!"

Severus shot to his feet "You have no idea what you are talking about. If you can't trust me, I must leave and you can go to the Burrow now." Severus face turned red in anger.

Harry stood anger spilling over into his eyes and his hands shook.

"I cannot trust you, not if you can't trust me enough to tell me what the hell is going on, I have a right to know, so yeah you better just leave and stay the fuck out of my life"

Severus stalked from the room as tears sprung to Harry's eyes. He didn't think his heart could hurt more if someone plunged a dagger into it.

Severus appeared some moments later carrying Hedwig and pulling his trunk. He shrunk the trunk, shoving it into Harry's pocket as he thrust Hedwig's cage into his arms. Gripping hold of Harry's free arm they disapparated.

Harry was thrown to the ground as he reappeared moments later, alone outside the Burrow, the words of Severus that had been whispered in his ear as they were squeezed through the dark tunnel echoing in his head _"I love you Harry"_.

Harry sobbed and sat down on his arse in the marshy ground. He regretted speaking to Severus the way he had, as he realised what the rough sex the previous night had been about. Severus had wanted Harry to understand that he could trust him, to not hurt him, regardless of what it looked like initially, that with time the benefits of his actions would become clear.

It was growing dark before Harry trudged to the front door of the Burrow, he was cold and drained of all emotion. Letting himself in to the warm house, he pulled out his trunk, resized it and opened it. His potions text had been hidden under his clothes but much to Harry's surprise it was now sitting on the top of all his possession. Grabbing it he quickly ran his hands over the cover whispering "I love you too". He could feel the magic it held and gently lifted it to his face, breathing in the scent of potions. He felt a distinct tingling emit from the book, something was different about it he realised, as he began flipping through the pages. He wondered if Severus had found the book and done something to it. When he got to the back cover he found a blank piece of parchment glued into the binding that he hadn't noticed before. Running his hands over it he could feel Severus's magic emanating from it. Drawing his wand he tapped the page and whispered "Reveal your secrets". Neat typed script appeared slowly.

_Return when you are at your lowest. Incant the name of the original owner but a warning these pages hold some dark secrets, do not use them lightly._

Harry read the line again, heart pounding he placed his wand over the page and whispered "Severus Snape"

Nothing happened.

Harry let out a frustrated breath and slammed the book closed as he heard Ginny shouting.

"Mum Harry's here! Harry? Where are you?"

"Through here Ginny" Harry said as brightly as he could

Ginny bounded through and flung her arm around him, pressing her lips to his.

Harry's insides froze at the contact.

"God Harry where have you been? You are freezing and you stink!"

"Oh em yeah sorry I errr had a bit of a rough night and well didn't have a chance to shower this morning. Long story" Harry could feel embarrassment and panic rising and hoped Ginny's nose wasn't as tuned into smells as Hermione's was. Harry looked over Ginny's shoulder to meet the questioning eyes of his best friend.

"Hermione! I thought you weren't coming here this holiday?"

He broke from Ginny's grasp and flung his arms around Hermione in a crushing embrace. He had never felt so relieved to see anyone than at that moment.

Ginny huffed at the animated display of affection he bestowed on his friend, but he didn't care, he would deal with Ginny later.

"I am only staying tonight Harry. My parents were abroad and their flight home has been delayed. They left a message at Kings Cross to let me know they would get home tomorrow. I thought it would be safer if I came here for a couple of nights."

"Oh" Harry said disappointedly "Can't you just stay now you are here"

Hermione didn't get the chance to answer as Ron entered the room

"Hey Harry! Bloody hell mate you look... totally shagged!"

Harry spluttered "Eh well I didn't really get much sleep last night. Long story"

Hermione frowned worriedly at him and whispered quietly so no one else could here

"Stephen?"

Harry shook his head, "Tell you later" he muttered back.

"Well you better go have a bath mate before Mum comes in from the feeding the chickens. Mum will have a fit if she sees you looking like that." Ron looked his friend up and down. Ginny's eyes narrowed as she also looked Harry over, her eyes focussing on his neck. Harry's hand fluttered up and felt the slightly tender teeth marks covering the exposed area.

"Yeah ok, you're right, I will go get cleaned up" he said awkwardly before shuffling his way to the bathroom leaving his friends staring after him.

Harry relaxed into a deep bath of warm bubbly water, inhaling the steam rising from his sore body, taking in the smell rising from him with it. Sandalwood with a hint aconite mixed with the heady scent of his and Severus's sweat and cum.

Harry groaned as his cock responded to the smell and the memories they brought. Palming himself under the water he closed his eyes and replayed the delicious scenes of being controlled and marked by his soul mate. Wrapping his hand around his length he squeezed the end pulling back the foreskin releasing the head and shivered as the warm water covered it. Pumping slowly he leant back placing his head on the back of the bath allowed the erotic memories of Severus biting and sucking him invade his mind. He ran his other hand over his still tender skin on his chest and dug his fingers into the bite marks. A moan escaped his lips as the pain seared through him. I really am a sick fuck he thought as his arousal increased, spurring his thrusting hand into a faster tempo. Moving his other hand down lower he pushed two fingers into his entrance and reached to find his most sensitive spot. He found it and rubbed it hard. "Fuck" he shouted as he came abruptly, his back arching, pushing his cock out the water as cum spat out in a forceful burst. His body went into spasm, making his feet lose his grip on the bath, slipping under the water as the waves of release continued. His lungs burnt with the sudden unexpected halt in breathing, blackness encroached, unconsciousness threatened.

Suddenly he was dragged forcefully out of the water by his hair as the final wave of orgasm faded. Hermione stood holding him up looking at him with a mixture of shock and embarrassment.

"Honestly Harry! Do you want the whole house to hear you?"

"Oh shit... They didn't...did they?" Harry's panted, face turned scarlet as Hermione let him go. His hand flew to cover up his softening cock and wipe away the ribbons of cum coating his chest.

"Fortunately no, they have all gone outside to help feed the animals and really Harry I think it's a bit late to try and be modest with me now"

Harry groaned "Sorry 'mione"

"You could have bloody killed yourself you twit" Hermione said starting to laugh a little as she sat down on the edge of the bath.

"The _boy who defied all odds_, _the boy who survived the killing curse_, _the chosen one_; dying from having a wank in the bath? Rita Skeeter would have a bloody field day!" Harry relaxed a little by his friend's apparent lack of concern by his nakedness and evidence of what he had been doing.

"It's not funny Harry, what the hell were you thinking, you are obviously exhausted" she turned to look at Harry bare chest up and down.

"Ermm you really want me to tell you what I was thinking?" Harry said with a wicked smirk

"Urgghh that's not what I meant!" she replying closing her eyes.

After a few moments silence Hermione turned back to Harry and gently ran her finger over one of the more deep bite marks on his chest with a concerned look in her eyes. Harry hissed at the sting the touch caused.

"Who did this to you Harry?"

"Oh ermm it's not how it looks alright. I...emm...let this happen... it was...Sev"

"What! You let him hurt you? When? You weren't like this the other night!"

"He didn't hurt me 'mione. Look I don't really want to talk about our sex life but believe me I am ok with these. I know it sounds a bit fucked up but please just drop it."

Hermione nodded and removed her hand from his chest but continued to look at Harry questioningly.

"He arrived at Privet Drive last night, he felt my emotions when I got there and came to see what was going on. Let's just say he saved my arse again"

"Oh Harry. I knew I shouldn't have let you go with that guy!"

"You couldn't have stopped me 'mione. Anyway it over now for good so forget it"

"So why are you here? Why are you not still with Severus?"

"We had an argument and he apparated me here in a temper and left"

"For Merlin's sake you two need to start behaving like adults and stop the bickering and needless separation!"

"We tried, obviously" Harry said indicating his marks in exasperation "but there is something he is hiding from me about Malfoy and I can't trust him because of it"

"You can trust him enough to tie you up and ..._fuck_ you;" Hermione spat out looking at the red welts around Harry's wrists "why can't you let this obsession with Malfoy go!"

"I just can't! I wish I could but I can't" Harry rose from the bath and stepped out grabbing a towel as he went.

"I need to get some sleep 'mione."

"You can't go out there looking like that Harry let me go get something for you to wear."

Once Hermione left the bathroom, Harry sank down onto the toilet seat and put his head in his hands he was right royal fuck up and he knew it but he needed to know what was going on, he needed Severus to trust him as much as he needed to trust Severus.

Hermione returned a few minutes later and Harry dressed quickly, allowing his friend to place a concealment charm on the still visible marks on his neck before heading downstairs into the warm family atmosphere of the Weasleys' dining room.

The rest of the evening went by with no problems or awkward questions and Harry relaxed into the familiar routine of his wizarding family. Mr Weasley sent a message to the order to inform them of Harry's early arrival at the Burrow but seemed to understand that he didn't want to give an explanation as to why or how he had got there.

Ginny was clearly in a sulk with him, he was glad that it at least stopped the physical advances she always made towards him, for the moment. As he got into the soft clean bed, in what he thought of as his room at the Burrow, he sighed, he knew he would have to speak with the youngest redhead tomorrow, try to repair their friendship. Sleep claimed his tired mind and body quickly, falling into the first deep sleep he had had in days.

The following few days past in a haze of preparations for Christmas. One or two order members had been coming around every day and Harry knew it was for his protection, from the planned Death Eater attack that Sev had told him about. It rankled with him that not one of the order members told him the real reason for their presence, always giving him excuses of dropping off gifts and such like.

Christmas Eve arrived quickly; Remus and Tonks had been with them all day. Harry had hoped at least this man would be honest with him but he appeared distant and agitated. Harry decided to try speaking with him about his belief that Malfoy was working for Voldemort and that Sev knew what he was up to. The conversation didn't go as he had hoped. Remus's agitation only increased.

"You are telling me that Voldemort has chosen Draco Malfoy for a mission" Remus could hardly keep the incredulous tone out his voice.

"I know it sounds mad..." Harry started

"Has it not occurred to you Harry that Snape was simply pretending to offer Draco help so he could find out what he was up to" Remus cut in.

"It's not what it sounded like" Harry wanted to say it's not what it had felt like. He was struggling to keep his emotions in check over this; he couldn't seem too agitated as the painful memories of Severus's love for the blonde boy flooded him.

"It comes down to whether you trust Dumbledore's judgment. Dumbledore trusts Snape therefore I do"

Harry almost snorted as he fidgeted in his seat trying to remain calm. His feelings towards the Headmaster had changed over the last few weeks. He had been abandoned completely by the old man at a time he needed him most. He knew he had asked for him to leave him and Severus alone with regards to the more personal aspects to their relationship but he hadn't expected him to withdraw his help with the bond completely. He believed the Professor didn't know how to help and had actually made some mistakes regarding the nature of their bond, he had even admitted to doing so.

"Dumbledore can make mistakes, he said so himself..." Harry said fidgeting at his accusations

"You are blinded by hatred" Remus was getting angry

"I'm not!" Merlin he wished he could just tell them why he felt the way he did about this.

"Yes you are! If we start fighting amongst ourselves we are doomed!"

Harry swallowed over a large lump that had formed in his throat as he considered telling them that he didn't want to fight with Severus, that he just wanted to find out what he was up to, if the order didn't know then he was more concerned about it than he had been, but before he could form any words Remus stood and stalked out the room.

Ginny came in and tried to feed him some pastries; he almost choked on them as they went down his dry throat. Ron thankfully interrupted them; he got up and followed Mr. Weasley out to his outdoor store room wanting to ask him what he thought.

The ministry apparently didn't know that Dumbledore was travelling, which lit a little flame of hope that Severus did indeed trust him enough to impart this information to him. They spoke about the cabinet in Borgin and Burkes but it didn't shed any light on what Malfoy was up to. At least Mr Weasley had read his owl and thought his worries were worth investigation Harry thought. Mr. Weasley avoided speaking about the Unbreakable Vow and apologised for Remus's behaviour which Harry found odd, it seemed as though Mr. Weasley sensed there was more to Harry's relationship with Severus than met the eye.

As night-time rolled around Remus and Tonks had to leave, it would be the first night that there had been no Order member staying over and Harry was a little anxious. He sat on the steps of the 1st floor landing looking out over the fields surrounding the Burrow.

Suddenly a large ring of fire appeared around the Burrow as Bellatrix flew in and landed in front of the house. Harry ran down the stairs and straight out towards the deranged woman, wand raised, to shouts of protest from Mr. And Mrs. Weasley. Bellatrix goaded him as she ran into the tall grass shouting about killing his godfather. He knew she was drawing him away from his friends but he didn't care, he was glad he could take the danger to their life's away from their door.

He could feel Severus's anxiety and fear running through him, his emotions coming through stronger than they had in days. He is here he realised.

He could hear screams and feet running behind him and cursed under his breath that his friends had followed him.

Ginny appeared through the long grass as the Death Eater Greyback appeared in front of them.

Fucking marvellous he thought, he would have to protect her now rather than concentrating on fighting his way out of this.

Throwing a stunning hex at Greyback, Harry tried to cover Ginny but it was easily blocked by the growling Death eater who flew off. Harry could hear him reappearing elsewhere close by but couldn't locate him; he knew Bellatrix was also close. Remus, Tonks and Mr Weasley appeared in the clearing and he and Ginny were surrounded by the adults. Harry cursed, he wanted to fight this battle himself and not be the cause of any more death. The fighting only lasted a minute or two before it appeared the Death Eaters gave up. He watched them fly off toward the Burrow, two streaks of swirling black across the sky. Harry turned as he saw a third black streak join the other two as they flew through the Burrow, setting it alight. Severus he thought.

Running back through the long grass toward the Burrow his head was spinning. The words of Severus echoing in his mind in a jumble "_However I appear or act there will always be a reason for it...I love you... I will never harm you... Trust me"_

The Burrow was devastated, the group watched it burn to the ground. After the fire was out, everyone sat on the ground in a stunned silence, allowing the cold December air to creep over them and chill them to the bone. Mr Weasley was the first to break the morose staring when he stood and started looking for something

"I will create a port key to take us all away together. I think we should head for Grimmauld Place until we can sort this mess out."

He picked up the burnt charred remains of the family clock and pulled his wand, as soon as he did so, a single whirling black streak appeared before them that materialised into Severus in his black flowing Death Eater robes. Mr. Weasley turned his wand on him and Tonks pulled hers out, training it on him seconds later. Remus stood shocked at the appearance of the man he had just defended; who now it seemed, was responsible for getting the other two Death Eaters past the wards surrounding the Burrow.

"Arthur, Tonks lower you wands" Severus said slowly raising his hands in surrender.

"Explain yourself" Remus said approaching

"I have come to take Harry back to the safety of Hogwarts, but I must be quick, the other two are planning their return as we speak. I will need to rejoin them quickly as to not arouse suspicion"

"You were part of this utter destruction!" Remus spat out

Severus hissed through his teeth

"How the hell else did you think I knew about the attack, I was the one that informed the Order it would be happening, you idiot! Do you think the Dark Lords tell all his followers the details of every mission, if they are not directly involved?"

Remus slumped in his understanding and Mr. Weasley and Tonks finally lowered their wands.

Harry had slowly risen to his feet as the exchange between the adults progressed and walked over to his lover. As the wands were lowered Harry stood in front of Severus who focussed on him.

"Harry we need to go" he whispered urgently, as he pulled him into a tight embrace and apparated them away.

**A/N Thanks to all who have reviewed appreciated as always.. you guys make me happy! I have reached an incredible amount of alerts on this so thanks to those who are reading but haven't reviewed yet.**

**Won't say much here because I need to go get some sleep and have spent too much time chatting on FB to write much in A/N... yeah you know who you are LOL**

**Please review if you are reading and let me know how it's going and if you have any suggestions! LHx**


	18. Holidays

**A/N Hi Everyone! I am soooo sorry I haven't updated this for ages. This chapter is really short and I apologise for that too but I have been having difficulties with this story since it took on a life of its own a few chapters back and my original outline had to be scraped. I also started writing another story which I thought would only take me a couple of weeks to get done. Needless to say it took a bit longer...life sometimes can be a bit of a bore when it stops you from writing for one reason or another! Anyway I thought I would post a little something just to let you know I will finish this story and should be back to writing it more frequently next week.**

**Thanks for everyone that has alerted this and have stayed with me through my lack of updates! Please review even though its short I hope you like it. LHX**

**Warnings: This is a male/male slash story, if you haven't already realised ;-) this chapter does contain a descriptive scene of a sexual nature. Please hit the back button if you don't like!**

**Chapter 18 Holidays  
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Harry ran his hands gently down the pale, sleep warmed, chest of the man next to him, pausing briefly as they reached the small hardening nipples, flicking his lightly oil coated thumbs over them before continuing down, massaging white scars that crisscrossed the toned flat abdomen until he reached a patch of thick dark thick hair. Leaning down he nuzzled his face into it whilst gently nudging the cock sleeping there. Severus groaned in his sleep, hips shifting slightly under the touch, cock twitching to life. Licking up the shaft with a warm eager tongue, Harry smiled as the unique scent of the man he knew he loved, assaulted his senses.

The last two weeks had been the most glorious, wonderful two weeks of his life; not only because of the mind altering sex he had experienced daily but because he knew he was loved in return.

After returning to Hogwarts with Severus on Christmas Eve, they had spent almost every minute with each other and had fallen into a pattern of sex and study during the day and sex and sleep during the night. Severus was usually the one to waken first; wakening him the way he was now teasing him. Harry had come to a realisation since the events of Christmas Eve; if he accepted the sharing of his soul, truly accepted it, he would have to trust the man who was currently groaning and writhing in his sleep under his touch. Trust him without exception or reservation. They had both gone to the room of requirement on Christmas Day; it had furnished them with a beautiful, seasonally decorated room, with lots of food and wine, along with plenty books and research papers on their bond. Severus had done much bemoaning of the castles sanity in providing such a gaudy display of festivity; however the books he was very much interested in. The message the book gave them was clear, the bond was first and foremost for married couples who needed to renew their desire for their chosen partner. Their _sexual_ desire. Yes there were other aspects, including the sharing of thoughts and magic but these were seen as assisting in the formation of a strong sexual link between two people. How Dumbledore had thought they could possibly satisfy their bond without sex neither man could fathom. The uninterrupted time together over the holiday had served to bring them both closer sexually, mentally and magically. Harry was totally at peace. He felt complete, for the first time in his life, he understood who he really was and he planned for nothing to ever come between him and Severus again.

Severus woke slowly to warmth spreading up from his groin. Opening his eyes he looked down to see the tousled messy black head of Harry bobbing up and down on his cock and groaned as waves of love, peace and arousal overcame him. He thrust gently into that glorious mouth and stretched out stiff limbs; closing his eyes again, relaxing into the sensations assaulting him. He no longer knew if the emotions he felt were his own but he didn't care, he felt as though he and Harry had reached a point that they were now one.

Harry looked up at his lover and saw contentment in Severus' face and smiled around his mouthful. He had learnt a lot about this seemingly cold, hard hearted man over the last 2 weeks and knew, without a doubt, he was none of these things, not deep down, not in his soul where it mattered. Yes he had his moments where he could be a right git but then so could he, so could everyone. He defied anyone to live the life Severus had had to endure and come out a smiling easy going person. Severus was still being made to pay for mistakes he had made in his life years ago and Harry fully intended to address that fact soon. Firstly by confronting Dumbledore about the Death Eater role he made Sev play and then by killing Voldemort. He was determined to set them both free to live the life they deserved, together.

"Come up here and kiss me" Harry heard above him in silky aroused tones that went straight to his own cock.

He stopped his sucking and crawled over the oil slicked body beneath him.

"Good Morn..."

He was cut off as Sev pushed his lips onto his in a heated, passionate kiss. He groaned into the warm mouth, allowing the invading tongue access. His heart flipped with the intensity of the kiss and rubbed his throbbing length against Sev's own stirring member. As the kiss continued, Harry's arousal peaked, his heart rate increased along with his frantic thrusting.

"Shit Sev I don't think..."

Harry could feel his pending climax gripping him, he had woken painfully aroused after a particularly erotic dream, one he had been having more frequently since the beginning of the school year. It had only been heightened by sucking Sev to hardness.

"Relax. Come now if you need to." the sleepy but no less sexy voice whispered in his ear. Harry let out a grunt as the words assaulted him, the small amount of control he had disappeared, he rutted harder and faster against the warm body beneath him, screaming moments later as he came hard, arching his back, riding out the waves of pleasure , eyes closed, face contorted. Harry slumped down, gasping, his full weight landing on top of the aroused but still sleepy older wizard.

"Horny and impatient this morning I see? You never were very good at control" Severus teased.

"Shut it you. It's entirely your fault. You're just too goddamn sexy"

"Ha! Don't make me laugh you incorrigible brat. You woke up horny, any warm piece of flesh would have served its purpose" The banter was in fun and Harry knew the man as just teasing him.

Severus knew Harry loved him and found him sexy beyond words, he might not fully understand why and had doubts it was all just down to the effects of the bond, but he accepted it none the less.

"Believe me it was all your fault and no other warm piece of flesh would have finished off the dream I had quite as satisfactorily as you. Anyway I think you interrupted me. "

Harry scooted back down the bed and palmed Severus's still hard cock. "Looks like I am not the only horny one" he smirked as he pushed the tip of his tongue into the leaking slit and tasted a mixture of himself and Severus in a heady explosion of flavour. Taking the full length of the straining cock into his mouth in one fast movement, he swallowed as it hit the back of his throat, massaging the sack beneath as he felt it tighten. Harry set a quick firm pace, moving his mouth up, running his tongue quickly around the ridge, sucking hard before plunging back down whilst humming in a low growl around his mouthful, swallowing as he bottomed out.

"Oh... fucking...Merlin!" Snape almost screamed out after a few stokes.

Severus writhed, thrusting hard, lifting his hips off the bed as he fucked Harry's mouth, coming moments later in hot fast spurts that slid easily down Harry's throat.

Severus's hips fell back onto the bed as he let out a sated breath.

"And you said I had no control!" Harry smirked.

"You really are a cheeky little brat aren't you? If you applied yourself to learning potions as much as you have applied yourself to mastering the art of giving mind shattering blowjobs you would be a potions genius in a week" Severus gently laughed.

"I have had a good teacher in the art that is taking head. Makes all the difference you know." Harry said with a cheeky grin.

Severus raised an eyebrow "Are you questioning my ability to teach Mr. Potter?"

"Yeah... I mean with me anyway. Look let's not talk about bloody potions alright we will just end up fighting and I don't want to spoil or last day alone together."

"There is actually a lot to do today. You have to remove yourself and your belongings back to the tower before the welcoming feast tonight and I do actually have work to do to prepare for this term." Severus pushed Harry away from him and swung his legs out the bed.

Harry grabbed onto Snape's arm stopping him from standing, "Aww Sev, there is plenty time yet. Come back to bed."

"No Harry. I can't. I have a meeting with Albus this morning. The Dark Lord usually calls me the day before term resumes and I have numerous potions to prepare for the Infirmary. Potions I should have been making this week but have allowed you to distract me."

"Why are you making the potions for the Infirmary? Slughorn is the Potions Master now, surely he could do it." Harry let go of Severus' arm, sulking slightly, he had really hoped they could just hideaway in the dungeon rooms for one last day. He wasn't ready to face returning to classes and his friends.

"Slughorn? Potions Master? That he is not! You may think his teaching ability is superior to my own but when it comes to actual brewing he is sorely lacking"

Harry huffed. "So what's your meeting with the Headmaster about? "

"Nothing that concerns you. Now get up and stop trying to distract me from what I must do today. I am going for a shower. It would be best if you returned to your dorm to shower there and were not here when I finish mine. I will try to see you before the feast but I cannot promise anything." Severus' tone had turned a little cold. He abruptly stood, grabbing a towel to wrap round his waist and walked over to the bathroom door. The action was not lost on Harry; Severus hadn't bothered covering himself in that manner all week.

"Is this how it is going to be once term resumes? Not knowing the next time I'm going to see you? You being a grumpy snarky git?"

"Unfortunately yes. We must try to distance ourselves from each other. We must test the bond to see how stable it has become. We may think we have our bond under control, that our souls are appeased but as I have already warned you, my treatment of you in class will not change and there are certain things I have to do this term that may push it to breaking point again." Severus hadn't turned to look at Harry but stood motionless, hand poised on the bathroom door handle.

"Harry growled. What things Sev? Why won't you tell me?"

"The Headmaster has instructed me to keep certain things from you. We both must prepare ourselves for the consequences of the bond to such secrecy. Do try to remember that whatever happens, things are not always as they seem." With that Severus swept into the bathroom and warded the door.

**A/N I know I know it's too short, but sets us up for the beginning of the next term... Please review and give me encouragement to continue! (or not as the case may be :-P) x**


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